words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Frank and Alice are there talking with Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Oh my God! I cant believe my little brother is married!
Phoebe: You guys, why didnt you tell me you were eloping?
Phoebe: Wait, wait, why were you at the courthouse?
Phoebe: Wow, a year and a half ago I didnt even know I had a brother, and now I have a sister too. (They all hug, and Frank and Alice start kissing.) Okay. Okay. Stop it, dont. So, I gotta get you a gift now. Is there anything you need?
Phoebe: (shocked) Thats a really nice gift. I was thinking of like a gravy boat.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!!
Phoebe: Guess what. Frank Jr., and Alice got married!
Phoebe: And! And, theyre gonna have a baby! (The gang is shocked.) And! And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. (The gang is stunned into silence.)
Phoebe: Yeah
Phoebe: Ewww! And "Oh no!" Itsthey just want me to be the surrogate. Its her-its her egg and her sperm, and Im-Im just the oven, its totally their bun.
Phoebe: Well, they said that I had to think about it first, but what is there to think about? Im gonna be giving them the greatest gift you can possibly give.
Phoebe: I know!
Phoebe: Yeah, whats your point?
Phoebe: Y'know you guys were a lot more supportive when I wanted to make denim furniture.
Phoebe: My mom never gave birth. Oh! But my birth mom did.
[Scene: Phoebe Sr.s house, theres a knock on the door.]
Phoebe Sr: Its open! Come in!
Phoebe: Hi!
Phoebe Sr: Hi!
Phoebe: Im sorry, Im late.
Phoebe Sr: Oh, thats okay, it gave me time to finish glazing my nipples.
Phoebe: Wow! You really go all out when youre expecting company.
Phoebe Sr: No, I was working on my pottery.
Phoebe: Oh! Ooh! Oh, I didnt know that you did pot.
Phoebe Sr: Well, yeah, mostly nudes. It combines my two passions, pottery and erotica.
Phoebe: Ooh, erotiery!
Phoebe Sr: Hey! Okay! Well thanks for coming out to see me. I just-I just thought it would be a very good idea to talk about this baby stuff in person. Yknow
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe Sr: I really dont think its a very good idea, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Why not?
Phoebe Sr: Well, because youd be giving up a baby, and I-I really dontI dont know if theres anything I can say that could make you understand the pain of giving up a baby. So, umm, (Picks up a puppy in the box next to the couch.)
Phoebe: Oh no! No-no! I understand the pain! Dont-dont hurt the puppy.
Phoebe Sr: No-no-no, the-the puppys yours.
Phoebe: Oh, I get a puppy!!
Phoebe Sr: Well, yeah! I mean yeah, but only for three days.
Phoebe: Why?
Phoebe Sr: I realise I dont have any right to start get all parenty on you and everything now, but umm, (Sees that Phoebe isnt paying attention and is busy mimicking the puppy.) uhh Phoebe, would you please look at me and not the puppy, its very important.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe Sr: I mean, I know what Im talking about. I gave up two babies, and I only wish I had someone there that had given up babies, that could tell me how terrible it is to give up babies. I just think that, it would be something you will regret every single day for the rest of your life. So, how ever hard it is to give up this puppy, it would be like a million times harder to give up a child. (Phoebe is playing with the puppy again, and not listening) I really shouldnt have given you the puppy first.
Phoebe: All right, Im sorry.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe is there with her puppy and is trying to sing it to sleep as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Why is Phoebe singing to Carl Mulden?
Phoebe: Ooh, yknow what, I think its time for puppy to go out again. Come on, lets go to the balcony.
Phoebe: Umm, the street. Come on, lets go to the street. Ooh, listen, dont go onto the balcony until after I get back. (Leaves)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, with the puppy, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: My moms gonna be here any minute. I cant do this, I cant give him up. Yesno, I can. I dont want to. But I can. No.
Phoebe: Ooh, I cant do this. My mom was right. If I cant-if I cant give him up, then theres no way I can give up a baby. Ohh, God, Frank and Alice are gonna be so crushed. What-what else, what else can I give ema kidney!
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Oh! Ooh! Umm!
Phoebe: Hey, why dont you?
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah!
Phoebe: No, Im really okay with this. Yknow why? Cause look at them, and I made that, so I know its gonna be like a million times harder to give up a baby but, oh my God, its gonna feel like a million times better, right? I wanna do this. (To Frank and Alice) I wanna carry your baby.
Phoebe Sr: (entering) Hi! Whats going on?
Phoebe: Oh, I-I gave them the puppy and it made them so happy that I decided Im gonna carry their baby.
Phoebe Sr: But Phoebe
Phoebe: No-no-no, I know, but you and I are different people though, and this is a totally different situation, and I know that I am not gonna regret this.
Phoebe Sr: Oh, I-I-I understand all that, but its justthat was my puppy.
Phoebe: Oh!
Phoebe: Alright, well, maybe now its not okay.
Phoebe: So how is this for our big double date tonight? (She is all dressed up)
Phoebe: Alright, no, we could look at them!
Phoebe: Well, I never call me.
Phoebe: Okay, well, I just don't, I don't know how it works exactly. See, my name is Buffay and my husband's name is Hannigan, so is it supposed to be Buffay-Hannigan or Hannigan-Buffay?
[Scene: Tattoo parlor. Rachel is showing Phoebe her tattoo.]
Phoebe: Im just saying hi! Now Im gonna go!
Chandler: Thanks, Phoebe. But I just don't really see myself in a big white hat.
PHOEBE: Ok, don't get me started on gravity.
Phoebe: Are you kidding? Im like the one who talked him into it. I like to think of myself as the puppet master of the group.
PHOEBE: Ahh. OK, let's see yours again.
Phoebe: Wh-why is that the best part?
PHOEBE: Come in.
PHOEBE: Hey Ryan, what's up?
Chandler: (motioning with his hands) Im not worried, Im uh, Im fascinated. Yknow its like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me. (Exits as Phoebe enters from her room with her guitar.)
PHOEBE: Ohh, ohh.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.]
Phoebe: (checking for herself) (To Monica) Mazel tov.
PHOEBE: No.
PHOEBE: Give it.
[Later, Phoebe is on the phone, theyre all still trapped in Monicas bedroom.]
PHOEBE: Now do me, do my back. Oh come on, harder.
PHOEBE: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human-rights violation.
[Flashback to: The Street in front of Central Perk, Ross and Joey are holding a yellow tape across the road and everyone is cheering Phoebe as she bounces around the corner on a hippity-hop.]
Phoebe: That is so sweet, you guys. (hugs them)
PHOEBE: Please. [Ryan pulls the cork with his teeth and spits it into Phoebe's mits.]
PHOEBE: Can I please take these off? I swear I won't scratch.
PHOEBE: What?
PHOEBE: Oh.
(Phoebe laughs, then stops to think about it. Ross enters.)
PHOEBE and RYAN: Bye. [waving]
PHOEBE: I got it. [Wipes it up with her mits.]
PHOEBE: No, only the three of you, any more than that and she'll get suspicious.
Phoebe: Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet. (She goes to hug them and they both flinch, thinking that Phoebe is about to attack them.)
Phoebe: Why do you think, she's having so much fun living with Joey?
RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.
PHOEBE: I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm used to playing for grown-ups. Ya know, they just, grown-ups drink their coffee and do their grown-up thing, ya know, and kids listen. This is a huge responsibility. What? Are you gonna kiss me?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new computer.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a date with this guy, and I swear to God, he is her other half.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Richard are there]
Phoebe: Not really, I got to drag him around too! (They all nod, "Oh.")
Phoebe: I think on some levels she already knows.
Phoebe: I can't believe you... (holding up Joey's cardigan) ..did this.
Phoebe: Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their table)
PHOEBE: All right, stop it, you're freaking me out.
Rachel: Oh my God, Phoebe, Pottery Barn has ripped off the design of our antique!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Ross are there.]
Phoebe: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? Hes the one who slept with someone else.
Phoebe: Yeah. Ooh God, there's that face again! See I can't do this job! I...
Phoebe: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! (Hands it to Monica.) Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you?
Rachel: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying.
PHOEBE: Bye, good luck.
Phoebe: Great! Okay, if youll just excuse me. (To the guy) So, did you hear something you liked?
Phoebe: Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number.
PHOEBE: Well at least we know she's a woman.
Phoebe: so this guy was all (Mumbles.) And I'm all, Buffay, Homicide. (Flashes the badge.) It was just so cool!
Monica: Hey Phoebe, will you give me a hand?
Phoebe: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is talking to Rachels, who is now showing, stomach.]
PHOEBE: Oh, my.
Phoebe: Ross, its not that big a deal! So youll been divorced three times, youll still have a life, youll go on dates
[Time lapse, Phoebe is still asleep only Joey is now passed out next to her and the cars still moving. She wakes up, sees Joey, and screams.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the coffee table.]
JOEY: Phoebe, this was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Phoebe: All in good time my love. All in good time. Oh shoot! I left my guitar in their apartment. Well you can let me in later.
Phoebe: yeah I've nothing to be ashamed of ok so I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer then a month. Ok I haven't had a real boyfriend you know if he can't handle that he can leave. which he will and that's ok. so I'll just be alone forever you know alright I'll be. it'll be fine. it'll be fine. I'll go walking tours with widows and lesbians. Oh (takes a deep breath and sits down, knock on the door)
Monica: If Phoebe were my maid of honor
PHOEBE: Alright Monica, if there is something that you would like to share...
PHOEBE: Everything you've heard is true.
PHOEBE: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks annoyed] Oh, now you have two.
Phoebe: Hi Monica!
PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la la la....
Joey: You shut up! (To Phoebe and Rachel) I love arguing with her. (To Erin) Ill be right back.
Rachel: Oh! Phoebe, all babies are beautiful!
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Ben how to ride a bike. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are they also.]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, they are entering to check out the newly refurbished apartment.]
Phoebe: Oh...yes..is this..umm..Emilys Parents house.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there]
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, um-mm. Oh!
Phoebe: Oh great! And listen, could you do us a favor and not tell Chandler and Monica about this? Cause yknow umm, they dont-they dont have any kids of their own and-and this door was like a child to them.
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
Phoebe: Okay, you guys. You guys I think I know whats going on here. Okay, you guys STOP!! (They stop.) I know that, I know that youre acting mad because you think that itll make it easier to leave. But deep down youre still really sad. Deep-deep down.
Phoebe: Ok, we're taking that paddle home, mister.
Phoebe: Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere.
Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma.
Phoebe: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street.
Phoebe: Monica, do you want us to take you home?
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is showing Phoebe around.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there.]
PHOEBE: Is anyone else starting to really like him?
Phoebe: Okay. (she starts to stuff styrofoam peanuts down the front of Joey's pants.)
PHOEBE: Well you said that he's paying the people who are playing.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for a barbecue for Rachel's birthday.]
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah thats too bad. I really want to go to his concert Friday night, but its totally sold out. I know! Why dont you meet him and get tickets?! If you get two Ill take you.
PHOEBE: Oh ok, Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in the Navy.
PHOEBE: Are you the cutest?
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Ryan are playing Monopoly.]
[Scene: Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Chandler at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]