words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey's sitting on the couch and Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Oh, hey Joey.
Phoebe: Listen, I need to ask you something. Ok, you know how my step dad's in prison.
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, uhm... listen he was supposed to get a weekend furlough, so he'd come to the wedding tomorrow, but he just called and... uhm... well, apparently stabbing Iceman in the exercise yard just couldn't wait till Monday.
Phoebe: No, and so there's no one to walk me down the aisle and... well, I would just really love it if you would do it.
Phoebe: Yeah, you've... you know, sort of been like a dad to me. I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom...
Phoebe: So... what do you say?
Joey: Are you kidding? Phoebe, I would be honored. (they hug)
Phoebe: Oh, thank you. I hope... I hope you know how much you mean to me.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch. A waitress brings a coffee and Phoebe wants to pay.]
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy! (she answers) Hello... Hey, ok, stop screaming! Ok? So, halibut. All right, so salmon, either way. I don't-I don't... it doesn't matter to me!
Phoebe: Well, I don't care, so you pick!
Phoebe: Uh-uh. Ok. What time is that.
Phoebe: Why, I must have been in missile training the day they taught that.
Phoebe: Ok, so... 1800 minus twelve is... one thousand, seven hundred and...
Phoebe: Ok.
Phoebe: Ice sculpture? That sounds really fancy! I told you I just want a simple wedding.
Phoebe: What harpist? My friend Marjorie is playing the steel drums.
Phoebe: She did? Why?
Monica: I made her. (Phoebe looks shocked) Steel drums don't really say "elegant wedding". Nor does Marjorie's overwhelming scent.
Phoebe: (looking angry) Hey! She will shower when Tibet is free.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Okay, what did we say was your one gift to us?
Phoebe: Rehearse it!
Ross: Hi! (he kisses Phoebe)
Phoebe: So Rach.
Phoebe: Where is Emma?
Phoebe: What's up?
Phoebe: Uhm... well, they're not in the wedding.
Phoebe: I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so... you know, you were-you were... if it helps you, you were next in line, you just-you just missed the cut.
Chandler: This is like figure skating team all over again. (Phoebe and Ross glare at him astonished) I mean synchronized swimming. (they continue to glare) I mean- I mean the balance beam. (to Ross) Help me!
Monica: (looking at Phoebe eating something) Pheebs, spit that out, that has pork in it.
Phoebe: Oh! I though the pot stickers were supposed to be vegetarian!
Phoebe: I don't have a fax machine.
Mike: You know, I really don't feel very comfortable making this decision. You know, Phoebe knows you better, I'm gonna let her choose. (he leaves)
Joey: Oh, hey, my pleasure. (he suddenly becomes very serious) So what are your intentions with my Phoebe?
(Cut to Chandler and Ross. Phoebe comes out of the ladies room and they run toward her.)
Phoebe: I decided to pee.
Phoebe: Oh no, no. I can't choose between you two! I love you both so much!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't wanna choose! It's (Rachel is walking by). Oh okay, wait. Rach! Listen I have a very special bridesmaid task for you today.
Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.
Phoebe: All right, I guess I'll have to find a new bridesmaid.
Monica: Ok, it's 2100 hours. (to Phoebe) Time for your toast. (Mike appears)
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
Monica: (very serious) It's 2101 and I am not amused. (pause). Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say. (Everyone sits and Phoebe gets up)
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done.
Phoebe: YOU'RE FIRED! (mimes the CUT again) (pause and she raises her glass) Cheers! (Chandler raises his, smiling and Monica stares at him and he puts down his glass.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey's having breakfast; Phoebe enters the room carrying her wedding dress.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh, happy my wedding day to you!
Phoebe: Oh, well that's ok. I think you and I will do much better if you're just... here as a bridesmaid.
Phoebe: Wow, this is a lot!
Phoebe: You won awards?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Phoebe is talking at the phone, Monica is listening amused.]
Phoebe: Sven I don't understand what you're saying! What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins?
Phoebe: Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were saying the word "lorkins" what flowers would that be?
Phoebe: Right there! That's why I'm marrying you!
Joey: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very very important to me, ok? And I wanna make sure that you are gonna take care of her.
Mike: (gets up) Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is on the phone and Monica is nonchalantly "minding her own business".]
Phoebe: No! We're gonna do it my way. (listens) Because your way is stupid! Alright I gotta go, I have another call, Reverend. (switches calls) Hello?
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Oh my God, what's it doing here?
Phoebe: (starting to panic) Oh my God, everything is such a mess. Why is this happening to me?
(Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on the phone.)
Phoebe: Alright, wait, so what you're saying is that the chef is at the Hamilton Club, but the food is not and the drinks are there, but the bartender is not? Are you, are you FREAKING KIDDING ME!?
Phoebe: (to Monica) Help me.
Phoebe: I want you to be Crazy Bitch again.
Phoebe: (Nearly in tears) Please?
Phoebe: More than I wanna get married.
Monica: Ok people, we are back in business! (Gets her headset out of her purse) Oh God, we've missed you soo much! (takes all the notes from Phoebe) Ok, go and get your hair and make-up done, and I'll take care of everything.
Phoebe: (sounds scared already) About what?
Ross: (to Rachel) Haha! Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either. (Looks at Phoebe) So sorry Pheebs.
Ross: (To Phoebe and Mike) I can't believe you guys aren't going to be able to get married today.
Phoebe: I know.
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: (Turning to Mike) What do you think?
Phoebe: Me too! (turning to Monica) Monica, do you think we could do it?
Monica: Okay, if Joey does the ceremony, then we have to find someone else to walk Phoebe down the isle.
(Cut to inside Central Perk where Rachel is helping Phoebe. Chandler and Monica enter.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay. Hi new dad. (Chandler waves)
Phoebe: Uhuh, uhuh... Oh my God! This is really happening.
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, I'm so happy for you honey. (she gives her a kiss)
Phoebe: Oh, thank you.
Monica: I love you. (Phoebe leans in to kiss her.) Oh, wait, wait, wait! No hugs. The dresses... Oh what the hell. (the girls hug)
Phoebe: I love you guys.
(She walks down the aisle with the groomsman. We cut to inside Central Perk, where Phoebe and Chandler are waiting.)
Phoebe: (nervously) Okay.
Phoebe: Oh wait, oh no. Wait.
Phoebe: I don't care... I'll be my something blue.
Phoebe: Thank you.
(They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
Phoebe: Na-ah.
Joey: Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here... when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings?
Joey: (whispering to Phoebe) Okay...
Phoebe: When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal mom and dad, or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I'm standing here today, knowing that I have everything I'm ever gonna need... You are my family. (She puts the ring on Mikes finger)
Mike: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. (He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.)
Phoebe: Oh wait, oh I forgot... and uhm... I love you... and you have nice eyes.
Joey: Oh, okay. Phoebe, do you take this man to be your husband?
Phoebe: I do.
(Phoebe and Mike kiss)
Phoebe: I got married! (everyone applauds) Could someone get me a coat, I'm freaking freezing.
(Mike takes off his coat to give to Phoebe and the steel band plays "The Wedding Song")
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Phoebe: Hmm, how about my azzz?
Phoebe: (crying) Yeah me too.
Phoebe: God! (She turns and buttons up.)
Phoebe: Oh Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is putting away her guitar as a man approaches.]
Phoebe: So that story doesnt make you cry?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: It kicked! I think the baby kicked!
Phoebe: Yeah?
The Fan: Are you Phoebe Buffay?
Phoebe: Have you really done this before?
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe is STILL on hold.]
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
Monica: Thats Phoebe! Where did you get that?
Phoebe: (to one of his sisters, Cookie) Hey!
Chandler: Phoebe Buffay in Buffay: The Vampire Layer.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Phoebe: in Reservations at 8:00 by Neil Simon. (To an imaginary Neil Simon) Thank-thank you Neil. Thank you for the words. (Blows him a kiss.)
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Whats up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!
Phoebe: You can't put your cigarette out on a tree!
PHOEBE: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?
Phoebe: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that ones actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
Phoebe: Its Phoebe! Phoebe!
Phoebe: Youre making one right now!
Phoebe: (returning from the bathroom) Rach, youre in my seat.
Phoebe: What?!
Another Mans Voice: Lets go Phoebe!
Same Mans Voice: Phoebe, come on!
Phoebe: Look, Im talking right now! Youreyou mean her.
Phoebe: Hey!
[Outside with Phoebe and Ryan.]
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Phoebe: No (tucks it in her pants)
Phoebe: Wow!
PHOEBE: OK, hi. For your information this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great distance. It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
Phoebe: Which time?
Phoebe: Oh, Pervert Parade?
PHOEBE: [enters with the three people she got out] Ok, welcome to the fu-oh.
Phoebe: By the way, its a costume party.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, so you can walk around naked.
Phoebe: How'd you know I was coming?
Phoebe: What?
Monica: Hey Phoebe! Guess what?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Rachel: Oh my God! I bet thats him. My digital fairy tale is about to begin. I wonder how I should be? Should I be uh (In a sexy voice) Hello? Or should I be (Happily) Hi! Its Rach (Phoebe knocks the phone out of Rachels hand, catches it, and answers it.) Would you stop doing that?!
Phoebe: Watch, watch. (She turns a strand of Christmas lights strung around the house.)
Phoebe: Oh no, Ross doesnt know anything.
Phoebe: Hi!
Ross: And thats Phoebe over there! (Points to her.)
Phoebe: Hey, how are you guys doing?
Phoebe: (yelling from Monicas room) No-no!! No!!
Phoebe: Well, what am I going to tell Monica? She wants to wear them tonight!
Phoebe: (To Ross) So whats going on with you?
[Phoebe walks from the living room to the kitchen and talks quietly to Rachel.]
Phoebe: Most people dont like their jobs, I love my job! I have not been working for three hours and Im already going crazy. I miss Joan.
Phoebe: That is.
Phoebe: Oh thats not so bad.
Monica: Yeah! Shes right in there! (Points to Phoebes room.)
Joey: (entering with Phoebe) Come on Pheebs! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
Phoebe: Oh God! Is that veal?
Monica: Oh, Phoebe, she couldn't stop crying! With those thick glasses, her tears looked giant.
Phoebe: Fine! Then you tell Roger because he was really looking forward to this! (Phoebe exits.)
Phoebe: ( in a soothing voice) Relax every muscle in your body. Listen to the plinky-plunky music. Okay, now close you eyes, and think of a happy place. Okay, tell me your happy place.
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
(the Charity guy smiles wanting to take the check, but Phoebe pulls it back again. His smile fades.)
Monica: Phoebe, why is smoke coming out of the bathroom?!
Phoebe: Oh, give it to me.
(Rachel and Phoebe exchange looks.)
Monica: Phoebe! Put that cigarette out!
Phoebe: Thank God.
Phoebe: Give it!
PHOEBE: Oh, I couldn't go in.
Joey: Sure, sure. Ok, (clears his throat and starts to read from his script. He starts talking in a fake French accent, making gestures with his hands) "Bleu de la bleu, de la blu bla bleu" (Phoebe looks astonished, annoyed and disgusted, Joey seems very proud though) See?
Phoebe: Was it my work? Were they mad? Was it Jack? Did he yell?!
Phoebe: I wa-I wa-I wa
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: Umm, a flea market?
Phoebe: Oh Ross, calm down, Ill give you the 80 cents. (Ross glares at Rachel)
Phoebe: Ameri-can.
Phoebe: Uh huh! If its a girl, Phoebe, and if its a boy, Phoebo!
Phoebe: Well thats great! Congratulations!! (She hugs Rachel.)
Phoebe: Yeah well, in America you're just an "ass".
Phoebe: No kind. He just makes it up.
Phoebe: You don't like ice cream?
Phoebe: (Monica is yanking on her bra strap) Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.
(Phoebe mocks what Monica just said. Ross pulls Chandler aside.)
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Phoebe: Listen, Roberts gonna be here any second so, will one of you just tell him?
[Pan to Monica and Phoebe having the same conversation.]
Phoebe: Uh, I dont think so!
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Thanks! Y'know, that when you say things like that it makes me wanna rip that sweater vest right off!
Jack: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Jack!! Hey!
Phoebe: You guys!! Come on!
Phoebe: Bread, so you never go hungry.
Phoebe: Surprise! Look whos back!
Phoebe: Yeah.