words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey's sitting on the couch and Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Oh, hey Joey.
Phoebe: Listen, I need to ask you something. Ok, you know how my step dad's in prison.
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, uhm... listen he was supposed to get a weekend furlough, so he'd come to the wedding tomorrow, but he just called and... uhm... well, apparently stabbing Iceman in the exercise yard just couldn't wait till Monday.
Phoebe: No, and so there's no one to walk me down the aisle and... well, I would just really love it if you would do it.
Phoebe: Yeah, you've... you know, sort of been like a dad to me. I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom...
Phoebe: So... what do you say?
Joey: Are you kidding? Phoebe, I would be honored. (they hug)
Phoebe: Oh, thank you. I hope... I hope you know how much you mean to me.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch. A waitress brings a coffee and Phoebe wants to pay.]
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy! (she answers) Hello... Hey, ok, stop screaming! Ok? So, halibut. All right, so salmon, either way. I don't-I don't... it doesn't matter to me!
Phoebe: Well, I don't care, so you pick!
Phoebe: Uh-uh. Ok. What time is that.
Phoebe: Why, I must have been in missile training the day they taught that.
Phoebe: Ok, so... 1800 minus twelve is... one thousand, seven hundred and...
Phoebe: Ok.
Phoebe: Ice sculpture? That sounds really fancy! I told you I just want a simple wedding.
Phoebe: What harpist? My friend Marjorie is playing the steel drums.
Phoebe: She did? Why?
Monica: I made her. (Phoebe looks shocked) Steel drums don't really say "elegant wedding". Nor does Marjorie's overwhelming scent.
Phoebe: (looking angry) Hey! She will shower when Tibet is free.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Okay, what did we say was your one gift to us?
Phoebe: Rehearse it!
Ross: Hi! (he kisses Phoebe)
Phoebe: So Rach.
Phoebe: Where is Emma?
Phoebe: What's up?
Phoebe: Uhm... well, they're not in the wedding.
Phoebe: I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so... you know, you were-you were... if it helps you, you were next in line, you just-you just missed the cut.
Chandler: This is like figure skating team all over again. (Phoebe and Ross glare at him astonished) I mean synchronized swimming. (they continue to glare) I mean- I mean the balance beam. (to Ross) Help me!
Monica: (looking at Phoebe eating something) Pheebs, spit that out, that has pork in it.
Phoebe: Oh! I though the pot stickers were supposed to be vegetarian!
Phoebe: I don't have a fax machine.
Mike: You know, I really don't feel very comfortable making this decision. You know, Phoebe knows you better, I'm gonna let her choose. (he leaves)
Joey: Oh, hey, my pleasure. (he suddenly becomes very serious) So what are your intentions with my Phoebe?
(Cut to Chandler and Ross. Phoebe comes out of the ladies room and they run toward her.)
Phoebe: I decided to pee.
Phoebe: Oh no, no. I can't choose between you two! I love you both so much!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't wanna choose! It's (Rachel is walking by). Oh okay, wait. Rach! Listen I have a very special bridesmaid task for you today.
Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.
Phoebe: All right, I guess I'll have to find a new bridesmaid.
Monica: Ok, it's 2100 hours. (to Phoebe) Time for your toast. (Mike appears)
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
Monica: (very serious) It's 2101 and I am not amused. (pause). Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say. (Everyone sits and Phoebe gets up)
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done.
Phoebe: YOU'RE FIRED! (mimes the CUT again) (pause and she raises her glass) Cheers! (Chandler raises his, smiling and Monica stares at him and he puts down his glass.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey's having breakfast; Phoebe enters the room carrying her wedding dress.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh, happy my wedding day to you!
Phoebe: Oh, well that's ok. I think you and I will do much better if you're just... here as a bridesmaid.
Phoebe: Wow, this is a lot!
Phoebe: You won awards?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Phoebe is talking at the phone, Monica is listening amused.]
Phoebe: Sven I don't understand what you're saying! What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins?
Phoebe: Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were saying the word "lorkins" what flowers would that be?
Phoebe: Right there! That's why I'm marrying you!
Joey: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very very important to me, ok? And I wanna make sure that you are gonna take care of her.
Mike: (gets up) Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is on the phone and Monica is nonchalantly "minding her own business".]
Phoebe: No! We're gonna do it my way. (listens) Because your way is stupid! Alright I gotta go, I have another call, Reverend. (switches calls) Hello?
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Oh my God, what's it doing here?
Phoebe: (starting to panic) Oh my God, everything is such a mess. Why is this happening to me?
(Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on the phone.)
Phoebe: Alright, wait, so what you're saying is that the chef is at the Hamilton Club, but the food is not and the drinks are there, but the bartender is not? Are you, are you FREAKING KIDDING ME!?
Phoebe: (to Monica) Help me.
Phoebe: I want you to be Crazy Bitch again.
Phoebe: (Nearly in tears) Please?
Phoebe: More than I wanna get married.
Monica: Ok people, we are back in business! (Gets her headset out of her purse) Oh God, we've missed you soo much! (takes all the notes from Phoebe) Ok, go and get your hair and make-up done, and I'll take care of everything.
Phoebe: (sounds scared already) About what?
Ross: (to Rachel) Haha! Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either. (Looks at Phoebe) So sorry Pheebs.
Ross: (To Phoebe and Mike) I can't believe you guys aren't going to be able to get married today.
Phoebe: I know.
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: (Turning to Mike) What do you think?
Phoebe: Me too! (turning to Monica) Monica, do you think we could do it?
Monica: Okay, if Joey does the ceremony, then we have to find someone else to walk Phoebe down the isle.
(Cut to inside Central Perk where Rachel is helping Phoebe. Chandler and Monica enter.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay. Hi new dad. (Chandler waves)
Phoebe: Uhuh, uhuh... Oh my God! This is really happening.
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, I'm so happy for you honey. (she gives her a kiss)
Phoebe: Oh, thank you.
Monica: I love you. (Phoebe leans in to kiss her.) Oh, wait, wait, wait! No hugs. The dresses... Oh what the hell. (the girls hug)
Phoebe: I love you guys.
(She walks down the aisle with the groomsman. We cut to inside Central Perk, where Phoebe and Chandler are waiting.)
Phoebe: (nervously) Okay.
Phoebe: Oh wait, oh no. Wait.
Phoebe: I don't care... I'll be my something blue.
Phoebe: Thank you.
(They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
Phoebe: Na-ah.
Joey: Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here... when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings?
Joey: (whispering to Phoebe) Okay...
Phoebe: When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal mom and dad, or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I'm standing here today, knowing that I have everything I'm ever gonna need... You are my family. (She puts the ring on Mikes finger)
Mike: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. (He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.)
Phoebe: Oh wait, oh I forgot... and uhm... I love you... and you have nice eyes.
Joey: Oh, okay. Phoebe, do you take this man to be your husband?
Phoebe: I do.
(Phoebe and Mike kiss)
Phoebe: I got married! (everyone applauds) Could someone get me a coat, I'm freaking freezing.
(Mike takes off his coat to give to Phoebe and the steel band plays "The Wedding Song")
Ross: (Staring back, and then breaks off) (To Phoebe and Rachel) Yeah, he can do it!
Phoebe and Rachel: So, so sorry.
Phoebe: So bad.
Phoebe: Oh my God Eric hi! Wait, howd you get this number?
Phoebe: All right. Im gonna go to the fertility doctor and um, see if Im ready to have Frank and Alices embryo transferred into my uterus.
Monica: Yeah, I asked you and Phoebe to pick up the pies. You did remember, right?
[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandlers, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]
Phoebe: I'll pull you through.
Phoebe: Well, alright, that's fine. What about Leslie?
Ross: (laughing) Ohh. (Phoebe takes a couple of steps to the door and Ross quickly hurries out.)
Phoebe: Oh, right! Your adoption interview!
Phoebe: What are you gonna name the baby?
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: No.
Rachel: (to Joey) Hey, who's Phoebe with?
Phoebe: Mandy.
Phoebe: SARAH!
Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)
RACHEL: Yeah, yeah.� Phoebe and I are going to have so much fun.� And thank you for watching the baby, by the way.
Monica: Wait a minute, Phoebe! We should be partners. We should be catering partners. I mean, think about it! You're not working right now, and we have such a great time together!
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Oh
Phoebe: What? You know about the plate thing?
Phoebe: Thank God you’re here. Listen to this!
Phoebe: Wow!
Phoebe: (to Ross) This place is awesome!
Phoebe: (to Joey) You wouldn’t let her have a grape?
[Scene: A clothes store. Ross and Phoebe are shopping]
Phoebe: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. (plays a chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very much.
Phoebe: Yeah!
Phoebe: Okay. Wait, do you know how youre going to stall her?
Phoebe: What? They will be!
Monica: Come on Phoebe, lets go! Come on, its time to get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game.
Rachel: (to Phoebe) Why do men keep talking to me like this?
Phoebe: Shhh! Stop it! Stop it Rachel! You cant do this here! (She drags her into the bathroom.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are there as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok, because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room.
Phoebe: oh, well, Ross probably has it, you can get it from him later.
Phoebe: Okay, is this the day of good news or what? I got us a job! The wedding reception.
Phoebe: It's locked.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Monica and Phoebe are reading magazines when the phone rings and Phoebe reaches to pick it up]
Phoebe: Maybe you need to spice things up a little.
Phoebe: Oh right, like theyre gonna let me have a passport.
Phoebe: Your secret bachelorette party
Phoebe: (Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! (Thrilled) You found Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging people) This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, (still happy) Where's Joey?
Phoebe: By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico. (BEAT) Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.
Phoebe: No, you have to let me in right now!!
Phoebe: Ooh, that is silly. (gets up) Ill go up there, Ill tell him to keep it down.
Phoebe: If you had to, what would you give up, food or sex?
Phoebe: (running up carrying a tree) Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no, you dont want that one. No, you can have this cool brown one. (points to the almost dead tree she has)
Phoebe: Ok, how about... uhm... sex or dinosaurs?
Phoebe: Oh, how cute!
Phoebe: Oh, thank God, 'cause that thing's really creepy! (looking outside the window) Look, there's Chandler. (he's on the street, talking to a woman)
Phoebe: Yknow, just some good faith money to hold the date.
Phoebe: (glancing at her) What?
Phoebe: Ok, then maybe it'll be, uhm...
Phoebe: (running up) Okay. Okay, heres what were gonna do. Okay, Im gonna break into this mini-van and put it in neutral. You guys push it forward so Ross can drive out of his spot. Okay? All right, here we go. (She opens her coat and reveals that thing car thieves use to break into cars as Ross jumps in behind the wheel. She inserts the device, unlocks the door, opens it, and the alarm goes off.) Haul ass!!!! (Runs off.)
Phoebe: (patting her bag) I got them!
Phoebe: So, should we tell her?
Phoebe: What are you talking about? Sarah's great!
Phoebe : WHO DID YOU SEE HIM WITH?
Phoebe: TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!
Phoebe: Why? Who’d you seen him with?
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: They went in together. So sorry.
Phoebe: Well, look, whatever happens, we’re here for you and we love you.
Phoebe: Well, Im going to the dentist, so listen, okay, just be on the look out for anything that, that, that you can fall into, or, or that can fall on you, or... All right, just look out! Okay, And um, I also just wanna, I just wanna tell you all that um...... (starts to cry and runs out)
Phoebe: So you're gonna move?
Phoebe: You just did it again. Chandler, your feelings for Chandler are certainly gone!
Phoebe: Why do you have a realtor?
Phoebe: Yeah I know what I wanted to ask you. Um, can you roll your tongue? Because I can, and my Mom couldnt, and I thought y'know, I figured that was something I got from our Dad.
Phoebe: Yeah, but so is this.
Phoebe: Hey, it’s your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead of watching football, you could help.
[Scene: The restaurant. Phoebe and Joey are sitting alone at a table for six.]
Phoebe: (walks him to the kitchen) Easy. Step. How did it get on?
(Ross starts to scream and run away. He stops in front of the window of Central Perk to check the pursuit and notices Phoebe and Rachel inside looking at him. He mouths, "What?" Then realizes that the women he attacked are closing in so he screams and runs away.)
Phoebe: Okay, dont freak out. Ill go.
Phoebe: What else?
Phoebe: That’s nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom.
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone is hanging out with Phoebe. Frank, Alice, and the kids aren't there.]
Phoebe: (to Monica) You're gonna be okay?
Ross: Love you guys. (he kisses Monica, he, Rachel and Phoebe leave.)
Phoebe: Hello, is this the creepy residence?
Phoebe: Great!
(they both run off, leaving Ross, Phoebe and Rachel stunned.)
Phoebe: G-sharp? Have you been studying the real names of the chords? (Joey doesn't answer.) Have you? (He looks away in shame.) Oh my God!
Phoebe: OH! He's having an affair.
Phoebe: Well, what kind of guy are you looking for?
Phoebe: Okay, well they are a huge responsibility, especially at this age. They require constant care. They-they need just the right food, and lots and lots of love.
Phoebe: Oh my God! That guy at the counter is totally checking you out!
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Thank you so much for this.
Phoebe: Fine, I'll give you her number.
Phoebe: Oh! Okay! Yeah, thats okay. (To Patrick) Have a seat. (Sits Patrick down next to Rachel.)
PHOEBE: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.
(And with that, an era ends as Chandler moves in with Monica as Rachel moves in with Phoebe. It tis a sad and happy time for Friends.)
Phoebe: Rachel?
Phoebe: Are you kidding?
Phoebe: Oh, God!
Phoebe: Oh God no, I don't wanna see him take his clothes off!