words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting coffee.]
(Phoebe sits down between Chandler and Ross.)
Phoebe: What? What happened to the window in the attic?!
Phoebe: I cant believe I still dont know what happened to the window in the attic!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe: Ugh, I hate this year!
Phoebe: Well okay, its already February and Ive only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world!
Phoebe: Oh thats right!
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah, like you never called!
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is getting shown to her desk by the supervisor.]
Phoebe: Okay, I can do that! Oh, by the way, I love my office.
Phoebe: Oh okay. Umm, all right. (Picks up the phone and starts reading from the script.) Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please?
Phoebe: Umm, okay I would like to talk to you about your toner needs.
Phoebe: Oh okay, well Im sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. (Hangs up the phone.) Yeah youre right, this is easy.
Phoebe: Oh well, all right um, no offense, but you were kind of rude.
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: No. (Pause) Oh wait yes! I do, I do have one question. What is toner?
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is hard at work.]
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies Id like to talk to you about your toner needs. (Shes reading from the script.)
[Cut to Earls office, who is played by Jason Alexander, George from Seinfeld. They cut back and forth between Phoebes and Earls offices with each of their lines.]
Phoebe: Im hearing what youre saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner.
Phoebe: May I ask why?
Phoebe: I surely do!
(Phoebe desperately tries to find the scripted response to that line.)
Phoebe: (doesnt have any luck) Umm, is-is that because youre out of toner?
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still talking to Earl.]
Phoebe: No-no wait-wait! I cant just let you hang up! Just please talk to me.
Phoebe: Yeah! Now, why do you want to kill yourself?
Phoebe: Chandler?
Phoebe: No look, I-Im sure that people know you exist!
Earl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. Ive been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no ones even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, Im gonna kill myself! (Theres no response; no one even looks up.) Ill get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still trying to talk Earl out of suicide.]
Phoebe: Earl, youre not hearing me! All Im saying is that youre not alone all right? Everybody hates the people they work with! (One of her coworkers overhears that, and she mimes that she didnt mean him.)
Phoebe: Wait, what was that? That sounded like someone being nice to you.
Phoebe: All right so Earl, lets just forget about the people at the office, okay? There-theres gotta be someone else in your life worth sticking around for! What about-what about your family, your friends, or maybe your girlfriend?
Phoebe: Oh sorry, boyfriend!
Phoebe: No, whatever! Anything!
Phoebe: Yeah, hes gotta go.
Phoebe: No! Im not finished yet! Dont! Dont you dare hang up on me!!!
[Scene: Earls Office, Earl has his head in his hands as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: (to Marge) Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find Earl? Hes the supply manager around here.
Phoebe: (goes over to his desk) Earl! Im Phoebe.
Earl: Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?
Phoebe: Umm, look it, you-you cant kill yourself.
Phoebe: No-no I cant! I cant let you do it!
Phoebe: Because it was fate that made me call you today!
Phoebe: No! Think about it okay? This isnt even my regular job! Okay? And my first day on the job, youre my first call! And-and somebody else mightve hung up on you, but I wouldnt do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.
Phoebe: Yes.
Phoebe: Im not gonna give you tips! Look dont you see that this-this this all came together so that I could stop you from doing this.
Phoebe: No, its fate!
Phoebe: Oh. Well umm, okay heres a weird thing. My mother was also a supply manager.
Phoebe: Oh my God! So was she! And! Get this, okay? Your-your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl, P-Earl.
Phoebe: Sure! (Thinks.) Umm, where are you from?
Phoebe: Oh my God! So was she! Oh, Ive got-Ive got goose bumps. (She holds out her arm.)
Phoebe: Well, yknow Im wearing layers and its warm.
Phoebe: But ifno look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the universe does! And that says a lot!
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.
Phoebe: Yknow, I dont-I dont think its you. This is a freaky place. (To All) Hey! Guys! (Everyone looks up.) (To Earl) Oh no, its you.
Phoebe: Oh please, you are not gonna ditch again like you did with London.
Phoebe: It's a Thanksgiving miracle!
Phoebe: Watching ballroom dancing?
[Scene: Monica and Phoebes, Ross is on the phone, as Phoebe is walking by carrying a lamp.]
[Scene: Hospital. Phoebe is there stroking Coma Guy's hair, when Monica enters with a bunch of balloons.]
Phoebe: well there is no Vicrum, Ross made him up because I never really have been in a long-term relationship, I've never lived with a guy, and I've never even celebrated an anniversary so. (Pause) if that's too weird for you and you wanna leave I totally understand. In fact I'll close my eye's make it less awkward (She sits with her eyes closed and Mike kisses her, Phoebe opens her eyes and like a little child says.) You kissed me.
Phoebe: His first big kids bike, this is so exciting!
Phoebe: Let's see! (Opens her address book.) Oh, you know who's great? Sandy Poophack.
Jack: (approaches her) Phoebe, listen
Phoebe: So, how are things going with crazy? Has she cooked your rabbit yet?
Phoebe: I cant believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmothers legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
Rachel: Oh my God Phoebe, this is impossible! We cant do this by Friday! We have to find a place. We have to invite people! We have to get food! Theres just too much to do! Its impossible! We cant do it! We cannot do it! We cannot do it!
Phoebe: (interrupting him) I was just being polite!
Phoebe: Sure!
Phoebe: What?!
Phoebe: I love it!!
Phoebe: And if that guy at the charity gives us a hard time, my friend hasn't shot anyone in a really long time.
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God Ross!!
Phoebe: No-no, itll be fun! We can come back and we can haunt these guys!
Phoebe: Oh hi!
Ross: Phoebe really likes the bike huh?
Phoebe: So far, it kinda blows. I dont know, I just thought y'know that hed feel more like a brother y'know, like you and Ross, just like close and connected and....
Phoebe: Of course!
[Cut to outside, theyre going to talk to Phoebe about walking the bike.]
Phoebe: (gasps) Does that mean Carcass is available?
Phoebe: Ohh, uh-huh so much!
Phoebe: No that's not true. If you're not moving forward, you're just staying still. And staying still is good. Watch this. (She stays still for a brief second.)
Chandler: Phoebe, are you having a heart attack?!
Phoebe: Why? Why do I have to learn?
Phoebe: What kind of an emergency?
Phoebe: All right.
Phoebe: Well
Phoebe: Okay. (Does so.)
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Swear?!
Phoebe: You wont let go?
Phoebe: (thinks it over) Okay.
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.
(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose.)
Tag: Id love to ask out your friend Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh no!! You swore!
Phoebe: Well just figure out a way to talk him out of it.
Phoebe: What?! (Ross rings the bell.) What the hell?!
Ross: Phoebe.
Phoebe: What?! Why?!
Phoebe: (seeing him) Oh, hello liar.
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Wow! How long were we arguing for?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are admiring Monicas wedding dress.]
Phoebe: Im sorry. Im sorry. I never got to be in a club. I-I didnt go to high school, but three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour.
Monica: All right, all right! Lets just cut to the chase, okay? (To Phoebe) Youre single. (To Tim) Youre single. (To Phoebe) He gets off work at eleven. (To Tim) Shell be waiting for your call. (To Phoebe) Ill give him your number if I can get one calamari and one Caesar salad!! (Everyone in the kitchen stops.) I did not yell. I am not putting a dollar in the jar.
Joey: (with his mouthful) Hey, I didn't stalk her. I mean (he sprays Phoebe with crumbs)
Phoebe: Huh?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, it's my mom's.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play a game with him.]
Rachel: You may need to use this year to teach Ben about Phoebe.
Phoebe: (entering) Oh, hey, you guys!
Phoebe: Noo! But that would've been so cool!
Phoebe: Yes, you will be very sad. All right, well I gotta go tell Rachel the good news.
Phoebe: Yeah, why not?
Phoebe: You're sure? You're absolutely sure?
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, ooh, oohoh, I have a game!
PHOEBE: Please, I almost fell for that with, uh, Pride of the Yankees, I thought I was gonna see a film about Yankee pride and then, boom, the guy gets Lou Gehrig's disease.
Phoebe: (at window) Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.
PHOEBE: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.
Ross: Phoebe, you cant massage people in my apartment!
Phoebe: No spark? Didnt you sleep together?
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey! (she sits down next to him)
Phoebe: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-lifes gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song?
Phoebe: Maybe on some level.
Phoebe: Well, didnt you just hear what I said?!
Phoebe: Well, we cannot tell Joey about this. He's already flipping out about everything that's changing. This will push him over the edge.
Phoebe: Our apartment is ready.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are now sitting in the living room.]
Rachel: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Hm?
Phoebe: (nods along) Fish!
Phoebe: Because you would rather live here with Joey.
Phoebe: Yay, okay!
Phoebe: We did have fun, didn't we?
Phoebe: Are you two talking about the same baby? Hey! Have you started off thinking of names yet?
Phoebe: I love the license plate game!
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: (entering with Erin) Oh. Hey!
Phoebe: A little bit, yeah.
Phoebe: Are you sure?
Phoebe: Oh me too.
Phoebe: Hi Paul!
Phoebe: No, I do not hear that.
Phoebe: You heard her too?! You have the gift!
Phoebe: Stop it! Stop it no! Thats not fair! Yknow I cant resist that beautiful voice!
Rachel: (entering with Phoebe) Hey!
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: So you wouldnt mind if he was dating someone else?
Phoebe: I know. Have you considered pageanting?
(Phoebe gets up and goes to play, Ross goes over and sits down next to Monica and Rachel.)
Ross: Thanks. (Phoebe gets up to get a refill.) (To Monica) Oh! So for tomorrow, do you want to rent a car and drive down together or what?