words in movies
Phoebe: Wow!
Phoebe: No! Barry and Mindy.
Phoebe: Which time?
Phoebe: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.
Phoebe: Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought yknow that if Id work with stocks, Id have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
(As Joey goes to the bathroom, Corporate Phoebe enters. Shes wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase.)
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey Phoebe! Guess what?
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Ross: And thats Phoebe over there! (Points to her.)
Phoebe: Hi!
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Phoebes cell phone rings and she goes through her little routine of lighting a cigarette before answering the phone.]
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
Phoebe: (yelling from Monicas room) No-no!! No!!
Phoebe: No! There-there was a little, a little diff in the market and I lost 13 million dollars.
Phoebe: What am I gonna do?! What am I gonna do?! I cant call my office theyll kill me! I cant call my clients theyll kill themselves! Great, now my chest hearts.
Phoebe: (louder) My chest hurts! Oh, and now I-I cant breathe.
Chandler: Phoebe, are you having a heart attack?!
Phoebe: Oh, if I were, would-would I have shooting pains up and down my left arm?
Phoebe: Then yes that is what Im having. (Takes another puff of the cigarette.)
[Scene: A hospital, Phoebe is recovering from her heart attack as Ross, Monica, and Chandler are there to comfort and support her.]
Phoebe: Most people dont like their jobs, I love my job! I have not been working for three hours and Im already going crazy. I miss Joan.
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Phoebe: (To Ross) So whats going on with you?
Phoebe: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?
Phoebe: How long has it been since you had sex?
Phoebe: Oh thats not so bad.
Phoebe: That is.
Phoebe: Maybe you need to spice things up a little.
Phoebe: I dont know. You could tie her up, she could tie you up; you could eat stuff off each other
Phoebe: Yknow, dirty talk, m�nage � trois, toys
Phoebe: Roll playing You could be the warden; she could be the prisoner. You could be the pirate; she could be the wench!
Phoebe: Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and youre-youre-youre rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybodys watching! (Ross looks at her.) It never happened.
Monica: Yeah! Shes right in there! (Points to Phoebes room.)
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross is trying to talk to Carol about what Phoebe told him.]
[Scene: The hospital, Ross and Monica are in Phoebes room. Phoebe is in the bathroom and Monica notices smoke coming out from underneath the door.]
Monica: Phoebe, why is smoke coming out of the bathroom?!
Phoebe: Oh yeah, the doctor said that could be one of the side effects.
Monica: Phoebe! Put that cigarette out!
Phoebe: No! Its not a cigarette! The smoke is coming out of me!
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! (Puts it out and comes out of the bathroom.) Im so glad youre here.
Phoebe: Oh, give it to me.
Phoebe: Give it!
Phoebe: Was it my work? Were they mad? Was it Jack? Did he yell?!
Phoebe: Thank God.
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler and Monica are there with Phoebe as Ross enters.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: Well, Ive got to get out of this bed, Im going crazy here. Crazy!
Phoebe: What the hell is this, herbal tea? I hate herbal tea!
(Phoebe mocks what Monica just said. Ross pulls Chandler aside.)
Phoebe: What are you two girls whispering about over there?!
Phoebe: Okay, what is this? A stupid contest? Because we got a winner here! (Points at Ross.)
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
Phoebe: I know! But if I didnt work there, what else would I do?
Phoebe: Yeah that was lucrative! Smart like your brother!
Phoebe: Hmm, pulling in a salary in the high six figures or rubbing gross naked people for chump changeooh, what do I do?! What will I do?!
[Scene: Phoebes hospital room, Joey and Ross enter as Phoebe comes out of the bathroom wearing her robe.]
Phoebe: I thought Id try to take a walk. Would you pour me some water? Ill be back soon.
Phoebe: No. Ive learned my lesson.
Phoebe: Lets go! Come on! Move it! (Grabs her coat.) Come on! (To an old man whos holding her shoes and briefcase.) Shoes! Briefcase! (Takes them both.) Thanks Lou, good luck with the gall bladder. (She leaves.)
[Scene: Phoebes office, she is arriving without the knowledge that shes been fired.]
Phoebe: Surprise! Look whos back!
Phoebe: Hey!
Arthur: (To another coworker) Call security. (To Phoebe) Pheebs, didnt you get fired?
Phoebe: Uh, I dont think so!
Jack: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Jack!! Hey!
Phoebe: All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh?
Phoebe: Nu-uh!
Phoebe: Oh, okay I didnt get that message. So this doesnt countAnyway, Ill be in my office.
Jack: Uh, Phoebe you-you dont have an office.
Phoebe: Thats all right, Ill work here. This is goo, next to this plant. (She picks a place in the lobby next to a plant.)
Jack: (approaches her) Phoebe, listen
Phoebe: Youre in my office! Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company! Okay? I am talking big bucks! Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake
Phoebe: Oh, so this is all about money! Yknow its bad enough thatOw! Oh, you have got to be kidding!
Phoebe: Im having another heart attack!
Phoebe: Im having another heart attack!! Call 9-1-1!!
Phoebe: (to Arthur, hes the guy calling 9-1-1) Dumbass!
Phoebe: Well, they fired me and Im having heart attack.
Phoebe: Yeah.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing a new song as the gang looks on.]
Phoebe: (singing)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is drinking coffee as Chandler enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.]
Phoebe: Oh honey no, you ate it all.
Phoebe: No! No! I'm talking you up to people. Just give it a little time, all right? Relax, get something to eat! Okay?
Phoebe: Oh, look! And we get these free t-shirts! (she takes a t-shirt which was on the counter)
(There is a knock on the door, Phoebe answers it, its Mr. Heckles)
PHOEBE: That you don't stop talking about it.
Phoebe: Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.
Phoebe: Just one? I drive you all the way down here, and I don't get to see how it works out?
Phoebe: Oh No, I did that for someone once and I'm not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone's life.
Phoebe: Well, I think I broke it. But thats all right, heres the number you can call.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch.]
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is on the phone and Phoebe is watching him.]
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, there's laughing in my head.
Monica: Thank you so much for seeing us. Phoebe has told us such great things about you guys.
Phoebe: But at least the apothecary table is real.
Monica and Phoebe: Hugh! Hugh Grant!
Phoebe: (joining in) I love Jacques Cousteau!
Phoebe: She is gonna hate me.
[Chandler and Monica head out with some stuff. Phoebe comes out of her room with a bag.]
Phoebe: Yeah! Sure! Yep! (Gets up) Oh, y'know what? If I heard a shot right now, I'd throw my body on you.
Chandler: (laughs, but then moves to Phoebe) And don't get me started on the way that people from Tulsa talk.
Phoebe: Oh that's my grandma. (Joey holds the box away from him.) And thanks Joey she's having a really great time. (Joey is happy now.)
Phoebe: (going over to comfort her) Aww, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Well, tell me which one, and I'll try slip it in my coat.
Phoebe: I cant say that didnt hurt. But Ill take you back Joey Tribbiani.
Phoebe: No! You don't have to do anything! Just don't tell them that we know!
Phoebe: Ohhh boy, do I feel bad.
Phoebe: Here, look, alright, does this help?
Monica: Its wrong. You know what else is wrong? Phoebe picking Rachel.
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
Phoebe: Oh... then I overpaid. (she goes to the bathroom)
Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat.
Rachel: (To Monica, Chandler and Phoebe) Can any of you watch Emma?
Phoebe: (goes over to his desk) Earl! Im Phoebe.
Joey: Yeah! Okay. (Joey picks a card.) Phoebe, you look, I cant.
Phoebe: Okay. But the question is whos gonna go first. Cause whoever goes second is the bitch.
Phoebe: But people that you don't know and will never see again.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, how was your first day working at the restaurant?
Phoebe: Because I just didn't know how much I wanted it. And I love you, and I wanted to live with you.
Phoebe: Well, that's not good. But you know, I can move some stuff around, and I'll be there. You and Alice just take the whole day together.
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Y'know what? I have been trying to apologize to him all week! If he's not gonna let me do it on the phone, I'm gonna go down there and do it in person.
Phoebe: (singing, drunk) My sticky shoes, my sticky-sticky shoes, why do you stick on me, ba-a-by! Thanks for the lights honey.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are there. Phoebe enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is telling Phoebe and Monica of her date.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Joey is working.]
Ross: (entering with Charlie) Oh, hey you guys! This is Charlie! Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica.
Phoebe: Ooh! (They all go over to her apartment)
Phoebe: Okay, stop! Larry, okay, can't you just be Larry and not Larry the health inspector guy? Y'know I mean it was really exciting at first but now it's like, okay, so where are we gonna eat ever?
Phoebe: I thought you meant in life.
PHOEBE: I know it's kind of weird, but I mean, she was a big part of my life there, you know, and now I just feel kind of alone.
(Rachel heads for Joey and Chandler's and Phoebe heads for the kitchen to find Ross.)
Phoebe: Wow! Okay, dude alert! And who is this guy?
Phoebe: Oh! Get off!! Ow!! Oh, stop it!! Why?! Why are you doing that to me?!
(He exits leaving a stunned Phoebe and Monica.)
(she slaps him in the face, Mike looks like he doesn't believe what just happened. Precious leaves, and he turns to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny...
(They all stand up and go over to Phoebe to feel the baby, preventing Rachel from kissing Joshua.)
Joey: Check it out. (He turns around, pulls down his pants, and shows Phoebe that hes got panties on.) How much of a man am I?!
Phoebe: All right, prude... Look, Monica and Chandler really love this house. You are not gonna talk them into staying here.
Monica: Phoebe and Gary are so gonna hear about this at dinner.
Phoebe: (knocking and entering) Hey. Look, I know youve been really depressed lately, so I brought someone over to cheer you up. Right outside this door is a real, live, furry playmate.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment: Phoebe, Monica and Mike sitting on the couch]
Monica: Heres your tea Phoebe. (They give it to her and quickly take a step back.)
Phoebe: Ohh! So, did you get to meet her?
Phoebe: We've got the ground-up flesh of formerly cute cows and turkeys, ew... (hands meat to Monica)
[Time lapse. Now everyone but Ross and Phoebe is back at Monica and Rachel's.]
[Ross and Rachel look at each other and then at Phoebe, realizing the song is about their situation.]
Phoebe: Uhm, no. I'm gonna have my friends call me Valerie.
Phoebe: Yknow, youre friends getting married, its gotta change things.
Alice: Dont get me started. (To Phoebe) Anyway, umm, since there are three babies and umm, we both got to put our names in, we would be truly honoured if you named the other boy baby.
Phoebe: I know! Monicas gonna have a baby! Hey, can this count as her something new?
Phoebe: Well, why did you make like a whole big thing out of y'know, everyone has to hang out in the big apartment?
David: I'm sorry, uh... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
Phoebe: Huh? Can you just imagine getting down on one knee and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?
Phoebe: Paolo made a pass at me.
Phoebe: Okay, I can fix this! Okay Monica, Rachel thinks all you can talk about is the wedding. (Rachel glares at her.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay. Listen, thanks for everything, Mon.
Phoebe: Okay. (singing) Jingle bitch screwed me over! Go to hell jingle whore! Go to hell Go to hell. Go to hell-hell-hell. Thats all I have so far.
Phoebe: (disbelievingly) Oh yeah.
RACHEL: Maybe. But just a little one. Phoebe got the whole world.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is looking for a new name in Phoebes book of names.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are telling everyone about their coma guy.]
(The gang swaps all the drinks for what they ordered as Phoebe enters. She sits down without saying hi.)
Phoebe: I'm not gonna lie to you, Ross, it doesn't look good. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
Phoebe: Yes, it was! It was him! Uh huh! (they all stare at her) Okay, it was me!
Phoebe: How are you? (The woman nods) Good. (She goes over to another couple of women.) Hi, thanks for coming.
[Scene: Central Perk. Frank Jr., Phoebe and the triplets are there. Continued from earlier.]
Phoebe: Uh, well I can tell you why. Its, its because of me. But, y'know what, I only did it because I love you. Okay?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.]
Phoebe: I know. Then, Im gonna marry Chandler for the money and youll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are playing with a Ouija board, Phoebes beeper goes off and Monica screams.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, Chandler is there. Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
Phoebe: No, you're not gonna pay him, he didn't do anything!
[Scene: the bar, Ross is entering, Phoebe is at the bar, they are the only two in the place.]
Phoebe: Yeah! Let's do it! Let's live together! (They embrace and Mike kisses Phoebe) Oh god, we're really going to move in together!
(Walks out and after he closes the door Phoebe turns around and takes a bite out of what is left of his candy bar.)
Phoebe: Well speaking of chiming in, remember the time you burned down my apartment?