words in movies
Ben: (running to the bathroom) Thanks Phoebe!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.]
Phoebe: (returning with Joey) With what?
Phoebe: Oo! You should have one of us do it!
Monica: Phoebe, were getting married, married; not sixth grade married.
Phoebe: No! No! Its-its uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff!
Phoebe: Yes! A friend of mine did it and its totally legal!
Phoebe: What?! No! It was my idea!
(Phoebe enters slowly.)
Phoebe: Oh, I have a headache. A horrible headache!
Phoebe: Oh my God, youve got to stop chattering!
Phoebe: What is it?
Phoebe: Oh no, I dont believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (Shes pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)
Monica: Okay, while were waiting for these pills to kick in, Im gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, Im gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And ImSit down(She sits down on the couch)gonna make you some tea. And then, Im gonna rub your feet.
Phoebe: Oh.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: Its amazing! My headache is completely gone! What are those pills called?
Phoebe: Oh, I love you Hexadrin! (She kisses the box.) Oh look! It comes with a story! (She pulls out the instructions and side affects paper.)
Monica: No Phoebe, those are like the side affects and stuff.
Phoebe: Say what?
Phoebe: Oh my God! (Starts reading them.) Dizziness, nervousness, drowsiness, facial swelling, nausea, headacheHeadache. Vomiting, stomach bleeding, liver damage! Now okay, I dont recall any of this coming up when you gave me these little death capsules! Oh Im sorry, extra strength death capsules!
Monica: Phoebe, relax none of that stuff ever happens! They just put it on there for legal reasons!
Phoebe: Why?
Phoebe: I have liver damage. Ow! Oh! (She grabs the left side of her torso.)
Monica: Phoebe, your liver is right here. (She points to the right side of her torso.)
Phoebe: Okay, then I must be disoriented.
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Phoebe: I feel like my face is swelling. (To Monica) Is my face swelling?
Monica: Phoebe, your face is fine! Come on, none of this stuff is going to happen to you! Stop being such a baby!
Phoebe: Oh, interesting you should call me that! Now that I may never have one! (Holds up the warning label.)
Phoebe: Did you ever feed him a poison capsule that made him bleed from the eyes?
Phoebe: Oh! Suddenly somebody knows all about the side affects!
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Phoebe: Yeah, its totally meant to be. (To Monica) Tell him who you originally wanted to hook up with that night.
Phoebe: (To Joey) What?!
Phoebe: I know! Robin is so gay!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Monica: Yeah baby! (Phoebe and Joey nod.)
Phoebe: Im really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two (Points to Monica and Joey) actually had hooked up.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting Phoebe some coffee.]
Phoebe: (still reading the label) Oh my God! This is a six-hour pill! (Checks her watch) Thats it! Im out of the woods! Ohh! What a relief!
Phoebe: Oh, its like huge weight has been lifted! Cause look, (reads the side affects) no hair loss, not a rash, no hives, Im just so happy! Because no shortness of breath, no temporary euphoriaOh.
Phoebe: (singing) I found you in my bed! Howd you whined up there? You are a mystery! Little black curly hair! Little black curly hair! Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair
Phoebe: Okay. (Goes over to Rachel.) Hey Rach?
Phoebe: Hi!
Rachel: (to her) Hi! Im Rachel. This is Phoebe. Im the maid of honor. How do you know Monica?
Phoebe: Who the hell are all these people?
Phoebe: You were supposed to tell her!
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm sorry, thank you for my azzz.
Phoebe and Rachel: (to each other) I dont know.
Phoebe: No offence but, yknow sometimes its hard to understand you, yknow with the accent, so
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Phoebe are reading a scene from Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Phoebe: Fine, Ill go call her.
Phoebe: Its so weird, I have never been fired from anything before!
Phoebe: Youre just so mean to each other! And I dont want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you!
Phoebe: We ruined everything.
Phoebe: (rapidly) Im doing okay. I think its going well. Do you think theyre having fun? Am I talking to fast?
(they sit down and Roy plays "You Make Me Feel" by Sylvester on his boom box, and starts... With his back towards the girls, he starts waving his hands, then backs towards the girls slapping his butt, then swings it around, and makes thrusting pelvic movements in front of Phoebe. He dances around the tables in between all the girls, and gets back into the kitchen part of the room. He then tears off one of his sleeves and throws it towards Monica and Rachel, who fight over who gets it. He then tears off his other sleeve and moves it back and forth between his legs, getting closer to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Yay! I love drunk Monica!
Phoebe: Cassie, are you finding everything okay in there?
Phoebe: I will tell you as soon as you thank me for writing my book.
Phoebe: (in her head) Say something! Say anything! Ask her out! Shes not your cousin!
Rachel: Oh My God, Phoebe, thats not Ralph Lauren. Thats Kenny the copy guy.
Phoebe: Sur-surprise.
PHOEBE: Oh yeah, it'll be fun. [throws a tennis ball at Eddie's bedroom door]
Phoebe: Ah-hah! At least we know its a him.
Phoebe: Oh! I wont say, no to a movie!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: I got married! (everyone applauds) Could someone get me a coat, I'm freaking freezing.
Phoebe: Joeys!
Phoebe: Sure!
Phoebe: Lusts of the flesh.
Phoebe: What is this? Whats going on?
Phoebe: (laughs) Yeah, Im sure that happened.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: To Ross.
Phoebe: So... now... What about with Mike's mom?
[Scene: A restaurant, Melissa, Rachel, and Phoebe are talking.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the kitchen table, talking.]
Phoebe: Really?!
Rachel: Thank you Phoebe.
Phoebe: I know.
Phoebe: Cut her out of our lives! Just ignore her calls and dodge her 'till she gets the point!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is watching Bert and Ernie with Ben.]
Phoebe: Thousands of times!! That doesnt make me sound too good does it?
[Scene: The hospital, Ross and Monica are in Phoebes room. Phoebe is in the bathroom and Monica notices smoke coming out from underneath the door.]
Ross: Were still married! Dont tell Rachel. See you later. (He gets up leaving Phoebe in shock.)
Phoebe: Oh we do, but not just yet.
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Well, its better than us deciding.
Phoebe: What?!
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah! (Monica glares at her.)
Phoebe: Oh, somewhere Joeys head is exploding.
Phoebe: All right. Although I dont think we need one, I never stopped loving you.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah, youre right. Hows the Mrs.?
Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) Were engaged!!!
Ross: Phoebe thats not true.
Phoebe: Well, if you really wanna know, I'mOh! I can't tell you this.
Phoebe: Oh please, these guys, we haven't even moved in yet and they have us picking out china patterns. (Mike seems to gag a little...and laughs nervously. They begin to leave. Phoebe bolts back)
Phoebe: They live on the upper east side on Park Avenue!
Phoebe: Yeah, if you get married in Vegas, youre only married in Vegas.
Phoebe: Oh, if thats what you want you then you really should run his head under hot water and bang his head against a table.
Phoebe: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!
Rachel: Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!!
Phoebe: YOU KNOW?!!!
Phoebe: No. No! Yes! Ahh. Oh, would you look at that Monica? I just knocked off all of your top scores, how sad.
Phoebe: NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!!
Phoebe: OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!
[Time lapse, Phoebe is playing the guitar for Joey.]
Phoebe: So. This has always been Monicas bed, what youre just noticing now, how self-involved are you?
Phoebe and Rachel: Ohhh!!!
Chandler: Phoebe knows about us!
Phoebe: No!
PHOEBE: OK. Ooh, OK, you gotta give me a second, I wanna get this just right. [she sticks out her gut, clears her throat and sniffs her nose and then in her best male voice. . .] Dude, 11 o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out. That was really good, I think I'm ready for my penis now.
Joey: Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.
Phoebe: (Looking relieved. She puts down the phone.) Oh thank god. Oh, you changed your mind. Oh, look I know you probably want to be alone, and you dont want to talk about it, thats fine. I just want you to know, I think you are doing the right thing and...
Monica: (Start annoying hyper-competitive mode now.) (Jumping up) What don't you just calm down Phoebe! All right?! Why dont you just get all your facts before you run around telling everybody that you're the only hot couple!!
Phoebe: Okay, it just seems pretty wild and youre soyknow so vanilla.
Phoebe: Ooh.
Phoebe: And why not?!
Phoebe: You're-you're what?!
Phoebe: (starts to leave, but stops) Oh and Chandlers about to cry.
Phoebe: Hey.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Rachel and Monica are sitting at the dinner table and Phoebe enters, knocking on the door.]
Phoebe: Oh!
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: (To Monica) Oh, thats beautiful.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is recovering from her haircut, Phoebe is playing her doctor and is coming in from the bedroom.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Phoebe, Im engaged!
Rachel: (humoring Phoebe) Oh my God, he dream-cheated on you!
Joey: Uh, okay Ill-Ill-Ill break it down. (He hands the phone to Phoebe, gets up, picks up a chair, and starts banging it on the floor.)
Phoebe: We're moving in together! Isn't it great! Yay!
Phoebe: Ooh, I think I wanna trade circles.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is reading a magazine as Tim enters.]
Phoebe: Hey sweetie!
Phoebe: Oh no! No-no! I understand the pain! Dont-dont hurt the puppy.
Phoebe: (sips it) Its so good. (Monica and Rachel breath a sigh of relief.) Oh, thanks.
PHOEBE: No. This is what I do for luck, ok.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah!