words in movies
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Ben how to ride a bike. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are they also.]
Phoebe: His first big kids bike, this is so exciting!
Phoebe: I never had a bike of my own.
Phoebe: Well, we didnt have a lot of money. But the girl across the street had the best bike! It was pink and it had rainbow colored tassels hanging off the handle grips, and-and-and a bell and this big, white wicker basket with those plastic daisies stuck on.
Phoebe: No! But she gave me the box that it came in. It had a picture of the bike on the front. (Theyre all speechless) So I would sit on it and my step-dad would drag me around the backyard.
Phoebe: Not really, I got to drag him around too! (They all nod, "Oh.")
(She storms into his apartment to find him with a towel around his shoulders, a bowl on his head, and Phoebe with scissors in her hand.)
Phoebe: Yeah, and theyve been coming by all day. They love it!
Phoebe: Sure!
(He goes out into the hall and re-enters with a bike exactly like the one Phoebe described earlier.)
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God Ross!!
Phoebe: I love it!!
Phoebe: Ohh!! Ohh!! And I love you!
Phoebe: Not that way! But the bike brought you a lot closer!
Phoebe: Okay! Oh my God! My first bike! Thank you for the best present Ive ever gotten.
Phoebe: (starts to leave, but stops) Oh and Chandlers about to cry.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Ross, and Chandler are watching Phoebe polish the daisies on her bike outside.]
Monica: Ross! That is so sweet of you to get Phoebe that bike! When I heard the story, I almost cried.
Ross: Phoebe really likes the bike huh?
[Cut to outside, theyre going to talk to Phoebe about walking the bike.]
Phoebe: Oh hi!
Phoebe: Ohh, uh-huh so much!
Phoebe: Of course!
Phoebe: Okay. (The gang is giggles then Phoebe gets the bike out of the rack, gets on, pushes off, rolls a few feet, and falls over.) See?
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Phoebe how to ride her bike.]
Phoebe: (hopping off the bike) Wait! This seat is really uncomfortable! Yeah, maybe before we start we should just get another one. Perhaps, like an airplane seator a beanbag chair!
Ross: Phoebe, you cant get out of this! Okay? You have to learn how to ride a bike!
Phoebe: Why? Why do I have to learn?
Phoebe: What kind of an emergency?
Phoebe: Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star.
Ross: Okay, Phoebe just-just get-get on the bike andHey! Ill hold you up and-and push you. Okay?
Phoebe: You wont let go?
Phoebe: Swear?!
Phoebe: (thinks it over) Okay.
Phoebe: All right.
Phoebe: Well
Phoebe: Okay. (Does so.)
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Weee!!! (Ross pushes her and lets go.)
Ross: Yes!! Yes!!! (He starts clapping and Phoebe turns around to look at him and falls off the bike.)
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh no!! You swore!
Phoebe: I am shocked! Shocked!! (She storms off leaving Ross to defend himself from the angry looks from onlookers.)
Ross: By the way, the week before your wedding you may not see a lot of me. (She glares at him and he quickly makes his way to Phoebes room.)
[Cut to Phoebes room, Phoebe has put her helmet on one of her teddy bears and is playing around with it. Ross knocks and pokes his head in the door.]
Phoebe: (seeing him) Oh, hello liar.
Phoebe: I couldve been killed I hope you know!
Ross: I know. I know. But, can we please try it again? Huh? I mean, you were so close Phoebe!
Phoebe: Well, I would love to but the bike got stolen and the police have no suspects. (Ross just happens to have his hand on a sheet that is covering something that suspiciously looks like a bike.)
Ross: Phoebe.
Phoebe: What?! (Ross rings the bell.) What the hell?!
Phoebe: What?! Why?!
Phoebe: All right. If you care enough to make up that load of crap, okay.
Phoebe: (sarcastically) Okay Ross! (Ross exits and she says quietly to the bike) Please dont die!
[Scene: Central Park, Phoebe is now riding her bike with ease and stops in front of Ross. They both giggle.]
Phoebe: I cant believe it! I did it! I rode a bike! I never thought Id be able to do that! Thank you Ross.
Phoebe: Dont be so corny Ross, its not an after-school special. (She rides off and the camera pans down to reveal two shiny, silver training wheels firmly attached.)
Phoebe: They give you away! Theres just-theres just too much wisdom in there. (Joey nods in agreement.) Just put some tea bags on there for like 15 minutes.
(He hears Phoebe and Rachel coming and hides in the ice machine room.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is speaking Italian to Joeys grandmother. Im spelling phonetically.]
Phoebe: Uh-oh. She may be onto us.
Phoebe: Oh, theyre just gonna umm, look to see if my endometria layer is thick.
Phoebe: (sees Rachel's face) What? Did you go to a costume party? Let me guess umm Pancho Vila? (Points at Rachel) and you're Bob Saget. (An old lady has sat down at the slot machine Phoebe was just at.)
Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up!
Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions...
PHOEBE: Ok, Ross, could you just open your mind like this much, ok? Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the world was flat? And, up until like what, 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open, and this like, whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?
PHOEBE: No, it's just like, ya know, it's a whole mess of stuff, ya know. It's like, yesterday, ya know, my dad was this, like, famous Burma tree surgeon guy and, ya know, now he's a, a pharmacist guy and. . .
PHOEBE: Yeah. I guess she hasn't seen everything yet. I'll be right back, she has to go to the bathroom again. [Takes Mrs. Green's chin in her hand and says, in Mrs. Adelman's voice] Oh, such a pretty face.
Phoebe: I-I wanted to apologise if Iyknow seemed a tad edgy yesterday at my shower. Yknow its just the hormones, yknow.
Phoebe: Yeah, think so. Oh! (She notices the tranquiliser dart has hit her in the butt and removes it) Huh. (Sways back) Whoah.
Phoebe: Oh my God! Why would you play hide and seek with someone you know is a flight risk?!
Phoebe: And a scented candle for the bathroom, because well, y'know.
Monica: Oh...Phoebe? Maybe I wasn't clear before. I really love listening to your music here, but my restaurant is sort of an upscale place.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time has lapsed, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Monica: Phoebe, you got Joey drums to annoy Rachel, so she wouldn't wanna live there anymore?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same day. Joey and Chandler are eating pizza, and Phoebe is trying to knit something.]
Phoebe: Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one ever wrote back.
Phoebe: This is fashion?! (Grabs the coat from Rachel.) Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. (She puts the coat on and starts to model it.) Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? (Sees herself in the mirror.) 'Cause I do.
Rachel: Shhhhh! Phoebe! All right, look. I have a little thing for him.
Phoebe: Sven I don't understand what you're saying! What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins?
Phoebe: Oh, god, the last time I babysat them, they did the funniest thing..
Phoebe: (Excited, running back to her seat) Oh!
[Scene: Phoebe's Apartment, Phoebe is giving Monica another massage.]
Phoebe: Okay. Oh but dont tell them Monicas pregnant because, they frown on that.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is telling Phoebe about Mark, as Gunther eavesdrops behind them.]
Charlie: It's just that... I don't understand it... I mean, Phoebe likes Joey and then she comes here to buy a dress to impress another guy...?
Phoebe: Ok. Do we have to talk like that then they're not around? (She sees Rachel) Oh, no, no! Listen, is there someone who can fill in for me?
Phoebe: yea you know you are a bit of a drama queen.
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Oh my God! We have to throw her a shower?!
Phoebe: Oh, look what we almost left. (Picks up a coffee maker)
(They start kissing and turn around so that Chandler is facing the door. And Chandler sees Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in and quickly ends the kiss with Monica.)
Phoebe: Then yes that is what Im having. (Takes another puff of the cigarette.)
Phoebe: Well, I guess well just have to put the wall back up.
Phoebe: (looks) Oh my God, youre right! I am too late; theyre sitting on the couch and talking! (To Patrick) Come on! (They go over to the couch.) Rachel?
Phoebe: Oh. (goes and answers the door and there is this huge black delievery guy.)
Phoebe: Yknow, me, Rachel, the birds, the babies
Phoebe: (hearing the signal) Im coming! Im coming! (She takes off towards the signal and almost knocks another woman over.)
PHOEBE: I can't believe it. Did you tell your board about how kids want to hear the truth?
Phoebe: You guys! You guys! You don't have to fight over her anymore. (she goes out into the hallway and enters with an even more hideous painting/collage. One of those faceles mannequins heads wearing a blueish dress and orange gloves reaching out into the room. Around the head 3 small dolls are hovering.) Whoever doesn't get Gladys gets Glynnis. (Rachel and Monica are gasping for air at the sight of this monstrous piece of art.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when I lived with you? You were like, a little, y'know, (psycho) Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!
PHOEBE: Shh. In a minute, I'm gonna create a diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, it is later in the party. The Spin the Bottle game is over and Chandler is making a sandwich as Phoebe watches.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Emma continues crying while Rachel, Monica and Phoebe try different methods to stop her crying.]
Phoebe: Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought yknow that if Id work with stocks, Id have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox.
Phoebe: But everybody sings. It's so much fun! Last time this adorable old man got out there, forgot all of the words, flipped outand everyone booed him off the stage. So funny.
A Disembodied Voice: (yelling through the door) Phoebe Buffay?!
Phoebe: It's nothing, it's just- Okay. I'm going through my mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT-
Phoebe: Okay! (Runs that way and hears another whistle blast.) Hey! (Heads the other way and hears another blast.) What do I do?!! (She runs in the second direction and finds that the whistling is coming from inside a rack. She moves the dresses out of the way to find Rachel curled up in a fetal position frantically blowing on the whistle.) What are you doing? (Rachel doesnt stop.) Did you find the dress? (Rachel wont stop so Phoebe pinches her nose shut which causes her to spit the whistle out.)
Phoebe: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt.
Phoebe: Check it out. Okay, I can play this when the guests are coming in. Okay. (Singing)
Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and thats when we get married. Well have Chandlers money and Rachels kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachels drinking problem.
Phoebe: Well, it's this guy I used to massage. And by massage, I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn over and flash me.
Phoebe: Wow, what is with all the negativity? You sound like Monican't , not Monican... (Monica looks almost puzzled) ...Monica. Look, you know, you have been playing around with this catering thing for over three years. Do you want to be a caterer or not?
PHOEBE: Aren't you gonna answer her, that's like the tenth bing-bong message she sent. She wants to know what's wrong?
Phoebe: I did it! One mile on a hippity-hop! Thats it!! Thats everything I wanted to do before I was thirty. Oh, except I wanted to patch things up with my sister. But oh well. Yay!! (They all cheer again.) And-and girls this thing is a Godsend if you know what I mean. (Rachel and Monica look intrigued and as they all head into Central Perk, Rachel picks up the hippity-hop that Phoebe left behind.)
Phoebe: It was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was; "Okay dear, you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter." And y'know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.
Rachel: What? Uhh, Phoebe, honey, honey, I know you're quirky and I get a big kick out of it, we all do actually, but if you destroy a coat like this that is like a crime against nature! Not nature, fashion!
Phoebe: You bought your sheets at a flea market? Ross come on, you gotta loosen the purse strings a little.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower is continuing as Rachel walks over to Monica and Phoebe.]
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is hard at work.]
Phoebe: Build the unit Cinderelly, lay the tile Cinderelly.
Phoebe: Oh, well, it doesnt have a nameoh, okay, Phoebeball! No, it doesnt have a name. Umm, okay, Monica, what is your favourite thing about trees?
Phoebe: You didnt say Boutros Boutros Gali.
Phoebe: Hey, why dont you guys go, get portraits done by a professional photographer.
Phoebe: (returning slowly) Yknow Im-Im sensing that um, my grandmother would not be comfortable with that.
Phoebe: Oh, its like huge weight has been lifted! Cause look, (reads the side affects) no hair loss, not a rash, no hives, Im just so happy! Because no shortness of breath, no temporary euphoriaOh.
[Scene: The park, everyone is warming up for the rugby game. Only Joey and Phoebe came to support Ross.]
Phoebe: Does it look like a urinal?
Chandler: I see. Yknow umm, Phoebe makes sock bunnies.
Phoebe: Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You dont hire an assistant because theyre cute, you hire them because theyre qualified.
PHOEBE: Yeah ok, well at least I didn't let some guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me.
Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...
PHOEBE: Yes, I was going to incorporate that. Oh good, here's Monica, she'll have something nice to say.
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it. (She grabs the skull, pulls out a stick of licorice, and takes a bite.)
Phoebe: No, we were just laughing. You know, how laughter can be infectious.
Phoebe: But he didn't really know, you know. He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados and proposing to me...
Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? (She circles her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously) Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.
Phoebe: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune.
Amanda: (to Phoebe) No I distinctly remember you were dodging her (points at Monica) calls and trying to avoid seeing her.
Phoebe: Oh, it's so romantic to send people off on their honeymoon.
Phoebe: My Saturn dealership.
Phoebe: Okay, look I-I-I do something nice, okay? Ill-Ill fill her ice trays.
Phoebe: This used to be your room? (She nods Yes) Wow! You mustve been in really good shape as a kid.
Chandler: Phoebe is, making people.
Phoebe Sr: The three losers. Oh, poor Lily. (Phoebe notices a picture on the fridge, takes it, and puts it in her pocket.) Ohh, y'know I-I heard about what happened, that must have been just terrible for you, losing your mother that way.
Rachel: Phoebe, dont you think youve had enough to drink?
Phoebe: Oh, no umm, hi, that-that, you have to put that out, cause Im pregnant.
(In the meantime, Rachel has returned with the perfume and sprays a mist out in front of Phoebe who walks through the mist and does a little spin.)
Phoebe: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!
(He opens his present to find Phoebes sock bunny from earlier.)
PHOEBE: Nope. You don't want to see a face covered with pox.
Phoebe: Now if you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
Phoebe: Okay! All right, let's start with the handshake. Hi.
Phoebe: What harpist? My friend Marjorie is playing the steel drums.
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
Rachel: (stopping at Phoebes entrance) Ha!