words in movies
Written by: Marta Kaufmann & David Crane Transcribed by: guineapig With Help From: Rachel Stigge
Rachel: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be...
Rachel: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not.
Monica: Hello? Hello? Oh! Rachel, it's Paolo calling from Rome.
Rachel: Oh my God! Calling from Rome! (Takes phone) Bon giorno, caro mio.
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: (exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.
Rachel: So, um, did she...
Rachel: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this? (Gives her a pencil)
Rachel: Sure. I just sharpened her this morning.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are preparing to leave for the funeral.]
Rachel: Oh, you-you mean your earrings?
Rachel: (sticking her foot out) Hm-m.
Rachel: Yes. Paolo sent them from Italy.
(Rachel steps in a patch of mud)
Rachel: Oh no! My new Paolo shoes!
Ross: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. (Sits down beside her) I love you the most.
Rachel: (humouring him) Oh, well you know who I love the most?
Rachel: You!
Rachel: (still trapped under Ross) Pheebs, could you maybe hand me a cracker?
Rachel: Hey, who's this little naked guy?
Rachel: Aww, look at the little thing.
Rachel: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there?
Rachel: Okay, who are you talking to when you do that?
Rachel: Hi! Hey, listen, can we ask you a question? When you and Monica first hooked up, was it weird going from friends to... more than that?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are entering]
Rachel: Were both of those Joey?
Rachel: Uh, honey, yeah that was with Carol.
Rachel: Pretty much.
RACHEL: Oh dear God.
Monica: Rachel, its going to happen. Chandler is gonna move in here.
Rachel: Well, I should think so. You slept with someone.
RACHEL: OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was jus- [Monica flicks her back] Ow. That hurt [flicks Monica]
RACHEL: Ya know, I just, so weird. I mean I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other and all I kept thinking about was the fourth of July.
Rachel: Okay Bobby, why dont we just come over here and let them have a little moment. (Drags Bobby away from Joey and Dina.)
Rachel: Oh its umm, its tofu cake. Do you want some? (He makes a disgusted noise and heads for his room, Chandler follows him in.)
Rachel: I just dont know! It just doesnt feel right.
Phoebe: (still laughing) No. (points to Rachel who stuck two straws in her mouth to look like a mammoth's tusks)
[Scene: Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Chandler at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
Rachel: Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just dont get along?
Rachel: (laughs) Oh my God! Oh, thats funny, I cant believe I did that.
Rachel: Ooh, okay... good.
Chandler: Yeah, come on, its Ross and Rachel, theyve got too.
RACHEL: (as Ross) "Yeah.� That works for me." (Clears throat twice more.)
Rachel: Well, I have to say that earns tutu pieces of candy.
RACHEL: Daddy, daddy, you know what, I really wanna hear more about this, I really do, but I just have, I just have to do a, some stuff.
Rachel: At his apartment. Is this juice?
Rachel: Well then I can't tell you what I know.
Joey: Oh man, pizza? I like pizza. (makes like he is trying to send a telepathic message to Rachel) Put olives on the pizza.
Rachel: (out of breath) Julie.
Rachel: (talking with a higher voice, and puckered lips kind of like you do to a baby or...well a puppy its hard to explain. Just use your imagination!) Oh, well, you are so cute! I wish I could play with you more, but Ive got to go to work! I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting, yes I do. Yes I do. (still talking like that) Bye-bye, Joey. Oh, I seriously cant stop it. (exits)
Rachel: Oh! Oh! Can I give out the candy? I really want to be with the kids right now. Yknow, ever since I got pregnant I-I have the strongest maternal instincts.
Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh, and Monica gets to keep her? In her house? I am so jealous!
[Later, in the living room, Rachel is sitting on the couch, Ross is on the chair.]
Rachel: Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't expect doctors to get sick!
Rachel: Okay. All right Dina, well lets talk about the different areas of fashion that you could get involved in. Lets see, theres design, but you may need a whole other degree for that. Uh, theres-theres sales, which is great because you get to travel
Rachel: But I...
Rachel: All right.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, with the puppy, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
RACHEL: Ok, I'm sorry, I'm just not very good with babies. I mean I haven't been around them, I mean, you know, since I was one.
(Chandler enters, sees Rachel in the dress and starts laughing)
Rachel: It's fine.
Rachel: Right.
Rachel: No.
Rachel: Right.
Rachel: Right.
Rachel: Yes, Ross. (turns toward him)
Rachel: Um, hum.
(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)
Rachel: I think you should drink the fat.
Rachel: You were really gonna do that, weren't you?
Rachel: You were gonna drink the fat.
Ross: Rachel!! (she enters) Wow! You, uh, you look, wow!
(Rachel throws the alcohol in the fire. A burst of flames shoots up from it.)
Rachel: Umm, I said I thought you were a good kisser, and uh, and that I like your tiney-tiny touchie.
Rachel: Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. (She introduces them.) Hes the head of my department.
Rachel: What if, um, if he calls his own cell phone to find out who found it and I answer and we start talking and we fell in love. I mean wouldn't that be a great story? Kind of like a fairy tale for the digital age.
RACHEL: Nah, uh, uh, uh, uh.
Joey: Okay, if Ross and Rachel ask, I've been here the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME!
Rachel: What?
Rachel: What, what, what?
Rachel: Oooh.
Rachel: Mon?
Ross: No, no it's, um, it's not you, um, it's um, it's (turns and sees his Mom standing where Rachel is)
Ross: (to Rachel): OK, I am calling your seventeen. What do you got?
Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey.
Ross and Rachel: Noo.
Rachel: Nooo!
Parker: Rachel, you have life growing inside you. Is there anything in this world more miraculous thanOh a picture of a dog! Whose is this?
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Rachel: Yeah, I dont think so Joe.
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Rachel: Bye hon.
RACHEL: Yeah, these are pretty ch-ching.
RACHEL: Why are you adding, why are you adding, why are you adding, why are you adding?
Rachel: Are you serious?
Rachel: Well, what happened to your jam plan?
Rachel: All right, easy mimey, the moment has passed, it aint gonna happen!
RACHEL: Afraid to ask him?
Rachel: I was faking it! Can't you tell when I'm being fake?
Ross: Hmm, a lot of this stuff is from Colonial times. Hey, what are some other time periods Rachel? (She glares at him.)
Chandler: For my last birthday you gave me a hug! (To Rachel) Okay, read the card! Read the card!
Rachel: Oh, I know. Hey, yknow what we never did? (Ross looks at her.) Oh no, not that. (Ross nods okay.) We uh, we never had bonus night!
MR. WINEBURG: Rachel!
Rachel: Right, and the humiliating.
Rachel: Go-go!
Rachel: Phoebe, what are you doing?
RACHEL: Because I promised Mindy I would.
Paul: Oh Rachel, Im so sorry. I didnt mean to overwhelm you. Its just that, when those gates open, you (Starts to breakdown.) Hard to close em. But they are closed now. Believe me.
Rachel: Joey! I cant believe you just did that!
Ross: No. Rachel hooked me up with a tux! But not just any tux, Batmans tux!
Ross: That's right, sex is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sex with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look)
Rachel: Hello.
Rachel: Yeah.
Rachel: (reading the note) "Pheebs, cant make it, got a date. Talk to you later. Big Daddy." (Laughs) Big Daddy?
Rachel: Thats....
Monica: Look look! It's Rachel and Barry. No, don't everybody look at once!
Rachel: (reading what he wrote again) "Dear Rach, youre a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie." (Will laughs.)
Rachel: I couldn't be inner. Monica?
Rachel: Oh. Do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me?
Rachel: Noo way, Kevin.
Rachel: All right, look. Why don't you just return the book, let Joey give her the clock pen, and you give her something worse than that. Like... a regular pen.
Rachel: That is neither here nor there.