words in movies
Joey: Hey-hey-hey, hey thats your wife youre talking about!
Monica: I cant think of anything were doing. (Quietly) Why cant I think of anything were doing?
Monica: Okay, Ill see you tomorrow! (Doug exits.) Just so you know, were not seeing him tomorrow. (Chandler wonders why.) I-I cannot spend another evening with that man. Do you remember how he behaved at our wedding?
Ross: Sending out a holiday card, together, I mean I just dont know if were really quite there yet.
Mona: Oh yknow, I didnt think of it that way. Youre right. Youre right. So, can I ask you a question?
Mona: I mean I love spending time with you, yknow I justI hope were moving forward. I mean, we should probably talk about that. Dont you think?
Ross: The card! I think were there!
Ross: Oh yeah, yeah were moving forward. Youll be getting our card!
Ross: Yeah, were not just doing a card! Yknow, she-she also wants to have the conversation about where the relationship is going.
Ross: Hey! You were a closed book! Okay? Im not a mind reader! Besides, I hate those conversations. Im horrible at them. Really! Maybe-maybe I need kind of a gesture. Yknow, something that says were moving forward without having to talk about it.
Doug: Bing! Were all set for tonight, 8 oclock.
Chandler: Well now-now youre just talking crazy.
Doug: Bing my boy, were gonna get you over this. Now heres the plan, grab your coat, were going to a strip club.
Ross: Aw, we-we are so (Motions that theyre connected.) So umm, well I-I-I like you and I-I love umm, yknow hanging out with you. And I mean-Im having a lot of fun. (He pauses and thinks there might be more, but decides there isnt.)
Ross: I mean, theres no point in spending time with someone if-if its just fun. Its gotta be, its gotta be going somewhere right? So where-where is it going? (Pause) Ah! Thats-thats the real question. And-and the answer is is its going somewhere fun. Now I-I know what youre thinking, fun was fine for you like ten years ago yknow, but youre-youre not getting any younger. No I meanNo not you, not you, youyou are getting younger. I meanyou-you look like youre getting younger by the secondWhats your secret?
Ross: Well, well to sum up, were having fun, you look young.
Phoebe: Youre welcome.
Doug: No, its a wedding ring. You gotta get rid of it. Were gonna go to the East River right now and throw it in there!
Mona: Umm, I-I thought we were moving forward and now youre-youre sending me all these mixed signals. What are you trying to tell me?
Chandler: Ooh, I dont know if were there yet.
Joey: Youre Rachel!
Rachel: Youre Joey!
Joey: Youre my friend!
Rachel: And so bad. I dont even know what youre talking about because I didnt ask you to do anything!
Joey: Whyre you so tired?
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Youre not gonna use the pay phone to call work, are ya?
Woman: Well you can have the suite if you want. We dont care about where we stay. Were here to celebrate our love together. We dont have to get free stuff. We just want to be together.
Pete: Look, forget the check, okay. (rips up the check) I like you. I think youre great. Come on, what do you say?
Janine: I dont know, theyre just a little blah!
Joey: And youre Okay with that?
Rachel: Youre never leaving the apartment!
Chandler: Were moving to Tulsa
Chandler: Yes, 98.6. Youre gonna be fine.
Melissa: You do now. Youre having dinner with me.
Monica: What the Yes youre too late! Where was all this three years ago?!
Kyle: Oh hey! Good, youre both here.
Joey: Hey! Great, youre home! Guess what Phoebe got me for Christmas! (Starts drumming.)
The Porsche Owner: Listen, I-I-I dont come to this city much so I dont know if youre crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.
Joey: All right thats it! Youre yelling and I dont see you taking your top off! I quit!
(During the mutual contraction Julie takes a moment to point out theyre having a contraction at the same time.)
Ross: Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so were face to face or-or should I climb down your back so were-were butt to face.
Monica: What are you talking about? We�re all together right now.
Phoebe: Oh okay, well Im sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. (Hangs up the phone.) Yeah youre right, this is easy.
Joey: Were gonna climb Mt. Everest!
Phoebe: Well, I guess they�re not coming. You wanna just order?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is sitting on the chair, and theyre all talking.]
Rachel: Okay, in about ten seconds youre gonna see him kiss me.
Monica: I know that youre new at this, but this is completely unacceptable bath decorum.
Joey: No, they�re comin�, we�re waitin� right here.
Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, youre such a good person." Not girl! Person!
Rachel: Oh they are nice. We-we custom-make tuxedos for celebrities and then when theyre done with them they just send em back.
Ms. McKenna: Then, problem solved. Chandler will be running our office in Tulsa. Youre gonna love Oklahoma.
The Waiter: Actually were out of the lobster ravioli. (Putting Joeys menu under his arm.)
Waiter: Oh, they�re both exclus�
Ross: Rach, I think youre reading a little too much into it.
Monica: Honey, umm I-I love you, (laughs) but umm, if you call our wedding a party one more time, you may not get invited. Okay? (Laughs) Listen, we could always earn more money, okay? But uh, were only gonna get married once.
Rachel: Oh my you think Im a pushover. Well wait, watch this, you know what? Youre not invited to lunch. What do you think of that? I think thats pretty strong, thats what I think. Come on, Monica, lets go to lunch. (She leaves)
Ross: Well youre gonna be a wonderful grandma. (They hug.)
Ross: Youre fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver.
Ross: (quietly confident) I think we do. Why dont we go inside? (They go inside.) Look uh, I know why youre here.
Chandler: No, no, no-no-no. I smoked for years, then I quit. Right now, I can�t remember why. (to everyone:) You�re not allowed to smoke in this office. Not right?
Monica: Honey, you�re just in time, I�m about to sing another song!
Joey: Look, Ross, really its-its no big deal. Yknow you wear a white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we cant be friends at work, then so be it. Yknow, hey I understand. Yknow? Hey, when Im in a play and youre in the audience, I dont talk to you, right? So its yknow, its uh, its cool. Ill see you tomorrow. (Leaves)
Ross: (To Monica) Youre drunk! Mom and dad are gonna be maaaaadd! Maybe Im a little drunk.
Monica: You say Thank you very much, and then you buy me something pretty. Come on, were gonna put are hands in this bowl, and were gonna start squishing the tomatoes.
The Director: Look Joey, theres nothing I can do. Besides, youre probably gonna be out by four anyway. Weve just got one short scene. Its just you and Richard, and God knows hes a pro. Youll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.
Joey: Hey. Hey look I am still Joey, okay. Flowers theyre just, you know, theyre nice to look at. And that happens to be a picture by a famous artist. Of a famous baby.
Phoebe: No, I know, Im just nervous. Y'know its just y'know Moms dead, dont talk to my sister, Grandmas been sleeping a lot lately. Its like the last desperate chance to have a family, y'know, kinda thing. Youre so sweet to wait with me.
Monica: Oh, about five minutes. Right now theyre interviewing his opponent. Apparently he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.
Matt: Yeah, shes trying to waft the smell across the hall to get us to come hang out in her new place, and were sitting there eating pizza and I think it was you (Points to Lisa) that said
Monica: What?! Youre crazy! Theres nothing sexual about the noises I make!
Melissa: Oh wow, Ray-ray I have no idea what youre talking about.
Monica: You know what? This has been kind of a girlie day. Youre right, Im sorry.
Joey: Oh my God Pheebs! Youre gonna have a baby?
Hold Voice: Thank you for your patience, youre the next caller.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasnt finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But dont worry! Were gonna go down the fire escape!!
Rachel: Well, were a little early, the lecture doesnt end for 15 minutes.
Joey: Dude, youre not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.
Rachel: Are you okay? Youre not blinking.
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Chandlers knees. Chandlers ankles. Chandlers ankle hair. (notices the clock) Oh no. (to Rick) Okay, youre all set.
Mrs. Geller: Oh I wish youre grandmother had lived to see this.
Chandler: Were moving to Tulsa! (Makes a excited expression on his face)
Joey: Well, Id like to think there was something for everyone. Look, I know youre casting for this new show
Monica: (stopping him) Sit down! Were winning!
Monica: Im Catwoman, who wants to borrow the dress when youre too big for it.
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! (Puts it out and comes out of the bathroom.) Im so glad youre here.
Rachel: What? This-this, no, oh no, no-no-no, this is notthats-thats not what it is. See, see, okay, I work in fashion, see and-and, this is a real dress actually. Its-its, theyre-theyre wearing it in Milan, so part of my job is too wear the clothes, and then I see how people respond, and then I report back to my superiors at Bloomingdales, so And obviously in uh, in-in this case, (She grabs a pen and paper) I am going to report back, "USA not ready."
Ross: I cant believe in four weeks theyre gonna be married!
Monica: (yelling after them) I cant believe youre gonna have sex on my engagement night!!
Rachel: Oh, I know it. Youre right. Thats not sexy. Oh Oh! (Drops a fork on the floor.) Whoops! Oh, I seem to have dropped my fork. Let me just bed over and get it. (Tries too, but cant quite seem to make it.) Oh God!
Mrs. Geller: So Chandler, youre parents mustve been thrilled when you told them you were engaged.
Rachel: Im so glad, Im so glad you shared. (Feeling his shoulder.) And Im glad that youre done. What do you say we umm (Nods in the direction of the bedroom.)
Joey: Nah, its okay. Right, Gunther? (Winks at him as if theyre in on a secret together.)
Monica: Oh, Id like a latte. Oh yknow what? If youre gonna talk about me, Im gonna go with you.
Joey: Youre gonna mess it up let me do it.
Rachel: I feel like were the only two people in the world. (She sets down her wine class, picks up a walnut, and knocks another one on the floor.) Oops. Sorry. (She reaches down to pick it up and Ross hands it to her. Ross is hiding under the couch and causes Rachel to scream.)
Ross: I dont think so! Youre just giving me Ruth so youll get to name it when its a boy, and thats when youll swoop in and name him Heath or Blaine or Sequoia.
Chandler: Were on a semi-first name basis.
Monica: Look at me! My big concern is whats real?! (Finally realises) Oh my God. Were really sad, arent we?
Joey: What?! All rightHey! Dont look at me! Youre the one who wanted to come up and look for some stupid Burger King comet!
[Cut to Phoebe in Rosss new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what theyre about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.]
Chandler: Well, were-were hanging out in here!
Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monicas photo albums, I mean you dont do that if youre just in it for two weeks.
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Monica: Okay, while were waiting for these pills to kick in, Im gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, Im gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And ImSit down(She sits down on the couch)gonna make you some tea. And then, Im gonna rub your feet.
Phoebe: Oh my God! Youre right! Go! (Monica starts to leave.) Go tell Chandler! Hurry before its too late! Wait no! (Monica stops.) Does this also mean putting out doesnt get you love? (Monica is shocked.)
Joey: Absolutely! Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas and their birthdays. Kinda get a little crazy during the summer too. And anytime theyre hungry or sleepy. Yknow, kids are tough. Good luck with that. (Walks away.)
Rachel: Oh, hon can you grab me my other box of tissues? Theyre right on that chair under Rosss coat.
Joey: Dont start doing that. You cant do that Rach, cause then youre gonna make me do that. (Starts to cry.) Oh, here we go! (Sits down next to her.)
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Rachel: Because youre not finished yet and I wont have it! Greens do not quit!
Monica: How about, youre moving!! (Grabs a bunch of clothes and throws them into a box. What follows is a brief sequence of Rachel unpacking and Monica packing the same stuff over and over again as Rachel chants "No." and Monica chants "Yes.")
Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that if youre gonna have a roommate, yknow it might as well be the father.
Robert: Jeez, thank you really that is so nice. But um, to be honest, I dont think I can wear these, theyre so tight, I feel like Im on display. Im sorry.
Monica: Yeah, I do think its better this way. (listens) Yeah, were being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, Im sure.(she opens the door and its Richard)
Phoebe: I know. Its just yknow usually when youre, when youre done with the pregnant thing, yknow, then you get to do the mom thing. Im gonna be yknow, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.
Ross: Youre not getting away this time mister! Unless you want that ass kicking we talked about!
Rachel: Dont worry, were just gonna search here for an hour, them were gonna go over to Joeys and search, OK?
Ross: Oh yeah? Youre going further down! Downtown!
Chandler: I know, I know, but youre gonna have plenty of chances. There are literally thousands of women out there just waiting to screw me over.
Joey: Absolutely. But, were gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? Ill page Ross on the way. Come on.
Joey: What youdont hold it like that! Youre lettin all the good stuff fall out.
Joey: So whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! What are you gonna do? Youre gonna have the baby and-and raise it by yourself without a husband?! You cant be a single mother alone! Youre gonna ruin your life!