words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Ross: Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. Its not just about the pictures.
Ross: (showing them the page) Here, check it out. Its the first one, too.
Ross: What?
Ross: Uh, oh-oh, no you didnt. I did.
Ross: Hey, tell Dan, Thanks.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Ross: No, its my joke, its mine. You can call them, theyll tell you.
Ross: Its my joke.
Joey: I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book (holds up the Playboy magazine).
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Ross: Well, I was going to stick it in the ATM, but now I think Ill show the sexy teller that I am a published writer.
Ross: Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there?
Ross: Well, Im not going to go now anyway (he goes to sit down).
(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Chandler: Maybe its the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are there as Ross enters and sees Gunther.]
Ross: (showing the Playboy magazine to Gunther) Oh, hey, Gunther, check this out.
(Ross begins to say something, realizes what Gunther just said, turns, and glares at Chandler. Chandler just shrugs it off.)
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you want anything to drink, cause Im heading up there.
Ross: Uh, yeah, Ill take a coffee. Thanks, man.
Ross: Yeah, why would it be weird? Hey, Joey, can I get some coffee?
Ross: Seriously, I-I asked you before and you still havent gotten it.
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Ross: Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee?
Joey: Oh, Im sorry, Ross. Ill get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, Ill toss in a free muffin.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Ross are both pouting and sitting on the couch.]
Ross: Its my joke.
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Ross: Yknow, I dont think were going to settle this.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: Hey Mon.
Ross: Monica! (She appears, not sure why she was summoned.)
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah, but Im your brother. Were family. Thats the most important thing in the world.
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Ross: See, I would never snap at you like that.
Ross: Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, Im a doctor, and I had a monkey. Im Doctor Monkey!
(Both Chandler and Ross are eager to hear her decision.)
Ross: Its your joke.
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Ross: No way.
Ross: Listen Adrienne, you can't tell Chandler about this.
Ross: Whoa, whoa, but then the back of the couch won't line up with he back of the carpet.
Ross: I dont know, but I ah, I have the feeling that my being there will do it. Ill go over and I will borrow something. Juice!! I need juice!!
Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The checks in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I cant wait to read your book Ross!!
Monica: God, Ross is on a date with your sister! How weird is that?!
Ross: Oh, uh, can it wait a second Joey? I have to tell my parents something. No it cant? Okay.
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: Your hair looks too good, I think it would upset her. Ross, why don't you come on in.
Ross: (to Rachel): OK, I am calling your seventeen. What do you got?
Ross: Wow! We are pretty good at this! Hey! We totally forgot about lunch!
Ross: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody noseI mean I-Im not proud of it but, I really am. And its all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.
Ross: Oh, but-but I cant do it.
Ross: Excuse me. Hi, Im a professor here. Do you know the Paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437?
Ross: Five letters.
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs)
Ross: Look, if I can just do what Emily wants and get her to New York, I'm sure everything will be fine.
Ross: Rach, you cant look fat in an x-ray.
CHANDLER: I, I know. [Hugs her. Ross walks out and Chandler puts her in his arms.]
Ross: I see your twenty, raise you twenty-five. (throws it in)
Rachel: (on tape) Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
Ross: Nothing! Theres nothing to do! I mean, she lives there, I live here. I mean, she-shed have to uh, move here. She should move here!
Ross: Second date!
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas')
Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?
Ross: What?
(Ross gets up and goes over to the counter and Joey follows him.)
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. (pause) No, Andr� is not here. (to Joey) Third time today. (on phone) Yes, I'm sure... No, sir. I don't perform those kind of services.
ROSS: Ok, sweetheart, I'll call you later tonight. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, you're not really gonna go through with this, are you?
Ross: What?! While shes been going through this hell, youve been making money?! Youre betting on your friend staying in this misery?! (Phoebe lowers her head and shakes it yes.)
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.
Ross: Im sorry, its just one of my last nights together before she leaves for campto be a counselor!
ROSS: OK, you guys, ya know, I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laugh)
ROSS: Basically he told me to get over myself and just do it, ya know. So I though about what you said and I though about what he said and, well, his way I get to have sex tonight so. . .
Ross: What was with the dishes?
Joey: (sits down next to Ross) First of all, Utah? Dude, you can't just make stuff up!
Ross: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie…
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering]
Ross: Hey Emma. Oh, why is she wearing her hat so low? She can barely see. (Wants to take the hat off, but Rachel tries to stop him).
Ross: Here we come, walkin' down thethis doesn't smell like Mom's.
Ross: Oh just say it Kyle!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are at the window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.]
Ross: At the vet.
Ross: Alright, now, you sure? Phoebe just threw away two jacks because they didn't look happy...
Ross: Wait a minute, is this, is this for real?
Joey: I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks!
Ross: (grabs back his cookie) It was a hug!
Ross: I just didnt see the fast song coming.
Jill: I dont understand, do you want to go out with Ross?
Ross: No, no, that-that, thats all right. Umm, Im just glad you called.
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler has the tape measure out and is busy lining up the lamp on the kitchen counter, Ross is supervising the whole operation.]
Ross: You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this.
Ross: Does it? Does it? Yeah, I wanted to give that whole Does it? part just another glance.
Ross: Huh!
Ross: ...desperate, needy, pathetic?
(Ross and Chandler laughs)
Ross: Oh, yeah.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Monica are all there as Chandler enters wearing glasses.]
Ross: C'mere, Marcel. (Turns to Ross)
Joey: Probably, yeah... I mean, maybe we should... hold off until we talk to Ross.
Ross: (handing Mona the present) Happy Valentines Day! Or something to remember me by.
Ross: Are you not seeing him anymore?
Ross: What's goin' on?
Ross: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it.
Benjamin: (looks surprised and un-impressed) That's not even kinda close! (Ross looks around confused) Dr. Li, how many graduate students you'd be needing?
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, do you have any gum?
Joey: (waving) Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. (Notices that a woman is waving back.) Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. (She just stares at him.) (Joey sees how beautiful she is.) Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me.
Ross: Okay, okay, I'll go first.
Ross: Are you're hands still wet?
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
Monica: Ross this is the only thing left that has a shot at working.
Rachel: Ross?
Ross: I'm here.
Ross: Ooh, Ooh.
Ross: Nevermind.
Rachel: Ross?
Ross: I'm smarter than him!
Ross: What are you doing? We're going to a hospital.
Ross: I'm hurt.
Ross: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?
Chandler: Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world.
Ross: Save it.
Ross: (to Rachel) Im really glad we came. (Rachel smiles and rubs his arm) Youre so pretty. I love you.
Ross: Yeah... I guess. I don'tI don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK? (gives Chandler a gift for Rachel)
[Ross enters, sees Joey in the mirror]
Ross: Marcel! Where are you going with that disc?
Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?
Ross: I'll get it.
Joey: I had a dream once about a fax machine that did that. (Ross picks it up)
Ross: Dr. Franzblau, hi.
Ross: I got itI'm getting it!
Ross: No, no, don't, don't, rub it! Don't! (clapping) What gets out hummus?! What gets out hummus?!
Monica: All right, lets be practical, if Ross isnt willing to do it, hes not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow ChandlerChandler is good!
Phoebe: Thanks, Ross.
Ross: Well, I don't know.... (gestures) huh-huh.... but I'm hoping (gestures) huh-huh.
Ross: Come on! All the cool kids are eating em! (chases after her.)
Ross: No, she was definitely on my bed.
Ross: No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?