words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Ross: Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. Its not just about the pictures.
Ross: (showing them the page) Here, check it out. Its the first one, too.
Ross: What?
Ross: Uh, oh-oh, no you didnt. I did.
Ross: Hey, tell Dan, Thanks.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Ross: No, its my joke, its mine. You can call them, theyll tell you.
Ross: Its my joke.
Joey: I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book (holds up the Playboy magazine).
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Ross: Well, I was going to stick it in the ATM, but now I think Ill show the sexy teller that I am a published writer.
Ross: Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there?
Ross: Well, Im not going to go now anyway (he goes to sit down).
(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Chandler: Maybe its the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are there as Ross enters and sees Gunther.]
Ross: (showing the Playboy magazine to Gunther) Oh, hey, Gunther, check this out.
(Ross begins to say something, realizes what Gunther just said, turns, and glares at Chandler. Chandler just shrugs it off.)
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you want anything to drink, cause Im heading up there.
Ross: Uh, yeah, Ill take a coffee. Thanks, man.
Ross: Yeah, why would it be weird? Hey, Joey, can I get some coffee?
Ross: Seriously, I-I asked you before and you still havent gotten it.
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Ross: Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee?
Joey: Oh, Im sorry, Ross. Ill get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, Ill toss in a free muffin.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Ross are both pouting and sitting on the couch.]
Ross: Its my joke.
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Ross: Yknow, I dont think were going to settle this.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: Hey Mon.
Ross: Monica! (She appears, not sure why she was summoned.)
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah, but Im your brother. Were family. Thats the most important thing in the world.
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Ross: See, I would never snap at you like that.
Ross: Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, Im a doctor, and I had a monkey. Im Doctor Monkey!
(Both Chandler and Ross are eager to hear her decision.)
Ross: Its your joke.
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Ross: No way.
Chandler: Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
Ross: Come here (Removes Emma's hat) Oh! There she is! Hi!
Chandler: That means nothing to me. (To Ross) Come on!
Ross: (To Chandler) I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!
Ross: He is my girlfriends father, okay? Its-its, its weird!
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Who? (She looks out the window at Rosss apartment) Is that your sister?
Ross: That's different, okay. That's like, uh 'Who dated a stripper?' or 'Who did it on the back of the Staton Island Ferry?'.
Ross: Come on guys, I-I really want this guy to like me. It-it would really help me out if you guys were here to make me look good.
Monica: (Holding a shirt in front of Ross.) Okay, maybe this will make your teeth look less white. (Ross has a big smile.) Nope. Okay, colors that dont work are blue, yellow, green, red, black, white, orange, and purple.
Rachel: Wow, thats great Ross, Im sorry we werent more supportive before.
Ross: Great! Because Emily and I are getting married in a month!
(Joey puts his finger over his mouth to tell Ross to keep quiet. Ginger looks at Monica who looks away and leave.)
Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just met her and I'm fine with it...
(Theres a pause as Ross gets suddenly flirtatious.)
Ross: Oh my god, you know what, yeah, I think you�re right. I think � listen, listen!
Ross: No! No!! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please?! (The librarian brings his boss over.)
Ross: Hey! I just got uh, my teacher evaluations! Check out what this one student wrote, "I loved Dr. Gellers class. Mind blowing lectures! Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the paleontology department!"
ROSS: OK, well, um, have a nice evening.
(The crowd goes wild, and Ross is the only one boo-ing him.)
Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your...
Ross: I wanna get out of the room! Y'know, I I really miss downstairs.
Ross: Its okay man, be strong. (Chandler goes into the office.)
Monica: Who? I mean have you seen a car come by here in the last hour and a half? I think we should call Ross, maybe he can get a car and come pick us up.
Ross: I uh I dont know. I mean I I honestly didnt watch it.
Ross: Oh, no. At first I have to get you to agree. Then we'll see if she wants to come back.
Ross: Yeah, I mean... I think when it's your shot, y'know, you-you know it's your shot. Did it... feel like your shot..?
Ross: So Rachel called. Wants to see me. Going over in a minute.
Ross: Oh, taking my parents back to the hotel.
Ross: Gunther! Gunther. Gunther, please tell me you didnt say anything to Rachel about me and the girl from the Xerox place.
Ross: I know! I know! Why do you guys need to have this conversation?! Huh? I mean no self-respecting man would ask a woman, "So, where is this going?"
Ross: Yeah! And! And, it was the easiest 400 bucks Ive ever made.
Ross: (He checks his watch) Sure. Ill help you.
Ross: Uh, they don't like it when you correct their grammar.
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
Ross: OH MY GOD!! I didnt really believe it until you just said it!!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica's there and Ross and Chandler walk in.]
Ross: Look, you can't do this Mon. All right, if you do this, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm, I'm gonna.....
Rachel: Okay Ross come on lets just forget about the condoms.
Ross: Wow, you ah, you really like all this space stuff, huh?
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart?.. Pheebs?
Ross: No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean... watch! (he mimics the groommens way of walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid) Huh?
Ross: Really? (Joey gives him a Like I would know look)
Ross: Well actually, Im picking Ben up tomorrow, maybe hell be there.
Monica: Look Ross, the only question you need to ask is, "Do you see a future?" I mean like do you see yourself marrying her? (Ross pauses in consideration.) Oh my God! You did it already! You married her, didnt you?!
Ross: You got me a cola drink?
Man with a bow tie: Jarvis Oberblau, Cornell. (sighs) I mean, the ideas you put forth and, and from someone... so... young... and... (sighs again and smiles at Ross blissfully).
RACHEL: God, Ross, look, what you and I have is special, all Paolo and I ever had was...
Julie: Yes. Oh my god, are you kidding? Ross is so crazy about you, and I really wanted you to like me, and, it's probably me being totally paranoid, but I kinda got the feeling that maybe you don't.
Ross: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me.
Phoebe: (running out) Wait! Wait! Hi! Listen, Ross can I just talk to you for just a second?
Ross: Yeah, just a little in high school, but then I really got into it in college. I mean thats-thats when I really found my sound.
(Rachel, Ross and Ross go to the bathroom)
Rachel: Okay. Honey, I would love for you to go with me. (Ross has a worried look on his face) What?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Monica, Chandler, Rachel, and Ross are playing Monopoly as Phoebe enters angrily.]
ROSS: So were you in Nam?
Ross: (handing him his coat) Here!
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
Rachel: (not seeing Ross) Whats your favourite thing about summertime?
ROSS: Monica, Monica, your guest are turning into jerky, OK.
ROSS: When, when were you... under me? Rach. Rachel do you, I mean, were you, uh. . . What?
Ross: And, I love you!! (He walks into the living room)
Phoebe: Okay, you can totally say no, but umm, would it be okay with you if I set Ross up on a date?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]
Ross: Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget relationships! I'm done with men!' The whole, uh, penis embargo?
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is reading from a book.]
Ross: Thats okay, Im not so crazy about myself right now either.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Monica are still going on about the house.]
Ross: That was in high school! Its not like it was binding forever.
Ross: And in about five seconds youre gonna see why.
Ross: No, thats, no, as long as youre okay. So Ill ah, Ill see you tomorrow.
Ross: Y'know, hey! Youre the one who ended it, remember?
Ross: (to Elizabeth) And that is why we cannot see each other anymore.
Ross: Diverse.
Rachel: Well, it's a little low... pick up a little... (Ross picks it up) a little bit more... (he picks it up again) a little bit more... (he takes it off) There you go! (pause) Now throw it away!
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang's all there. Ross has a slip of paper that he throws on the ground tying to get Rachel's attention.]
Ross: Uh-huh. But it was a first for the rest of my building.
Ross: Look, I'm sure it would be great, but I-I think one of us has to be thinking clearly, so, I'm gonna go!
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
Ross: I think its coming from your bag.
Charlie: Oh my God, I completely forgot! (they laugh) Oh my God! I can't believe they let us back in this place! (they laugh more, and Ross start laughing too).
ROSS: Great, how did it go?
Joey: Yknow, Monica and Chandler are married. Ross and Rachel are having a baby. Maybe you and I should do something.
Jill: (To Ross) And you! I throw myself at you and you say no, how gay are you?
Mrs. Green: (entering from bathroom) Hi Ross!
Ross: Thanks.
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
Ross: Sorry.
Joey: Oh that's mine too! (Grabs it and Ross looks at him.) I'm Italian!
Ross: Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women dont even feel them.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Ross are there.]
Ross: Hi.
Ross: Okay, okay, well just get everyone to act like they like it. That-that way noone makes fun of her and we still get to go to Sweet Potatoe Pie! (Referring to the dancers.)
Ross: Well, I know the other day in the coffeehouse you were caught up in the whole soccer mom thing? but is that really you? I mean can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?
Phoebe: No! (Rosss phone rings.)
Ross: Im not going to do that. (Rachel glares at him.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around the kitchen table as Ross enters.]
(Ross gestures his consent.)
Ross: So its looks like were the first ones here.
Ross: We think Chandler might be having an affair.
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?