words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Ross: Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. Its not just about the pictures.
Ross: (showing them the page) Here, check it out. Its the first one, too.
Ross: What?
Ross: Uh, oh-oh, no you didnt. I did.
Ross: Hey, tell Dan, Thanks.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Ross: No, its my joke, its mine. You can call them, theyll tell you.
Ross: Its my joke.
Joey: I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book (holds up the Playboy magazine).
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Ross: Well, I was going to stick it in the ATM, but now I think Ill show the sexy teller that I am a published writer.
Ross: Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there?
Ross: Well, Im not going to go now anyway (he goes to sit down).
(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Chandler: Maybe its the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are there as Ross enters and sees Gunther.]
Ross: (showing the Playboy magazine to Gunther) Oh, hey, Gunther, check this out.
(Ross begins to say something, realizes what Gunther just said, turns, and glares at Chandler. Chandler just shrugs it off.)
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you want anything to drink, cause Im heading up there.
Ross: Uh, yeah, Ill take a coffee. Thanks, man.
Ross: Yeah, why would it be weird? Hey, Joey, can I get some coffee?
Ross: Seriously, I-I asked you before and you still havent gotten it.
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Ross: Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee?
Joey: Oh, Im sorry, Ross. Ill get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, Ill toss in a free muffin.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Ross are both pouting and sitting on the couch.]
Ross: Its my joke.
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Ross: Yknow, I dont think were going to settle this.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: Hey Mon.
Ross: Monica! (She appears, not sure why she was summoned.)
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah, but Im your brother. Were family. Thats the most important thing in the world.
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Ross: See, I would never snap at you like that.
Ross: Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, Im a doctor, and I had a monkey. Im Doctor Monkey!
(Both Chandler and Ross are eager to hear her decision.)
Ross: Its your joke.
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Ross: No way.
Ross: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Ross are playing Madlibs. Phoebe is reading hers.]
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
(The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making out. Ross clutches his chest.)
Joey: Okay, heres a good one for ya. Who do think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler.
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. (He tries to bend down to pick up the bag with the presents, but can't because of the costume) Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.
Ross: Oh-oh-ooh, hey guys, I was wondering if you guys would uh, maybe chip in on some new air filters for the air purifier? I mean after all, we all are using it.
Ross: Hello!!
Mona: (seeing Ross) Oh my God! Ross!!!
Ross: Not touching myself if that makes anyone less uncomfortable.
Joey: Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!
Mona: Now, do you think it should say, "Love Ross and Mona?"
Ross: You do?
Mona: Ross, we we have to be strong. Okay, I-Im gonna go. (She picks up the shirt Ross has just set down.) Can I? To remember you?
Ross: Sure. Yeah.
Ross: (laughs) No. (Takes the shirt back.)
Ross: Uh, yeah, you sure you want to after what happened at their 20th?
Chandler: And you wonder why Ross is their favorite?
Ross: Hey!
(Ross, Joey, and Rachel enter)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.]
Ross: Ah, actually, Im sorry we-we probably should get going.
Ross: Yknow what?! It doesnt matter! It doesnt matter what you believe! What matters is what happened!
ROSS: Hey, hey buddy, Marcel. Marcel. [Marcel doesn't react so Ross starts singing] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [no reaction from Marcel, Monica and Joey urge him on] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [Marcel looks over and everyone joins in] a-weema-way, a-weema-way..... [Marcel runs over and hops up on Ross's shoulder]
(They all cheer and Rachel, Ross and Phoebe join in for a group hug. Joey also joins, but he stands back a bit, because he is all sticky of the food on him)
Woman: (To Ross and Rachel) Congratulations you two!
Ross: So uh, he seems like a nice guy.
Ross: Thats a good question, dad. Thats a good question
Ross and Rachel: What?!
Ross: WhaWhat?
Ross: Can you believe that?
Woman: Ross!
Ross: Hey
Ross: Hi Aunt Lisa, Uncle Dan
ROSS: It wasn't so much a party as...a gathering of people, with food, and music, and, and the band.
Ross: We love marriage!
Ross: What was wrong with Mona?
Ross: Im so we werent in the car! Did he ever let up?
Ross: Yeah baby!
Ross and Rachel's Apartment.
Ross: (putting the magazine back and holding the money for it) Okay.
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
Woman: (To Ross) So, how did you propose?
(Cut to Rachel and Ross)
Rachel: (to Ross) Oh my God!! (she turns around and hugs Mark, not Ross)
[Scene: The librarys Paleontology section, Ross is patrolling as a couple walks up.]
Mrs. Geller: Ross, why dont you give us your toast now?
Mrs. Geller: (crying) Oh Ross
Amy: Hello? Yeah, um. Hang on one sec. <to Ross and Rachel> Can I take this upstairs?
Ross: Sure, we don't live there but...
Ross: Do you realize I have a classroom full of students?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk. And-and when she comes in hopefully, she wont recognise you because, well, why would she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. (to Ross) You be Mr. Gonzalez, and Ill be uh, Mr. Wong.
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bings job?
ROSS: No, no, I don't wanna put it off, I just, God I just, I spent last year being so unbelievably miserable, ya know, and now, now I'm actually happy. You know, I mean, really happy. I just, I just don't wanna, I don't wanna mess it up, ya know.
Rachel: Okay Ross, can I uh, can I ask you something?
Ross: I know, I know it was stupid.
ROSS: Uhh, hey look, I don't really enjoy being with other men that way. But, um, zoo dollars?
Ross: What? Is it the comet? (Runs over to where Joeys standing.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are there.]
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Oh! ...Yeah, they were gross. Oh, you know what I loved? Her Sweet 'n' Los. How she was always stealing them from- from restaurants.
Ross: Whyd you say no?
Ross: How about the place settings?
Ross: Shhh! Were not talking.
Rachel: Yeah, no. Ross has a PhD.
Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.
Ross: Look I was going to tell you!
Ross: She sweat, wet. got it going like a turbo 'vette.
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Monica: Fine! Judge all you want to but, (points to Ross) married a lesbian, (points to Rachel) left a man at the altar, (points to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (points to Joey) threw a girls wooden leg in a fire, (points to Chandler) livin in a box!! (goes to her room)
Ross: Are you serious?!
Joey: (to Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe) Did you hear that? I only get one extra ticket to my premiere. So some how I have to pick between you three and Ross.
Ross: Wow! We are pretty good at this!
Ross: Did she (points at Amy) do this to her? I told you we shouldn't have left Emma with her!
Ross: Joey, its worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her.
Ross: Oh, veto. How aboutOoh, I like Ruth! What about Ruth?
Ross: Are you kidding?
Ross: It tastes like feet!
Ross: So, I uh I called the doctor and now we both know the sex of the baby.
Ross: Don't say that.
Rachel: Ross, hey you know what might make it less boring?
(Ross continues to talk to her as the camera pans to show Rachel standing in the doorway.)
Ross: Yeah, so far nothing stupid.
Ross: Yeah, you too.
ROSS: Sweetie, it's be gonna okay, all right. It's a wedding, generally people focus on the bride.
Ross: Uh no, no just-just that he is a great guy.
Ross: Yeah, well what about you? You weren't you know, so hot in college either. After everything he said, he'd go "ba dum bum chessh"
Ross: Sure, you want to go upstairs?
<Ross and Rachel go in the kitchen>
Ross: I would say that.
Ross: Okay, here I go.
Ross: Your make-up!
Ross: It really was.
(Ross dives over the couch, Rachel goes the other way, and lands up top of him.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are standing and talking, Ross is tying a tie.]
Ross: That's ok. Uh, anyway, well he and I both really liked you a lot, uhm, but we didn't want anything to jeopardize our friendship, so we kinda made a pact, that neither of us could ask you out!
Rachel: And you know Monica and Ross!
Ross: Hi Jill.
Ross: Amazing! Amazing!