words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are sitting around the table.]
Ross: Whats the matter? You okay?
Chandler: (To Ross) Monica said wedding.
Monica: Okay, so Ross will be doing the reading.
Ross: Okay. Yeah, I guess, I guess I could do that too.
Ross: Yeah, I kind of uh, have something else planned for you guys.
Ross: Sorry, Im kinda keeping this one on the Q.T.
Ross: What? A brain transplant?!
Ross: Its ridiculous!
Ross: (to Monica and Rachel) Its winter, they are fewer people on the street. (Rachel and Monica smile and nod, knowingly.)
Ross: Yeah-yeah, help me out here, when you come out of the "brain transplant," you are going to be her?
Joey: Yes, but in Drake Remorays body. (Ross laughs unbelievably.) Why is this so hard for you to get? I thought you were a scientist!
Chandler: Yknow that thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding?! He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said, "Youre half Scottish right?"
[Cut to Rosss apartment, he his playing the Bagpipes, badly. Hes worse than that whole keyboard thing a few years ago.]
Monica: No, there is no way! It can not be Ross! (She looks through the window and sees Ross practicing and fumbling around with the pipes.) Unbelievable! Why is your family Scottish?!
Chandler: Why is your family Ross?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the armchair.]
Ross: What?!
Ross: Oh well, it sounds to me like your family is ready to uh, rediscover its Scottish roots.
Ross: Well yeah-yeah the Scottish history is so much more
Ross: How did you know about that?!
Ross: Were you the ones called the cops?!
Ross: Why not?
Ross: Come on thats not fair! I mean you havent even heard me play!
Ross: No, youve heard my practice. Okay? Just-just give me a chance to perform for you and then decide whatever you want. And Im not going to tell you what song Im gonna play either. But uh, lets just say when its over Ill bet there will be a we bit o celebration.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe.]
Ross: now remember you have to imagine me in a kilt.
Rachel: (giggles) (To Ross) I can imagine you in a short plaid skirt and knee socks.
Ross: (To Rachel) Do you wanna start telling secrets?
Ross: (stands up) Now umm, remember Im still learning.
Ross: One, two, three, four!
(He starts. And well, Celebration was never meant to be played on the bagpipe, so even the best bag pipe players in the world would have trouble with that particular song. So of course, for a beginner like Ross, it sounds absolutely dreadful. The assembled audience minus Phoebe, are horrified. Phoebe, immune to bad music, seems to enjoy it.)
Ross: You know the song! Sing along!
(Ross resumes playing, this time accompanied by Phoebe screeching out Es in tune with Ross. While Phoebe is singing along, Rachel is having a very difficult time keeping a straight face. Thankfully, Ross gives up after a little while.)
Ross: So?
(Ross throws the bagpipes down in disgust.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe. Yes, I typed that earlier. Were seeing this again, only this time Ross as already started playing.]
Ross: You know the song! Sing along!
[Ross glares at Monica.]
Janice: Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)
Ross: The only thing I understand is; postponing it is not an option. This is when were getting married.
Joey: Dude, if you go back out there, youre gonna be Dead Ross!
Ross: What?
Ross: Okay, here we go! Emma's first birthday cake... Well hey... well, blow out the candle. Come on Emma.
Ross: You understand I don't actually like 8-year-old boys.
Ross: Wow! Really?!
Ross: Okay, umm
Ross: Ohh!
Jill: Oh great! Thanks Ross, youre such a good friend!
[Scene: The airport, Elizabeths flight is about to leave and Ross is there to send her off.]
Ross: (answering it) Hello?
Ross: (To Carol) No tongue. (And gives her the thumbs up.)
Ross: (To Rachel) You uh, you may have been right about Jill.
Ross: Okay, okay! Im going. Im going. (goes across the hall to knock on another door.)
Ross: Umm, she kissed me.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Ross and Chandler are there.]
(Ross throws a punch, but Joey ducks and Ross punches the pole. Ross then screams from the pain and turns to Gunther, and Gunther has a huge smile on his face.)
[Scene: The beach house, Rachels bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]
Ross: You take care Jill.
Ross: Sure. (He opens the door to Joey. Needless to say, Joey's stunned.) Joey
Ross: Oh my God. It's like Sophie's Choice.
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
Ross: No, I just think Monica was that fat.
Rachel: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just cant pretend that didnt happen can I?
Ross: What?!
Ross: And hes, hes a total stranger?
Ross: Im gonna call after you!
Ross: Yeah. Right.
Ross: Good-good, Im-Im married. (Shows her his ring.)
Ross: No, no-no, Ross Geller.
Ross: Come on! (They start to leave.)
Ross: No-no. Its-its me, Ross!
Ross: Im trying. (He strains to move his feet.)
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.
Ross: Gimme this. (Grabs the herbalists card and leaves.)
Phoebe: Well at least I got these sheets for Ross.
Chandler: Well, bye Mon, bye Ross, Rachel, bye Emma!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is entering numbers on a calculator as Ross reads off how much hes sold.]
Ross: Hey Mon!
Ross: Are you angry at me because I said your handwriting is childlike?
(She hangs up as Ross and Rachel enter.)
Ross: And, and uh, you-you remember my friend Chandler. (Points to him.)
Ross: Mon, look who I ran into! (Gestures towards Rachel.)
Ross: And thats Phoebe over there! (Points to her.)
Ross: Okay, well, well call the company that sent her!
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.
Joey: Ross, you should know that my pants are startin to come down and Im not wearing any underwear!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is setting up for the slide show.]
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.]
Joey: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross?
Ross: Yeah.
Phoebe: (To Ross) So whats going on with you?
Ross: Well, last weekend
Ross: since I stopped trying.
Ross: Wow!
Ross: Oh.
Ross: What-what do you mean?
Ross: Okay, I think I got it.
Ross: will be two months
Ross: My Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. I can't believe someone ate it!
Ross: Yeah. He could row like a viking.
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Monica: Please! I am not as bad as Ross.
Ross: Joey, the guys your best friend.
Ross: This is unbelievable. I - I have never been so insulted in my life. Now, if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, I'll be on my way.
Ross: Yeah but uh Okay, okay look you guys know that Rachel and I slept together, but theres something else. (Pause) Rachels pregnant.
Mrs. Geller: Ross, drugs? Divorced? Again?
Rachel: Ross, I didn't think it would that big of a deal.
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Hey Im sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-Ive got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, Fun Aunt Rachel, so
Monica: I can do it, okay? Come on, lets go. (She and Ross get up)
Ross: I got it!
Ross: Emma left her stuffed t-rex at my house. You know she can’t sleep without it.
Ross: (To Monica) Yeah, shes fired.
Ross: Yeah but after you said it was okay, I figured, "Why not?!"
Ross: Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going to be?
Ross: Yeah? Well, I-I think Bens asleep.
Ross: Hey, Pheebs!
Chandler: (To Ross) But I think we should tell her.
Ross: She doesnt know she was fired yet, does she?
Ross: That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!
Ross: Please, please I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier today.
Ross: Hey, if there is ever, anything I can do for you...
Ross: Fine. Youll-youll watch it on video when we get back.
Ross: Yeah see? And you are so excited about moving in together before, and you know what? You should be. It's a big deal!
Ross: Okay.
Ross: How hot is this?!
Ross: I dont know. A month?
[Scene: Howard's party, Phoebe is talking Ross up to two more partygoers. Ross isn't happy about it.]
Ross: There you go! Good for you! And you know what, I'm actually getting used to this little guy. I don't really even feel him in here anymore.
(Ross turns to leave.)
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Look at you! Youre up!
Rachel: Oh, Im sorry. Ross Tillman.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: It was, it was okay.