words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.]
Ross: Hi.
Ross: Hi, we have a little bathroom emergency.
(Ben starts to go, but Ross stops him.)
Ross: Uh, before we do uh, are any of Joeys special romance magazines in there?
Ross: (to Ben) Okay! All clear!
Ross: (to Ben) Everything okay in there?
Ross: Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The deans office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour?
Ross: Oh, she isnt home.
Ross: Well, Ben would be there.
Ross: Whats the matter?
Ross: Rach, hes not an ex-con.
Ross: I dont know! Just-just talk to him-entertain him and keep him alive.
Ross: Okay. (Ben enters) Ben? Come here. All right, Im gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour. Okay? Are you gonna be okay?
Ross: (To Rachel) I wasnt talking to you.
Ross: Okay, Ill see you soon buddy. (He hugs and kisses him.) Be back in an hour.
Rachel: Bye. (Ross exits.) Ahhh (Silence) So this is fun, huh?
(She opens the door to reveal Ross with a pencil mark from his forehead to his chin.)
Ross: I have a bone to pick with you.
Ross: Yes! Ben learned a little trick.
Ross: Thats right! Thats right! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat so the pee goes everywhere!
Ross: Yeah that! You know I hate practical jokes! Theyre mean and theyre stupid and-and I dont want my son learning them!
Ross: I was barefoot. Now tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him right?
Monica: No that is not what happened with us. Well, I was umm, I was really sad that night because this guy that I was Rosss mom.
(Theres a knock on the door and Ross enters.)
Ross: Rachel! What are you doing here?
Ross: Your good friend?
Ross: Whats her last name?
Ross: Nice. And by the way that uh, that line down my face?
Ross: Wh-wh-what line? The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say uh, (In a college frat boy voice) "Dude, dont you ever was your face?"
Ross: Of course I was mad! I told you I-I hate this stuff! Okay? It-its not funny!
Carol: (entering from the kitchen) Hey Ross!
Ross: Hi.
Ross: Practical jokes.
Ross: You have a line down your face.
Ross: Uh, yknow what? Ill tell you who it hurts! It hurts the kid who has all his clothes stolen in gym class so he has to go to the principals office wearing nothing but a catchers mitt!
Ross: I will be! Listen, I dont want you teaching my son that stuff anymore. Okay?
Ross: No thats not what I want. Uh, Im glad you guys were bonding but I
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Hey Im sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-Ive got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, Fun Aunt Rachel, so
Ross: Okay, Ill see you later pal.
(Ross turns to leave.)
Rachel: Ohh, okay. (Ross has a sign on his back that reads Poop.) WhAh-ha! (Ross stops and turns.) Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I cant do it.
Ross: What?
Rachel: I cant let him go out that way, hes got a meeting. (To Ross) Youve got something here on your back.
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
[Cut to the hallway, Ben runs upstairs with Ross in pursuit.]
Ross: Wait! No! Ben, come here! I am not kidding!
Ross: I-I-am(Suddenly Ross starts screaming and comes falling down the stairs landing just in front of Rachel.)
Mrs. Green: (entering from bathroom) Hi Ross!
Ross: Thanks.
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
Ross: Sorry.
Joey: Oh that's mine too! (Grabs it and Ross looks at him.) I'm Italian!
Ross: Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women dont even feel them.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Ross are there.]
Ross: Hi.
Ross: Okay, okay, well just get everyone to act like they like it. That-that way noone makes fun of her and we still get to go to Sweet Potatoe Pie! (Referring to the dancers.)
Ross: Well, I know the other day in the coffeehouse you were caught up in the whole soccer mom thing? but is that really you? I mean can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?
Phoebe: No! (Rosss phone rings.)
Ross: Im not going to do that. (Rachel glares at him.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around the kitchen table as Ross enters.]
(Ross gestures his consent.)
Ross: So its looks like were the first ones here.
Ross: We think Chandler might be having an affair.
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
Rachel: Yeah, maybe if youre in love. But Ross, we are not in love, are we?
Ross: Okay? (goes into the living room)
Ross: He finally asked you out?
Ross: A wandering?
Joey: Yes, but in Drake Remorays body. (Ross laughs unbelievably.) Why is this so hard for you to get? I thought you were a scientist!
Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has picked up a vacuum and is holding it at the door.]
Ross: Okay, sure.
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.
[Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel enter. Ross and Julie don't notice.]
Ross: You guys.
Ross: I cant believe this! I shouldnt be the one making her throw up!
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!
Ross: I bet two dollars. (throws it in)
RACHEL: This is Joey, and Phoebe, and this is Chandler, and you remember Ross.
Ross: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader.
Ross: We are a rare breed.
Ross: I... just feel that the... the chemistry isn't right. I'm sorry. We're... we're more than happy to give you good recommendation...
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Ross are seated. Rachel is walking over with coffee and a piece of pie.]
Ross: (on tape) I mean I I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasnt sure if you wanted to.
Ross: Joe Im not kidding
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.]
Ross: You got a job?
Monica: Well Ross, you be careful now. You dont want to get a reputation as yknow Professor McNailshisstudents.
Gavin: Right. Right. Ross. So what's the deal with you guys? I don't want to get in the middle of anything
Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: (entering) Hey Ross! Listen, do you want to go see that new Imax movie on tide pools?
(they shake hands the way friends would. There's a muffin on the table, and Ross breaks off a piece and wants to put it in his mouth.)
Joey: Nice. Oh hey, what about Ross?
Ross: Split it?
Ross: Goodnight.
Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...
Ross: Not since my cop-show got cancelled.
Ross: No, this is pretty much it.
Ross: There's an image.
Ross: Does she.
Mrs. Geller: (to Ross on the stairs) I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
Ross:Hi.
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)
Ross: Pregnant?!
Ross: Okay, you wanna play rough, we can play rough.
Ross: Forget it. I-IYknow what? Ill just have the conversation. Ill just say I like things the way they are, and hope for the best. What do you think Rach?
Phoebe (to Joey): Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
Ross: Well, I mean if uh, if Emily gave me a choice
Rachel: Ok... (and passes the spider to Ross who holds it in between his hands)
Ross: Dude, you didnt say Die Hard. Is everything okay?
Ross: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.
Ross: (standing outside the door).....Hi.
Ross: Aw, Mom...
[The Gellers glare at Ross.]
Ross: (pause) I am a doctor! Yknow what? Im just gonna go and talk to Rachel myself.
Ross: I- I think they're great! I, I really do.
Ross: Huh? Oh, I got this(Holds up this pink frilly thing)this!
Ross: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.)
Ross: (grabbing the wheel) What-what are you doing?! Are youOkay thats not funny! Just stop horsing around!
Rachel: That is so sad. Your missing out on so much, Ross. I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know. And-and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.
Ross: I like it. I do, I think it's a Ten. (Chandler laughs.)
Ross: Mm.
Ross: Got me.
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book.
Ross: Yes, yes!
Ross: Mm-hmm..
Ross: (To Joey) I cant believe you told her I was going to propose!
Susan: Ross.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, is the one where Rachel screwed up the desert and Ross and Joey are trying to enjoy it.]
Ross: How could I forget?
Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?
Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now?
Ross: Thank you!
Ross: Look, all I know is I-I cant have another failed marriage!
Ross: Celia, don't worry! Don't scream! He's not going to hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel...
Ross: Now, if you wanna try to make some of it back, Id be glad to play you for it. But I should warn you, I am very good at Cups.
Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.
[Scene: Grammercy Bistero, Ross and Kristen are waiting for their table to be ready. Ross is returning from talking to the matired.]
Ross: Oh my God.
Ross: Well? Isn't that amazing?
[the bullies grab the back of the couch that Ross and Chandler are sitting in and tip back]
Ross: Then don't do that, alright?
Ross: (walks over to where Monica is standing)Monica. Whaddya think?