words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, (although its really just Monicas now with Matthew Perry in rehab) Monica is folding her laundry with Ross reading the paper and Phoebe standing in the kitchen.]
Ross: A no sex pact huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America.
Monica: I gotta make up the guest bedroom. (To Ross) Hey, Cousin Cassie is coming to stay with us a few days.
Ross: Cassie?
Ross: Wow, I havent seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Monica: Ross, shes 25 years old.
Ross: So what! I still haveNo youre probably right.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is there as Chandler and Monica enters.]
Monica: (To Ross) Cassie needs to stay at your place.
Ross: Whatwhy?
Ross: What?! Chandler shes our cousin!
Ross: Fine, she can stay at my place. By the way, what-what does Cassie even look like now.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, there is a knock on the door and Ross opens it to Cassie.]
Ross: (shocked at her beauty) Cassie?!
Cassie: Hey Ross!
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Ross: Its okay. Come, come on in.
Ross: Oh.
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
Ross: Uh-huh. Yeah I-I have a knack for impressions.
Ross: YeahNo!!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie is eating dinner and Ross is pacing behind her because of what shes eating.]
Ross: Cassie, how you-how you doin on that hot dog.
Ross: (quietly) Thank God.
Ross: Oh right. Right. Ooh, remember the time I uh, I pinned you down and tickled you til you cried? (She laughs) Were probably too old to do that now.
Ross: (looking then moving away quickly) Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and Ill always remember that summer because thats when I realized that we are related.
Ross: Well Im, Im a little slow. (To himself) Just as our children would be.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie and Ross are watching a movie and Cassie is pouring Ross some more wine as Ross has his hands full with the glass and holding the bowl of popcorn in his lap.]
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
(They exchange looks, smile, and shrug their shoulders before Ross suddenly lunges forward in an attempt to kiss her, but she expertly backs away.)
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Ross: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Ross are playing Madlibs. Phoebe is reading hers.]
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
(The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making out. Ross clutches his chest.)
Joey: Okay, heres a good one for ya. Who do think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler.
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. (He tries to bend down to pick up the bag with the presents, but can't because of the costume) Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.
Ross: Oh-oh-ooh, hey guys, I was wondering if you guys would uh, maybe chip in on some new air filters for the air purifier? I mean after all, we all are using it.
Ross: Hello!!
Mona: (seeing Ross) Oh my God! Ross!!!
Ross: Not touching myself if that makes anyone less uncomfortable.
Joey: Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!
Mona: Now, do you think it should say, "Love Ross and Mona?"
Ross: You do?
Mona: Ross, we we have to be strong. Okay, I-Im gonna go. (She picks up the shirt Ross has just set down.) Can I? To remember you?
Ross: Sure. Yeah.
Ross: (laughs) No. (Takes the shirt back.)
Ross: Uh, yeah, you sure you want to after what happened at their 20th?
Chandler: And you wonder why Ross is their favorite?
Ross: Hey!
(Ross, Joey, and Rachel enter)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.]
Ross: Ah, actually, Im sorry we-we probably should get going.
Ross: Yknow what?! It doesnt matter! It doesnt matter what you believe! What matters is what happened!
ROSS: Hey, hey buddy, Marcel. Marcel. [Marcel doesn't react so Ross starts singing] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [no reaction from Marcel, Monica and Joey urge him on] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [Marcel looks over and everyone joins in] a-weema-way, a-weema-way..... [Marcel runs over and hops up on Ross's shoulder]
(They all cheer and Rachel, Ross and Phoebe join in for a group hug. Joey also joins, but he stands back a bit, because he is all sticky of the food on him)
Woman: (To Ross and Rachel) Congratulations you two!
Ross: So uh, he seems like a nice guy.
Ross: Thats a good question, dad. Thats a good question
Ross and Rachel: What?!
Ross: WhaWhat?
Ross: Can you believe that?
Woman: Ross!
Ross: Hey
Ross: Hi Aunt Lisa, Uncle Dan
ROSS: It wasn't so much a party as...a gathering of people, with food, and music, and, and the band.
Ross: We love marriage!
Ross: What was wrong with Mona?
Ross: Im so we werent in the car! Did he ever let up?
Ross: Yeah baby!
Ross and Rachel's Apartment.
Ross: (putting the magazine back and holding the money for it) Okay.
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
Woman: (To Ross) So, how did you propose?
(Cut to Rachel and Ross)
Rachel: (to Ross) Oh my God!! (she turns around and hugs Mark, not Ross)
[Scene: The librarys Paleontology section, Ross is patrolling as a couple walks up.]
Mrs. Geller: Ross, why dont you give us your toast now?
Mrs. Geller: (crying) Oh Ross
Amy: Hello? Yeah, um. Hang on one sec. <to Ross and Rachel> Can I take this upstairs?
Ross: Sure, we don't live there but...
Ross: Do you realize I have a classroom full of students?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk. And-and when she comes in hopefully, she wont recognise you because, well, why would she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. (to Ross) You be Mr. Gonzalez, and Ill be uh, Mr. Wong.
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bings job?
ROSS: No, no, I don't wanna put it off, I just, God I just, I spent last year being so unbelievably miserable, ya know, and now, now I'm actually happy. You know, I mean, really happy. I just, I just don't wanna, I don't wanna mess it up, ya know.
Rachel: Okay Ross, can I uh, can I ask you something?
Ross: I know, I know it was stupid.
ROSS: Uhh, hey look, I don't really enjoy being with other men that way. But, um, zoo dollars?
Ross: What? Is it the comet? (Runs over to where Joeys standing.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are there.]
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Oh! ...Yeah, they were gross. Oh, you know what I loved? Her Sweet 'n' Los. How she was always stealing them from- from restaurants.
Ross: Whyd you say no?
Ross: How about the place settings?
Ross: Shhh! Were not talking.
Rachel: Yeah, no. Ross has a PhD.
Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Ross: Look I was going to tell you!
Ross: She sweat, wet. got it going like a turbo 'vette.
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Monica: Fine! Judge all you want to but, (points to Ross) married a lesbian, (points to Rachel) left a man at the altar, (points to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (points to Joey) threw a girls wooden leg in a fire, (points to Chandler) livin in a box!! (goes to her room)
Ross: Are you serious?!
Joey: (to Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe) Did you hear that? I only get one extra ticket to my premiere. So some how I have to pick between you three and Ross.
Ross: Wow! We are pretty good at this!
Ross: Did she (points at Amy) do this to her? I told you we shouldn't have left Emma with her!
Ross: Joey, its worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her.
Ross: Oh, veto. How aboutOoh, I like Ruth! What about Ruth?
Ross: Are you kidding?
Ross: It tastes like feet!
Ross: So, I uh I called the doctor and now we both know the sex of the baby.
Ross: Don't say that.
Rachel: Ross, hey you know what might make it less boring?
(Ross continues to talk to her as the camera pans to show Rachel standing in the doorway.)
Ross: Yeah, so far nothing stupid.
Ross: Yeah, you too.
ROSS: Sweetie, it's be gonna okay, all right. It's a wedding, generally people focus on the bride.
Ross: Uh no, no just-just that he is a great guy.
Ross: Yeah, well what about you? You weren't you know, so hot in college either. After everything he said, he'd go "ba dum bum chessh"
Ross: Sure, you want to go upstairs?
<Ross and Rachel go in the kitchen>
Ross: I would say that.
Ross: Okay, here I go.
Ross: Your make-up!
Ross: It really was.
(Ross dives over the couch, Rachel goes the other way, and lands up top of him.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are standing and talking, Ross is tying a tie.]
Ross: That's ok. Uh, anyway, well he and I both really liked you a lot, uhm, but we didn't want anything to jeopardize our friendship, so we kinda made a pact, that neither of us could ask you out!
Rachel: And you know Monica and Ross!
Ross: Hi Jill.