words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, its the same scene from the end of last weeks show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Oh, yeah, no problems. Its all taken care of.
Rachel: Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie?
Ross: Oh yeah, why not?
Ross: Okay. (Sits down next to Phoebe.) You uh, you wanna hear something weird?
Ross: I didnt get the annulment.
Ross: Were still married! Dont tell Rachel. See you later. (He gets up leaving Phoebe in shock.)
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, do you have any gum?
Phoebe: (running out) Wait! Wait! Hi! Listen, Ross can I just talk to you for just a second?
Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cabs roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didnt get the annulment?!!
Ross: I know.
Phoebe: Ross?!
Ross: Well, I tried! But when I got to my lawyers office all I could hear was, "Three divorces. Three divorces!" Look, I just dont want my tombstone to read, Ross Gellar, Three Divorces.
Phoebe: Dont be worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, Ross Geller, Good at Marriage! Yknow? Mines gonna say Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive.
Ross: Look, all I know is I-I cant have another failed marriage!
Ross: Well, okay so, I dont have it all worked out quite yet. Just dont say anything to Rachel, please?
(Ross returns from getting some coffee.)
Ross: Hey! Hi!
Ross: Whats up?
Ross: Oh my God. Ohh, my little sister and my best friend shaking up. Oh, thats great. Thats great. (Kisses and hugs her.)
Phoebe: Wow! Big day huh? People moving in, people getting annulled (Winks at Ross.)
Ross: Bye.
Ross: Could ya just, could ya just lay off, please? All right? My life is an embarrassment! I should go live under somebodys stairs!
Phoebe: Ross, its not that big a deal! So youll been divorced three times, youll still have a life, youll go on dates
Ross: (interrupting) No! No, I wont! Ill be at the bottom of the dating barrel now. The only guys below me will be Four Divorce Guy uh, Murderer Guy, and-and, Geologists.
Phoebe: Ross, youre being ridiculous! Okay? You are cute and smart and sweet and that is much more important than three stupid divorces!
Ross: Oh yeah? Have you ever dated anyone who has been divorced three times?
Phoebe: Yknow thats really fair. Yknow? Most guys who have been divorced three times are like 60. Ross, nobody cares about this except you! This-this embarrassment thing is all in your head! Here, Ill show you! Come here.
Ross: What?! Why?
Phoebe: (to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldnt you date him?
Ross: And if you wait right here, Ill go get Ross. (Phoebe grabs his arm and prevents him from escaping.)
Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and shes the only one left!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is hosting an impromptu roundtable discussion with Stephanie, Karin, and Meg about Rosss three divorces.]
Ross: once you know the stories, its not that bad. First marriage, wifes hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldnt allow you to get married when youre that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevadas fault.
Ross: What?!
Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?
Ross: We were drunk! I wouldve married uh, Joey with that amount of alcohol!
Ross: (to the panel) Look, Im sorry, but you guys are wrong. I just dont want to be divorced three times.
Ross: (getting up) Okay! Fine! Fine! If-if this is what you think, forget about the whole three divorce thing! Okay, I-Ill go to my lawyers office right now and get this marriage annulled! Okay?! Because she means nothing to me! Noth(leans down to Megs ear)Nothing!!
[Scene: Rosss lawyers office, his name is Russell and has just been told by Ross about his current situation.]
Ross: Yes.
Ross: Yes, second in two years. Third overall.
Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why dont you tell me what happened.
Ross: Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas and we got drunk
Ross: Yes-yes-yes! But, I-I do not love her.
Ross: This was just a drunken mistake and I need to get it annulled.
Ross: I think just the annulment for today.
Ross: Easy.
Ross: No problem.
Ross: Ooh! Theres no way to do this without her? Cause I kinda all ready told her uh, it was, it was already taken care of.
Russell: Of course you did. Look Ross, you cant get an annulment unless you and Rachel are both there.
Ross: Uh-ha, what about someone who looks like Rachel? (Russell glares at him.) I will think about the therapy.
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
Ross: Oh no.
Ross: I couldnt.
Ross: Its not that. Okay? Annulments are more complicated than I
Ross: I I do, I do not love Rachel. Im gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her?
Ross: I do not have feelings for Rachel! Okay?! (He goes into her apartment.)
[Cut to Monica and Rachels as Ross walks through the door. Rachel is holding the chrome star and crying.]
Ross: Ohh, whats wrong?!
Ross: Oh myCome here! Come here! (He hugs her.) Its okay. Everythings gonna be okay.
Ross: Of course.
(Ross suddenly realizes something.)
Joey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?
Joey: Oh-oh, what about Ross?
Chloe: (seeing Ross enter) Hey, its the dinosaur guy. (runs over to Ross) Hi, Ross.
Ross: So I guess were back to uh, Baby Girl.
Chandler: No, I let him winRoss!
Ross: Here we go. Mona umm, I think its time we-we had a conversation about-about where things are with us.
Ross: For real?
Ross: Ah! Ah! I forgot my jacket!
Ross: A-A day.
Joey and Ross: Hey!
Ross: See ya!
Ross: Happy Thanksgiving!
[Joey and Ross enter.]
Ross: Some would say shes attractive, yes.
Ross: Who cares? I repel women.
Ross: (to Joey) Dude, we were good!
Ross: Monica you really think I should try this phasing out thing?
Ross: (Gasps and speaks at a higher pitch) This feels perfectly normal. Ok, get on the swing!
Ross: (hands Chandler his pad and walks in) I want my turkey now!
Rachel: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all (Ross is laughing), what?
Ross: Yeah, yeah, what is it?
[Cut to the casino, a very drunk and doodled on Rachel is walking arm in arm with an equally drunk and doodled on Ross are walking through the casino and greeting people on their way through. Ross has some whiskers and his nose colored in, along with his name on his forehead.]
ROSS: Wow!� (pause)� Wow, You look . . . uh . . .�� It's just, ah . . .�� That dress . . . uh . . .�
Ross: And thats not against your oath?!
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you know I'm i'm really glad you came to talk to me the other day and I hope I was a little helpful.
(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on .wait for it .Joshua. (You thought I was going to say Ross, didnt you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her cleavage.)
Ross: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
Ross: All right I guess I'm, gonna go pack. (Starts to leave)
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.
Rachel: Umm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now.
Joey: Ross! Can I talk to you for a second?
Ross: Okay, fine!
Ross: What?
Emily: (with her coat on, shes leaving with Ross) Thank you so much for this. It was really so thoughtful of you.
ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the TV.]
Ross: And um...You look nice today.
Rachel: Oh no. No Ross, dont do this.
ROSS: No, sorry I don't. Tell me why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesn't come out right Phoebe? Then it's like, I don't know, havin' a bad hair cut all the time. Why's everyone staring at me?
Ross: (shocked) Eh?
ROSS: Oh, I promise, what.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross is having lunch with his father who is examining his next forkful.]
Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.
Ross: Are you kidding?
(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
Monica: Ross? Lets go.
Ross: (To Joey) So, you-you think I should go ahead and take this place?
Joey: Maybe, maybe we did a good thing, helping Ross get back on his feet!
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
(Phoebe laughs, then stops to think about it. Ross enters.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is reading what Joey wrote.]
Ross: I-I uh, I got tricked into all those things!
Ross: This guy could be my babys stepfather!
Ross: Hey
(Ross enters)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross and Phoebe have been banished to Ross's place.]
Ross: Wow, Monicas letting other people help decorate her tree! Did someone get her drunk again or?
Monica: No, there is no way! It can not be Ross! (She looks through the window and sees Ross practicing and fumbling around with the pipes.) Unbelievable! Why is your family Scottish?!
[Scene: Ross and Rachels apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.]
Ross: Hi Janine!
Ross: Im sorry you lost your money, but I won it fair and square.
Ross: Are you serious?
Ross: I dont know! Just-just talk to him-entertain him and keep him alive.
Ross: Oh, well you see how it works is, the part with Dick Clark in Times Square is actually live, but they tape some of the party stuff ahead of time. Yeah, not a lot of people know that.
Ross: Bye Janine!
Ross: Come on, Pheebs lay off him.
Ross: Oh my God!
Ross: It was a dry day.
Ross: Come on, would you grow up? Its no big deal.
Ross: Got it!
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.
Ross: Right.
Ross: Look, were down to just one point. Could we please, maybe just settle it after the wedding.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: Hey, I'm more cop than you two!
Ross: I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen.
Ross: We know!
Ross: Okay.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Ross are there.]
Ross: Peach pit.
Ross: Monica! (Pause) Would it?
Ross: Beef in a dessert?! I- no no no, there is no way!
Ross: The routine!
Ross: How was I supposed to know wed end up being friends after college, let alone you-you would be living with my sister?
Ross: Well, hello, Mrs. Ross! (Throws some rice.)
Ross: You think?! God, I, ah, Im in hell. I mean what, what am I gonna do? Rachels all like, I love you and, and lets work on this. And all I can think about is, What is she gonna do? What is she gonna say? when I tell her what I did.
ROSS: [doorbell buzzes] That's, that's Julie. Ju... Julie, Julie. [talks on intercom] Hi Julie.
Ross: That's right, sex is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sex with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look)
Ross: No!
Monica: Ross, I think we should stick to the routine, we dont wanna look stupid!
Ross: Okay, I'm the baby. (Points at his eye.)
Ross: Really. It's always been you, Rach.
Ross: Yeah, but you were the one who got him back, y'know? You, you were great. ...Hey, we uh, we still have that, uh, that bottle of wine. You in the mood for, uh, something grape?
Ross: All right, it's time for the story of Hanukkah. Years and years ago, there were these people called the Maccabees.
Caitlin: I'm gonna try. (Walks away and Ross closes the door.)
Ross: Uh, oh-ho bye.
Ross: God, I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the cab.
Rachel: (laughs) I cannot believe Ross is buying this!
Ross: W-What was the one right before bananas?
Ross: Uhh, not much. You guys want to see a movie tonight?
[Cut to Chandler and Joey's, Ross is seen throwing the ball into the bathroom, presumably where Joey is currently using the facilities.]