words in movies
Ross, Rachel and Chandler: Hey!
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: No.
Ross: C'mon you guys, this is really important to us.
Ross: Yeah, we want everyone to be there. As much as I hate to delay your doing weird sex stuff to my little sister.
Ross: (he enters) Hey guys!
Ross: Hey, I brought the camera for Emma's video.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: That's the hope! So, is Emma awake yet?
Ross: Ah, and where is Joey?
Ross: (taping Joey with the cam) Hey, there is uncle Joey!
Ross: Hey, say something to Emma on her 18th birthday!
Joey: 18, uh? (starts to prepare himself to say his "How You Doin'" line) Ross: Joey, NO!
Ross: When they see this you'll be 52!
Ross: (points the camcorder towards them to record their entrance) Hey!
Judy: (to Monica) I remember your first birthday! Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard! We had to take him to the emergency room! Ross: (pointing the camcorder at himself) There's something you didn't know about your dad!
Ross: Oh, great!
Ross: Thank you so much for that gift!
Ross: Amazing... amazing.
[Scene: Joey’s Apartment. Ross is filming his parents ]
Ross (stops recording): Ok, cut! Great. That was... that was just... yeah!
Rachel: Ross, um, don’t forget to get a shot of Emma’s cake. It’s in a box in the fridge.
Ross: Sure.
Ross: Uh, Rach? Does this bakery by any chance also bake erotic cakes? Say for bachelorette parties?
Rachel: Ross, what are you talking about? (she sees the cake) oh! Oh my God! They put my baby’s face on a penis!
Ross: I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.
Ross: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby’s face off the penis, so we can put it on the bunny. (pause). That is a weird sentence!
(Ross, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen area)
Ross: Hey Mon, that was really nice of you to loan Rachel your car so she could go and get the cake.
Ross: Well, you know what? While we're waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? (takes the camcorder and points it at Monica and Chandler) Ok!
Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)
Monica: Ross, Rachel promised it would be over by now. We seriously have to go, if we want to get to Vermont. I called them and the last train leaves in a half hour.
Ross: You guys, just please.. a little bit longer. I promise, Rachel will be back with the cake any minute. Monica, remember.. the frosting? huh?
(The phone rings, Ross picks up)
Ross: (Into receiver) Hello? (listens) Oh no! What happened? (listens some more) Ok ok, where are you? (Grabs a pen and starts writing). Ok, I'll be right there. (Puts the phone down)
Ross: No, Rachel got pulled over for speeding. She forgot her licence so now I have to bring it to her.
Ross: No, wait ! You guys, no, no, you can't leave! Rachel already feels bad that the cake's messed up. How do you think she's gonna feel when she comes back here and all you guys are gone?
Ross: Joey! You're in charge, ok? You make sure nobody leaves! (leaves)
[ Scene: The freeway. Rachel is driving Monica's Porsche, while using her mobile phone. Ross is sitting next to her.]
Ross: RACHEL!
Ross: (sarcastically) I can't believe they gave you a ticket. You're such a good driver.
(Ross fastens his seat belt.)
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else. (he opens the box)
Rachel: Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.
Ross: Rach, she's not going to remember this.
Rachel: (shakes her head) I guess... Oh, I just had such an idea of what this day would be like, you know? Emma laughing and everybody gathered around her cake singing "Happy Birthday". Then we would all go into... HEY GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU STUPID STUDENT DRIVER!!! (honks furiously, and Ross looks at her in disbelief and Rachel looks at him.) They have to learn!
Ross: (looks back at the cake) Hey!
Ross: It's not bad.
Ross: Well, I just made these two things uhm... cheeks. And then I split this to make ears.
Ross: Some can sing, some can dance. I apparently can turn phallic cakes into woodland creatures.
Phoebe: Hey, are Ross and Rachel back?
Joey: Okay, if Ross and Rachel ask, I've been here the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME!
(Ross and Rachel enter.)
Joey: (to Ross and Rachel) I've been here the whole time!
Ross: Joey, we just saw you come in. You ran past us on the stairs.
(Ross and Rachel gasp)
Ross: Oh my God! Our daughter's a genius! Rach, this means...
Ross: Damnit! I'll put a candle on the cake.
Ross: Okay, here we go! Emma's first birthday cake... Well hey... well, blow out the candle. Come on Emma.
Ross: What's wrong? Are you okay?
[Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. It's just Ross and Rachel. They put the camera on a tripod in the kitchen and they are standing in front of the camera.]
Ross: Okay, you ready?
Ross: A-a-and... record.
Rachel: Okay. (they both look into the camera, and Ross waves.) Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...
Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. (He takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are in the kitchen, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Phoebe is, you guessed it, still on hold.]
Prospective nanny: (in a sweet, caring voice) I think that's really smart. The easier we can make the transition for her, the better. (Ross and Rachel seem pleased with the answer.)
Ross: (skeptic) So you're just like a... guy who's a nanny?
ROSS: I'm sorry. See that's the good thing about my job. All the dinosaurs on my table are already dead.
Ross: (chases her) Oh yeah, yeah? Well uh, when we were going out, I read tons of porno magazines! (Realizes a table of women overheard him.) (To that table.) Sup?
Rachel: (to Ross) Yeah, right. Look at you, youre practically giddy.
[Scene: The museum planetarium. Ross and Rachel enter on stage.]
Ross: Look, I didnt want to rush into anything. And it seemed like she didnt want to either. But I dont, I dont understand how any of this happened! What? Did she find the ring in my jacket, assume that I was going to propose, throw it on, and-and just start telling people?
Ross: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.
(Ross pours himself a glass of wine, hits record, and sits down in front of the camera.)
Joey: Come on Ross! Look, I-I dont have any brothers; Ill never get to be a best man!
Ross: No-no, Im Im sure no one was looking. Just want some privacy. (He closes the screen and stares wide-eyed at Rachel.)
Ross: I know, I mean a PhD is just as good as an MD.
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Ross: Okay. (Throws off the last cushion.)
(He throws it back to Ross, but it's intercepted by Monica and the guys both scream in horror.)
(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)
ROSS: Ohhh. Big boy, riding the bus--Hey, I have a question. How come it says Property of Human Services on his butt?
Ross: Why, does it look like Im having trouble with my misshapen claw? (He hands Joey the form)
Ross: Uhh, Pheebs' Grandmother just died.
[Scene: after the wedding, Ross and Rachel are in the lobby]
Joey: Services? (Ross looks at him) Oh, services.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Phoebe are there again, only now theyre not talking to each other. Phoebe is loudly stirring her coffee.]
(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandlers.)
Ross: (looking then moving away quickly) Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and Ill always remember that summer because thats when I realized that we are related.
Ross: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.
Ross: No, no, NO, you cannot go to dinner with him.
(There is a monkey-like noise from within and Ross pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment)
Ross: He's a brilliant diagnostician!
Ross: Hmm? Oh, yeah. (he makes a growling sound)
Ross: ...run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with...
Ross: But, you, you dont want to seem too pushy.
Monica: Yeah, yknow, but something like salmon which would be so much more elegant than the chicken. And, you wouldnt have to worry about the salmonella. (Ross pushes her.) So, I cant wait to see this place youre getting married!
MR. GELLER: It's the off light. Right Ross? [pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache]
Ross: oh boy you got mad at that part. I went over there to tell him how great you are but you know me BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, and I ended up telling him that.
Chandler: So Ross, how was your date the other night? Did you tell her about the magical ride that starts with the flush of every toilet?
[The next one is from Episode 603: The One With Rosss Denial, Joey is amazing Phoebe and Monica by holding his breath.]
[Ross looks up as if saying that Joey was weird. He begins flipping through the pages, only to find that they are sticky. So one page is overlapping another, making two recipes look like one.]
PHOEBE: Oh God.� Remember the girls' nights we used to have sitting around talking about you and Ross?
ROSS: (silently mouthing) Bumpy?
(Ross chokes up and pauses. Rachel and Joey look at him.)
Phoebe: (to Ross) Im telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you should go to my herbal guy.
Ross: (covering with his hand Chandler's face, like pretending he's not there) (to Monica) There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.
Ross: Look, Pheebs-Pheebs, it's gonna be okay.
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Mona: (entering) Hey Ross, whats going on? You changing the lock?
Ross: Uh sweetie, maybe youd be more comfortable here? (Gets up from the green armchair.)
Ross: Damn! I thought that was going to be romantic as hell!
Ross: Okay, if you could all walk slower, that'd be great.
Chandler: You got it. (Starts looking at the pad, while Ross got the turkey out of the fridge and starts to unwrap and it) You got Nevada twice.
Ross: What?! When have I ever touched myself in front of you guys?
Ross: (very interested) Oh! like what?! (Charlie looks at him confused, but smiling) Oh I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry... it's just that this must be what regular people experience when they watch "Access Hollywood".
ROSS: You know, I might have expected this of you Phoebe, but Ryan, you're a military man.
Rachel: Well, yknow what? Thanks to you Im half way there! Ugh! Oh! I am so mad! Ross, I dont think I have ever been this angry!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is returning from his horrible trek back home without pants on. The whole gang is there.]
Big Nosed Rachel: Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. (Ross is overhearing this.) Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men!
Emily: Dont you point your pants at me! (She throws them on the floor.) We have no choice! Anywhere thats half-decent wouldve be booked months ago, Ross dont you understand? This is our wedding Im talking about.
Ross: Okay look, do-do, you have anything Christmassy? I promised my son, and I really don't want to disappoint him, um, come on, I uh, you gotta have something.
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Ross: No I'm serious. I mean she wants to date people? Fine! I don't care but...at least she could have told me. You knowI...I've been putting my life on hold and just concentrating on Emma but if she wants to go out there kissing guys shebarely knows, then so will I ! Very funny! Ross is gay! Ah! Ah!
[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner Hall. Chandler, Joey, Ross, Emily, Monica, and all the bridal party are seated at the table. Chandler gets up to make a toast.]
Ross: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, but there's a.... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to the dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' out all.... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish?
Rachel: We've got to find a new pediatrician. Ross was getting sick last night, and I think Emma may have caught it.
Ross: A no sex pact huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America.
Chandler: Yeah! If the car that backfired had run over you! Y'know what, I think I'll go home before Ross starts rambling about his newfound respect for life. (He gets up and starts for the door.)
ROSS: All righty roo. [closes the door] What a great moment to say that for the first time. [goes to get the cigarettes and glasses]
Ross: Oh, they'll like me. Once they come to my awesome PAR-TAY! Okay, I gotta run. I gotta go get some nametags. (Exits.)
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Rachel: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.
Ross: Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes Im gonna be saying (He laughs and points at Rachel sarcastically.)
Chandler: All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing, really quickly, it's not a big deal. (yells at Joey) GET UP!!
Ross: Okay, is everybody clear? Were gonna pick it up and move it. Now all we need is teamwork, okay? Were gonna lift the car and slide it out. Lift and slide!
Ross: Look, look, theres got to be a way we can work past this. Okay, (takes a hold of one of her arms.) I cant imagine, I cant imagine my life without you. (Both of them are starting to cry.) Without, without these arms, and your face, and this heart. Your good heart Rach, (drops to his knees and hugs her around her waist) and, and....
ROSS: Good morning. Hey pal, look who I brought. It's your old friend Harry Elefante. [Marcel grabs the elephant doll and throws it to the ground]
[Scene: A hallway, Joey and Ross find Mr. Geller with his ear up against a janitors closet door.]
Rachel: Ohhh!!!! (looking at something behind Ross)
Ross: Well, with everything thats been going on lately, I havent exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didnt tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?
(Ross starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group hug.)
Ross: Yknow, the kind of fun, you and Susan had when we were married.
Ross: Wait a minute, I-I believe Im entitled to use my Angel Pass for a free turn?
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
(They all turn and look away. Suddenly a loud bang sounds out and in slow motion Joey slowly throws his body over Ross. Gary is shocked at what he sees while Chandler is obviously hurt.)
Joey: Ross and I were helping the girls pack, took a little break, I lost $1,500 to him in Cups!
Joey: (voice-over) Oh-oh! And then Rosss new girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinced her to save her head. And then Ross and Rachel kiss, and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and the bald girl and I dont know what happened there either...
Ross: You even have to ask?! (He grabs a lollypop out of a jar) (Sees Rachel) (To Rachel) He is alive!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and a beautiful blonde (Cheryl) are standing outside. The rest of the gang is watching from inside.]
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? (She spins to show Rachel the outfit shes wearing.)
[Scene: A Classroom, Ross is giving a lecture.]
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! Ive been looking for this for like a month!
Ross: (To Chandler) You made out with Missy Goldberg. How could you do that, after you promised me?
Ross: (under the couch) You and your ice.
Ross: Yknow I remember when uh, when I was in college, we used to (He sees some of his colleagues enter and puts his head on her lap.)
ROSS: Uh, Eddie something. He just met him.
Ross: Oh, I hate this story.
Ross: Hey! Oh, Im so glad you guys are here. Ive been dying to tell someone what happened in the Paleontology department today.
Monica: Alright you two, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Now I don't want anything going on while I'm gone. Here's a few things you can discuss: mucus, fungus and the idea of me and Ross doing it.
[Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, Chandler exchange money again.]
ROSS: Before I forget, are we hitting faces?