words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Rachel are entering with the rest of the gang already inside.]
Ross: Hello!
Ross: So, how was the honeymoon?
Chandler: Ross! Its got your wavy black lines!
Monica: All right, so now that Ross knows can you tell us yknow how it happened? I mean, when did it happen? How many times did it happen?
(Rachel looks at Ross and gets his approval.)
Rachel: Well it happened about six weeks ago, and uh I had just got home from work and Ross was already there cause I guess he had been hanging out with Joey.
Ross: (glaring at him) Yeah, thanks. (Joey nods no problem.)
Rachel: And so I had a lot of work to do so Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little wine, we got to talking, and the next thing you know out of nowhere Ross comes on to me.
Ross: (laughs) Umm thats thats a little misleading.
Ross: The lie you just told.
Ross: Theres the one!
Ross: Yes lets. Yknow what? Uh, its-its not important. What is important is that, is that were having a baby. And its notDoesnt matter who came on to who.
Ross: What? What?! You were begging me to kiss you! You-you-you were sending me signals all over the place!
Ross: Yeah!
Rachel: Oh please. Okay, anyone in this room think that I would send Ross begging symbols, please show of hands. (Ross raises his hand and no one else.)
Ross: Yknow what?! It doesnt matter! It doesnt matter what you believe! What matters is what happened!
Rachel: Okay. So these signals Ross, explain this to me, cause maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now?
Ross: Yknow what? Yknow what? Rachel, just-just drop it.
Ross: I can show you, I have it on videotape! (Stunned silence) Its an expression.
Ross: (entering) Rachel wont talk to me! She wont even open the door!
Ross: Okay, listen I am not a pervert!
Ross: Filming Rachel is not something I planned. Okay look, heres what happened, and Joey you-you can back me up on this. All right, about-about a month and a half ago I came to you with a problem? Umm, a personal thing.
Ross: About about sex? (Joey looks at him confused) That I hadnt had sex in months?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading a cereal box as Ross enters wearing the red sweater.]
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Do you have a minute? Id like to talk to you about something Im, Im really uncomfortable talking about.
Ross: I actually had a topic in mind! Im, Im kinda going through a dry spell, sex wise.
Ross: Five to be lying, six.
Ross: Well, I mean its not all bad. Im learning to appreciate the uh, smaller things in life. Like the sound of a bird and the color of the sky.
Joey: The skys blue Ross and I had sex yesterday!
Ross: Please, help me! I have a date tonight. It has to go well okayIm scared for my health!
Ross: Really? Well then tell it to me.
Ross: (sarcastic) Ill try to control myself.
Ross: (laughs) You were backpacking across Western Europe?
Joey: Have a nice six more months Ross! (Starts to leave.)
Ross: (stopping him) Okay! Okay! Okay. Im sorry. Please, please, you were in Western Europe and?
Ross: (intently listening) Why?
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross is on his date with Kristen and theyre drinking wine.]
Ross: Its from France In Europe Western Europe. Yknow umm, a few years ago I actually was backpacking across Western Europe.
Ross: Uh-hmmWait! It gets better. Um, yeah I was in Barcelona.
Kristen: I studied for a year in Barcelona. (Ross is stunned and worried.)
Ross: Anyway, umm so I was um, I was hiking
Ross: (whines) Oh thats great! I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo
Ross: Okay! Do you wanna tell the story?!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Ross enters.]
Ross: Great! Im across the street having sex with her right now. Your story sucks!
Ross: No! No, I dont dont want to.
Ross: I was backpacking across Western Europe.
Ross: I was just outside Barcelona, hiking
Joey: No! No! No Ross! Im not hot! Are you hot?
Ross: Its been six months! Im always hot!
Ross: Ill try that.
Ross: Thanks.
Ross: Thanks. And-and hey Joe?
Ross: Listen, if you ever have any problem with the ladies you know Ill help you out.
(Ross pours himself a glass of wine, hits record, and sits down in front of the camera.)
Ross: Hello! Can I get you anything? Huh? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay? (Rachel bursts in carrying two boxes and Ross jumps up.) Rachel!
Rachel: Oh Ross!
Ross: Hi!
Ross: Thats less embarrassing, yes. Yes I was.
Ross: (voiceover) So when she came in, I got distracted and totally forgot about the camera. [Cut back to the present day.] It kept rolling and recorded everything.
Ross: What a great idea! That will get Rachel to forgive me!
Ross: Thank you. (Joey mouths to Ross, "Youll show me right?") No!
Ross: Joey! No!
(Ross storms out.)
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Is Ross still here?
Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
Ross: Forget it, shes destroying it.
Ross: Look, forget it Phoebe. Okay? Its Rachels tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story.
Ross: What?!
Ross: I dont want people to see it for your sake.
Ross: Rachel, please
Ross: Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes Im gonna be saying (He laughs and points at Rachel sarcastically.)
Ross: (on tape) Hello! Can I get you anything?
Ross: (on tape) You didnt do it?
Rachel: (on tape) (Ross hands her a glass of wine) I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! (Mimicking Monica) "Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!" (She tilts her wine glass above and moves it back and forth across the invitations) Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh oh-oh-oh
Ross: (pause) Not on the ones we sent out.
Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost
Ross: (on tape) I mean I I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasnt sure if you wanted to.
(Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.)
Ross: (on tape) So we we both wanted to.
Ross: (on tape) Yeah. (Pause) Anyway umm, it probably worked out for the best.
Ross: And in about five seconds youre gonna see why.
Rachel: (on tape) Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
Phoebe: Oh, you came on to Ross!
Ross: Now Im so happy.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is looking at the tape sitting on the counter as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hi.
Ross: Yeah. Listen about that, the whole uh, who came on to who thing really doesnt matter. I mean, I think it wouldve happened either way. I mean if you hadnt initiated it I-I-I know I wouldve.
Ross: It was. It was an amazing night.
Ross: I uh I dont know. I mean I I honestly didnt watch it.
Ross: Uhhhhhh that-that may be weird.
(Ross grabs the tape and heads for the VCR as Rachel goes over and puts the chain on the door and locks it.)
Ross: Good luck.
(Ross pushes play.)
Ross: Mind if I mute?
Ross: Oh, oh there go the clothes.
Ross: Six months Rachel, six months.
Ross and Rachel: Ah. (Pause) Oh.
Ross: Hey. We-we look we look pretty good.
Ross: Oh nice tan!
Ross: Ah .
Ross: I have been working out.
Ross and Rachel: Ohh! Ew!
Ross: Oh thats not pretty.
Ross: No!
Ross: Oh no!
Ross: Oh no!!
Ross: No!!
Ross: No!!!
Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
Ross: Okay.
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah, me too.
Ross: Oh, guys, this is fun, isn't it? You know? Just the four of us. Just hangin'.
Joey and Ross: Yeah!
Chandler and Ross: Yeah!
Ross: How sad are we?
[Scene: Central Perk, its the same scene from the end of last weeks show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.]
(Ross stops the clock, signifying the end of the lightning round.)
Ross: Oh, yeah, well y'know Chandler printed it up on his computer.
Ross: Monica and I have a grandmother who died, you both went to her funeral, name that grandmother!
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Look Im sorry Pheebs, I cant do it.
ROSS: Well, I am going to, uh... get a beverage. It was nice, nice... uh... meeting you.
Rachel: (interrupting him) No-no-no-no-no Ross! Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff we need! We do not a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service!
[cut to later, in Rosss huddle.]
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
ROSS: You know what? You know what? If, things were the other way around, there's nothing you could put on a list that would ever make me not want to be with you.
Carol: (looking through the peephole) Ugh. (opening the door) Ross!
Rachel: Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all around my desk!
Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
RACHEL: Oh that's so cute:� Ross and Mike's first date.� Is that going to be awkward?� I mean, what are you guys going to talk about?
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross enters the display where Rachel is waiting.]
[Ross runs to Rachel's bedroom, knocking on the door.]
Ross: Pheebs you uh you do know how to ride a bike dont you?
Ross: Oh! Well then this is awkward. So what do you uh
Joey: Its between us and the sea, Ross!
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Pheebs, come on, you didnt kill anybody, these people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. Its, its, its just ah, a coincidence.
Ross: Im sweeping...
Ross: Hey! Howd the ah, basketball go?
Ross: (to Emily) Hey, could you do me a favour? Could you just grab me a bottle of water?
(For the first time we see that the woman Ross is talking too is in fact the hot girl that Joey is looking for. She just kinda stares at him.)
Ross: Nothing, its just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
Ross: I wasnt sleeping.
Ross: There is no way I am letting you drive this car! So why dont you just hand over the keys?
Ross: Why? Why? I know it's a little weird, but hey, he's a great doctor, okay? He knows my medical history, and every time I go in there, he makes a big deal. 'Ah look, it's my favorite patient!'
Ross: Yknow, youre right. Thank you.
Rachel: No. Ross, it, it just seems that y'know its time we-we y'know, move on. I mean, I mean dont you think?
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing. Ross walks in in a uniform.]
Ross: All right, Ill see you tonight.
Ross: Catch any big fish? (Phoebe, Ross, and Monica all go over to him.)
ROSS: (on phone) Yeah, yeah, everybody's here. Hey, everybody, say hi to Julie in New Mexico.
Ross: What?
Ross: Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think it's endearing.
Ross: Listen, listen. Whoever you pick is gonna walk down the aisle with you! Now, I promise I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler he's gonna be whispering stupid jokes in your ear the whole time!
Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! This is not, this is not a marriage!! This is the worlds worst hangover! Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will!
Ross: What?
Ross: (to himself) Good for a scrud.
Ross: My God!
Joey: All right, okay, now, we just have to make sure she doesnt find out some other way. (spins the chair around so that Ross is facing him) Did you think about the trail?
Ross: Im-Im not kidding. Look I-I, I cant have three failed marriages. I cant. Okay? I-I am not gonna be that guy!
Ross: (moved by the kiss) Huh...
ROSS: Look, that has nothing to do with this, ok? She's my ex-wife. If she were marrying a guy, none of you'd expect me to be there.
Ross: (getting up) Tell me about it. (He sits up on the edge of the bed and has "Just Married" written on his back.)
Ross: Hey! (Listens.) Yeah-yeah, we're just having dinner. (Listens.) Uh, yeah, sure uh hold on. (To the gang.) She wants to say hi. (To Emily) Hold on.
Ross: Okay. (Ross starts frantically looking for a clock.)
Ross: No-no, I-I have to see if this apartment became available.
Ross: Hey-hey, I thought she told you to follow the recipe exactly!
[The next one is from Episode 507: The One Where Ross Moves In.]
Phoebe: (On the phone, in New York) Uh, hello, this is Ross Gellers personal physician, Dr. Philange.
Ross: Well lets just say (singing) Rosss caaaaan!
(Ross takes big steps leaving for Joey and Rachel's apartment, where Rachel is going through her papers.)
Ross: Thats okay, Im cool over here. Ill catch up with you later, Joey. (Joey is shocked.)
Ross: Rach, thanks but uh, I don't need you doing me any favors.
Ross: That that's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her failures!
Ross: Yeah, I'd probably enjoy it more if you didn't keep batting my hand away.
Ross: Oh, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry sweetie, I was just trying to ah, I'm dialing another number. (hangs up)
Ross: Oh-oh, youre-youre fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for, hmm? Perhaps, (Grabs a book from the shelf behind him) perhaps Dr. Chester Stocks musings on the Smiledon Californicus?
ROSS: It's the only possibility, Phoebe.
(Phoebe jumps to the floor as Ross tackles Rachel off of the couch. Chandler helps push Rachel onto the floor by jumping over the back of the couch. Phoebe grabs Rachel's head to hold it still and opens Rachel's eye as Monica jumps onto Chandler's back to administer the torture--I mean medicine.)
(Ross walks in, eating cotton candy. Monica nudges Chandler who hides the picture in his magazine. Ross sits down on the chair, he seems kinda out of it.)
Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.
Ross: All right, there you go!
Ross: Yeah, okay, Scott!
ROSS: Wha, OK, now how do you know that?
Ross: So, you’re saying, uh, if I wear these pants I might be getting into hers?
Ross: That, that is funny... (to Joey).... and Rachel keeps touching him.
JOEY: Hey Ross, I'm aware of what I owe.
ROSS: Whad'ya mean?
Ross: Uhh, it was fun. We, we just had coffee.
Ross: No! No! It would be weird if we were still in that place, I mean are you still in that place?
Mr. Geller: No! Thank you! (Hugs Chandler) Monica, and Ross! I dont know what Im gonna do about the two of you!
Ross: Dont blame the questions!
Ross: Wow. Im sorry, when I was a kid I lost a bike to that. (Rachel giggles at that)
Monica: Four, please. (Ross looks at her) Im really nervous. (Ross gives her the four dogs) Thank you. (she grabs four buns, and heads back inside)
Ross: Yeah.
Monica: Rosss apartment is nice! How come we don't hang out here more often?
Ross: OK. (closes eyes) I'm in my apartment...
Ross: Dude!
Ross: Oh, now you want a favour?
ROSS: I am your friend.
Ross: People can hear you.
Rachel: Nodded off!! Ross you were snoring. My fathers boat didnt make that much noise when it hit rocks!
Ross: Uh actually Joey, its the Cretasous period.
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Yeah.