words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Rachel are entering with the rest of the gang already inside.]
Ross: Hello!
Ross: So, how was the honeymoon?
Chandler: Ross! Its got your wavy black lines!
Monica: All right, so now that Ross knows can you tell us yknow how it happened? I mean, when did it happen? How many times did it happen?
(Rachel looks at Ross and gets his approval.)
Rachel: Well it happened about six weeks ago, and uh I had just got home from work and Ross was already there cause I guess he had been hanging out with Joey.
Ross: (glaring at him) Yeah, thanks. (Joey nods no problem.)
Rachel: And so I had a lot of work to do so Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little wine, we got to talking, and the next thing you know out of nowhere Ross comes on to me.
Ross: (laughs) Umm thats thats a little misleading.
Ross: The lie you just told.
Ross: Theres the one!
Ross: Yes lets. Yknow what? Uh, its-its not important. What is important is that, is that were having a baby. And its notDoesnt matter who came on to who.
Ross: What? What?! You were begging me to kiss you! You-you-you were sending me signals all over the place!
Ross: Yeah!
Rachel: Oh please. Okay, anyone in this room think that I would send Ross begging symbols, please show of hands. (Ross raises his hand and no one else.)
Ross: Yknow what?! It doesnt matter! It doesnt matter what you believe! What matters is what happened!
Rachel: Okay. So these signals Ross, explain this to me, cause maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now?
Ross: Yknow what? Yknow what? Rachel, just-just drop it.
Ross: I can show you, I have it on videotape! (Stunned silence) Its an expression.
Ross: (entering) Rachel wont talk to me! She wont even open the door!
Ross: Okay, listen I am not a pervert!
Ross: Filming Rachel is not something I planned. Okay look, heres what happened, and Joey you-you can back me up on this. All right, about-about a month and a half ago I came to you with a problem? Umm, a personal thing.
Ross: About about sex? (Joey looks at him confused) That I hadnt had sex in months?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading a cereal box as Ross enters wearing the red sweater.]
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Do you have a minute? Id like to talk to you about something Im, Im really uncomfortable talking about.
Ross: I actually had a topic in mind! Im, Im kinda going through a dry spell, sex wise.
Ross: Five to be lying, six.
Ross: Well, I mean its not all bad. Im learning to appreciate the uh, smaller things in life. Like the sound of a bird and the color of the sky.
Joey: The skys blue Ross and I had sex yesterday!
Ross: Please, help me! I have a date tonight. It has to go well okayIm scared for my health!
Ross: Really? Well then tell it to me.
Ross: (sarcastic) Ill try to control myself.
Ross: (laughs) You were backpacking across Western Europe?
Joey: Have a nice six more months Ross! (Starts to leave.)
Ross: (stopping him) Okay! Okay! Okay. Im sorry. Please, please, you were in Western Europe and?
Ross: (intently listening) Why?
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross is on his date with Kristen and theyre drinking wine.]
Ross: Its from France In Europe Western Europe. Yknow umm, a few years ago I actually was backpacking across Western Europe.
Ross: Uh-hmmWait! It gets better. Um, yeah I was in Barcelona.
Kristen: I studied for a year in Barcelona. (Ross is stunned and worried.)
Ross: Anyway, umm so I was um, I was hiking
Ross: (whines) Oh thats great! I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo
Ross: Okay! Do you wanna tell the story?!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Ross enters.]
Ross: Great! Im across the street having sex with her right now. Your story sucks!
Ross: No! No, I dont dont want to.
Ross: I was backpacking across Western Europe.
Ross: I was just outside Barcelona, hiking
Joey: No! No! No Ross! Im not hot! Are you hot?
Ross: Its been six months! Im always hot!
Ross: Ill try that.
Ross: Thanks.
Ross: Thanks. And-and hey Joe?
Ross: Listen, if you ever have any problem with the ladies you know Ill help you out.
(Ross pours himself a glass of wine, hits record, and sits down in front of the camera.)
Ross: Hello! Can I get you anything? Huh? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay? (Rachel bursts in carrying two boxes and Ross jumps up.) Rachel!
Rachel: Oh Ross!
Ross: Hi!
Ross: Thats less embarrassing, yes. Yes I was.
Ross: (voiceover) So when she came in, I got distracted and totally forgot about the camera. [Cut back to the present day.] It kept rolling and recorded everything.
Ross: What a great idea! That will get Rachel to forgive me!
Ross: Thank you. (Joey mouths to Ross, "Youll show me right?") No!
Ross: Joey! No!
(Ross storms out.)
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Is Ross still here?
Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
Ross: Forget it, shes destroying it.
Ross: Look, forget it Phoebe. Okay? Its Rachels tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story.
Ross: What?!
Ross: I dont want people to see it for your sake.
Ross: Rachel, please
Ross: Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes Im gonna be saying (He laughs and points at Rachel sarcastically.)
Ross: (on tape) Hello! Can I get you anything?
Ross: (on tape) You didnt do it?
Rachel: (on tape) (Ross hands her a glass of wine) I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! (Mimicking Monica) "Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!" (She tilts her wine glass above and moves it back and forth across the invitations) Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh oh-oh-oh
Ross: (pause) Not on the ones we sent out.
Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost
Ross: (on tape) I mean I I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasnt sure if you wanted to.
(Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.)
Ross: (on tape) So we we both wanted to.
Ross: (on tape) Yeah. (Pause) Anyway umm, it probably worked out for the best.
Ross: And in about five seconds youre gonna see why.
Rachel: (on tape) Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
Phoebe: Oh, you came on to Ross!
Ross: Now Im so happy.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is looking at the tape sitting on the counter as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hi.
Ross: Yeah. Listen about that, the whole uh, who came on to who thing really doesnt matter. I mean, I think it wouldve happened either way. I mean if you hadnt initiated it I-I-I know I wouldve.
Ross: It was. It was an amazing night.
Ross: I uh I dont know. I mean I I honestly didnt watch it.
Ross: Uhhhhhh that-that may be weird.
(Ross grabs the tape and heads for the VCR as Rachel goes over and puts the chain on the door and locks it.)
Ross: Good luck.
(Ross pushes play.)
Ross: Mind if I mute?
Ross: Oh, oh there go the clothes.
Ross: Six months Rachel, six months.
Ross and Rachel: Ah. (Pause) Oh.
Ross: Hey. We-we look we look pretty good.
Ross: Oh nice tan!
Ross: Ah .
Ross: I have been working out.
Ross and Rachel: Ohh! Ew!
Ross: Oh thats not pretty.
Ross: No!
Ross: Oh no!
Ross: Oh no!!
Ross: No!!
Ross: No!!!
Joey: Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. All right? Remember when Ross tried to say, "Butternut squash?" And it came out, "Squatternut buash?"
Rachel: Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.
Joey and Ross: Die Hard!!!!!!
Ross: Joey, we just saw it!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, everyone except Ross is decorating the tree.]
Ross: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce butI'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.
Chandler: (To Ross) I dont care, she slept with me.
Ross: Well you shouldnt be. Believe me I wouldnt want to be the guy whos up against you. (Chandler laughs.) I mean that doofus is going to lose!
Ross: What happened?!!
Ross: No touch! No touch!
Ross: I think that would be best.
Ross: Okay. But not about this!
Ross: We fell asleep! That is all.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Challenge excepted.
RACHEL: (lowers voice to imitate Ross) "Yeah."� (Clears throat.)� "Me too."
Ross: No! No we dont!
Ross: Ive had better.
Ross: Because its weird!
Ross: We cant do it again.
Ross: (to Monica) Well, you were right. How can they do this to us, huh? It's Thanksgiving.
Ross: Sure, what do you got?
Ross: No, 10 is the highest.
Ross: Yes, very nice Rachel.
Ross: Go!
Ross: Yeah, it really was!
Ross and Joey: Oh! Thats nice.
Joey: Wow. (To Ross) Good speech.
Ross: What is Monicas biggest pet peeve?
Ross: Im sorry Rach, it was, it was really close.
Chandler: So this is nice! I wish I didnt have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. (He gets up and Joey moves over next to Ross.) Oh uh, by the way, whats the name the girl youre dating?
Ross: Actually, it wasnt that close.
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: No. No. Nothing happened. I shut the drapes to uh, show her slides of my favorite fossils.
(Monica gasps and holds her forehead. Phoebe, Rachel and Ross pull back their heads)
Ross: Oh. (He takes the picture and hugs her.
Ross: Its also a sign of friendship.
Ross: That is one good looking man!
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]
Ross: Oh no-no, after you. (She grabs a chair and heads upstairs.) (When shes gone.) Oh my God! (He drops the box and Chandler cant pick it up.)
Ross: Y'know what, y'know what, Im-Im not the one that wanted that, that break, okay. Youre the one that bailed on us. Youre the one that, that ran when things got just a little rough!
Ross: (in a 5 year olds tone) (To Monica) You are such a tattletale! Mom, Dad, you remember that-that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?
(They enter the lecture hall to find Ross speaking in an English accent for some unknown reason.)
Ross: It really was.
Ross: Well obviously only one of us can keep dating her.
Ross: A lot of other gas smells
Ross: Okay, okay take a guess.
Ross: Rachel! I'll just call her back.
Ross: All right! I want my key back!
Ross: Look, just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you shouldn't have any fun! Okay? And besides, hey-hey-hey no one is even gonna look at you. Okay? This is Vegas! Hello! There are tons of other freaks here! (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) There are tons of freaks here. No other. No. Come on! No one will notice, I swear!
Ross: What?! What is with everybody? Its Thanksgiving, not...Truth-Day!
Ross: Marc- oh, this is ridiculous! We've been all over the neighbourhood. He's gone, he's-he's just gone.
Ross: Who wants to make some long distance calls?
Ross: Thats interesting, but check this out. I date her
Chandler: (To Ross) Why to save your dignity my man.
Ross: I don't remember him, but then again I touched so many lives. (they press their ears against the door)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Joey are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Okay, okay. This can go on for a while.
Ross: Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else. (he opens the box)
Ross: Hey, divorced men are not bad men!
Monica: Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey, Ross is done!
Ross: Is-isnt it the best?
Ross: Yes? Yes?! How can I help you?
Ross: And somebody took a shot at me!
[Joey and Ross go to the door, ready to leave.]
Ross: MY SANDWICH!!!!!! (Ross's scream scares a flight of pigeons away.)
Ross: Hey! So uh, was he excited about the tickets?
Monica: Oh absolutely. I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders. (Ross starts to leave) Ross! Ross! Im kidding!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross lays a lot off small papers, shaped like the U.S. states onto the floor making a map with the states. Phoebe enters]
Ross: I am very very sorry.
Ross: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Rachel about his class location predicament.]
Ross: Oh, Liam. So uh, what, were you guys playing soccer or somethingor should I call it (In an English accent) football?
Steve: Oh hey, Ross. Umm, see, I was thinking maybe you two could switch apartments because Phoebe's more our kind of people. Something to think about. (Walks away.)
Chandler: You wanna tell secrets?! Okay! Okay! In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers!
Ross: (entering) Hey everybody! Happy Thanksgiving!
Ross: oh, too late, too late! It's sent... oops sorry and so is the picture of you and the police man...
Ross: Well sorry, thats what I do on dates.
Ross: What? You forgot fourteen states?
Ross: It tastes like feet!
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: Youre great. And I-I know someday this will happen for you too. You just hang in there.
Ross: What? That's impossible.
Ross: Done! With time a-to-spare.
Ross: You have to respect the sea! (Storms off.)
ROSS: Well, ya know, someone should have called me.
Ross: You're on!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Monica are fighting over the remote.]
[Scene: A judges chambers, Rachel and Ross are filing their annulment papers.]
Ross: Man! (Monica mouths, "Im sorry.")
Ross: Phoebe, why is your bag moving?
Ross: (Angry) I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment.
Ross: Come on! (They go to the jetway, Ross hands the tickets to the gate agent.) Here.
Ross: Okay umm, why dont we all take a seat, yknow? And uh, and Ill get us all some uh some coffees(He goes to pull out Elizabeths chair, but Paul steps in)Yeah, why dont you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Yknow? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
Ross: Well, you know, I'd feel a whole lot better if you got dressed now.
Ross: (To Katie) Yeah, Im just gonna grab my coat. And uh, and my whip. (Katie looks worried.) Yknow because of the Indiana Jones? (Katie laughs) Not-not because Im-Im into S&M. (Katies worried again.) Im not-Im not into anything weird. Yknow? Just-just normal sex. (Katie is uncomfortable.) So, Im gonna grab my coat. (Does so, leaving Katie and Rachel alone.)
(Theres a knock on the door and Ross enters.)
Ross: It's too cold.
Ross: Are you out of your mind?
Phoebe: Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realise how good they have it together.