words in movies
[Scene: N.Y.Us University Library, Ross is entering with Chandler.]
Ross: Okay, okay take a guess.
Ross: Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer earlier, yknow-yknow for fun, and I typed mine in and guess what came up? My doctoral dissertation! Its here! Yeah, its right-its right down here! In the biggest library in the university! (They start heading that way, towards a secluded section behind the racks.)
Ross: (stopping quickly) Oh umm, theres also a book here by a woman named Wendy Bagina. (They both laugh, but stop when the hear moaning coming from the next aisle.) What is that?
(They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who dont know what Im talking about, lets just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.)
Female Student: (as they are moving past Ross) Im so sorry!
Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The checks in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I cant wait to read your book Ross!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Joey are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: People are doing it in front of my book!
Ross: My doctoral dissertation is in the library at school, I went to see it, and there were students makin babies right in the middle of the Paleontology section!
Ross: Let me ask you something, at your school was there a like uh a place on campus where students went to uh, fool around.
Ross: Great! Because people kept showing up, I think its like uh-a thing!
Ross: Oh for cryin out loud! (He storms out.)
[Scene: The Library, Ross enters and heads to the desk to talk to the male librarian on duty.]
Ross: Excuse me. Hi, Im a professor here. Do you know the Paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437?
Ross: No! No!! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please?! (The librarian brings his boss over.)
Ross: Hi, I was wondering if it is possible to increase security in the Paleontology section? See I-I wrote a book up there and instead of reading it people are-are-are well, rolling around in front of it.
Ross: Well, fine. Fine! If-if Im the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, Ill go up there and defend it myself! (Starts to do so, but stops and to the previous librarian) And dont you follow me!
[Scene: The librarys Paleontology section, Ross is patrolling as a couple walks up.]
Ross: Yes? Yes?! How can I help you?
Ross: Oh-oh, youre-youre fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for, hmm? Perhaps, (Grabs a book from the shelf behind him) perhaps Dr. Chester Stocks musings on the Smiledon Californicus?
Ross: Ah Ah Get out of here! (The couple retreats. Ross starts looking through the previously mentioned book as a beautiful woman walks into the section.) Uh, meeting someone? Or-or are you just here to brush up on Marions views on evolution?
Ross: I find Marions views far to progressionist.
Ross: Im a professor here uh, Ross Geller.
Woman: Ross Geller, why do I know that name? Its uhWait! (Grabs his book off of the shelf.) Did you write this?
Ross: Yes! Youre the person who checked out my book?!
Ross: Well I uh, I skipped forth grade.
[Time Lapse, Ross and the woman are now in a state of partial undress and are standing in front of the head librarian with two security guards watching them.]
Ross: I am very very sorry.
[Scene: The librarys Paleontology section, Ross is on patrol and stops a security guard through the stack of books.]
Ross: (to the guard) Dont sweat it, Ive got this section covered. Yeah, in fact Ive got this little baby (Turns on a mini-flashlight) to shine in peoples eye(The guard walks away)Okay, see you later.
(Ross resumes his patrol when his best friend and sister walk up and start to take off their coats, but they stop when they see him.)
Chandler: I just wanted to show Monica your book. (Ross just glares at him.)
[Ross glares at Monica.]
Janice: Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)
Ross: The only thing I understand is; postponing it is not an option. This is when were getting married.
Joey: Dude, if you go back out there, youre gonna be Dead Ross!
Ross: What?
Ross: Okay, here we go! Emma's first birthday cake... Well hey... well, blow out the candle. Come on Emma.
Ross: You understand I don't actually like 8-year-old boys.
Ross: Wow! Really?!
Ross: Okay, umm
Ross: Ohh!
Jill: Oh great! Thanks Ross, youre such a good friend!
[Scene: The airport, Elizabeths flight is about to leave and Ross is there to send her off.]
Ross: (answering it) Hello?
Ross: (To Carol) No tongue. (And gives her the thumbs up.)
Ross: (To Rachel) You uh, you may have been right about Jill.
Ross: Okay, okay! Im going. Im going. (goes across the hall to knock on another door.)
Ross: Umm, she kissed me.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Ross and Chandler are there.]
(Ross throws a punch, but Joey ducks and Ross punches the pole. Ross then screams from the pain and turns to Gunther, and Gunther has a huge smile on his face.)
[Scene: The beach house, Rachels bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]
Ross: You take care Jill.
Ross: Sure. (He opens the door to Joey. Needless to say, Joey's stunned.) Joey
Ross: Oh my God. It's like Sophie's Choice.
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
Ross: No, I just think Monica was that fat.
Rachel: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just cant pretend that didnt happen can I?
Ross: What?!
Ross: And hes, hes a total stranger?
Ross: Im gonna call after you!
Ross: Yeah. Right.
Ross: Good-good, Im-Im married. (Shows her his ring.)
Ross: No, no-no, Ross Geller.
Ross: Come on! (They start to leave.)
Ross: No-no. Its-its me, Ross!
Ross: Im trying. (He strains to move his feet.)
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.
Ross: Gimme this. (Grabs the herbalists card and leaves.)
Phoebe: Well at least I got these sheets for Ross.
Chandler: Well, bye Mon, bye Ross, Rachel, bye Emma!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is entering numbers on a calculator as Ross reads off how much hes sold.]
Ross: Hey Mon!
Ross: Are you angry at me because I said your handwriting is childlike?
(She hangs up as Ross and Rachel enter.)
Ross: And, and uh, you-you remember my friend Chandler. (Points to him.)
Ross: Mon, look who I ran into! (Gestures towards Rachel.)
Ross: And thats Phoebe over there! (Points to her.)
Ross: Okay, well, well call the company that sent her!
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.
Joey: Ross, you should know that my pants are startin to come down and Im not wearing any underwear!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is setting up for the slide show.]
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.]
Joey: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross?
Ross: Yeah.
Phoebe: (To Ross) So whats going on with you?
Ross: Well, last weekend
Ross: since I stopped trying.
Ross: Wow!
Ross: Oh.
Ross: What-what do you mean?
Ross: Okay, I think I got it.
Ross: will be two months
Ross: My Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. I can't believe someone ate it!
Ross: Yeah. He could row like a viking.
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Monica: Please! I am not as bad as Ross.
Ross: Joey, the guys your best friend.
Ross: This is unbelievable. I - I have never been so insulted in my life. Now, if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, I'll be on my way.
Ross: Yeah but uh Okay, okay look you guys know that Rachel and I slept together, but theres something else. (Pause) Rachels pregnant.
Mrs. Geller: Ross, drugs? Divorced? Again?
Rachel: Ross, I didn't think it would that big of a deal.
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Hey Im sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-Ive got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, Fun Aunt Rachel, so
Monica: I can do it, okay? Come on, lets go. (She and Ross get up)
Ross: I got it!
Ross: Emma left her stuffed t-rex at my house. You know she can’t sleep without it.
Ross: (To Monica) Yeah, shes fired.
Ross: Yeah but after you said it was okay, I figured, "Why not?!"
Ross: Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going to be?
Ross: Yeah? Well, I-I think Bens asleep.
Ross: Hey, Pheebs!
Chandler: (To Ross) But I think we should tell her.
Ross: She doesnt know she was fired yet, does she?
Ross: That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!
Ross: Please, please I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier today.
Ross: Hey, if there is ever, anything I can do for you...
Ross: Fine. Youll-youll watch it on video when we get back.
Ross: Yeah see? And you are so excited about moving in together before, and you know what? You should be. It's a big deal!
Ross: Okay.
Ross: How hot is this?!
Ross: I dont know. A month?
[Scene: Howard's party, Phoebe is talking Ross up to two more partygoers. Ross isn't happy about it.]
Ross: There you go! Good for you! And you know what, I'm actually getting used to this little guy. I don't really even feel him in here anymore.
(Ross turns to leave.)
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Look at you! Youre up!
Rachel: Oh, Im sorry. Ross Tillman.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: It was, it was okay.