words in movies
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe walks up to and knocks on Chandler and Monicas door.]
Monica: (opens the door wearing a robe, but leaves the chain on) Hey, whats up?
Chandler: Hey Pheebs, whats up?
Phoebe: OkayOop! Too late! Im leaving! Come on Chandler lets go! (She storms out.)
Chandler: Well, Phoebe I thought Id(Off Phoebes look)Yeah, what the hell. (Exits with Phoebe.)
[Scene: Joeys Bedroom, Joey is having a dream about Rachel giving birth with him as the father.]
Rachel: And I hope its not an inappropriate time to say this but, youre the best sex I ever had.
Joey: Thats always appropriate! (Back to the matter at hand) Oh, okay. One more push! One more push!
(She hands the baby to Joey who pulls down the blanket to reveal Rosss face where the babys should be.)
Joey: What? Whats going on?
Rachel: Aw, its unbelievable! Wow! She is kicking so much! Oh, shes like umm oh whos that kind of annoying girl soccer player?
Joey: Oh thats amazing. (Drops the sheet.)
Monica: No! Thats where we keep the canned goods! Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation?
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) Its locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?
Chandler: Oh yknow, Ive been living here a while and Ive never seen whats inside that closet. What is, what is in there?
Monica: Well its I mean Id justId be self-conscious. Youre my friend; Id be naked.
Monica: Thats different, we were roommates! And when?!
Joey: Hey Ross! The babys kicking!
Ross: What?! It is?! (He tries to quickly remove his gloves, but runs into trouble and finally throws them off of his hands like a hockey player in a fight and grabs Rachels belly.)
Rachel: Its not kicking right now. Although we would love to see you do (Mimics him) that again.
Rachel: Last night! I just felt it and I went into Joeys room and he was sleeping
Ross: My God, the babys kicking. Thats great. Although I kinda wish I-I wouldve been there to feel the kicking for the first time yknow.
Ross: Look, I-I dont want to miss anymore baby stuff. So Here. Heres my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! Ill be there! Okay? I dont care if its three in the morning and all you want is ice cream.
Phoebe: (in a soothing voice) Great, lets begin. (She starts the massage.) Hows the pressure?
Phoebe: Stating the obvious, but thank you. And its not weird is it.
Phoebe: Thats right, you just enjoy.
Monica: Oh God Phoebe!! (Phoebe covers one ear.) Oh thats it! Thats it! Right there! Oh! (Tries to cover the other ear.) Ooooh-oooh-ooooh (Covers both ears and continues the massage with her elbows.)
Chandler: Monica has a secret closet and she wont let me see whats in it.
Joey: I dont know. Ooh, I bet its Richard.
Joey: Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe shes having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too. Or!
Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Yknow it wouldnt kill ya to respect your wifes privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs!
Joey: Okay Rach-Rach-Rach look at me, look at me, everythings gonna be fine, trust me. Okay. Take my hand. Here we go. (Rachel grabs his hand.) Oww crushing bones!
Dr. Long: Shes fine. Shes experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions, mild discomfort caused by contractions in the uterine wall.
Joey: And-and theres no danger to her and the baby?
Dr. Long: No-no. Contractions can be unnerving if you dont know what they are, but shes fine.
Rachel: Yes! Yes! I got half a mind to contract that doctors uterus though. Mild discomfort, whats he talking about?
Rachel: Yeah, everythings fine!
Joey: Hey uh, whats with the candy?
Ross: What? Why? Whats wrong?
Rachel: No, everythings fine. I just gotta go back
Ross: No really, you tell me whats up.
Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, heres some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. Youre gonna make a wonderful father.
Chandler: So, hows the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming?
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Chandler: Thats a good idea.
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
Monica: Whats going on?
Monica: What?! Youre crazy! Theres nothing sexual about the noises I make!
Phoebe: Really? Theres nothing sexual about this? (Sexily) Oooh. Oo God! Ohh. Ohhhh. Ohh. (Some cute guy is watching closely.) (To him) What are you looking at?! (Pause) I mean hi.
Phoebe: Well not clients, lovers. But lets just yknow, try it again. Come back and-and well work through it.
Rachel: Ohh! Thats so sweet of you! Oh yum! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich and starts to get sick.) Did you put pickles on this?
Joey: Whats going on?
Rachel: Whats up?
Ross: No! No its not. Joey, this is a smart idea.
Rachel: Okay, lets do it. Ill move in.
Ross: Oh Rach thats great. Thats great. (They hug and Joey breathes a sigh of relief.)
Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself using my wifes tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see whats behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God!
Monica: Well its just umm Im afraid you might mess it up.
Chandler: So Rachels all moved out huh? How are you taking it?
Joey: Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldnt stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, its a couple weeks past its expiration date, so its got a bit of a kick.
Joey: Are you kidding me? Im great! Yeah, Im uh; Im better than great. I am good. And now that shes gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldnt do before. Yknow? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Yknow? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Yknow? I like being on my own, Im uh, better off this way. Im uh, a lone wolf. Yknow? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. Whats a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! (Chandler rushes over and hugs him.)
Phoebe: Thats it. Just relax.
Phoebe: Yeah, say my name. Say it! (She stops when she realizes what shes doing.) And now Im going to cover you back up, and umm were never doing this again.
Rachel: Im sorry. Im sorry. Its just Its just so sad!
Joey: Its still a tiny bit on fire there.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Chandler is putting something away under the sink.]
Phoebe: Oh my God Chandler, the one you picked is gone. Its over!
Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. Youre not allowed to have cups out here, its a thing. (takes her cup and goes back inside)
Phoebe: Yeah, I really do! Yes, but, after I dumped on the way he was gonna propose to me, I don’t think he’s ever gonna ask again! I mean, I said no in Barbados and now this!
Joey: So uh, hey, that uh, that wedding ring, huh? Man, thats nice!
Ross: I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it from Rachels father. Look I I made a mistake, but its only because I really, really like you. Really!
Richards Date: Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me the tour.
[Scene: Rachels office, Chandler and her are coming back from lunch.]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels new apartment, Rachel and Phoebe are making their answering machine message.]
Phoebe: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, its on the counter in your apartment.
Phoebe: Okay. (One of Joeys co-workers, walks by with a dead tree.) Yikes! That one doesnt look very fulfilled.
Phoebe: Oh wow. What, do you think maybe hes gonna tell you that hes gay?
Rachel: Yeah! Its weird. But the thing is need to find a date.
Phoebe: Yeah, she was bald, shes not now.
Joey: I know! I mean its not like we werent cool about it.
Joey: Yes thats the one about the soldiers who fight in World War I!
Chandler: Okay, lets play my game now.
Ross: Yeah, just a little in high school, but then I really got into it in college. I mean thats-thats when I really found my sound.
Joey: Oh thats right. Theres a lot going on here and I think I ate some bad fruit earlier.
[Scene: Jasons apartment, Phoebe has gone to break up with Jason.]
Rachel: (not seeing Ross) Whats your favourite thing about summertime?
Phoebe: Oh, this ones for Chandler. Here.
Dr. Green: The wedding! Theres going to be a wedding. Young lady, dont you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! (Rachel pauses) Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!
Joey: Im sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and its either this or a bathrobe! Look, whats more important, the way Im dressed or me being with you on your special day?
Monica: Oh my God, shes not gonna like the chicken that night either is she?!
Ross: Thats okay, Im not so crazy about myself right now either.
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)
Ross: No, thats, no, as long as youre okay. So Ill ah, Ill see you tomorrow.
Chandler: Okay, now will you guys get out of here? I want this is to be a surprise and shes gonna know.
{Transcribers Note: She puts the key into the ignition, which is on the left side of the steering wheel. Does anyone know why that is? Its a tradition left over from Porsches racing history. The worlds greatest endurance race is the 24 Hours of LeMans. Which is in France and runs for 24 hours straight from noon on Saturday through the dark of night and finishes at noon on Sunday. In the 60s LeMans had a unique start where the drivers would actually start the race outside of the car and across the track. At the start of the race, the drivers would run across the track, get in the car, buckle up, start the car, and drive off. Porsche wanted to reduce the amount of time that took. Since all cars to that point had the ignition switches on the right side of the steering wheel, that required the drivers to use their right hand to grab the seat-belts, put the car in gear and start it. The drivers left hand did nothing. Porsche in order to save a few seconds in a 24-hour race; moved the ignition switches to the left side of the steering wheel so that the driver could start the car with his left hand while grabbing the seat-belts with his right hand. Thats why every Porsche car built since then has the ignition on the left side of the steering wheel.}
Phoebe: No ones here! (Monica looks at her.) Oh damnit!
Ross: Uh, no, its-its just this person.
Ross: I think its coming from your bag.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, first season, Monica is making a giant sub-sandwich and is talking to Rachel. I think its The One With Fake Monica.]
Frank: Okay, but isnt sex better when its with one person that you really, really care about.
Monica: Because shes not gonna get to keep the babies.
(They both go to Chandlers bedroom to get his coat.)
Tim: Wow! Umm, okay. Umm (To Phoebe) I-I-I realize I came on a little strong but, its only because I think youre so amazing. (To Monica) And uh, I-I just wanna, I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you giving me an opportunity here because Iyoure the most talented chef Ive ever worked for. Anyway (Starts to leave and Phoebe and Monica trade looks.)
Joey: Hey listen, so whens-whens my audition? I mean I know its Thursday, but what time?
[Scene: Rachels New Office, shes interviewing a potential new assistant, Hilda.]
[Scene: Rachels office, Chandler and Joanna are returning from their lunch date. He is telling her about her mascara problem. Rachel is already there.]
Phoebe: No! (Rosss phone rings.)
Monica: No I dont know Chandler! Not anymore! Its like its like somethings changed.
(They start to go into Monica and Rachels, their apartment is filled with all of the old Christmas trees from Joeys work.)
Ross: So its looks like were the first ones here.
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
Monica: Chandler, what are you doing? That thing can put someones eye out!
Joey: Yes, but in Drake Remorays body. (Ross laughs unbelievably.) Why is this so hard for you to get? I thought you were a scientist!
Joey: Right. Right. The wedding, gotcha. But I mean, its gonna start a little late right? I mean, weddings start late. Right?
Monica: You invite my brother, you invite my whole family, and not me?! Why?! WhatWhy wouldnt you want me at your wedding? What could I have possibly done?! (Frannies husband walks up.) Stuart!
Monica: Oh, thank you! (The gang exhibits signs of quiet apprehension and wears knowing glances.) (Monica giggles.) Whats going on?
Phoebe: Well, all right. 1700 bags of peanuts flying that high, thats pretty amazing too.
Rachel: Really?! (Taking his resume) Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so whatswhat iswhats your name?
Rachel: Oh is it?! (She answers the cute guys phone.) Uhh, hello? (On her phone) Yes hi, is Rachel there? (On the other phone) Yes she is, just one moment please. (To Phoebe, holding out both phones.) Its for me!
Rachel: Wh(Turns and looks at the gang whos staring)Why dont I tell you over here? (She walks Melissa away from the gang.)
Dr. Schiff: So, hows it going?
Rachel: Ohh, its Joshua invited me to this fancy club opening tonight. But, I already told Mr. Waltham that I would take his niece to this dumb old opera. So What are you gonna do?
Monica: Oh, come on its my wedding! That can be my present.
Ginger: Ah well, its nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, Ill see you later. Okay. (She leaves and in the hall we see her shake her shoulders like when someone runs their fingernails across a blackboard.)
Tall Guy: No, no. Shes fair game if you ask me, sorry buddy!
Chandler: Oh, just this! (turns around and has a paint lid stuck to the back of his pants.) Yknow what its my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish.
Rachel: Oh Ah! (Sees a big stuffed gorilla) Oh my gosh theres something every mother needs, a giant stuffed gorilla that takes up the entire apartment! What are people think (Reads the card) Oh you guys I love it.
Phoebe: Oh thats all right. Im still full from your homemade potato chips.
Rachel: Okay Ross come on lets just forget about the condoms.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
[Scene: Lara and Jenis Massage, Phoebe is interviewing for a job.]
Rachel: I know, its sick.
Monica: Okay, does it involve something to do with Petes computer company?
Joey: Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides its getting darker and more painful, that means its healing.
Rachel: Umm, well lets see uh, this one is Tom Brokaw.
[Scene: Rosss birthday, Joey is now trying to get his car out while Ross is directing him.]
(Ross steps onto the bottom rung of the ladder and then steps on Joeys chest.)
Ross: (grabbing the wheel) What-what are you doing?! Are youOkay thats not funny! Just stop horsing around!
[Cut to the hallway outside the room, Ross is going to see which table hes at and sees a beautiful woman doing the same thing.]
Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, thats too small to put anything in?
Chandler: Okay so you mean no as in, "Gee Chandler, what an interesting idea. Lets discuss it before we reject it completely."
Joey: Wh-wh-whats going on? Wh-whats this about L.A.?
Dana: Apparently Howies editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Yknow I-I-I havent spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!
Ross: WhatYoure not serious. I mean shes a very nice woman, but there is no way we can take eight weeks of her. Shell drive us totally crazy.
Joey: Oh, its Rosss bachelor party.
Ross: Pheebs, come on, you didnt kill anybody, these people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. Its, its, its just ah, a coincidence.
Joshua: Its this way? Sorry. (He walks past her and she again admires his butt.)
Ross: Oh, yeah, no problems. Its all taken care of.
(They go into the hallway and see Mr. Treeger watching one of New Yorks bravest breakdown Monica and Chandlers door with an ax.]
Lewis: No hes not! Hes totally yanking your chain! Hes done this with three other teachers!
Joey: Theres this woman, that I like. A lot. Well, its complicated. Shes with this other guy. For a long time. And I could never do that to the guy, yknow? Ccause were really good friends.
Gunther: Okay, but the moneys good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.
Monica: Do you wanna live outside?! Because its gettin cold! (To Phoebe) She gets tons of catalogs and umm, shell fold down the pages of the things she thinks that Id like.
Monica: Sorry, lets go back! Cause youve got more to say.
Rachel: Yeah, we could. Oh hey look! Theres some Kappa Kappa Deltas! I was a Kappa. (to them) Hey sisters! (They ignore her.) (To Monica) Wow, we really are bitches.
Chandler: Hey Rach! (She breaks up and goes back into Monicas.)
Chandler: Look, its my wedding day okay? If you were getting married I would never do anything to upset you.
(Joey hugs Rosss neck and has a look of complete contentment on his face which, after a short while, causes David and Matt to start laughing.)
Phoebe: Oh, theres a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)
Monica: I know, but now we have this second one and it just, it feels like its snowballing, yknow?
Joey: (on phone) Well, so anyway Beth, what Im saying is I shouldve considered your feelings before I went home with you that night. Ive ah, Ive recently learned whats it like to be on your side of it, and Im sorry. So, do you think you can forgive me? (listens) Great. Thanks. Okay, bye. (He sits down and crosses out something, and dials the phone again.) Hello, Jennifer? (listens) Oh hi, Mrs. Loreo, is Jennifer there? (listens) Oh, shes not home huh? (listens) Well ah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too.
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Emma continues to cry.]
Eric: Oh, I have a friend whos a cop and he got it for me.