words in movies
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Estelle: Theres just one thing. Do you have a problem with full frontal nudity?
Phoebe: Whats the matter?
Joey: I know! My grandmothers gonna see this!
Phoebe: Grandmas gonna have to get in line.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, (although its really just Monicas now with Matthew Perry in rehab) Monica is folding her laundry with Ross reading the paper and Phoebe standing in the kitchen.]
Monica: Yeah. But a part of me also cant wait til its over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
Monica: Ross, shes 25 years old.
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Monica: Thats what you say about porn.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Monica: Plus, everyones gonna see your thing. (Giggles.)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe and Rachel are trying to plan Monicas shower.]
Phoebe: Well thats only two days away. What is the other option?
Rachel: Oh my God Phoebe, this is impossible! We cant do this by Friday! We have to find a place. We have to invite people! We have to get food! Theres just too much to do! Its impossible! We cant do it! We cannot do it! We cannot do it!
Chandler: Thats me! Come on!
Ross: What?! Chandler shes our cousin!
Chandler: I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. Its called being a good conversationalist. Watch. (Stares at Monicas eyes.) Say something.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
Joey: Wow! Sure! Thats great!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as its handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
Joey: Thats right.
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Phoebe: Hey! Ive got a great idea for party favors for the shower. Okay, we get some uh mahogany boxes and carve everyones names in them and inside is everyones individual birth stone.
Phoebe: Okay. Okay! Well okay, who do we know thats coming? Me. Are you?
Rachel: Hey! Whats up Mon?
Monica: No its umm, more like a wrap. Okay so uh, Im gonna go guys.
Rachel: (To Phoebe, after Monicas gone) We have to get her a present?!
Phoebe: Okay but look! Look at what I got! Its her address book! (Holds it up.) We have a guest list!
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Ross: Its okay. Come, come on in.
Cassie: Thanks for letting me stay here! I mean Monicas place was nice, but her fiancee sure stares a lot.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie is eating dinner and Ross is pacing behind her because of what shes eating.]
Cassie: Ill always remember that summer, because its when I got all of these freckles. (She pulls her blouse open to show him her shoulder and bra strap.)
Ross: (looking then moving away quickly) Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and Ill always remember that summer because thats when I realized that we are related.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, its Monicas bridal shower and Phoebe is passing out some finger food.]
Phoebe: Thank you. (To the other woman) No? (She nods.) All right. (She goes to another pairing.) Oh, its so nice to see you.
Rachel: Well, I dont know. I called all the people in Monicas phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice.
Phoebe: Hmm, yknow theres another word for people like that. Losers!
Woman: Im very interested to find out whos been doing her taxes these last four years.
Rachel: Thats great!
Monica: Okay? (To a different group) Over here we have pink suede, which is nice. But umm, if it gets wet then you know its gonna shrink.
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Joey: The Silly Putty! Its not so silly anymore!
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Monica: Phoebe! Rachel! Its Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! (She bursts into the apartment to find only Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.) Oh.
Monica: Well no wait a minute thats not true! No, what did, that was really sweet. And it kinda works out for the best.
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
Joey: And whats cool is, the character is from Naples, right?
Joey: My whole familys from Naples!
The Director: Oh thats great! Okay, well Ive heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Phoebe: (in her head) Say something! Say anything! Ask her out! Shes not your cousin!
Janice: Okay, Im going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? Cause its already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.)
Phoebe: No, cause she didnt tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not gonna waste a whole another hour there! I mean Ive only got a week left, yknow? Ive really gotta start living now! (So she picks up the latest copy of Car and Driver (a U.S. auto magazine), leans back, and starts reading.)
Rachel: Are-are you saying hes a geek?
Joey: Or! You can just, yknow (He walks up close to whisper in Rosss ear and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)
Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself using my wifes tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see whats behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God!
Phoebe: Hello, tiny embryos. Well, Im-Im Phoebe Buffay, hi! Im-Im-Im hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know, that were doing this for Frank and Alice, who you know, youve been there! Umm, yknow they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on. Okay, and-and I promise that Ill keep you safe and warm until youre ready to have them take you home, so Oh! And also, umm next time you see me, Im screaming, dont worry, thats whats supposed to happen.
Chandler: Yes, but this is Pete. Okay? Hes not like other people, on your first date he took you to Rome. For most guys thats like a third or fourth date kinda thing.
Monica: (removes them) Thats because I-I was just grabbing some things out of the dryer, and its static cling. Or maybe its just that God knew Id be running into you and saw an opportunity.
[Scene: Joey and Janines apartment, Joey stares at a picture of a bay on the wall. Janine comes out of her room.]
Phoebe: Okay, scarfs done. (Its not really a scarf, its just a bunch of yarn that Phoebe has tied together. Just then, Ross and Emily enter dragging with them Joey and Chandler.)
(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandlers.)
Alice: Y'know it-its funny, um, Frank told me so much about you, but your not how I pictured you at all.
Mark: Ive kinda of had this ah, this crush on you. (Rachel is shocked) But since you were with Ross, I-I didnt do anything about it. But, now that youre not, Id really like to ask you out sometime. So-so thats-thats what Im doing, now.
[Cut to Phoebes room, Phoebe has put her helmet on one of her teddy bears and is playing around with it. Ross knocks and pokes his head in the door.]
Phoebe: You dont know him. Its not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. (She sits down like shes pregnant.)
Monica: She pulled it out of me! Shes like a conversational wizard! Howd it go?
[The next one is from Episode 603: The One With Rosss Denial, Joey is amazing Phoebe and Monica by holding his breath.]
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]
Dr. Long: You can take some caster oil, theres eating spicy foods
Phoebe: No but at Monicas you can eat cookies over the sink!
Chandler: Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursdays was just our thing man!
Joey: Have you kissed her yet? Its awesome! I could do it forever! Yknow what? She-she kisses better than my mom cooks!
Mona: (entering) Hey Ross, whats going on? You changing the lock?
Phoebe: No! No!! Its me! Its me! I-I didnt want to make any noise!
Joey: Oh, its a poster for that World War I movie that Im in, check it out.
Monica: Well, I did one time, and-and I want to start doing it more. See thats what this is about.
Rachel: No, no-no, its okay, calm down. Mark and I talked, and I realised how much I love your stupid brother, and, yeah, we got our problems, but I really want to make it work.
Joey: (Holding a turkey leg) Theres gravy?
Monica: I dont believe this! Wow, look at this refrigerator! Its gigantic! I mean I could live in this thing! Id be cold, but Im always cold. Oh my God, look at these spider burners! I love spider burners.
Emily: Dont you point your pants at me! (She throws them on the floor.) We have no choice! Anywhere thats half-decent wouldve be booked months ago, Ross dont you understand? This is our wedding Im talking about.
Rachel: Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you dont think thats just a little funny?!
Phoebe: Yeah. Thats what you really want. Yeah, I dont want to be the reason youre unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really dont want to be the reason Im unhappy.
[Scene: Chandlers and Monicas apartment, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table making potpourri sachets.]
Joey: Oh, nothing, no. Its an acting exercise, Im practising my fake laugh.
Chandler: Eh, y'know what, shes to political, she probably wouldnt let you do it, unless you donated four cans of food first.
Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, thats why you didnt want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I cant believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)
Rachel: Check if its wet, check if its hungry, burp it!
Chandler: (getting up to investigate) Okay, everybody stay here. I will find out whats going on.
Rachel: Bloomingdales eliminated my department. (Phoebe gasps)
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Chandler: Its like Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
Monica: Wow, you seem to be doing so much better. Thats great. So how-how are things going?
Cecilia: Right. Hes not angry at the room either. Try it again, he owns it! He owns the room. It is his. He owns, owns, owns, owns the room! He owns it!! (Joey gets a snooty look on his face.) All right, its a little weird, but its getting better. (Joey is pleased.) Oh well, Im gonna miss this woman so much. I dont know what Im going to do! I mean, its been 20 years of my life.
The Museum Official: (on machine) I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available
Monica: Its enough for wedding scenario eight.
Rachel: Ross look, look this is good for you. Okay? Lets face it, so far the guys not lovin ya! But I can turn that around! I got the inside track! We can all go out to dinner, yknow? And I can talk you up! Ross, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer!
Chandler: Yes, but I just had one. Two. Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five. A pack. Two pack�a�a carton. Three big fat cartons in two days. (How many cigarettes are there in one pack and how many packs in one carton in the US?) But it�s over, I made a decision, I�m not gonna smoke anymore.
[cut to later, Rosss team has the ball.]
Ross: Well, with everything thats been going on lately, I havent exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didnt tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?
Ross: Alright, we�ll just, uh, see when you get here. Bye. (hangs up) Huh, that was my mom, she�s stuck in terrible traffic.
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Yknow, its been a while since weve screamed something. Maybe we should.
Rachel: Oh, but thats okay.
Joey: (voice-over) Oh-oh! And then Rosss new girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinced her to save her head. And then Ross and Rachel kiss, and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and the bald girl and I dont know what happened there either...
Ross: So whats a matter, you need a dentist? Ive got a good one.
Tag: Come on Rach, lets give it another try.
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? (She spins to show Rachel the outfit shes wearing.)
Joey: Oh thats on the house courtesy of Joey Tribbiani.
Ross: Great! Because people kept showing up, I think its like uh-a thing!
(He moves Rosss coat to get the tissues and the engagement ring box Mrs. Geller gave him falls out of the pocket it was inside. Joey goes to one knee, picks up the box, opens it, and sees that its an engagement ring.)
Phoebe: Speaking of Christmas, umm since Monica and I are starting a new business and have like no money, umm, this year maybe we could do secret Santa, and then we each only buy one gift. And-and theres the added mystery of who gets who.
Monica: Thats right. That is right, you go over there and tell her you dont want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer!
[Scene: A Restaurant, a waitress is taking Joey and Rachels dinner order.]
Monica: What?! Are you crazy? You just had Rosss baby! Its-its so inappropriate. No, its worse than that. Its wrong. Its It is bigger than mine! (Rachels engagement ring.)
Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (Hes frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
Chandler: Okay, so this isnt a picture of our first, but it is a picture of my first kiss with with this lady. Which by the look on your face Im sure youll remember. So we dont need(Rips the picture)Theres no need to have this picture. How about I take the real pictures and get them developed right now.
Joey: Well, it turns out you were right C.H.E.E.S.E.
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Ross: Yeah I know; hes in Bens class.
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel and Sophie are sitting at their desks working as Joanna walks in.]
Ross: Well, I-I want to give her another chance, yknow? She lives so close. And, at the end of the date, the other time, she-she said something that wasif she was kidding was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasnt kidding, shes not fun, shes stupid, and kind of a racist.
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, like in the case of this young woman, she has lost her clothes, so she rides naked on the horse, shes crying out, Where are they, where are they?
Phoebe: Oh, shes so beautiful.
Earl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. Ive been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no ones even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, Im gonna kill myself! (Theres no response; no one even looks up.) Ill get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.
Rachel: No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; thats not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why dont we, why dont we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone.
Joey: (scores) Yes! I win again! Ha-ha! Thats like 500 bucks you owe me! Whoo-ho-hoo! (Goes over to the fridge and starts opening and closing the door rapidly.) $500 that is a loooot of electricity! (By the way, theres nothing in the fridge.) Whoo-ho-ho! (Notices the sparseness of the fridge.) I gotta buy some food.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is walking from the bathroom to his bedroom and walks past a pile of Rachels laundry, which just happens to include a selection of panties. He stops, goes back to the basket, looks for Rachel, picks up a lavender thong, and heads for his bedroom. However, he decides he doesnt like his selection and goes back this time picking up a red low-cut silk brief and heads for his room, flexing along the way to prove his masculinity.]
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
Rachel: But, theyre across the hall! I mean thats two doors away, it would take them a long time to peck their way back over here.
Rachel: We should defiantly play football more often. Maybe theres a like league we could join or something.
Ross: Oh what?! Is she gonna cancel on me again?! How can she do this? Doesnt she know its our anniversary?
Frank: Its out there man! Ive seen it! I got it!!
Rachel: Look Joey, come on shes so perfect for you! I mean shes sweet, she-she likes baseball, and she-she had two beers at lunch.
The Director: (answering the phone) Hello. Oh! Its you. Just ah, just one-one sec. (to Joey and Kate) I am going to take this call. When I continue, I hope that there will appear on stage this magical thing that in the theatre we call, committing to the moment! (He goes to take the call.)
The Waiter: No, its really good.
Mr. Geller: Well you gotta get at it princess! When your mother and I were trying to conceive you, whenever she was ovulating, bam, we did it. Thats how I got my bad hip.
Ross: Look guys, when Im with her its-its-its like she brings this-this-this great side out of me. I mean I-I-I love her, yknow?
Rachel: Shell be out in a second. So, Chip, hows umm, Amy Welch?
Ray: Yeah all thats gone. Its basically just a simple question and answer game now.
[Cut to inside Monica and Chandlers, Monica, Chandler and Joey are eating breakfast.]
Rachel: Yknow, I never thought Id say this about a movie, but I really hope this dog dies. (Joey brings over a stool at sits on it next to Rachel whos in the big chair.) What are you doing over there? Come sit here, you protect me.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) Its locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?
Ross: I know, I know I really like you too. But we-we cant date. Its against the rules. Its forbidden.
Chandler: (approaching) Here you go Joe, heres the freshly squeezed orange juice you asked for. (Hands it to him.)
Janine: No, but you should go to Chandlers. Because none of us knows how to cook, well probably just end up drinking all day.
Chandler: Well, wheres the logic in that?!
Chandler: This is so exciting! Its so glamorous! People taking our picture. How do I look?
[Flashback to Joeys thirtieth birthday party. It is being held in Monica and Chandlers apartment.]
Monica: I know. Lets try a look of far off wonderment. Okay, well-well gaze into our future and well think about our marriage and the days to come. (Chandler is still not getting it.) Chandler! What is the matter with your face?! I mean this picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron!" (The photographer laughs.) Hey! Dont laugh at him! Hes my drowning moron!