words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, its the same scene from the end of last weeks show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.]
Ross: Oh, yeah, no problems. Its all taken care of.
Phoebe: Oh, theres a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)
Rachel: Yeah, were, were actually just gonna walk cause its right up there at the Angelica.
Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cabs roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didnt get the annulment?!!
Ross: Well, I tried! But when I got to my lawyers office all I could hear was, "Three divorces. Three divorces!" Look, I just dont want my tombstone to read, Ross Gellar, Three Divorces.
Phoebe: Dont be worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, Ross Geller, Good at Marriage! Yknow? Mines gonna say Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive.
(Rachels cab backs up.)
{Transcibers note: In case youre wondering, and I know you are. Their names are all back to normal. Just in a slightly smaller font than usual to allow Courteney Cox Arquette to fit on one line and not be smaller than the rest of their names. Now, on with the show }
Chandler: No. When it comes to sweets, hes surprisingly strict.
Monica: Yknow, I really have to tell Rachel, but I We just have to get it over with! Yknow, the next time we see them were just gonna tell them. Okay? Thats it.
Chandler: Oh, so thats this is gonna work now? Youre just gonna order me around all the time?
Chandler: No-o-o! (To Monica) No? (She nods no.) No-o-o! Look Joey, heres the thing, Monica and I have decided to live together, here. So, Im gonna be moving out man.
Joey: (To Monica) Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if youre gonna be moving in with him I feel its my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? Hes a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm Oh-oh he always, he always ummOh, who am I kidding! Hes the best roommate ever! (Hugs Chandler.)
Phoebe: Ooh! Thats good! Wow! But now if you were pregnant, what would you name it? Hint: Phoebe.
Ross: Whats up?
Ross: Oh my God. Ohh, my little sister and my best friend shaking up. Oh, thats great. Thats great. (Kisses and hugs her.)
Ross: Could ya just, could ya just lay off, please? All right? My life is an embarrassment! I should go live under somebodys stairs!
Phoebe: Ross, its not that big a deal! So youll been divorced three times, youll still have a life, youll go on dates
Phoebe: Yknow thats really fair. Yknow? Most guys who have been divorced three times are like 60. Ross, nobody cares about this except you! This-this embarrassment thing is all in your head! Here, Ill show you! Come here.
Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and shes the only one left!
Chandler: Okay, so thats it, everybody knows! Its official, were moving in together. No turning back. Are ya scared? Are ya?
Rachel: Oh my God! Thats so great! Im so happy for you guys!
Monica: Yeah, hes gonna work on that.
{Transcibers note: Ill finish that one for those of you who dont know what theyre talking about. Where the towels are Hers and Hers and His, Threes Company too! Yeah, thats the theme song for Threes Company.}
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is hosting an impromptu roundtable discussion with Stephanie, Karin, and Meg about Rosss three divorces.]
Ross: once you know the stories, its not that bad. First marriage, wifes hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldnt allow you to get married when youre that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevadas fault.
Stephanie: Well the divorces dont bother me, Id date him. But, not while hes still married.
Meg: Well, I dont care about the divorces either, but I wouldnt date him. Its just that hes obviously still in love with this Rachel girl.
Phoebe: (leaning to him) She said, "Hes obviously still in love with this Rachel girl." (He glares at her.)
Phoebe: Yes, and now hes using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, "Well done!" Bravo Meg.
Ross: (getting up) Okay! Fine! Fine! If-if this is what you think, forget about the whole three divorce thing! Okay, I-Ill go to my lawyers office right now and get this marriage annulled! Okay?! Because she means nothing to me! Noth(leans down to Megs ear)Nothing!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are still debating about how to tell Rachel that Chandlers moving in and shes moving out.]
Monica: Soon! I-I just couldnt before. You saw how upset Joey got! I couldnt do that to her, shes my best friend!
Chandler: Well, Joeys my best friend.
Monica: Rach, theres something uh, important I have to tell you.
Rachel: (laughs) Oh my God! Oh, thats funny, I cant believe I did that.
Monica: Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasnt clear! Im really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? Theres absolutely no rush.
Joey: God, its gonna so weird like when I come home and youre not here. Yknow? No more Joey and Chans. No more J and Cs. "You wanna go over to Joey and Chandlers?" "Cant, its not there."
Joey: Hey! I did not cry my eyes out!! Come on! Its like the end of an era! No more J-man and Channies!!
[Scene: Rosss lawyers office, his name is Russell and has just been told by Ross about his current situation.]
Russell: So thats your second marriage in two years.
Russell: (interrupting) Im sorry, is this the same Rachel whos name you said at the altar in the second marriage?
Russell: Oh, thats better then.
Ross: Ooh! Theres no way to do this without her? Cause I kinda all ready told her uh, it was, it was already taken care of.
Monica: But still, its a big change. The end of an era, you might say!
Monica: Im fine! I just, Im thinking how much its an end of era.
Rachel: All right, fine, but dont get mad at me. Its-its just a little hard to believe.
Monica: Whats hard to believe?
Rachel: Well yknow, its you guys. You-you do this kind of stuff! Yknow? I mean, you-you were gonna get married in Vegas and then you backed out! I guess Im not upset because I dont see you guys going through with it. Im sorry.
Monica: Rachel, its going to happen. Chandler is gonna move in here.
Rachel: I mean its the end of an era!
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
Ross: Its not that. Okay? Annulments are more complicated than I
[Cut to Monica and Rachels as Ross walks through the door. Rachel is holding the chrome star and crying.]
Ross: Ohh, whats wrong?!
Ross: Oh myCome here! Come here! (He hugs her.) Its okay. Everythings gonna be okay.
Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and thats when we get married. Well have Chandlers money and Rachels kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachels drinking problem.
Rachel: Wow! I cant believe thats our baby.
Monica: Yeah, let-let-lets pretend thats not true.
Rachel: No thats just(Laughs)Thats just cause Im such a good messer!
Joey: Umm, now uh Its a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Yknow, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so (He goes to one knee and pulls out a ring.) Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
(Ross finds a clock, sees its almost 8:30, and silently screams.)
Eric: Oh I feel very lucky, shes great. I think shes the most beautiful woman Ive ever seen.
Rachel: Last night! I just felt it and I went into Joeys room and he was sleeping
Chandler: No, hes right, Im totally lying.
Rachel: Oh look, shes pulling away again! Do you think my nipples are too big for her mouth? (Joey gets embarrassed.) She looks scared. Doesnt she look scared?
Ross: But, what�s great is that you don�t mind talking about it.
Ross: Oh, yeah, yeah that�s Michelle.
Rachel: Hi, and I am also Emma�s mother.
Emily: I mean, we know its a bit hasty but, uh, it just feels so right, so
[Scene: A Boardroom, Chandlers meeting continues.]
Phoebe: That’s right, I've prepared a song for Emma. From my heart to hers. For there’s no greater gift, than the gift of music. (she starts singing) Emma! Your name poses a dilemma. 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma! Maybe the actor Richard Crenna, he played the commanding officer in Rambo. Happy birthday Emma!
Kathy: Its a good play, isnt it?
Phoebe: Hes right though, the 74 is absolute piss.
Chandler: So you might say, its a magic ring.
Monica: Would you stop? Weve only been going out a couple of weeks, I mean we dont even know if hes gonna propose.
Ross: Dont be scared, I-I know it sounds crazy and-and people will say its too soon, but just-just think, think how great it will be.
Phoebe: No! It�s my first birthday with a boyfriend, and he has to work. Uch, I get mad at him, but I think it�s a little to soon to show my true colors.
Guy: I ah, I work at Bloomingdales and I might know of a job possibility if your, if your interested?
Monica: Honey, having a heart attack is natures way of telling you to slow it down.
Joey: Its kind of embarrassing, yknow. I mean, I was an actor and now Im a waiter. Its supposed to go in the other direction.
Chandler: Oh, you dont know. (Presses a button.) Helen, could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinders raise?
Rachel: Hey! We were not on aOkay. Thats fine! Fine. Yknow what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay?
Phoebe: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffays checks; there were a lot of them.
Joshua: Yeah-yeah, its this huge place, and-and its got this gorgeous view of the park, and very, very romantic. What do you say?
Chandler: No, you didnt get me!! Its an electric drill, you get me, you kill me!!
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Rachel: Hey Mon, lets give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable.
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Chandlers knees. Chandlers ankles. Chandlers ankle hair. (notices the clock) Oh no. (to Rick) Okay, youre all set.
Joey: Just now, after acting class. At first I thought she was doing some kind of scene, thats why I let people watch.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler and Phoebe are entering. This is the place where the guy who bought Chandlers ring is going to propose.]
Joey: Yknow what? This is not fair to her. Lets just forget the tape!
Chandler: Its a funny story, actually. (coughs) I kind of fell asleep in the meeting this morning so when I said Id move to Tulsa, I didnt really know what I was saying.
Ross: Hows Monica coming along with her vows?
Phoebe: (walking up) Whats up? (Rachel hands her the note and she reads it.) Tell Monica Im sorry. (Pause) Tell her yourself!
Phoebe: Great! It worked! No ones sad.
Monica: (handing him a pad of paper and a pen) Lets just do it right now. Okay? It wont be hard. Just say whats in your heart. (She goes back, sits down, and starts feverishly writing.)
Ross: Hes coming here for Thanksgiving!
Rachel: No, so I dont have to get married until Im 33! Thats three years, thats three whole yearsOh, wait a minute though. Ill need a year and a half to plan the wedding, and Id like to know the guy for a year, year and a half before we get engaged Which means I need to meet the guy by the time Im thirty.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Phoebe and Ross are sitting in the living room talking.]
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
(We hear Phoebes muffled voice through the ceiling.)
Joey: Thats help spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
[Scene: Joeys Apartment, theres a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Ross.]
Ross: What?! While shes been going through this hell, youve been making money?! Youre betting on your friend staying in this misery?! (Phoebe lowers her head and shakes it yes.)
Janice: Oh, what are you, stupid? Its been three hours.
Joey: Oh, well no problem there. (He picks up the chick, hugs it really tight, and talks to it like its a little baby.)
Rachel: Oh, Ive got big Valentines plans! Ive got my Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy!
[Scene: Joeys Audition, Joey is being shown in.]
Joey: (very excited) A TV as if it appears from nowhere! Thats the dream! Man, how did you afford this stuff?
Joey: Of course it does! It’s smart! I used the the-saurus!
Dr. Long: taking a long walk, and then theres the one thats proved most effective: sex.
Dr. Roger: Im sorry sweetie, its the hospital. The food looks great, maybe save me some?
Phoebe: Well the doctor says it takes a couple days, but my bodys always been a little faster than Western medicine.
Rachel: (on answering machine) Hi, its me. Ive been trying to reach you all night. I feel awful. Please, Ross, you gotta know there is nothing between me and Mark. This whole break-up thing is just stupid.
Rachel: Oh yeah? Did he pull the old (She is waving her hand up and down her face. Shes thinking about the pencil mark.)
Joey: Okay, maybe hes not his best friend, but
Chandler: (to them) Its okay, I got a plan.
Marc: Julies cervix is dilated a seven centimeters, thats about four fingers. The doctor let me feel it myself.
Chandler: Youve got it. (he starts to look at his sisters, but he still doesnt know which one is Mary-Angela.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, theyre getting ready.]
Joey: Hey-hey, hold on, this isnt some kind of like girly dance. All right, its like a sport, its manly!
Chandler: Hmm, lets see if it comes up this time. (He looks at his cards and shrugs.)
Joey: Hey guys! Look whos back! Its Ray-ray!
[Cut back to Rachels date.]
[Scene: Rosss Wedding, continued from last season, the Minister is about to marry Ross and Emily.]
Joey: Nah, its okay. Right, Gunther? (Winks at him as if theyre in on a secret together.)
Joey: The skys blue Ross and I had sex yesterday!
Joey: Remoray. Its Portuguese. We need that information; Im a doctor.
[Scene: N.Y.U, Rosss new class, this time hes actually about to do a lecture.]
Ross: Well, I dont think we are gonna have that problem, but maybe thats just because I am not emotionally unavailable!
[Scene: Rachels birthday, she is coming into the hallway where Joey and Tag are playing with the scooter.]
Rachel: (silently) Okay. (Pause) Seriously, breathe louder Ross! Thats great!
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Im so sorry to barge in on your Valentines, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.
Rachel: (Reading from a tag that's attached to the shoe) "Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S.: Chandler, I knew they'd break you."
Ross: Oh my God, you guys!! (Hes excited about what he thought happened.)
Monica: Chandler! Hes your father; he should be at the wedding.
Vince: (running over) Whoa! Hey-hey! Whats going on here? Who is this guy?
Monica: Look at me! My big concern is whats real?! (Finally realises) Oh my God. Were really sad, arent we?
Chandler: (pause) Yes. (to Rachel) Okay, theres this one guy, Patrick, I think youre gonna like him, hes really nice, hes funny, hes a swimmer.
Dina: Loosening the saddle on mothers horse was brilliant Fredrick. And the electric fence, inspired.
Chandler: I was asleep. (She takes off her robe and starts to shiver) Oh no! No-no honey! Yknow whats sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy.
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
[Scene: N.Y.U, Rosss new class, he is entering out of breath.]
Phoebe: No not you, Dr. Drake Remoray. You can ask him questions and see whats he like. People tell doctors everything.
[Scene: Rachels bedroom. Ross and Rachel have just finished consummating the new relationship.]
Ross: Ok, Michelle, it�s time to go.
Ursula: (waving the cigarette in Phoebes face) Its a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!
Joey: No Im not. Why would you say that? Thats just mean.
[Scene: Elizabeths Dorm Room, Ross is walking up to her door and knocks on it. Suddenly the door opens and Elizabeth drags him into the room.]
Ross: Rach, she’s got like three hairs!
Phoebe: Yes! A friend of mine did it and its totally legal!
Monica: Oh my God! Thats great! Oh wow! (Hugs him.) Youre a published writer! I wish I had a present for you!
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel is confronting Joanna about her interview.]
[Cut to Phoebe in Rosss new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what theyre about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.]
Ursula: Yea-huh! Thats what is says on my birth certificate.
Chandler: Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating with her husband, she looked so happy. I almost feel bad for whipping that kids pretzel at them.