words in movies
Rachel: Wait a minute! (To Monica) You let Ross drive the Porsche and when I ask you, you say youre the only one whos allowed to drive it.
Monica: Yeah, well hes my brother! And plus he drives so slow he could never hurt it.
Ross: Its a car Monica! Not a rocket ship!
Rachel: Come on Ross give me the keys! Monica does not know what shes talking about! I am an excellent driver!
(A woman walks by and smiles at Rosss hair.)
Rachel: I think shes checking out your beehive Ross.
Chandler: Oh! Right. Umm, maybe thats because I didnt send him an invitation.
Monica: Chandler! Hes your father; he should be at the wedding.
Chandler: Well he doesnt have to know! Its not like we run in the same circles. I hang out with you guys, and he stars in a drag show in Vegas.
Monica: So what! As long as hes not wearing a white dress and a veil I dont care.
{Transcribers Note: She puts the key into the ignition, which is on the left side of the steering wheel. Does anyone know why that is? Its a tradition left over from Porsches racing history. The worlds greatest endurance race is the 24 Hours of LeMans. Which is in France and runs for 24 hours straight from noon on Saturday through the dark of night and finishes at noon on Sunday. In the 60s LeMans had a unique start where the drivers would actually start the race outside of the car and across the track. At the start of the race, the drivers would run across the track, get in the car, buckle up, start the car, and drive off. Porsche wanted to reduce the amount of time that took. Since all cars to that point had the ignition switches on the right side of the steering wheel, that required the drivers to use their right hand to grab the seat-belts, put the car in gear and start it. The drivers left hand did nothing. Porsche in order to save a few seconds in a 24-hour race; moved the ignition switches to the left side of the steering wheel so that the driver could start the car with his left hand while grabbing the seat-belts with his right hand. Thats why every Porsche car built since then has the ignition on the left side of the steering wheel.}
Phoebe: Yeah! Sure! Ooh, I left my purse up at Monicas. Ill be right back. (She goes to get it.)
Joey: So uh, whats your name?
Joey: Me too! Theres a game on Tuesday do you wanna go?
Chandler: Whats this?
Monica: Its your suitcase. Were going to Las Vegas.
Monica: Were going to Las Vegas to see your dad. Its time you two talked, and I want to get to know my father-in-law.
Chandler: No-no all kids are embarrassed by their parents, youd have to come up with a whole new word for what I went through. When I was in High School, he used to come to all of my swim meets dressed as a different Hollywood starlet. Yknow its hard enough to be fourteen. Youre skinny. Youre wearing speedoesThat your mom promised that you would grow into! And you look up into the stands and theres your dad cheering you on dressed as Carmen Miranda. We was wearing a headdress with real fruit that he will later hand out to your friends as a healthy snack!
Monica: Hey, the point is that he was at everyone of your swim meets and he was there cheering you on! Okay? Thats a, thats a pretty great dad.
Monica: Whos Mr. Girabaldi?
Monica: Chandler, youre not fourteen anymore. Okay? Maybe its time that you let that stuff go. If your fathers not at your wedding youre gonna regret it for the rest of your life.
Joey: Well, when Jake did it I saw that he was wearing womens underwear!
Joey: Oh. (Laughs.) No! No wait, thats weird!
Phoebe: No, its not! We were just goofing around and I dared him to try them on.
Joey: Thats weird!
Joey: Thats kinda hot.
Phoebe: And! Yknow what Jake says? That womens underwear is actually more comfortable. And he loves the way the silk feels against his skin.
Phoebe: Im just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in womens underwear! I dont think you could ever do that.
Ross: (shocked) You dont have a valid drivers licenseOkay that is it! Pull over right now!
Ross: (grabbing the wheel) What-what are you doing?! Are youOkay thats not funny! Just stop horsing around!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is walking from the bathroom to his bedroom and walks past a pile of Rachels laundry, which just happens to include a selection of panties. He stops, goes back to the basket, looks for Rachel, picks up a lavender thong, and heads for his bedroom. However, he decides he doesnt like his selection and goes back this time picking up a red low-cut silk brief and heads for his room, flexing along the way to prove his masculinity.]
Chandler: No! No! I dont want him to know were yet! Im not sure Im ready for that. And besides hes not gonna be too happy to see me either.
Chandler: I dont know if Ive told you this, but hes kinda tried to get in contact with me a lot over the last few years
Chandler: Yeah, hes made phone calls, written letters, he even came to New York, but I always said I was too busy to see him. Yknow its all very Cats in the CradleI dont want to get into it. (The show starts.) Here we go.
(Theres applause as Helena turns around and its Kathleen Turner.)
Chandler: And theres daddy!
Rachel: Oh yes, absolutely! Yknow, its weird uh, but I had a dream last night where I was stopped by a policeman. And then he uh well I probably shouldnt tell you the rest.
Policeman: Thats Hanson.
Chandler: Thats Mr. Girabaldi playing the piano.
Chandler: Hes coming into the audience. Hes coming into the audience.
Helena: (to Chandlers back) Oh look, a standing ovation already! So early in the show. Oh turn around honey; let me see your pretty face. (He slowly turns around. Helena recognizes him.)
Joey: Check it out. (He turns around, pulls down his pants, and shows Phoebe that hes got panties on.) How much of a man am I?!
Phoebe: Thats great Joe!
Joey: Yeah! And you have so many more choices than you do with mens underwear!
Phoebe: I think its important that you do.
Helena: So whats your name?
Helena: Im not very fond of New York. Queens I like. (Noticing Monicas ring.) Ooh, what is this sparkle something! (Shows the audience who woos.) Honey! Huh?
Helena: Really?! Congratulations. Whens the big day?
Helena: Before we go on with the show, I just want to say to the bride and groom how lucky they are to have found each other. In every life, a little rain must fall. Fortunately, in my life (Four guys wearing rubber boots, shorts, hats, and nothing else carrying umbrellas run onto the stage.) (Singing) Its raining men!
Helena: Its raining men!
Ross: Maybe its uh Sergeant Sagittarius coming back to flirt some more! (They pull over.)
Rachel: Its a different guy!
Policeman: Thats right.
(Theres a pause as Ross gets suddenly flirtatious.)
Policeman: Its Petty. (He grabs Rosss license.) Ill be right back with your ticket. (Walks back to his car.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is returning from having removed Rachels panties.]
Joey: Oh! Maybe its because Im on television. Im an actor on Days of Our Lives.
Phoebe: Yknow thats really fair. Yknow? Most guys who have been divorced three times are like 60. Ross, nobody cares about this except you! This-this embarrassment thing is all in your head! Here, Ill show you! Come here.
Rachel: Thats great!
Phoebe: Its so weird, I have never been fired from anything before!
Monica: (comes up and starts looking through Rosss cookie supply) Ross, but me down for another box of the mint treasures, okay. Where, where are the mint treasures?
Emily: Really?! Well, thats just lovely, isnt it? I mustve missed your call, even though I didnt leave the flat all day.
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phones making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
Monica: Well, its done about two minutes before it looks like that.
Chandler: No Rach, its not just you. My thirtieth birthday certainly wasnt that much fun.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Ross: So thats two of my wives.
Ross: (looking then moving away quickly) Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and Ill always remember that summer because thats when I realized that we are related.
Monica: Well, lets just say its not the first time youve stolen my thunder.
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey has brought in a bunch of laundry in another attempt to get his picture on the wall, but the dry cleaner isnt working right now. Instead, a beautiful woman is working.]
Chandler: Whos that?
Monica: Its not your birthday.
Chandler: 007?! This is James Bonds tux?!
Rachel: Oh thats all right! Yknow, I ended up having a really good time. Yknow, the charity was a big success and they raised a lot of money and awareness.
Phoebe: I am one of Bens mothers. Im a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.
Phoebe: Joeys!
Mr Zelner: That’s great. I worry about little Ross. He’s always reading, he's collecting rocks and he’s obsessed with dinosaurs.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
Rachel: Horny bitch. (They both look at her, pretending that the dinosaurs shes holding are arguing.) No! Youre a horny bitch! Noooo! Youre the horny bitch! No! Youre a horny bitch!
(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After shes gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the Does it? part.)
Monica: Oh thats too bad. Its true, but too bad.
Rachel: Oh. Oh, thats great!
Mr. Geller: Theres no way in hell, Im paying for it.
Ross: Phoebe hes right, that is the rule.
Joey: Thats a really long time.
(Shes about to get in when )
Joey: Oh yeah, thats just a little something for my huge gay fan base. (Winks at him.)
Monica: Theres still so much to do. Have you written your vows yet?
Rachel: Yeah, so lets get started on the wedding plans!
Phoebe: (running up) Okay. Okay, heres what were gonna do. Okay, Im gonna break into this mini-van and put it in neutral. You guys push it forward so Ross can drive out of his spot. Okay? All right, here we go. (She opens her coat and reveals that thing car thieves use to break into cars as Ross jumps in behind the wheel. She inserts the device, unlocks the door, opens it, and the alarm goes off.) Haul ass!!!! (Runs off.)
Chandler: (shocked) There are seven?! (Points to one) Thats one?
Monica: Its kind of an important one!
[Scene: The 2001 Soapie Awards, Joeys category is up next and the presenter walks to the podium.]
Phoebe: No, its fate!
Joey: Hey, whats the horsepower on this thing?
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandlers bedroom)
Rachel: Phoebe, if this guys going through a divorce, is it such a good idea to start going out with him?
Phoebe: Yeah, youre right. Hows the Mrs.?
Ross: Phoebe thats not true.
Ross: All right, heres the ring. (Shows Chandler the wedding ring he plans on giving Emily)
Phoebe: So. This has always been Monicas bed, what youre just noticing now, how self-involved are you?
Ross: Well you shouldnt be. Believe me I wouldnt want to be the guy whos up against you. (Chandler laughs.) I mean that doofus is going to lose!
Chandler: (to Richards date) And uh, you dont have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) Im Chandler; I make jokes when Im uncomfortable.
Joey: Monicas chicken parm! Ill take care of it. (He picks up the phone) Hey Mr. Treeger, its Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandlers apartment. Its an emergency. (Listens) Uhh, gas leak! Yeah oh, and bring garlic bread. (Hangs up.)
Rachel: Yknow what? Thats a lot to remember, cant I just tell her youre a pig?
Male Jeweler: (to the female jeweler) Wheres the 1920s princess cut ring.
Fran: Im gonna wait till after we order. Its her, right.
Chandler: Oh yeah, that�s what she says. But maybe you�re not ovulating at all, maybe it�s just a clever ruse to get me into bed.
Rachel: Thats it? Well I saw that! Ohh-ohh-oh, thank you.
Phoebe: (starts to leave, but stops) Oh and Chandlers about to cry.
Monica: (starts for the door) Well theres some people who do want to marry me.
Ross: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?
Chandler: Whats going on?
Rachel: Its a pretty cool tux.
Monica: Oh thats so sweet.
Phoebe: (To Monica) Oh, thats beautiful.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachels new job, she is waiting for Joshua and practising how to ask him out.]
Monica: This is so great! And Im gonna be your babys aunt!
Hilda: No dear. Its not.
The Fireman: Theres a reset button under the plastic cover.
Monica: Its so good, that I feel really selfish about being the only one whos eating it, that I think we should have everyone taste how good it is. Especially Ross.
Richard: Okay, okay, one things changed. But we still want different things and we know how this is gonna end.
Phoebe: Ah-hah! At least we know its a him.
Joey: No thats not it. They let me keep my key the last time they were out of town.
A Male Customer: Hey, thats weird, todays my birthday too!
{Transcribers Note: There was no credits scene with this episode.}
Monica: Thats much better.
Phoebe: Why?! Whats happening to the coffee house?! (Monica looks at her.) Oh! (Realizes.)
Chandler: Whats up?
Rachel: Oh thats great!
Monica: Okay, Phoebe, y'know what? That-thats it, thats it, all right? No dinosaurs, no ghosts, no giant dogs, okay? Theyre not the right size, theyre not Victorian, and they just dont go.
Monica: Wait! Wait! Wait! You cant start today! Todays the rehearsal dinner!
[Scene: The Hallway, Rachel walks up the stairs and knocks on Joeys door.]
Rachel: So Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: All right, it wont go down any further. Its stuck.
Monica: It-its so great to see you both here.
Mrs. Geller: You could kick anyones ass you want too.
Ross: Hey, wheres Chandler?
Joey: Uh, I think hes in Rachels room. See ya. (Exits.)
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, continued from earlier. Ross and Mr. Geller are still deciding what to do.]
Phoebe: Okay. Well theres one down.
Joey: (approaching) Ross, hey, the bands ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so
Ross: Come on thats not fair! I mean you havent even heard me play!
The Assistant Director: (To Joey) Heres your call sheet for tomorrow.
Mrs. Green: I know, my daughters told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.
Rachel: (closing the door) Ross said theres still no word from Chandler.
Monica: Wait a minute! Unless, we give her all gifts she can use after shes done being pregnant. Like-like umm, regular coffee, Tequila.
Rachel: So just bring it back downstairs, whats the problem?
Monica: All right thats it, I give up! Whatever you want you can have it! You wanna sing a song? You wanna do a dance? You want your mom stand at the Alter and scream racial slurs? I dont care!
The Director: I dont think so. Lets take it back to Richards last line. (Walks off.) Action!
Ross: This guy could be my babys stepfather!
Ross: Whats wrong with being the Bings?
Rachel: He didnt turn me down! Hes at the game isnt he? I got the date, Im just not on it!
Rachel: Shes actually very sweet and we used to be very close.
Monica: (entering) Whats going on?
Rachel: Lets go to lunch.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are eating Monicas dinner.]