words in movies
Joey: Eyes! No, no. Your eyes! No. Chandlers eyes!
Chandler: Thats okay Pheebs, were not having a party or anything, so you dont have to get us
Monica: No, you dont want this. I want to have your grandmothers cookie recipe.
Monica: Okay. Im gonna be the mom that makes the worlds best chocolate chip cookies.
Chandler: Hey! Hows the boat?!
Joey: Oh, its great! Its a great place to just kinda, sit, hang around, drink a few beers, eat some chips. (He says that as he sits, hangs around, drinks a beer, and eats a chip.)
Chandler: Well, its good that you finally have a place to do that.
Chandler: Then free as a bird. Whats up?
Monica: Wow! Thats great! Dad must really like you, he doesnt ask just anyone to play.
Monica: Whats wrong Phoebe?
Chandler: Cause its gross.
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont (Joeys boat), shes shown to be in one of the waterways around New York, but in reality shes in a sound stage on the Warner Bros. lot and we see New York from the water in some rather poor green screen shots. Rachel and Joey are on board.]
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coasts all the way over there. (Points to the coast, meanwhile there is coast behind him.)
Joey: Come on Rach, not again. I got it! Okay? Lets start sailing, and I want to go over there (Points) where that boatload of girls is! (Yelling to them) Yo-ho-ho!
Rachel: Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, lets do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, (grabs some of the rigging) whats this called?
Rachel: Times up, now your dead.
Monica: You dont? (Laughs) Well, thats the difference between a professional and a layman.
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Phoebe: I cant believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmothers legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
[Cut to the flashback, Chandlers no longer doing the voice-over.]
Phoebe: Come on, its not that big a deal!
Ross: Yeeeeeep Yep-yep-yep-yep-yep. I remember when she took out on her dads boat she wouldnt let me help at all.
Monica: Okay, heres batch 22. Ohh, maybe thesell taste a little like your grandmothers. This has a little bit of orange peel, but no nutmeg.
Ross: Lets give it a shot.
Ross: Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh (Grabs a cookie and takes a big bite out of it and doesnt like it.) Its batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way! (Gets up and runs for the bathroom.)
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, its Joeys second lesson with Rachel as the resident sailing expert.]
Rachel: Its left sweetie, but thats okay sweetie, thats a tough one.
Joey: All right thats it! Youre yelling and I dont see you taking your top off! I quit!
Joey: Yeah, its okay. I know what a mainsail is. (Points to it. Its the larger sail.) I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, the cookie trying period has pasted. Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are reflecting on the days events.]
Phoebe: Yknow, I bet it would actually make my grandmother very happy to know that were trying to figure out her recipe. I bet shes l-l-lookin up at us and smiling right now.
Phoebe: Oh yeahNo, she was really nice to me, but shes in hell for sure.
Monica: Well, Ive tried everything. I give up. I guess Im not gonna be the mom who makes the worlds best chocolate cookies. I do make the best duck confit with broccoli rabe. Kids love that right.
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
Ross: Thats the day youre gonna die? Seedarnit, Ive got shuffleboard that day.
Phoebe: Thats what you think.
Monica: Well, I mean what about friends of your grandmothers? Wouldnt they have the recipe?
Mr. Geller: I understand completely, theres nothing more horrifying than embarrassing yourself in front of your in-laws. As a matter of fact, when I started dating Judy I was unemployed, and her father asked me what I did for a living and I told him I was a lawyer.
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees whats in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
Monica: Well then somebodys snoozing. Joey, not that this uh should affect you at all, but if you were to pick me, I was planning on wearing a sequined dress, cut down to here. (Points to her stomach just above her belly button.)
Ross: Not her. Yeah, this is someone else I meet, and I-I cant decide between the two of them. Yknow the one from Poughkeepsie, even though shes a two hour train ride away, is really pretty, really smart, and-and a lot of fun. But this other girl, well, she lives right uptown. Yknow shes, well shes-shes just as pretty, I guess shes smart, shes not fun.
Ross: Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when theres a bug in my food.
Mike: This is the first time hes ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (To Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Ross: You know, if it�s meant to be, I�ll guess it. Bye, bye.
The Director: Look Joey, theres nothing I can do. Besides, youre probably gonna be out by four anyway. Weve just got one short scene. Its just you and Richard, and God knows hes a pro. Youll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coasts all the way over there. (Points to the coast.)
Woman: OH .MY .GAWD!!! (Uh-huh, its Janice.)
Ross: (continuing) I just found out that Elizabeths dad wants to meet me.
Rachel: Joey, its just a chair! Whats the big deal?
Joey: Yeah, I guess, but whats like heads and whats tails?
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Phoebe (sees the cake): oh! Now it’s a party!
Monica: Yes! Maybe its a false positive. Are you sure you peed on the stick right?
Monica: Hi! Umm, Im Monica Geller, Im the chef at Alessandros.
Ross: Its right there! (Points to her hand.)
Chandler: Well, its just the reason that Im asking is because I kind of eh, uh, I was unable toI mean I really wanted too, but I couldnt . There huhhmm, there-there was an incident.
Joey: I know! I know! Come on, please-please you guys, dont-dont be mad. Im sure she just, she just said that stuff because she was nervous and you guys are like my best friends! Yknow? And it was our first date! Plus, shes really sick!
Phoebe: Well, thats not something a girl wants to hear.
Monica: Yeah, I do think its better this way. (listens) Yeah, were being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, Im sure.(she opens the door and its Richard)
Joey: (announcer voice) Its a pleasure to meet you Ray.
Monica: Wait-wait!! Okay, stop it! Stop it! Stop! (Breaks it up.) Now listen, no ones gonna fight in this apartment.
Chandler: What do you want from me, Ive never met the guy. So anyway, Rachel, Im sorry you cant stay, (Rachel is upset about leaving the orgy with the cigarette guy.) but the rest of us have a lot of work to do. (The cigarette guy starts rubbing Chandlers back.) What are you doing? (The guy just nods) All right, listen, Ive got to wake up!
Joey: Oh, hey, Lauren. Uh, you guys this is, this is Kates understudy, Lauren.
Phoebe: If I havent said it before: shes a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going towhat the mother of crap is up with this stuff? (Referring to the taffy, which shes been chewing this whole time.) Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? Whats the deal? (she swallows it, finally) Oh, its nice! May I try a pink one?
[Time lapse, Phoebe is asleep, Joeys driving and having a hard time staying awake.]
Mrs. Waltham: Well, if youre on e of Rosss best friends, why arent you here?
Monica: Yknow, it is so strange seeing Ross here this time of day, cause usually hes got the childrens hospital.
Ross: No, but ah, theres coconut in the Hanukkah Menoreoes. I tell you what, Ill put you down for eight boxes, one for each night.
Rachel: Oh my you think Im a pushover. Well wait, watch this, you know what? Youre not invited to lunch. What do you think of that? I think thats pretty strong, thats what I think. Come on, Monica, lets go to lunch. (She leaves)
Joey: Thats not, prison lingo, is it?
Rachel: Okay Ross thats fine, but can you please stand near my head?
Phoebe: Yay! Its so exciting! Wow, you couldve done that with us there.
Joey: Yeah, why dont you move in with me? Itll be great! We could stay up late, watch movies, and you know about Naked Thursdays right?
Emily: (rushing in) Ross! Come quickly! Theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
Phoebe: Ooh, and treat it is. (Monica�s breasts.)
Chandler: How can she be great if shes from Poughkeepsie? (laughs, at they all look at him) That joke wouldve killed in Albany.
[The next one is from Episode 613: The One With Rachels Sister, Chandler has just opened the door to reveal a woman standing there.]
[Scene: Ross and Monicas parents garage, Ross and Monica are arriving to go through their things. Mr. Geller is in the garage.]
Rachel: Okay, swear you wont tell, but when Mark left he gave me a key to Joannas office. Do you wanna see the list?
Phoebe: I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! Its time to open the presents!
Ross: Look, I-I know how miserable you are, I wish there was something I can do. I mean I wish I were a seahorse. (She glares at him) Because with seahorses its the male, they carry the babies. And then also umm, Id be far away in the sea. (He sits back down.)
Phoebe: It’s for our wedding day! Right, now, is this guy gay or straight, because one of us gonna have to start flirting.
[Cut to Rosss apartment, hes watching TV and eating some popcorn as the phone rings.]
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachels new job.]
Joey: No-no-no! We gotta go! Come on! (Joey picks him up in a firemans carry and carries him out.) Here we go.
[Scene: Kleinmans, a horde of women including Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are waiting for the store to open.]
Chandler: Y'know what maybe its gonna be okay, I mean its been a week.
Chandler: Sure! Thats one of the great things about being engaged. Im not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.
Tim: Its because Im with you.
Ross: Its a little early to be drinkin.
Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when youre on a date and youre getting along really great but the guys translator keeps getting in the way.
Rachel: Come on Ross! You said you wanted to talk about it, lets talk about it!! How was she?
Monica: Limited seating my ass. Lets see who made the cut. (To the couple sitting to her right.) Hi!
[Scene: Joey and Janines, continued from earlier.]
Policeman: Its Petty. (He grabs Rosss license.) Ill be right back with your ticket. (Walks back to his car.)
[Scene: Rachels outer office, Tag has finished searching his desk and Rachel comes out to try to plant the folder on the desk.]
Chandler: Oh, thats-thats okay, no problem. (He starts to look around her office.)
Monica: No, Chandlers still in Phase One, and Joeys that thing you smell.
Chandler: Eh, somebodys in a good mood!
Monica: Alright heres something, it says to try holding the baby close to your body and then swing her rapidly from side to side.
Phoebe: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm, whos next?
Phoebe: Well, Im not sure. I mean, I guess until she y'know, gets used to the fact that theres y'know, a new mom. Y'know, I think shes worried that y'know, shes gonna, shes gonna be replaced. (to the cat, in a funny voice) Well, thats not gonna happen is it? Noo. (gets up) Okay, I have to return a call in the other room.
Monica: Okay, heres your milk. What do you want to talk about? (She sees that Chandler has fallen asleep and slams the door loudly to wake him up.)
Ross: Oh, yeah, no problems. Its all taken care of.
Joey: Oh, thats, thats ah, one of the old ones, hes just taking it to the back.
Dina: Bobby Corso, but hes a real nice guy. I like him a lot. Hes real funny.
Joey: No you wont. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, hes sorry. But, (to Chandler) youve got one more apology to make, all right, youve got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute its not gonna be Baby Girl? I thought that was so original!
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
Rachel: I am still talking!! And then you chase away the one guy that I actually liked! I mean, no offense to you guys. Really! I mean (To Patrick) congratulations on all the cash, (He nods) and-and yknow(Feels Eldads hair)Wow! You do have very soft hair! But I would much rather go to the ball all by myself than go through anymore of this! Good-bye! (Grabs her stuff, starts to leave, then turns back suddenly, and to Eldad) Now do you use some sort of special conditioner on that hair?!
Monica: Hey, Joey, I dont think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean its only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?
Mrs. Green: No dear, thats what babies do.
[Scene: Rachel and Joeys, Joey is sitting on his recliner as Phoebe enters.]
(She hands the baby to Joey who pulls down the blanket to reveal Rosss face where the babys should be.)
Ross: I dont think so! Youre just giving me Ruth so youll get to name it when its a boy, and thats when youll swoop in and name him Heath or Blaine or Sequoia.
[Scene: Rosss office, hes unlocking his office door as Elizabeth walks up.]
Phoebe: Okay but look! Look at what I got! Its her address book! (Holds it up.) We have a guest list!
Joey: Yeah, Chandler finds me so intimdating that its better if were on the same team.
Joey: (smiles then stops) Now I cant believe it! What? Rachels pregnant? (The girls nod yes.) Whos the father?
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Joey and Rachel enter the room]
Joey: What’s the matter?
[scene: Joey’s apartment. Joey and Rachel are sitting on the couch]
Monica: We weren’t picking up, it’s Amanda!
Joey: Its not what you said. Its the way you said it Oh My God, Im a woman!!!
Joey: Its no Ukrainian film.
Rachel: Ok, careful, ok. (Emma giggles) Oh, she’s smiling! Oh my God, she does like it!
Joey: (in a funny voice) Yeah, so it turns out that it wasnt the hair straightener that started the fire. (Rachel prompts him on what to say next.) No-no, it was the candles. Its very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is (Phoebe suddenly enters.) Uhh Uhh Okay. Well, I have to go now. (Phoebe leaves.)
Monica: Its not a date, okay. Im just gonna teach him how to make lasagne for some pot luck dinner he has.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, Monica is sleeping and Chandlers sitting in bed, wide awake.]
Joey: Hey no-no-no-no! Its cool! Its cool! I-Ill only be a second, Im still with my brides maid, I justWhere are those condoms you brought?
Joey: Are you kidding me? Im great! Yeah, Im uh; Im better than great. I am good. And now that shes gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldnt do before. Yknow? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Yknow? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Yknow? I like being on my own, Im uh, better off this way. Im uh, a lone wolf. Yknow? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. Whats a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! (Chandler rushes over and hugs him.)
Monica: Is he crazy?! You just had Rosss baby!
Joey: Dont worry! Dont worry. I just told him, very nicely, "You dont go buying peoples babies, so back off!!"
Richard: Hes gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. (they both laugh) This is nice.
Rachel: Ross, shes gonna start getting ready soon!
Joey: Morning! Hey, hows my favorite genius and my little robot buddy?! (Pats C.H.E.E.S.E. on the head.)
Rachel: Now, you do realize that shes a cartoon, and way out of your league?
Phoebe: Well its just like youre trying too hard. Always making jokes, yknow, you justYou come off a little needy.