words in movies
Rachel: I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend hes Alan Alda.
Phoebe: Whos singing?
(A commercial for the Mattress King, Janices ex-husband, comes on TV.)
Phoebe: Ewww! Oh! Its the Mattress King!
Janice: Oh, I cannot believe hes using our divorce to sell mattresses.
Rachel: Are ah, having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night, I hope thats okay.
Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrows not so good, Im supposed to um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.
Chandler: See, thats why I could never be an actor. Because I cant say gig.
Monica: Whats the part?
Joey: Well, its not a part, no. Im teaching acting for soap operas down at the Learning Extension.
Ross: Come on! Thats great.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Its like my chance to give something back to the acting community.
Phoebe: Ugh! I dont know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janices ex-husband, thats like betraying Chandler.
Phoebe: Eh, Monica it, it feels so weird, y'know, Chandlers your friend... (hops onto the bed) Oh! Oh my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make other friends.
[Scene: Classroom. Joey is writing his name on the board, but turns around before hes done which causes him to write his name with a downward curve, and he then underlines it, and draws the line right through his name.]
Joey: Yeah, its this great part, this boxer named Nick. And Im so, so right for it, y'know, hes just like me. Except hes a boxer, and has an evil twin.
Phoebe: Oh, do I have a middle name. All right Monica Velula Geller. Its that bedroom there. (points to Monicas room)
Phoebe: Oh, hey, hey Nick the boxer lets see what you got. All right ya, put em up. Come on. (they start shadow boxing)
(Phoebe throws another jab, and lands it on Joeys nose, causing it to bleed.)
Phoebe: Oh, its the compulsively neat one by the window, okay.
Dr. Green: So! (they both try to sit next to Rachel but Dr. Green is successful.) (to Ross) Hows the library?
Dr. Green: You know whats really good here, the lobster. What do you say shall I just order three.
Ross: Its not a library...
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Ross: So, Dr. Green, hows the old boat.
Rachel: Aw honey stop! Its not that bad.
Rachel: Yeah. Thats Daddy.
Ross: Thats Daddy?! But doesnt it bother you? Youre a waitress.
Rachel: So. Ross, Ive bugged him about this a million times, hes not gonna change.
Ross: The carbon, its messy, I mean it gets on your fingers and causes, the, the ah, night blindness.
Ross: Oh, yeah, that would be me, um, I have, I have a problem I-I tip way too much, way, way, too much, its a sickness really.
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, Ive never been able to cry as an actor, so if Im in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, lets say I wanna convey that Ive just done something evil. That would be the basic I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, lets say Ive just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And thats how its done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Joey: You bet! Whats the part?
Student: Oh its great, its a role on All My Children, Nick the boxer.
Ross: Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when theres a bug in my food.
(they go into Monica and Rachels, and see Phoebe hopping around.)
Phoebe: I am soo dead. (goes to Monicas room)
Rachel: All right, look, heres the bottom line Ross, this is fixable, if we act fast, okay. So, Ill invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.
Rachel: Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is difficult, but thats why you have got to be the bigger man here.
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, Phoebe is trying to hide the bed from Monica.]
Monica: (sees the bed) Whats this?
Phoebe: When I was you! Y'know what, its all Joeys fault, cause he left his nose open!
Phoebe: Its Monicas bed. What?
Chandler: Okay. (to Monica) Its a racecar.
Phoebe: So. This has always been Monicas bed, what youre just noticing now, how self-involved are you?
Student: Look, I just saw my best friends brains smeared across the canvas, thats not gonna be me, not me.
Monica: Joey, youre this guys teacher. I mean how could you do this?
Joey: Because, Monica, the guys so good, and I really, really want this part.
Phoebe: Well, if you really, really want it, then its okay.
Ross: (to Rachel) Okay, thats it, I cant take it anymore.
Rachel: What? What? Hes interested in you. He-he likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got here.
Ross: Oh, please. Sweetie its hopeless, okay, Im just gonna go. (starts to leave rubbing his neck)
Ross: Look, look Im sorry. Its just that....
Dr. Green: Ross? Whats with the neck?
Rachel: Hes got this thing. And I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor...
Ross: Thank you! Thats what I keep saying.
Rachel: Well thats his last name.
Dr. Green: Hes Bobby Bobby?
Rachel: Its Robert Bobby.
Rachel: What? Its true, my right leg is two inches shorter.
Ross: What can I do, she doesnt listen to me about renters insurance either.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, you dont have renters insurance?!
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when youll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And Im ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, hes got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me Im stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
Jester: Look, its like I told you, theres nothing I can do. You signed for it, Monica Velula Geller.
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, Chandler is playing with the bed.]
Chandler: Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom! (makes a screeching sound as he pretends to stomp on the brakes.) Hey-hey good lookin! (honks the beds little horn on the steering wheel.) Varrrrrrrrroom. (notices Rachel and stops) All right, Ill leave. My beds so boring.
Rachel: Definitely! Phoebe, you will not find a single game show host, whos ass I cannot kick.
Chandler: Hmmm, thats very cool.
Phoebe: Thats what I said.
Phoebe: Excuse me, I dont want Greg and Jennys rejects.
(Ross just stands in the doorway, for like a minute Ahh! Whats going to happen next??!!! I cant make it all the way through the Olympics!!!)
Mr. Geller: All-right fine, but I just want to say, Im not paying for your wine cellar. You thieving, would be speaking German if it werent for us, cheap little man. (Emilys stepmum looks shocked. Jack and Judy get up and leave.)
Ross: Oh, come on, you know its a girl!
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch reading as Rachel enters. Its the next day.]
Leslie: Wow, thats great.
Tim: Actually shes my-my boss. Sous is French for under.
Monica: Its 9:30 in the morning!
Tim: I I-I dont know, but I would say its pretty good-o. (Phoebe laughs too hard.)
Ginger: Whats that?
Phoebe: (to Rachel, whos staying in the cab.) Arent you gonna go?
Gunther: They already do. Thats why they call it the tray spot.
Monica: Wheres that?
Joey: So Pheebs whats this guy like?
Melissa: Oh no, thats-thats an old card. Umm, I wanted to get out of that and-and do something where I can really help people and-and make a difference.
Monica: Wow! Its small.
Ross: Hey, whats going on?
Ross: Whats that on the bottom?
Chandler: Well, lets just say its ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.
Phoebe: Then thats not breaking the law! Im there!
Ross: Hey, I think Elizabeth is a little more serious than, "Spring break!" (Imitates the party noise.) All right? I mean shes taken my class!
Rachel: Oh thats right! Im sorry! I-I am early! Finish! Please!!
[Scene: Pauls Bedroom, Elizabeth is entering.]
[Scene: Fortunata Fashions, Rachels new job.]
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because its, its, its not gonna be easy.
Ross: Wow! Happy Monicas night!
Joey: Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Rosss behalf. I-I think the rule applies here yknow, since she has a chance to get on broad back
Ross: First of all its Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didnt fly.
Joey: Jos there, but I dont think theres anything she could do.
Joey: Whats going on?
Ross: Okay, its not, its not.
Girl: Im not gonna tell you! Youre the bad man who broke Sarahs leg.
Monica: Of course theres another guy!! This is even more perfect! Now you have to prove your love!
Mark: Its for me.
[Scene: The hospital, Ross and Monica are in Phoebes room. Phoebe is in the bathroom and Monica notices smoke coming out from underneath the door.]
Ross: Hi! Its me.
Ross: Whos that?
Ross: Ah, thats okay, thanks.
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, shes in bed with Richard.]
Ross: What was Monica’s nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Phoebe: Well, hes very charming.
(She hits the jukebox Fonzy style, and Its That Time of Season starts to play, as they start to kiss.)
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Ross: Okay, its not, its not.
[Scene: Ross and Rachels apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.]
Ross: Whos that?
Rachel: Oh Pheebs thats so sweet(Grabs a pair of pants)Ooh, those are so cute!
Ross: Thats crap!! Sister Brown Bird. (to Elizabeth) Good going. (does the salute)
[Scene: Rosss Kitchen, Ross is taking some aspirin and checking his messages.]
Monica: I know! I mean its like me and your dad, thats a totally separate thing.
Chandler: Joeys gonna be thrilled! He was hoping youd come by as a slutty nurse.
Chloe: Wait! Wheres my shoes?
Chloe: Thats so great for you guys!
Ross: Well then a small one!! Listen, lets, we kinda have to get going!
Joey: Yeah, I mean its never taken me a week to get over a relationship.
Chandler: Thats-thats my nubbin.
Monica: Rachel, what are you doing? Its freezing out here. Would you come back inside?
Chandler: Well, thats the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually Ill be in Cuba.
Ross: Oh, I-I dont think theres any trail.
Joey: Its all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls apartment.)
Monica: Its okay, its okay.
Monica: Thats right.
Rachel: Really its nothing. Im just
Rachel: Ross, what are you talking about? (she sees the cake) oh! Oh my God! They put my baby’s face on a penis!
Chandler: (on machine) Youve reached Monica and Chandlers, if youre listening to this message, were probably screening. (to himself) Yeah we are.
Rachel: What, whats it, whats going on?
Ross: Wheres Ben?
Carol: Hes sleeping.
Ross: Its a good thing I didnt do it, because it sounds like it wouldve been a very expensive wedding. (Rachel laughs) Okay, good night
Monica: So why-why wasnt Rosss stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel Im going to Easy Bake your head!
Joey: (screaming) Why God?!! Why?!! We had a deal!! Let the others grow old! Not me!! (He buries his head in Phoebes lap for comfort.)
Monica: YeahOh thats right. You, you always wanted me too. Hey, I see you got your mustache back.
Joey: Im the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!
Ross: Postpone it? Emily, do you think Monica realises how much our parents spent on this wedding? Do you my sisters teeny-tiny little brain comprehends that people took time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here, huh? (He puts his pants on backwards.) This isnt right.
Chandler: Thats a bad duck!!! (to Ross) Howd the thing go tonight, Ross?
Rachel: Nooo! Its not okay! I cant believe you would want to after what he did to me!
Rachel: All right, lets go!
Ross: No, Monicas restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didnt want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)
Rachel: You guys, theres a little girl in Soho looking for this cat. I mean, you know what that means?!
Monica: (to Joey) Whats so funny?
Joey: What-whats so funny?
Chandler: (to Rachel, whos entering) Hey! Howd the interview go?
Rachel: (to Ross) Whats your problem?
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
Phoebe: Ugh, its so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)
Frank: Yeah, so we just thought wed stop by and let you know theres still no pressure.
[Scene: Outside Chandlers Office, Chandler is just about to go into his office when Bob calls for him from behind.]
Phoebe: What, hes 18.
Monica: It was okay. Shes still kind of depressed because she broke up with her boyfriend.
Chandler: Okay, thats like the least fun game ever.
Monica: Youre right, Im sorry. Its not like youre yknow, going out with an ex-girlfriend.
Joey: No, not really. They give you all the information, its uh, its like memorizing a script. (Making like a tour guide) "And on your left, you have Tyrannosaurus Rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period.
Ross: Yeah, thats the one. Listen, I dont want to hurt her.
Chandler: Its the semi-finals of her botchy ball tournament.
Rachel: This bench, its hollow! I cant believe I never knew that! (She pushes all the pillows off it and opens it up) Oh, the presents!!!
Phoebe: Thankfully you dont need me at all (gets up and to leave) so Okay Super aunt see you later! Rachel lets give it six to eight months (she leaves).