words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
C.H.E.E.S.E: You can say that again Mac.
C.H.E.E.S.E: Oh yeah? Well then how come I cant get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00?
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Hold on please. Joey, its your mom. (Hands him the phone.)
Chandler: Its your mommy. Its your mommy.
Rachel: Thats nice.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah thats right.
Monica and Phoebe: Oh, thats great!!
Rachel: Its the same story.
Joey: (groans in disgust) Wow, its really long.
Rachel: (ignoring him) Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that hes so happy with my work that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for polo retail.
Joey: Ill be playing Drake Remorays twin brother, Stryker!
[Scene: Rachels New Office, shes interviewing a potential new assistant, Hilda.]
Hilda: Thats right.
Hilda: No dear. Its not.
(Theres a knock on the door and a handsome man enters.)
Rachel: Really?! (Taking his resume) Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so whatswhat iswhats your name?
Tag: Thats it. Thats my whole name.
Rachel: Thats your whole name, okay of course it is! Okay, well lets-lets just have a look-see here. (Looking at his resume)
Rachel: Oh come on, what are you talking about? Youve got three years painting houses. Two whole summers at T.G.I. Fridays, come on!
Tag: Its lame, I know. But Im a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn
Rachel: Okay, hold on just a second. (She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.) Im sorry, its for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please?
Monica: I cant tell you. Its a secret.
Chandler: No, he visited a little town south of throw up. (Monica laughs hysterically.) So what was Phoebes secret?
Monica: Oh, Nancy Thompson from Phoebes old massage place is getting fired.
Chandler: Thats it?! I gave up my Disneyland story for that?
Monica: Thats right! You lose sucker!! (Pause) Please still marry me.
Rachel: No, I-I just dont know how you decide who to hire. I mean Ive got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then theres this guy
Rachel: I love him. Hes so pretty I wanna cry! I dont know what to do. Tell me what to do.
Phoebe: Lets see. (Looking at the picture) Oh my God! Oh But no! No! You cant-you cant hire him, because thatits not professional. Umm, this is for me (The picture) yes? Thanks. (Puts it in her pocket.)
[Scene: The Days of Our Lives producers office, Joey is entering to find Terry there.]
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
Terry: Its a different building.
Joey: Well, I was Dr. Drake Remoray, Strykers twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right?
Terry: Im sorry Joey thats thats the way it is.
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
[Scene: Rachels office, shes there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.]
Chandler: Oh its always nicer to here than, "Aw crap! You again!"
Chandler: Hey! Whats up?
Ross: (notices the table) HeyOoh! Whats-whats that, dinner stuff? You making dinner?
Ross: Eh, either way Ill pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still cant eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) Whats so funny?!
Chandler: Nancy Thompsons getting fired! (Monica slaps him on the shoulder.)
Ross: (To Monica) Look, okay-okay I had food poisoning! Its not like I choose to do it! Its not likeIts not like I said, "Umm, what would make this ride more fun?!"
Ross: And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what youre thinking, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and youre right, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Phoebe: HeyOoh, hows Hilda? Is she working out?
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
Monica: Its hard for some people!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Phoebe: You! An actor?! Thats madness!
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, Tag is sitting at his desk as Rachel walks up. She stops and watches him pick up the phone.]
Tag: Rachel Greens office. (Hangs up.)
Tag: Hi! Rachel Greens office.
Tag: Phoebe! Thats a great name.
Rachel: Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that Ive ever done. But Im telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional. (Theres a knock on the door.) Yes?
(Kathy enters (Because shes listed in the credits).)
Kathy: Cute assistant! Whats his story? Is he
[Scene: Terrys office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.]
Nurse #1: This poor guys been in a coma for five years. Its hopeless.
Nurse #2: Its not hopeless! Dr. Stryker Remorays a miracle worker. Look, here he comes.
(Stryker enters, only its not Joey playing him.)
Dr. Stryker Remoray: Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, its your brother Stryker. Can you hear me?
Chandler: Yeah that was stupid. Lets not do that.
[Scene: Rachels office, shes looking at a picture of Tag when he knocks and enters.]
Rachel: Well yeah, sure, whats up?
Rachel: Whys that?
Rachel: (Pause) Yeah, shes gay.
Phoebe: Well, I heard youre having a problem with one of the boys in your class. And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all okay. Now umm, the boys name is Stings son.
Phoebe: Well lets just hope it works. Yknow nine out of ten marriages end in divorce?
Chandler: So, thats it?
Joey: Hey, whats up?
Rachel: Yeah, but that was different. Yknow? I mean, we were, we were going out then, now I think its weird.
(They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monicas back, which he removes for her.)
Rachel: Okay. Thank you. Thats great. Thank you. Wait-wait! Where on west 10th? Because theres this really cute shoe store that has like this little
Phoebe: Thats all right, thats well, I figured.... (they start to leave as Joey enters.)
Mrs. Green: Look at that face! Just like when you were in high school! If I didnt know better Id say you were a cheerleader in trouble. Come on, lets get some tea.
Chandler: Oh, whats the matter?
Monica: Phoebe thats crazy!
Rachel: Yeah I know, and I bet you thought it would be weird. But its not!
Monica: Oh my God Stu! I-I cant believe you did this! Now are you absolutely sure shes a hooker?
[Scene: Phoebes cab, Phoebe and Joey are driving back. Phoebe is driving while Joey is sleeping.]
Monica: Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see? Its here.
Joey: Really? Thats great! You and my sister, sittin in a tree.
Chandler: Thats the way I did it til I was 19.
A Waiter: (entering) Hey, dragon! Heres your tips from Monday and Tuesday. (hands him two envelopes)
Phoebe: I dont know, but were having dinner tomorrow night, so I figured, shes gonna tell me then. Y'know maybe she just wanted to give him time to, buy me presents, I dont know! So, youre all bored?
Ross: Whats a matter with me? Youve got a black light. Its 1999!
Ross: Thats right!
Phoebe: That shes gonna move in with you and maybe then shell fall in love with you and then when she finds out youre already married, shell just be happy. Yknow? Youre just, youre very sad.
(Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it off of Rosss forehead and Chandler catches the rebound.)
Chandler: Whats wrong with you?
Ross: Pity food? Y'know what thats okay, all right, I dont need any of you to stay, okay nobody stays.
Monica: Whos Denise?
Chandler: Thats a hernia.
Ross: Hows my little boy?
Phoebe: Whats going on?
Janice: Oh yknow what? You have to speak very loudly when youre talking to Sid, because hes almost completely deaf.
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandros? Sure, but Id have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
Phoebe: Wait, no, look at this! (Points to one.) (Reading) "Two bedroom, two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay " Oh, yeah, but its on the ground floor.
Phoebe: Thats short for Phoebe?! I thought that was just what we called each other!
Joey: Uh no Rach, hes gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake.
Chandler: (entering with Rachel) Im telling ya, Joannas got it all wrong. Okay? All I said was, This was fun. Lets do it again sometime. Ill give you a call.
Ross: Oh, no! No-no! No, I tired! But I couldnt. Thats why Im here. Maybe we could attack them together? (He glares at him.) That-thats a no.
A Student: Whats happening to your accent?
Joey: I could use a challenge! Its getting pretty easy.
Monica: Im with you Chandler! I mean I cant have sex with a sick person either, thats disgusting! But Im not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. Oh, good thing its one of those 801 numbers. Right?
Rachel: Well theres an idea!!
[Scene: Phoebes apartment, Parker and her are entering.]
Joey: Oh, yeah, totally! Thats such a turn-on!
Rachel: Its not funny, this is actually my job.
Joey: Yeah, but its my wax.
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Joey: Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing yknow youre in the bathtub together and shes feeding you strawberries?
Dr. Long: Thats fine, for now well just call her Baby Girl Green.
Monica: Sweetie, with you its gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great, cause you-you guys are in love.
Rachel: No, the other thing. I really think its great they work things out.
Chandler: Why not?! I mean its just, its just climbing! Its just, its just steep!
Phoebe: Im pretty sure its gun.
Monica: No that is not what happened with us. Well, I was umm, I was really sad that night because this guy that I was Rosss mom.
Joey: Is it the shampoo? Its guava.
Monica: (not wanting to be left out, picks up something) Hey umm, whats this?
Joey: (entering) Hey. (Ross turns to see who it is, and seeing its Joey he just ignores him and turns back around.) Ross, I know youre pissed at me, but we have to talk about this.
Joey: Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldnt stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, its a couple weeks past its expiration date, so its got a bit of a kick.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, continued from earlier.]
Chandler: So I guess its just uh, you and me then.
Ross: (entering) Well hey! Whats going on? Ooh, cool boat(Sees why the boats there)Oh, no. (Averts his eyes by looking around the room) (To Rachel) Hey, did you, did you tell them?
Phoebe: Seriously, I dont Rachels gonna think its a good idea.
Chandler: Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board, then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Rosss! I went to the coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches!
Phoebe: Aw, honey its not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I dont see that happening.
Phoebe: Thats right.
Casting Director #2: Thats where you pick up the bag.
Stephanie: Well the divorces dont bother me, Id date him. But, not while hes still married.
Chandler: Oh Maria. You cant say no to her, shes like this lycra spandex covered gym treat.
Chandler: I think thats gum.
(As Bonnie goes to do just that, Rachel smiles to herself, proud of what shes done.)
Phoebe: Come on, theres gotta be something.
Monica: I dont think theres anything.
Monica: Nope, shes perfect.
Ross: Thats all youre basing this on?
Monica: (on phone) Whats up?
Joey: Well, whats it called?
Rachel: Well its mine too! What else you got?!
Phoebe: I didnt do it! It was Chandler! Hes Hes mad at you!
Phoebe: No offence but, yknow sometimes its hard to understand you, yknow with the accent, so
Ross: Maybe hes just jumping on a pogo-stick and really likes it?
Rachel: Well, Phoebe thats fine because Im not moving.
Chandler: Whats wrong?
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
Phoebe: Yeah, but Monica, do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, "Thats not how your dad used to do it."
Joey: Its him, not it!
Rachel: Ohhhhhh, look its the roller blades.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler is trying to get Joeys money back from Ross.]
Rachel: Okay look, let me paint you a little picture. (She sits down next to him.) All right, you are settin sail up the Hudson! Youve got the wind in your h(sees that hes bald)arms! You-you get all that peace and quiet that youve always wanted! You get back to nature! You can go fishin! You canooh, you can get one of those little hats and have people call you captain, and then when youre old, Cappy.
Rachel: Phoebes...
Rachel: Phoebes
Phoebe: No, its not! We were just goofing around and I dared him to try them on.
Rachel: Well, let�s see. The first one is: I don�t want to. And, you know, I�m not going.
Monica: Whats fish hooking?
Chandler: Well, Joeys my best friend.
Monica: He cannot play at our wedding! I mean everyone will leave! I mean come on, that is just noise! Its not even a song!
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Monica: Oh Rachel, I know the best coffee house and its sooo close.
Joey: Oh what, wait, wait a second, I mean, what are we doing? Whos going with who?
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
(Suddenly, Phoebes boss, Mrs. Potter, and a client, Mr. Simon, enters.)
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, I-I-I see the scare. Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that-that yknow, you shared your feelings. Its really, its beautiful, but umm, what do you say we go share some food?