words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for Rachels baby shower.]
Rachel: So whats the final head count on my baby shower?
Rachel: What?! You mean theyre not coming to a social event where theres no men and theres no booze?! Thats shocking! I dont care, as long as my moms here.
Rachel: What?! My moms not gonna be here?!
Rachel: Please, make sure she comes. Its really important to me, I mean its my mom!
Phoebe: I know. I know, whats her number?
Monica: Go! I have it in my book. Go! (Rachel leaves and Monica calls Mrs. Green.) (To Phoebe) Wait a minute! If youre in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call herHello Mrs. Green! Hi, its Monica Geller.
Mrs. Green: I know, my daughters told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.
Monica: (To Phoebe) Oh my God, my ass is sweating! (on phone) Please! Please! Can you come? Its today at four.
Chandler: Thats great.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, and if I get it by day Ill (In a sexy voice) Dr. Drake Remoray, but by night Ill be (In an announcers voice) Joey Trrrribbiani!
Chandler: Youll be perfect for this! Thats already your name!
Joey: But the auditions in a couple hours and I dont even understand the game.
Joey: (announcer voice) All right! Lets play Bamboozled!
Joey: Excellent! Lets play Bamboozled! Chandler, youll go first. What is the capital of Columbia?
Joey: Its Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card.
Joey: I should know that. Lets see, just one moment please. Umm, here we are, a Wicked Wango card determines whether you go higher or lower.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachels baby shower is underway. Monica and Phoebe are working in the kitchen.]
Phoebe: Oh, I told the stripper to be here at five. Thats good right?
Phoebe: What? Hes gonna be dressed as a baby! (Mrs. Green enters.) Oh hi Mrs. Green!
Mrs. Green: Try. Theres my little girl. (Goes over to Rachel.)
Monica: Shes still mad.
Monica: Phoebe, Sandras mad at you too. It-it doesnt bother you?
Mrs. Green: Look at that face! Just like when you were in high school! If I didnt know better Id say you were a cheerleader in trouble. Come on, lets get some tea.
Mrs. Green: Its like youre a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You dont know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.
Rachel: Mrs. Kay! Oh yeah, she was sweet. She taught me Spanish. I actually think I remember some of it, tu madre es loca. (I think thats your mothers crazy.)
Ross: Its okay, Im ready.
Chandler: This is ridiculous, hes not gonna hold his breath (Ross cuts him off by taking a deep breath and holding it.)
Joey: Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, Tris Holy cow, thats a big word. Trisc Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that?
Ross: Its possible, they have really sharp edges.
Joey: Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Rosss points!
Ross: (To Chandler) You dont think its a little crazy that you get all my points just cause you
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Monica: Thats right. That is right, you go over there and tell her you dont want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer!
Monica: (To Phoebe) This is great! Now shes gonna be mad at Rachel! Yknow what? And Im just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had.
Phoebe: I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! Its time to open the presents!
Mrs. Green: Well uh, I dont have a gift because I wasnt invited until the last minute, but thank you so much for bringing that to everyones attention.
Phoebe: How about you less important people, lets open your presents!
Rachel: Mom thats okay that you didnt get you a gift!
Phoebe: Okay, come on Rach its present time! Yknow youre the glue thats holding this whole party together. Its kinda falling apart here.
Rachel: Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! (Shes holding an item with a large suction cup connected to a yellow plastic box, with a long narrow tube and bottle connected the yellow part.) Wait a minute. That cant be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?
Mrs. Green: Darling, thats a breast pump!
Rachel: Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that. Oh wow! Whats this?
Woman: Its a diaper genie.
Woman: No! Its where you put the dirty ones!
Rachel: Well thats gross, why dont you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?
Mrs. Green: No dear, thats what babies do.
Woman: Its actually a bassinet.
Joey: Correct! Theres a possible backwards bonus!
Joey: Okay, its an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Genie.)
Rachel: Oh mom, I swear Im not an idiot. Ive read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didnt think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The babys coming and I dont know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie?
Mrs. Green: Now dont worry! Everythings gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.)
Rachel: No. Shes going to live with us for eight weeks.
Rachel: Yes! Shes gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo. (Sees that Ross isnt happy.)
Ross: WhatYoure not serious. I mean shes a very nice woman, but there is no way we can take eight weeks of her. Shell drive us totally crazy.
[Scene: Joeys Audition, Joey is being shown in.]
Joey: (announcer voice) Its a pleasure to meet you Ray.
Ray: And this is Duncan (points to the cameraman) and Erin, theyre gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, lets get the camera rolling.
Joey: (to the camera) Hello, Im Joey Tribbiani! Lets play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One?
Joey: Well whats complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance. You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail and boom! Youre in Paradise Pond!
Ray: Yeah all thats gone. Its basically just a simple question and answer game now.
Joey: Well whats fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game thats just people standing around answering questions?
Joey: (announcer voice to the camera) Lets play Bamboozled!
Ross: Yknow what? Maybe, Mrs. Green, its not absolutely vital that you live with us.
Ross: Im-Im sure thats not true.
Monica: Its frightening.
Mrs. Green: Thats true. You do have another child.
Ross: Thats a different issue. Uh, the point is, when the baby comes I will be there to to feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that I want to do all those things.
Ross: Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. Youllyoure gonna pick it up. (Rachel doesnt believe that.) Hey! You will! Uh look, yknow when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddys credit card. Do you remember?
Mrs. Green: Oh no-no-no-no sweetheart, you stay put. Ill let myself out. Its like Im not here, which I almost wasnt.
Phoebe: Nothing! You have apologized to her like a million times and shes been nothing but terrible to you. And dont forget you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower, and she hasnt even thanked you for it.
Monica: Thats right! Maybe its time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady old lady lady!
Ross: All right then. (Gets up, in an announcers voice) Rachel Green! Lets play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the babys bath water?
Ross: Thats correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)
Rachel: Check if its wet, check if its hungry, burp it!
Phoebe: Well, I heard youre having a problem with one of the boys in your class. And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all okay. Now umm, the boys name is Stings son.
Phoebe: Well lets just hope it works. Yknow nine out of ten marriages end in divorce?
Chandler: So, thats it?
Joey: Hey, whats up?
Rachel: Yeah, but that was different. Yknow? I mean, we were, we were going out then, now I think its weird.
(They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monicas back, which he removes for her.)
Rachel: Okay. Thank you. Thats great. Thank you. Wait-wait! Where on west 10th? Because theres this really cute shoe store that has like this little
Phoebe: Thats all right, thats well, I figured.... (they start to leave as Joey enters.)
Chandler: Oh, whats the matter?
Monica: Phoebe thats crazy!
Rachel: Yeah I know, and I bet you thought it would be weird. But its not!
Monica: Oh my God Stu! I-I cant believe you did this! Now are you absolutely sure shes a hooker?
[Scene: Phoebes cab, Phoebe and Joey are driving back. Phoebe is driving while Joey is sleeping.]
Monica: Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see? Its here.
Joey: Really? Thats great! You and my sister, sittin in a tree.
Chandler: Thats the way I did it til I was 19.
A Waiter: (entering) Hey, dragon! Heres your tips from Monday and Tuesday. (hands him two envelopes)
Phoebe: I dont know, but were having dinner tomorrow night, so I figured, shes gonna tell me then. Y'know maybe she just wanted to give him time to, buy me presents, I dont know! So, youre all bored?
Ross: Whats a matter with me? Youve got a black light. Its 1999!
Ross: Thats right!
Phoebe: That shes gonna move in with you and maybe then shell fall in love with you and then when she finds out youre already married, shell just be happy. Yknow? Youre just, youre very sad.
(Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it off of Rosss forehead and Chandler catches the rebound.)
Chandler: Whats wrong with you?
Ross: Pity food? Y'know what thats okay, all right, I dont need any of you to stay, okay nobody stays.
Monica: Whos Denise?
Chandler: Thats a hernia.
Ross: Hows my little boy?
Phoebe: Whats going on?
Janice: Oh yknow what? You have to speak very loudly when youre talking to Sid, because hes almost completely deaf.
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandros? Sure, but Id have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
Phoebe: Wait, no, look at this! (Points to one.) (Reading) "Two bedroom, two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay " Oh, yeah, but its on the ground floor.
Phoebe: Thats short for Phoebe?! I thought that was just what we called each other!
Joey: Uh no Rach, hes gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake.
Chandler: (entering with Rachel) Im telling ya, Joannas got it all wrong. Okay? All I said was, This was fun. Lets do it again sometime. Ill give you a call.
Ross: Oh, no! No-no! No, I tired! But I couldnt. Thats why Im here. Maybe we could attack them together? (He glares at him.) That-thats a no.
A Student: Whats happening to your accent?
Joey: I could use a challenge! Its getting pretty easy.
Monica: Im with you Chandler! I mean I cant have sex with a sick person either, thats disgusting! But Im not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. Oh, good thing its one of those 801 numbers. Right?
Rachel: Well theres an idea!!
[Scene: Phoebes apartment, Parker and her are entering.]
Joey: Oh, yeah, totally! Thats such a turn-on!
Rachel: Its not funny, this is actually my job.
Joey: Yeah, but its my wax.
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Joey: Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing yknow youre in the bathtub together and shes feeding you strawberries?
Dr. Long: Thats fine, for now well just call her Baby Girl Green.
Monica: Sweetie, with you its gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great, cause you-you guys are in love.
Rachel: No, the other thing. I really think its great they work things out.
Chandler: Why not?! I mean its just, its just climbing! Its just, its just steep!
Phoebe: Im pretty sure its gun.
Monica: No that is not what happened with us. Well, I was umm, I was really sad that night because this guy that I was Rosss mom.
Joey: Is it the shampoo? Its guava.
Monica: (not wanting to be left out, picks up something) Hey umm, whats this?
Joey: (entering) Hey. (Ross turns to see who it is, and seeing its Joey he just ignores him and turns back around.) Ross, I know youre pissed at me, but we have to talk about this.
Joey: Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldnt stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, its a couple weeks past its expiration date, so its got a bit of a kick.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, continued from earlier.]
Chandler: So I guess its just uh, you and me then.
Ross: (entering) Well hey! Whats going on? Ooh, cool boat(Sees why the boats there)Oh, no. (Averts his eyes by looking around the room) (To Rachel) Hey, did you, did you tell them?
Phoebe: Seriously, I dont Rachels gonna think its a good idea.
Chandler: Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board, then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Rosss! I went to the coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches!
Phoebe: Aw, honey its not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I dont see that happening.
Phoebe: Thats right.
Casting Director #2: Thats where you pick up the bag.
Stephanie: Well the divorces dont bother me, Id date him. But, not while hes still married.
Chandler: Oh Maria. You cant say no to her, shes like this lycra spandex covered gym treat.
Chandler: I think thats gum.
(As Bonnie goes to do just that, Rachel smiles to herself, proud of what shes done.)
Phoebe: Come on, theres gotta be something.
Monica: I dont think theres anything.
Monica: Nope, shes perfect.
Ross: Thats all youre basing this on?
Monica: (on phone) Whats up?
Joey: Well, whats it called?
Rachel: Well its mine too! What else you got?!
Phoebe: I didnt do it! It was Chandler! Hes Hes mad at you!
Phoebe: No offence but, yknow sometimes its hard to understand you, yknow with the accent, so
Ross: Maybe hes just jumping on a pogo-stick and really likes it?
Rachel: Well, Phoebe thats fine because Im not moving.
Chandler: Whats wrong?
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
Phoebe: Yeah, but Monica, do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, "Thats not how your dad used to do it."
Joey: Its him, not it!
Rachel: Ohhhhhh, look its the roller blades.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler is trying to get Joeys money back from Ross.]
Rachel: Okay look, let me paint you a little picture. (She sits down next to him.) All right, you are settin sail up the Hudson! Youve got the wind in your h(sees that hes bald)arms! You-you get all that peace and quiet that youve always wanted! You get back to nature! You can go fishin! You canooh, you can get one of those little hats and have people call you captain, and then when youre old, Cappy.
Rachel: Phoebes...
Rachel: Phoebes
Phoebe: No, its not! We were just goofing around and I dared him to try them on.
Rachel: Well, let�s see. The first one is: I don�t want to. And, you know, I�m not going.
Monica: Whats fish hooking?
Chandler: Well, Joeys my best friend.
Monica: He cannot play at our wedding! I mean everyone will leave! I mean come on, that is just noise! Its not even a song!
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Monica: Oh Rachel, I know the best coffee house and its sooo close.
Joey: Oh what, wait, wait a second, I mean, what are we doing? Whos going with who?
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
(Suddenly, Phoebes boss, Mrs. Potter, and a client, Mr. Simon, enters.)
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, I-I-I see the scare. Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that-that yknow, you shared your feelings. Its really, its beautiful, but umm, what do you say we go share some food?
Joey: Absolutely! I could be a vegetarian. Theres no meat in beer, right?