words in movies
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
JOEY: OK, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met. CHANDLER: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.
MONICA: I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his stalker. What i-, what is she like.
CHANDLER: Well, she looks the exact opposite of that.
CHANDLER: Oh no no no, she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.
CHANDLER: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.
PHOEBE: OK, um, I'm gonna play, um, some songs about grandparents, OK. [singing] Now, grandma's a person who everyone likes, she bought you a train and a bright, shiny bike. But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner, And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner. Now, your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru, but the truth is she died and some day you will too. La-la-la la la-la-la la la-la-la la...
JOEY: Alright, just one. [she licks his hands rather emphatically] Wow, you're good at that.
JOEY: Hey I- [she cuts him off with a kiss]
JOEY: That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a dance, HEY! [she starts nibbling his hand] Hey. He-hey.
ERICA: Ohh, and I see you're having a little party too. Is she here, huh, huh?
SUSIE: I can't do Chris's makeup. She refuses to acknowledge that she has a moustasche.
RACHEL: Um, this is gonna sound kinda goofy but uhhm, my friend over there, who cooks by the way, um, she thinks you're cute.
RACHEL: Jean-Claude she said yes, I'll see you tonight. Thank you.
JOEY: Oh man, she's so smokin, she has got the greatest set of. . . no guys around, huh.
CHANDLER: I've met the perfect woman. OK, we're sitting on her couch, we're fooling around, and then suddenly she turns to me and says, 'Do you ever want to do it in an elevator?'
RACHEL: Alright, I feel that this is totally unjustified. [Monica starts making faces behind her back] She gave me the green light, I did nothing but-. Do you think I can't see you in the TV set?
SUSIE: Meet me in the bathroom. [she leaves for the bathroom]
[In the bathroom Susie and Chandler are kissing. She backs into a stall.]
[She turns him facing the toilet and sneaks out of the stall and gathers up his clothes.]
SUSIE: Well um, why don't you call me in 20 years and tell me if you're still upset about this. [she leaves with his clothes]
RACHEL: OK, you wanna play? OK, let's play, let's play. [She grabs a jar of tomato sauce and Monica's purse]
CHANDLER: Oh, no no no, she took off with my clothes.
JOEY: Hold it hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she had the biggest Adam's apple. It made me nuts.
[Scene: Rachels Doctors Office, she is waiting for her doctor as a nurse enters.]
Ross: Yeah well, if ah, if thats the rule this weekend... (She gets up) No!
Monica: Nope, shes perfect.
Phoebe: What a sad little life she must lead. Okay, ooh (starts dialing).
Monica: You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!
MR A: Oh, wait, I remember, she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time.
[Time lapse, Monica is now wearing the dress while doing the dishes and is making like she is thanking her guests for coming to her wedding. Paging Dr. Crane. Dr. Fraiser Crane!]
(She starts to go upstairs.)
[Flashback to: The Street in front of Central Perk, Ross and Joey are holding a yellow tape across the road and everyone is cheering Phoebe as she bounces around the corner on a hippity-hop.]
Monica: It says “Do it!”. And behold she did adopt onto them a baby. And it was good.
Monica: Sush!! I cannot believe she is still up there.
(She boards the plane.)
Phoebe: Oh, totally. Oh, God, oh, she seemed so happy too.
MRS. GELLER: She never tells us anything. Ross, did you know Monica's seeing someone?
ROSS: (entering from Rachel's bedroom) Come on out, honey! I'm telling you look good! (turns around, and under his breath, to the rest of the guys) Tell her she looks good, tell her she looks good.
Joey: Well yeah, dont-dont you think its a she?
Ursula: Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left.
Mr. Douglas: Youre kidding? She seems so...
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
Rachel: Yes! (she starts creeping up on him)
Joey: She made me switch to light Mayo. Thats it! Thats all I got! And, you know what? It tastes the same and my pants fit better!
Chandler: She has a real name.
Kate: And then she could rip off his shirt and kiss his chest, and, and his stomach!
Ross: She said you gave her the razor!
Phoebe: I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach?
Joey: Shes mad because I know todays her laundry day and that means shes wearing her old lady underpants.
(She opens the door and whips back the curtain. It's Joey. They both scream)
Phoebe: I think she would like that.
Chandler: Well, cause she came back the third summer and shed gotten really fa-aa-aw-ow
Ross: Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards, you know. (looks at Rachel) But, uh... look how happy she is. (smiles)
Emily: Oh. (Shes shocked and hugs him.) Thank you. (She boards the plane.)
Rachel: What is she doing here?
Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks shes like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
ROSS: Even though you do do a good Bob impression, I'm thinkin' when she sees you tomorow, she's probably gonna realize, "hey, you're not Bob."
Rachel: Thats weird, she locked the door.
Ross: Yes, she is this new professor of my department that I did not kiss.
Chandler: I did break up with her! She just took it really, really well!
Monica: Well, why would she lie to you?
Joey: Aww, man. Thats the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out hes my roommate, shes gonna tell him what I did.
Ross: Well, excuse her for knowing what she wants to do with her life!
RACHEL: (to Ross) She you in the parking lot.
[Scene: Monas Apartment, she and her date are making out as Ross flips through a magazine while lying behind the couch and sees something that he likes. Meanwhile, Monas date takes off Rosss shirt and Mona throws it on the floor. While they start making out again, Ross tries to pull the rug the shirt is on over to him, but while he does that he moves the coffee table and it bumps into the couch.]
Phoebe: And also, we dont know what to do with this. (She turns on a switch and the girls nipples light up.)
Rachel: You mean the mom you met in Montauk. She was a cat?!
(Joey hands her the book and she puts it in the freezer.)
Rachel: All right, yknow what? If you dont want to believe me about this, why dont you just come with me to dinner tonight and she will tell you.
Joey: But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is that we spent the whole day together and I survived, and what's even more amazing, so did she. It was bat day at Shea Stadium.
Ross: (on the phone) Hello? (Listens.) No she cant come to the phone right now. (Listens.) Oh, right no problem. Okay, bye-bye. (Hangs up.)
Monica: It was Laura... She gave us a great report and we are officially on the waiting list.
Steve: Oh, come on, you're way out of my league. Everybody in here knows it. Bet that guy over there's probably saying, "ooh, why she out with him? He must be rich!" Well, I'm not!
Joey: Is she great or what?
Dr. Miller: 1 2! (She flinches again.) (Gives up.) Y'know what? You're young; you probably don't have glaucoma.
(She exits just as Bonnie comes down the stairs, as bald as Michael Jordan.)
Phoebe: It was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was; "Okay dear, you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter." And y'know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.
Monica: And! We also have speaker phone. (She turns on the speaker phone.)
Rachel: (angrily) BACK OFF!!! (She starts banging on their door.) Get up! Get up! Get up! God damn it! Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up!!
Rachel: You said she was bald!!
Rachel: Oh honey, this is for the best, thus I�m not distracted, worrying about Emma, how she�s doing at home and I�m being completely here with you and, oh, she spit up!
Monica: Phoebe, she sounded pretty upset to me.
Phoebe: Oh! I'm sorry Rachel, I don't have time for your childish games, ok? I still have to go find something incredible to wear so I can beat Mike at "who's more over who"! (at which she walks away)
Monica: Maybe. I just hope she realizes how hard its gonna be.
Eric: She, now I knew that and now Im sweating. Look at me, Im really sweatingNow Im saying, "Look at me," Im getting even sweatier. I think I probably should go.
Ross: Huh? Oh-oh, it was fine. Uh, it was just a misunderstanding. She didnt want me to go with her. She just wanted to let me know that shes going to Florida for spring vacation.
Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)
Phoebe: Its a trip for two! (She gets up and takes off her blouse-type thingy shes wearing over her dress.) Excuse me. (She walks over to table four.) Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?
Monica: What is wrong with this freezer?! (She jabs her arm into the freezer and a piece of ice flies into her eye.) Ow! Ow!!
Rachel: Thats your new job, day and night, she starts crying I need you here.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Lauren: (at the window, shes looking down out of the window) What do you got down there, Vic? What do you got under that tarp?
Rachel: Well, like anything can be sexy. Like umm, oh-oh, like this dishtowel! (She grabs it and starts rubbing it on her cheek.) Ooh, ooh, this feels sooo good against my cheek! And-and if I feel a little hot, I can just dab myself with it. Or I can bring it down to my side and bring it through my fingers while I talk to him.
JOEY: It was unbelievable! I walked in there and she was all over me.
Ross: Nothing. But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful. And then when I turned around she was gone.
Phoebe: Yes! Shes very excited about that.
Ross: Come on, I think this is a good thing. I dont think Mom wouldve hired you if she didnt think you were good at what you do.
Rachel: Ohhhh, I cannot look at it! (She doesn't move.)
Ross: 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home?
Joey: I wish. See, I guess another thing I probably shouldve told you about Ginger is that she kinda has a ah, artificial leg.
Rachel: (Disgustedly she goes and tries to pick up the couch. Much to her amazement, she is successful.) Oh. Oh! I can do it!
Phoebe: (is struggling with the cat) Stop it! Stop it! She keeps squirming, trying to get away! Just like when she was alive.
Monica: She is unbelievable, our mother is...
[Cut to the casino, Monica is walking through it past the craps table when she notices a chip on the floor. She picks it up and heads to the table.]
PHOEBE: With the web, the spider she dies, she does. She has babies and dies. It's like ya know, hey welcome home from the hospital, thud.
Chandler: Wait a minute, is she going for spring vacation or is she going for spring break? (Does a little whooping/party noise.)
(They both start speaking Italian to each other, and since I'm not Italian and don't understand one word, we'll move on to the English portion of the show. Not, that I'm English. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I'm not. Y'know I think I should shut-up now and move on. Anyhoo, she says something about Joey being fat I think based on this line.)
Sophie: Shes not making me uncomfortable.
Monica: You know everything!! Oh wait, double or nothing. I bet you the baby is over seven pounds. (Phoebe isnt interested.) I bet you it has hair. (Shes still not interested.) I bet you its a girl.
Minister: May I have the rings? (He is given the rings) Emily, place this ring on Rosss finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. (She jams the ring onto his finger) Ross, place this ring in Emilys hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever.
Gunther: Sorry. She thought you were somebody else.
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant Kitchen, she is frantically working and is handing two finished dishes to a waitress.]
Dr. Long: No-no. Contractions can be unnerving if you dont know what they are, but shes fine.
Monica: I know, but what are we gonna do? She really needs this job.
Joey: Yeah, she broke up with me.
Phoebe: Give me your hands. (He does and she smells his left hand.) Strings. Gimme it! (He gives her his right hand and she smells it as well.) Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?
Friend No. 2: Rachel! Rachel! (stirs Rachel from her dream, shes in her car driving back from the city)
Ross: No Chandler, everything! Like stuff you like, stuff she likes, technique, stamina, girth....
Monica: I think Ill help her out. (She gets up to go over and help Rachel, and reveals she has no pants.) (to Rachel) What is going on here?
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
Rachel: Well yeah, I wish that you would. (He opens the top drawer.) Well, no its not in there! (Closes it.) How about that drawer? (She points to the bottom one and he opens it. She doesnt see the folder she planted and bends over to check.)
Phoebe: (To Joey) Which means she had a couple spritzers and a quick peck on the cheek.