words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]
Ross: Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's she like freaks out. Watch! Watch! (He takes his finger and moves it towards his eye.)
Monica: Hey Rach, remember that great song, Me, Myself, and I? (And on the "I" part she mimics poking her eye.)
Joey: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Phoebe: No! No, her cab! She probably won't be using it; you can drive it to Las Vegas.
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! (She walks by the table and notices that no one is looking and accidentally on purpose knocks over the open cereal box.) Ohhh! No! Look what I did! (She starts walking through the mess. {Also, notice the continuity error in this scene. Note the position of the box and dispersal pattern of the cereal before and after the camera cut.}) Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!
Monica: No. If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All right, let's go Blinky! (She ushers Rachel out the door, but before the door fully closes she sticks her head back in.) Chandler!!!! (Chandler agrees to clean up the mess.)
Phoebe: Oh, this guy again. (She ignores him.)
Phoebe: Umm, no thank you. (She gets up and moves to the couch. They were at a table previously.)
Dr. Miller: But your chin here. (She does so.) Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye.
Dr. Miller: 1 2 (She flinches on 2 this time.)
Dr. Miller: 1 2! (She flinches again.) (Gives up.) Y'know what? You're young; you probably don't have glaucoma.
Rachel: (really excited) Great!! It was very, very nice to meet you sir--Ow! Hey! What are you doing?! Are you crazy! (He took out that thing they use to look at people's retinas and looked at Rachel's when she was shaking his hand causing her to flinch and scream at him.)
Monica: Dr. Miller? (She covers her right eye and reads from the chart) P E C F D.
Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one!
{There's another continuity error here. Before Monica says I love you, Chandler's holding the vests so that you couldn't see the collar, you could see all three, and they were folding nicely. After she says the line and the camera cuts back to Chandler, you can only see two out of the three, you can see the collar of the top one, and it looks like it was folded sloppily, unlike before. Hey, you notice things while spending this much time on this!}
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
Rachel: Okay. (She tilts her head back and squeezes the eyedropper. The only problem is, it's not over her eye.)
Monica: On three, 1 2 3! (Rachel turns her head on three to avoid the drops.) Now my pillow's all wet! (She was trying to fool Rachel and squeezed the eyedropper.)
Monica: All right, come here! (She gets up and drags Rachel off of the couch by her legs.)
Monica: I am going I'm going--Turn it over! (Rachel rolled onto her stomach and Monica rolls her back.) I'm I am going to get these drops in your eyes. (She is holding Rachel down with both hands and has the eyedropper in her mouth.)
Monica: Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second. (She hands the phone to Phoebe.)
(As she moves to get it, Monica yells )
Monica: Okay! Okay! Okay! (She succeeds in getting the eye drops in and everyone climbs off of Rachel.) We'll see you in about 3 to 4 hours.
(She walks into her bedroom.)
(She comes back out.)
(She laughs and opens the door to reveal Rachel sitting on the bed.)
RACHEL: Alright, I feel that this is totally unjustified. [Monica starts making faces behind her back] She gave me the green light, I did nothing but-. Do you think I can't see you in the TV set?
Phoebe: Thank you. (She pats him on his head.)
Ross: Okay, good stuff. Umm, well shes-shes sweet and pretty and
Chandler: Okay. But if you dont come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) theres pretty much nothing I can do about it!
MONICA: I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his stalker. What i-, what is she like.
Ross: Oh shes shes perfect.
Rachel: Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day though, I got to sit in on the meeting with the reps from Calvin Klien. I told my boss I liked this line of lingerie, she ordered a ton of it. How was your day?
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar.)
Rachel: It's the woman from the hospital admissions office. She says there's a problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god...
(She starts the massage, only she is doing extremely hard and Chandler is gasping in pain.)
Chandler: Monica, I want a baby too, but this woman is giving away her child. She deserves to know who it's going to. Monica: (realizes Chandler is right. She's almost crying) okay, right. (They hug)
Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.
Joey: Tell me about it, huh? (Realizes that she can see Monica.) Oh no-no-no, I'm not with her, she's just Monica! (He pantomimes that out.) Ewwuck! (He pushes Monica away and makes a disgusted face.)
Chandler: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.
Monica: Oh my God! (She goes to hug him, stops short, and hits him on the shoulder.) Where the hell have you been?!!
Monica: Okay. Wait, just give me a second, I need to just get my boots off first. (She starts taking them off.) Ah Ooh Oohh Ohh Oh God Ohh Oh Ohh Ohhhh
Ross: Joey, Im not worried about her! Im worried about my baby! Whoever she dates my baby dates! Now-now where is this (makes the quote-marks sign) actor taking them?
Monica: Oh no its not, no its not. Its a first date. Im sure that nothing is gonna (as she is talking we see Ross close his drapes.)
Joey: Food? Uh-huh gimme! (She hands him the paper.)
(She leaves, Chandler sighs, and falls back on his bed.)
The Instructor: Well, she would take her keys and try to jam them
ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?
(Mr. Thompson looks shocked and at Rachel, she suddenly starts laughing.)
(Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him.)
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
Chandler: I was asleep. (She takes off her robe and starts to shiver) Oh no! No-no honey! Yknow whats sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy.
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes taking the hippity-hop to Ursulas apartment as a gift. She knocks on the door and Ursula answers it.]
Phoebe: Oh, I want to look too! (She runs over and sits down and checks out a picture). Yikes!
Melissa: (Gasps when she notices Rachel) Oh my God! Ray-ray Green?! (Screams)
Ross: She is not (Realizes) Shes gay. Oh my God. She is so gay! I cant believe this.
Ross: No, she kept kicking me away!
ROSS: What's she look like?
Ross: (exiting the bathroom) That-that-thats all right, no honey, you take your time sweetie. Ill be right out here. (She slams the door in his face, to the gang) Shes just fixing her makeup.
Phoebe: And! She uses sex as a weapon!
Rachel: Oh wow! (She takes a bite, but holds the sandwich vertically so that the stuff falls out.)
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Rachel: Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey.
Phoebe: (excited)Hey you guys! Ok, you're not going to believe this! I just saw my psychic and she said I was definitely gonna win the lottery tonight!
Ross: Umm, she kissed me.
Monica: No, no, no. Honey, I'm ok. Shake it off! (she shakes the wrist and it's more painful) Oh, no! No shaking, no shaking! Ooh! Ooh! (pause) Oh my God! I can't play!
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Monica: Okay. (She opens it up and shows it to them.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Is that him? (She points at someone.)
Ross: No, no, we will. We just wont tell her she messed up.
Chandler: Yep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. (Theyre stunned.) Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.
Rachel: Oh good God! Ive fallen down! (She trips and falls.)
Rachel: Well, let's see... uh... I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer and then she has to make a very big poop. Why?
Chandler: Im saying that she is a devil woman! Yknow I mean you think you know someone and then they turn around and they sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man-nipples! I hate him, I hate her! Well, I dont hate her, I love her. This is all my fault really.
Monica: Oh my God yes! Who is she?
Joey: You own the room. (She smiles and stares longingly into his eyes.) We should probably get-get uh
Rachel: Wow! Tell me something Joey(She falls off the couch)Whoa! I just fell right off the couch there.
Rachel: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
[Scene: Rachels New Office, shes interviewing a potential new assistant, Hilda.]
Phoebe: Fine. (She hands her bell to Ginger and starts to take down her signs.) (The same old lady walks by again.) All right, I'll give you one pointer. Look out for that bitch. (The old lady.)
Phoebe: Ok well, before you do, I know we weren't supposed to get you going away presents, (she takes something out from her pocket) but I do have something for you.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is interviewing a potential roommate. And yes, shes a female, non-smoker and very non-ugly.]
Phoebe: Well I'm sorry Rachel, but I'm not like you, ok? Not everyone can afford help. (she and Mike leave)
Katie: Oh, thanks! That's so sweet! (She punches Rachel like she punched Joey.)
CHANDLER: Wow, it sounds even cooler when somebody else says it. I was awesome, ok? She was biting her lip to stop from screaming.
Monica: I cant believe you. You still havent told that girl she doesnt have a job yet?
Chandler: So shes just waiting over there for ya?
Phoebe: (Looking relieved. She puts down the phone.) Oh thank god. Oh, you changed your mind. Oh, look I know you probably want to be alone, and you dont want to talk about it, thats fine. I just want you to know, I think you are doing the right thing and...
Monica: Well, she saw the ring.
Chandler: Did she freak out?
Monica: (to the couple) Hi! Can you do that and walk? Cause she said, "Next."
Ross: Oh great! Were going out again Saturday. But I just found shes also seeing some other guy.
Amy: (yelling from outside) Rachel!! Open up!! It's your sister!! (she knocks on the door again) I have to talk to you!!
Ursula: Wow! Didn't she die like five years ago?
Ross: She seems really, really fun!
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
Rachel: And did you notice...? (She spreads her thumb and index finger.)
Chandler: (To Monica) Did she see us yet? Did she see us?
Janice: Okay! (She runs for the bathroom)
(And she does the laugh.)
(She walks up to where Doug is finishing another joke to another group.)
Joey: Was she happy you gave her the job?
Paul: She passed away.
Joey: Or, I could just point to it! Huh? Blah, blah, blah, Purina One, point to a bag today. (She just looks at him.) I didnt get it, did I?
[Scene: Phoebes office, she is arriving without the knowledge that shes been fired.]
Rachel: Now that she broke up with you?
JOEY: Geez, look how fat she got.
Rachel: Okay great, hold on a sec! (She runs to her room and returns carrying a huge bag of laundry.) Oh, here you go! You don't mind do ya? That would really help me out a lot! Thanks!
Rachel: (on phone) Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat...(cut)...I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. (She hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket.)
JOEY: OK, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met. CHANDLER: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.
Joey: (sad) Oh man! Now shes gonna start all over! Were never gonna get to introduce the hot girls to the new world!
Phoebe: So, how are things going with crazy? Has she cooked your rabbit yet?
Rachel: Now, she thinks that I made out with him and I did it to get her job.
Monica: That's right, she came back all by herself.
Chandler: Well, why does she not want to hang out with us?!
Joey: What? Were you like in the movie, or Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont (Joeys boat), shes shown to be in one of the waterways around New York, but in reality shes in a sound stage on the Warner Bros. lot and we see New York from the water in some rather poor green screen shots. Rachel and Joey are on board.]
Ross: (To Monica) Yeah, shes fired.
Ross: Wait a minute, she was walking the bike? Both times?
Ross: By the way, the week before your wedding you may not see a lot of me. (She glares at him and he quickly makes his way to Phoebes room.)
Ross: The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadnt realized she was a lesbian.
(As Bonnie goes to do just that, Rachel smiles to herself, proud of what shes done.)
Chandler: You-you-you didnt know that. (Pause as she nods no.) Well, I guess my work here is done!