words in movies
(And with that everyone starts playing tonsil hockey. Chandler with Monica, Ross with Phoebe, and Joey with Rachel.)
Chandler: I'll take that bet my friend. And you know what, paying me the 50 bucks could be the "new thing you do that day!" (Ross looks at him.) And it starts right now!
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
(Monica starts taking pictures of Ross and Ben, with the flash.)
Joey: Well, everyone will enjoy my music as well. (Does a chord and Monica starts taking pictures of him and Phoebe. They both start to strike a pose with the excessive amount of pictures that Monica takes.)
[Cut to Elizabeth Hornswoggle's bathroom, Ross frantically pulls his shirt out and drops his pants. He exhales in sheer ecstasy as the coolness of the bathroom envelops his legs. He sits on the cast iron bathtub, again gasping in pleasure. He next grabs a magazine and starts to blow air on his exposed legs, but that doesn't work the way he wants it to. So he throws the magazine down, looks around for another idea, and finds one. He jumps up and hops to the sink. He turns on the water and starts to splash some on his legs, cooling them further.]
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
(Ross proceeds to apply copious amounts of the lotion on his legs. He literally starts spraying the back of his legs with the lotion, and as he applies some to his butt he makes a happy face like he enjoyed that sensation. After using about half the bottle he again tries to pull up his pants, but at the first sign of resistance, his hand slips off of the pants and hits him in the forehead.)
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
(Chandler seeing that Joey has his eyes closed sneaks over and picks up the chicken. The chicken starts flapping it's wings in protest as Chandler holds the chicken inches from Joey's face. Joey stops yelling and upon opening his eyes sees the chicken, screams, and falls to the ground in horror.)
Ross: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)
Joey: Oh, no! (Starts that screaming thing again. Rachel stops him by pulling his fingers out of his ears.)
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Ross: Of course! Uh yeah, she and I would talk all the time in-in (Rachel pokes her head in and starts to look around) the laundry room. (Pushes Rachel out of the way.)
Monica: Okay. Wait, just give me a second, I need to just get my boots off first. (She starts taking them off.) Ah Ooh Oohh Ohh Oh God Ohh Oh Ohh Ohhhh
Monica: Sure, I love this part! (Starts to look busy.)
(he idly goes to the sofa, starts browsing a magazine. Everybody stares at him)
Tag: Gotcha. Thanks again for meeting with me. (Starts to leave.)
JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs] Not that one.
Phoebe: Fine. Okay, enjoy your concert. (Starts to leave.)
Ross: (with his mouth full) Just a second! (he fake laughs, but turns his head and starts to break down)
Phoebe: Fine. (She hands her bell to Ginger and starts to take down her signs.) (The same old lady walks by again.) All right, I'll give you one pointer. Look out for that bitch. (The old lady.)
(Joey starts to return the fumble and Chandler grabs Joeys shirt and rips it off of his back.)
Elizabeth: Stop it! (She starts to get all worked up.)
(Chandler starts to follow her into the kitchen.)
Ross: Ah-ha, nowhere to run! (He starts to run towards them.)
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Tag: Wow. (He starts to walk towards the railing.)
(When Rachel starts to look under the bed if Joey would fit under there, Chandler opens the door inbetween the rooms, grabs Joey by his shirt and drags him to his room, and closes the door again)
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
Monica: Yeah, well, Im using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises its Joey.)
(Suddenly Ross jumps in and starts dancing with her.)
(Ross walks over to her and starts to kiss her passionately. After a while Rachel backs out. She thinks a while and starts kissing him back.)
Mr. Treeger:: Right. (Starts to leave) Hey, ahh, you wanna come? Marge has a girlfriend.
Rachel: Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. (she starts to leave, and hits everyone with her skis) Oh, sorry! Oh, sorry!
(Joey starts to walk away, but stops.)
(Chandler starts laughing at his joke.)
Ross: Oh yeah, we're uh, yeah we're not together. (He starts backing out of the store.)
Joey: All right. Hey, but it better make me look really, really good. (Starts for his room.) Oh, and another thing, the video camera? Nice!!
The Woman From Poughkeepsie: (outside Rosss window) Ross? Ross! (she knocks on the window) Wake up! Ross! (the train starts moving) Ross! Ross!! Ross!!! Ross!!!!
Ross: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. (Marcel starts to go to him)
Chandler: (gets up) See you later. (Starts to leave.)
Monica: (comes up and starts looking through Rosss cookie supply) Ross, but me down for another box of the mint treasures, okay. Where, where are the mint treasures?
(A worker comes to open the door and the horde starts to press forward.)
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. Its an old Frankie says relax T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you dont mind Im gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
Phoebe: No, I can handle it. No, Im a professional. (She starts to leave)
Joey: Uh, okay Ill-Ill-Ill break it down. (He hands the phone to Phoebe, gets up, picks up a chair, and starts banging it on the floor.)
Joey: Were now in the ceremony, Monica is about to say, "I do" when her drunk uncle starts yelling. What do you do? Go!
Monica: Hi! Hey, Pete youre back! Hey, check this out. (She starts to skate over to him)
Monica: The wedding starts at six.
(She starts to go and get the coffee and falls behind the counter.)
Rachel: Oh, I probably shouldntso I will! (Joey starts making her refill and Rachel notices that rain thing Joey has.) Oh! Wow! Its like its raining!
Rachel: All right. (She starts off.)
Monica: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around.) Don't do the dance.
Grandma Tribbiani: Joey, bravo! (Starts with that Italian stuff again.)
Joey: You fell asleep!! There was no kangaroo! They didnt take any of my suggestions! Thats for coming buddy. Ill see you later. (Starts to walk out.)
BEST MAN: (standing up) Yo! Can I have your attention, please, Best Man, making a toast here. Thank you. (clears throat, and starts reading his toast) I remember when Barry got home from his first date with Rachel...
Ross: Look, I don't care it starts at eight, we can't be late.
Rachel: Uh-oh. (She starts to pull over.)
Rachel: Okay. (He starts to leave, and Rachel grabs him and gives him a passionate kiss.) I'll miss you.
Phoebe: Alrighty, here come the water works. (Rachel starts crying harder.)
(They degenerate into bickering and Chandler happily starts to smoke, undisturbed.)
Rachel: Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, wed like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)
(Matt starts laughing.)
Chandler: Okay, excuse me for a minute. (Starts to leave)
Chandler: Ross! (He starts to get up.)
(Matt starts laughing.)
Chandler: Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal. (Starts to make up for lost time and takes a big swig of his drink.)
<Amy runs towards Rachel and Rachel puts her arm out, hand on Amy's head and Amy starts trying to hit her but is missing, Rachel is moving backwards towards the table when her hand swipes the one plate left on the table on to the floor>
Ross: Sweep, sweep....(He starts to paint it on her eye, making it look like she has a black eye.)
Doug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. (Chandler starts to leave) This team is about hard work, but its also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing! (smacks him on the butt, and Chandler leaves shocked.)
(Jennifer starts laughing.)
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Phoebe: No, cause she didnt tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not gonna waste a whole another hour there! I mean Ive only got a week left, yknow? Ive really gotta start living now! (So she picks up the latest copy of Car and Driver (a U.S. auto magazine), leans back, and starts reading.)
(Ross starts looking for table six and finds out that its the kids table. He sees Mona sitting at another table.)
(Another woman starts to enter.)
Rachel: Joey! Joey, good one! (Mr. Thompson starts to laugh.)
ROSS: Fine, OK! Heat, heat, heat, and I'm the obsessive one. [goes to the radiator and starts turning the knob] OK, this way is on, so this is. . . [breaks off the knob] off.
Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a camera and he starts snapping) Smile! You're on Janice Camera!
Ross: Well, thats what Im here for. (Emma starts crying again) Want me to get that?
Rachel: I am still talking!! And then you chase away the one guy that I actually liked! I mean, no offense to you guys. Really! I mean (To Patrick) congratulations on all the cash, (He nods) and-and yknow(Feels Eldads hair)Wow! You do have very soft hair! But I would much rather go to the ball all by myself than go through anymore of this! Good-bye! (Grabs her stuff, starts to leave, then turns back suddenly, and to Eldad) Now do you use some sort of special conditioner on that hair?!
Frank: Oh, excellent. (starts to melt the fire extinguishers hose.)
Joey: Okay, Im all right, okay, but hey, could you just leave your lips? (She kisses him on the cheek and starts to leave.)
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
Phoebe: What a sad little life she must lead. Okay, ooh (starts dialing).
(Rachel waves her hands in disgust and starts to head for her room.)
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)
(They kiss and she starts to leave.)
Rachel: What? Oh my God! Im gonna miss you so much! (Starts to cry.)
(An old West style showdown starts with Joey and the Hombre Man staring each other down as the store guy slowly lets in the first customer while Joey and the Hombre Man get ready to draw. In slow motion they spot the customer, eye each other, draw, and as the customer walks into the middle Joey's bottle misfires but the Hombre Man spays it into the customer's eyes.)
Janice: I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow! (Laughs her Janice laugh)
(Matt turns back and looks and them, but instead of his next line he starts laughing.)
Tim: Whoops. Sorry. (Looking at it, like a newscaster) This just in. (Phoebe fake laughs.) Oh, its 9-1-1 from the restaurant, that means Monica needs me right away. (Starts to leave.)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Rachel is there as Joey gets up and starts putting on his coat.]
Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, thats why you didnt want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I cant believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)
Chandler: Hang up, hang up. And that was a great movie! (Monica hangs up) I'm so gonna get back at Ross... oh yeah, this will show him, here we go (starts typing something).
Burt: (another professor) Wow! It looks like you were very generous with your grades this semester! (Ross frantically starts to change some as a female student, Elizabeth, approaches.)
Chandler: You mean like this? (he starts touching his thigh in a funny and awkard way)
Monica: Im getting married!!!! Im gonna be a bride!!!! (Someone else yells at her.) No, I will not shut up because Im engaged! (He yells again.) Ohh, big talk! Huh, why dont you come over here and say that to me?! Huh, buddy?! Yeah, my fiancee will kick your ass! (Chandler starts to look worried.) Come on, apartment 20! Apartment 20!
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out theres more than three), five, six, and seven!
Chandler: Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him. (She starts to take off her latex gloves.) Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on.
Chandler: Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! (he starts spreading envelopes among them) I had a little talk with the boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order.
Phoebe: Whoa-whoa-whoa! No drinks near the bucket! Set it down over there and then you can make a contribution! (The guy starts to walk away with a hurt look on his face.) And you can leave the hurt bunny look over there too! (Her boss and a co-worker walk up.) Hi Bob! (The same old lady from before walks bye.) (To the old lady.) I thought I told you to get outta here!
Rachel: Oh. Oh. Well there you go. Whew! (Pause) That isthats greatthat is really great-great news. (Pause) Yknow cause the whole not being ready and kinda the financial aspects, all that. Whew. Wow, this is so just the way it was supposed to be. (Starts to cry.) God.
(Monica starts smiling)
Joey: (turning all the way around, and still not facing Chandler) Yeah, you are! (Starts dancing.) I scared you!
(He starts chasing her around Rachel a couple of times before she runs into the living room and he tackles her on the couch where he starts tickling her.)
(Joey starts to get up but stops.)
Rachel: (Emma starts crying in the other room) Oh sorry, hold on. Let me just check on the baby!
(Music starts playing yes you know what kind of music )
Rachel: (thinking) Hmm maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant.
Joey: Oh wow! Hes so lifelike! (Starts touching the guys cheeks) Unbelievable! (He starts tugging on the guys ears.