words in movies
Monica: Yeah. But a part of me also cant wait til its over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
Ross: Wow, I havent seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Rachel: (laughs) Well okayWell dont ruin it! Just play along at least!
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Rachel: Oh my God Phoebe, this is impossible! We cant do this by Friday! We have to find a place. We have to invite people! We have to get food! Theres just too much to do! Its impossible! We cant do it! We cannot do it! We cannot do it!
Phoebe: I dont know. (Timidly) A cowboy theme?
Monica: Okay. (They both jump up to head for there room, but Monica stops.) But wait, we cant. My Cousin Cassie is in the guest room, were supposed to have lunch.
(Cassie enters from the guest room, with her hair up. The extremely beautiful and sexy Denise Richards is playing Cassie. Woo hoo! For those of you who dont know who she is, rent Wild Things and she was also the last Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough.)
(She lets her hair down and whips her hair around in Baywatch-esque slow motion with a Barry White song in the background. Chandler needless to say cant help but stare along with the rest of the male and lesbian population of North America.)
Monica: Because Purvry Perverson over here cant stop staring at her.
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
Monica: So to get this part you cant be?
Monica: But you told them you werent?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Rachel: Okay. Okay. All right, you take care of that. And meanwhile, the party is tomorrow and we still dont have a guest list.
Monica: Okay. (Opens the fridge.) All right, turkey. Eh, that wont work. Cheese? (Picks it up) That wont work. Olive loaf? (Picks it up) I hope that wont work.
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Rachel: Well, I dont know. I called all the people in Monicas phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice.
Phoebe and Rachel: (to each other) I dont know.
Rachel: (to the woman) Excuse us for a minute. (They go into the kitchen.) You didnt tell her to come?!
Rachel: No I wasnt! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Rachel: Yeah, we wanted to throw you a big surprise and a great shower, and now you dont have either.
Monica: Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents (Motions to the pile in the corner) without having to talk to people I dont even like!
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Ross: Oh! Wow! Uh, yeah! That sounds great. Im just gonna put this (The money) back in my pocket, pretend that didnt happen. Uh yeah, actually Im free now. Do you wanna grab some coffee or
Phoebe: I dont know. Ooh! Ooh! Look it! (She fans out the trick deck.) Ah-ha!
Tag: I know I havent worked in an office before, and I really dont have a lot of experience, but uh
Monica: I mean, I-I, I really shouldnt say. I mean, Im really not supposed to.
Ross: I cant believe someone would do that for a grade.
Ross: Well, fine. Fine! If-if Im the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, Ill go up there and defend it myself! (Starts to do so, but stops and to the previous librarian) And dont you follow me!
(Rachel goes to hug him but Ross is holding one of her hands and doesnt let go, so she can only put one arm around him.)
Elizabeth: Oh, dont worry I have plenty of sun block, its SPF-30.
Monica: I cant believe this. Do you think that your parents could help pay for it?
Phoebe: No wait! JustOkayJust wait! You guys! Wait you guys! Dont make any rash decisions, okay? Just remember my promise, when we get married, three times a week.
Rachel: Well, cant you tell her that you are not in the mood?
Chandler: I cannot believe you didnt pick me.
Monica: You know what would be real weird? Is if you werent there. Just say youll think about it, okay?
Rachel: So, if I wanna have my kid when Im 35, I dont have to get pregnant until Im 34. Which gives Prada four years to start making maternity clothes! Oh wait, but I do want to be married for a year before I get pregnant
Monica: I dont know, Ive never had to use the other one. Im just saying yknow, if were having sex, hes not gonna be talking.
Chandler: Yeah, and not that you would, but I wouldnt hang out with all the guys in my office.
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
Chandler: I know you probably dont want to go out with me, yknow because I make too many jokes and Ive never been in a serious relationship and I guess Im not technically a "doctor "
Chandler: Oh, dont thank me, thank the jerk that never showed up. Okay, I gotta get to get to work.
Monica: Oh thats so sweet! Look Chandler I dont care if you cant cry, I love you.
Dr. Green: The wedding! Theres going to be a wedding. Young lady, dont you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! (Rachel pauses) Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!
Ross: No Phoebe, dont look! You dont want to see whats under there!!
Chandler: Yeah but you dont need(Picks up something)What is this?
Phoebe: I dont what your talking about. (Laughs nervously and continues to leaqve)
Phoebe: Its not kicking me, its kicking one of the other babies. Oh (looks down her dress)! Dont make me come in there!
Rachel: No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I cant! I cant do it! (Starts to freak out.) Its just gonna freak me out!!!
Phoebe: You cant give up on your dream.
Ross: Uh actually, sorry I cant even make it. Im seeing Mona again tonight.
Joey: Oh, uh, again. Can I make a special request: Can you bring everything as soon as it�s ready? Appetizers, entrees, we don�t care.
Phoebe: I cant believe this! How long as this been going on?
Phoebe: I cant believe youre gonna ask Monica to marry you!
Joey: Well, I figured were in another country, so it doesnt count.
Phoebe: No-no-no, but I am mad! I am mad! Because this stuff is everything that is wrong with the world! And its all sitting up in my living room and all I can think about is how I dont have that lamp!
Ross: Well, okay so, I dont have it all worked out quite yet. Just dont say anything to Rachel, please?
Rachel: We cant find Chandler (Phoebe sticks her head and motions that they found Chandler)s vest. We cant find Chandlers vest.
Frank: Okay, but isnt sex better when its with one person that you really, really care about.
Chandler: (trying the handle) It still doesnt work.
Monica: Wait! Wait! Wait! You cant start today! Todays the rehearsal dinner!
Monica: This doesnt feel weird!
Monica: No I dont know Chandler! Not anymore! Its like its like somethings changed.
Ross: Come on Rach, you dont have what, ten minutes?
Chandler: (to Robert) So ah, isnt a bit cold out for shorts?
Dina: I-I cant go in there. I cant tell him!
Phoebe: I know you didnt, I was talking about Monica.
Monica: Okay, just stay there a couple more hours and if she doesnt show up by then, then just come on home.
Joshua: Oh, that-that would be great. So you didnt even get to Italy?
Joey: I said I didnt technically.
Ross: I cant believe it. (Pause) Can I tell you something? Im a little mad at him now.
Rachel: Okay, two things didnt happen. Remember I told you that someone made out with Ralph Lauren in the copy room? Well, it turns out thats not true.
Rachel: What?! You mean theyre not coming to a social event where theres no men and theres no booze?! Thats shocking! I dont care, as long as my moms here.
Joey: I didnt look at it. Stupid babys head was blocking most of it.
Ross: Well you shouldnt be. Believe me I wouldnt want to be the guy whos up against you. (Chandler laughs.) I mean that doofus is going to lose!
Carol: Look, I-I-I am sorry that Rachel dumped you cause she fell in love with that Mark guy, and you are the innocent victim in all of this, but dont punish your friends for what Rachel did to you.
Phoebe: I dont know, I hardly ever say that about people.
Monica: Well, I said 'no' to her coming over now! I couldn’t say 'no' twice! I get this uncontrollable need to please people!
Chandler: Okay. (Youll have to see it, I cant describe the face he makes, but it isnt good.)
Chandler: Yknow uh, I didnt actually do this.
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
Ross: (To Joey) I cant believe you told her I was going to propose!
Rachel: (on tape) Oh, I remember how we almost. Do you think we wouldve gone through with it? Yknow, if we hadnt gotten caught. Do you think we wouldve done it?
Monica: Wait, Joey! Joey! That doesnt mean that-that you're in love with me!
Ross: Well I dont know, but how-how great would that be huh? You living in my building. I could help take care of the baby. I can come over whenever I want. (Rachel looks at him.) With your permission.
Phoebe: (looking up) There it is! Oh, look at that! Isnt Mother Nature amazing?
Ross: I cant believe this! I shouldnt be the one making her throw up!
Ross: Phoebe, she doesnt know that you sneak out every night, she doesnt know that you sneak back every morning, and she doesnt know that youve been living with your Grandmothers for a week now.
Joey: Oh, no thanks, I got it. (picks it up) No I dont!
Mark: No. And I dont think Im gonna want to.
Phoebe: Ross, you cant tell her not to go. You just started dating.
Commercial: (in the background their singing Smelly Cat) Problem odour in the litter box? Dont change your kitty, change your kitty litter.
Phoebe: Listen Ross, we ran out of gas, and we dont know where we are, so we cant get a tow truck.
Rachel: I am sorry, I don’t know, I am sorry, I don’t know why I did that!
Mrs. Bing: Dont you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?
Emily: and that was all before 10 oclock. The caterer rang and said it was going to be Chicken Kiev instead of Chicken Tarragon. And then the florist phoned to say there arent any tulips. Oh, and the chilliest has carpel-tunel syndrome. Were not gonna be
Ross: Sure. Sure. Look I dont, I dont know if your plans are finalized yet, but umm, hey I-I know another great way to blow off steam.
Rachel: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just cant pretend that didnt happen can I?
Monica: You know everything!! Oh wait, double or nothing. I bet you the baby is over seven pounds. (Phoebe isnt interested.) I bet you it has hair. (Shes still not interested.) I bet you its a girl.
Ross: And then Rachel wasn�t sure she could leave the baby.
Monica: This doesnt mean anything, does it?
Joey: I dont want to, Im scared.
Phoebe Sr.: Noo! No! It wasnt like that I... Remember how I told you how Lily, Frank, and I we were, we were close. Well, we were, we were very close.
Ross: (on tape) I mean I I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasnt sure if you wanted to.
Erin: Hi. I dont mean this to sound like high school, but did he say anything about me?
Joey: I hate this woman!! I hate her! She told everyone in the company about that info-mercial, and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. Okay, and whenever I cant do it, theyre all like-like laughing at me.
Ross: They dont look any bigger than me!
Ross: Yeeeeeep Yep-yep-yep-yep-yep. I remember when she took out on her dads boat she wouldnt let me help at all.
Phoebe: But you didnt give it to her?
Supervisor: Theyre always going to tell you they dont need toner, but thats okay because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in this script.
Rachel: Oh no. No Ross, dont do this.
Joey: Yeah and the most important thing is that it wont be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. Itll be me! And I swear Ill do a really good job. Plus, yknow I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me.
Joey: Uh, I dont even really know where I left those. Sorry.
Ross: Well then wed be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?
Bonnie: All right, I was 15, it was my best friend, Ruth, and we got drunk on that hard cider, and then suddenly, I dont know, we were, we were making out.
Joey: Uh, I dont know. Ya see, its just, see I was a regular on a soap opera yknow? And to go from that to this, I just Plus, Id have to wait on all my friends.
Chandler: I dont even know the man. Okay? Were not the close. I havent seen him in years.
Chandler: (to Joey) Noo!! I dont care! Im not, Im not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!
Rachel: Yeah, love. Its a tricky business isnt it?
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Rachel: Ohh, I mean, we were really drunk. Im just glad we didnt do anything stupid.
Rachel: Wh(Turns and looks at the gang whos staring)Why dont I tell you over here? (She walks Melissa away from the gang.)
Ross: Its not a big deal? Oh, Im sorry I just um, I what about all the stuff you-you just said? I mean how about, I likeyou-you cant stop thinking about her. Like how you cant sleep?