words in movies
Monica: Yeah. But a part of me also cant wait til its over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
Ross: Wow, I havent seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Rachel: (laughs) Well okayWell dont ruin it! Just play along at least!
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Rachel: Oh my God Phoebe, this is impossible! We cant do this by Friday! We have to find a place. We have to invite people! We have to get food! Theres just too much to do! Its impossible! We cant do it! We cannot do it! We cannot do it!
Phoebe: I dont know. (Timidly) A cowboy theme?
Monica: Okay. (They both jump up to head for there room, but Monica stops.) But wait, we cant. My Cousin Cassie is in the guest room, were supposed to have lunch.
(Cassie enters from the guest room, with her hair up. The extremely beautiful and sexy Denise Richards is playing Cassie. Woo hoo! For those of you who dont know who she is, rent Wild Things and she was also the last Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough.)
(She lets her hair down and whips her hair around in Baywatch-esque slow motion with a Barry White song in the background. Chandler needless to say cant help but stare along with the rest of the male and lesbian population of North America.)
Monica: Because Purvry Perverson over here cant stop staring at her.
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
Monica: So to get this part you cant be?
Monica: But you told them you werent?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Rachel: Okay. Okay. All right, you take care of that. And meanwhile, the party is tomorrow and we still dont have a guest list.
Monica: Okay. (Opens the fridge.) All right, turkey. Eh, that wont work. Cheese? (Picks it up) That wont work. Olive loaf? (Picks it up) I hope that wont work.
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Rachel: Well, I dont know. I called all the people in Monicas phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice.
Phoebe and Rachel: (to each other) I dont know.
Rachel: (to the woman) Excuse us for a minute. (They go into the kitchen.) You didnt tell her to come?!
Rachel: No I wasnt! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Rachel: Yeah, we wanted to throw you a big surprise and a great shower, and now you dont have either.
Monica: Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents (Motions to the pile in the corner) without having to talk to people I dont even like!
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Joey: Ross and Rachel left us a message saying they were getting married! Isnt that why you guys are here?
Monica: Well, dont cha wanna?
Chandler: Look, I just dont think Monica and I are ready to get married yet! Yknow? I mean, I love her and everything but seeing Ross and Rachel coming out of that chapel was like a, like a wake-up call that Monica and I are moving so fast. Yknow? And, how do I tell her without crushing her?
Phoebe: Oh, its a secret. Oh goodie! Yes! We havent done the secret thing in a long time.
Rachel: Yeah! But I dont know what he looks like!
Chandler: No. No. I dont think so.
Chandler: No Joey! No Joey! Dont Joey! Joey!
Phoebe: (to Leslie) Oh, I thought you werent coming. What? Where were you?
Chandler: Oh, they said uh, You dont have insurance here, so stop calling us.
Phoebe: Nothing! You have apologized to her like a million times and shes been nothing but terrible to you. And dont forget you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower, and she hasnt even thanked you for it.
Pete: (turns off the TV) Youre taking this all wrong. Because, if I didnt leave you that tip, you wouldnt of come down here, we wouldnt be having this argument, and there wouldnt be this ah, heat between us.
Joey: I cant believe youre not going to propose!
Ross: OH MY GOD!! I didnt really believe it until you just said it!!
Joey: Yeah. (Pause) Hey, I hope Ross didnt think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here!
Pete: Y'know what, dont be. This is not, dont be, cause its not so bad.
Joey: Ha-ha-ha, very funny. Look, I dont know what to do! (Long pause, as everyone cracks up.)
Cliff: Cant you figure that out based on my date of birth?
Rachel: Hey, Ross!!! I told you I dont!
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Kate: I cant believe we go on in, in a week.
Phoebe: Umm, well I, I kinda had a little chat with Alice, and I sort of made her see why you two shouldnt be together, y'know. And youre gonna see it to, one day, you really, really will.
Rachel: Oh you really, you really just dont want to hear about it.
Rachel: Oh Daddy, no he didnt mean anything by that, he really didnt.
Joey: I do! So much! I cant stop thinking about her! I cant sleep, I
Rachel: I dont know.
Phoebe: See, we dont need them.
Monica: What is the matter with you?!! Why arent you more upset?! Arent you gonna be sad that were not gonna be living together anymore?! I mean arent you gonna miss me at all?!
Joey: Well, Ive just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didnt have naked chicks on it.
Girl: Why dont you look in the mirror, scrud.
Joey: (crying) I dont want to marry Chandler!
Rachel: Oh, well, that shouldnt be so hard, now that youre dating. (Imitating men at their worst) "Sweetheart, youre fired, but how bout a quickie before I go to work?"
Tommy: Oh, I didnt, I didnt know that.
Joey: Look Rach, wasnt this supposed to a temporary thing? I thought you wanted to do fashion stuff?
Rachel: God! DontWe cant let her start getting ready! This is too awful! Oh God, but wait shell be in the gown and then he wont show up and then shes gonna have to take off the gown
Monica: Joey! You didnt even know her!
Ross: Yeah, but dont you think....
Ross: Oh, I-I dont think theres any trail.
Phoebe: Yeah, I really do! Yes, but, after I dumped on the way he was gonna propose to me, I don’t think he’s ever gonna ask again! I mean, I said no in Barbados and now this!
Chandler: Ah, youre still just a little fat girl inside arent you? (He kisses her on the cheek)
Joey: Oh no, I cant go. Im practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.
Phoebe: Aw, honey its not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I dont see that happening.
Joey: Dont answer that.
Rachel: Oo, I cant watch this, its like Sophies Choice.
Ross: Its a good thing I didnt do it, because it sounds like it wouldve been a very expensive wedding. (Rachel laughs) Okay, good night
Rachel: Nooo! Its not okay! I cant believe you would want to after what he did to me!
Ross: No, Rachel doesnt want me to....
Joey: This is so unfair! The one thing I wanted to do was throw my best friend a bachelor party, but no, I wasnt allowed to. All I got was a stupid steak dinner!
Chandler: Oh yeah. Boy, urine cuts right through an ice sculpture doesnt it?
Rachel: I dont know. I know I dont work late tomorrow night.
Rachel: Dont!! (Joey backs away frightened.) (To Jill) Honey, what are you doing here?!
Ross: Now wait a minute, you be nice! All right? I didnt bring you here so you can ambush her.
Joey: Yeah, I guess it is. (sees Kate is watching, he turns Lauren so that he can talk directly to Kate, but still look like he is talking to Lauren) Listen, I ah, I gotta say good bye, and-and I gotta say it quick cause this is killing me. One thing you gotta know, is that I will never forget you. But, youve got things you have to do now, and so do I. And so Im gonna get on this spaceship, (smoke starts pouring in from the ceiling, and a ladder comes down, with flashing, colored lights on the side of it) and Im gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, youll be long gone. But I wont have aged at all. (gets on the ladder) So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne, baby, Im gonna want to meet her.
Ross: Yeah, thats the one. Listen, I dont want to hurt her.
Ross: It didnt.
Leslie: No, no, I dont want to forget it.
Phoebe: Hey, why dont you?
Phoebe: Yeah I know. Isnt it great? One less person we have to make small talk with.
Monica: I dont know.
Ginger: Oh, dont worry about it.
Rachel: Come on, its a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasnt smoked since.
Phoebe: Excuse me, I dont want Greg and Jennys rejects.
(Ross isnt happy and closes the door slowly.)
Mrs. Green: Well uh, I dont have a gift because I wasnt invited until the last minute, but thank you so much for bringing that to everyones attention.
Mr. Geller: All-right fine, but I just want to say, Im not paying for your wine cellar. You thieving, would be speaking German if it werent for us, cheap little man. (Emilys stepmum looks shocked. Jack and Judy get up and leave.)
Alice: (shocked) Oh! Oh! Oh! Thank you so much! You dont know what this means to us! Oh!
Rachel: Well, it doesnt sound like it! I mean, its pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just dont kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!
Ross: Well, the old lady died. And how do I know? Her dying wish was for one last kiss. But I dont care, (To Rachel) because you got the apartment. Yes!
Rachel: Oh please, theyve been going out a week. They havent even slept together yet, I mean, thats not serious.
Joey: So thats why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! (He turns, looks at the bag and realizes he wont be able to pick it up.)
Joey: You couldnt do it?!
Chandler: No!! You cant!!
Ross: Can�t hold her own head up, but yeah jumped.
Rachel: I cant do this.
Woman: Mine havent been so bad. Oh! Here comes one now. (Hums then squeals a little bit.) Oh, that was a big one!
Phoebe: Yeah, isnt it fantastic?
Ross: Really? Ive been thinking, this is crazy, I mean dont, dont you think we can work on this?
Chandler: (loud) Ken, please! No, I can�t, I can�t smoke. If I smoke, my wife would kill me.
Phoebe: It isnt?
Dina: Look, Rachels told me how much easier youve made all this on her. Why cant you do that for me?
Chandler: Is there any chance you didnt see that?
Joey: (to Ross) Why cant I find that?
Chandler: You know, once youre inside, you dont have to knock any more.
Cecilia: Oh no-no-no-no, being adored. Im used to it, dont worry about it.
Chandler: I just get mad when Rachel doesnt remember where were going.
Phoebe: You didnt say Boutros Boutros Gali.
Chandler: Because you shouldnt be with him. (Pause.) You should be with me.
Joey: I want this part so much! Yknow? If I dont get this part Im never gonna eat Macaroni and Cheese again!No, I didnt say that! Thats a lie.
Ross: Okay, I know what I have to do. Ive got to go Red Ross. (Joey and Phoebe dont know what hes talking about.) Yknow, Red Ross!
Phoebe: Awe, this is so sweet of you! But you know what? I won’t be needing a veil, I actually won’t be wearing a dress at all!
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Janice: I dont know.
Joey: I dont know.
Monica: All right, that Ill retract. But I stand by my review, I know food and that wasnt it. Youre marinara sauce tasted like tomato juice! You should serve it with vodka and a piece of celery.
Monica: Well, why dont we just bunny up.
Paul: Oh Rachel, Im so sorry. I didnt mean to overwhelm you. Its just that, when those gates open, you (Starts to breakdown.) Hard to close em. But they are closed now. Believe me.
Joanna: Dont spoil it.
Monica: Havent you and I covered that topic?
Joey: Oh yes I do. Otherwise whats next? Today Im just a guy who cant finish a turkey, but tomorrow Im the guy who eats half a Powerbar, wraps up the rest, and puts in the fridge? No! No, I just I justI gotta change my pants. (Gets up and heads for the door.) Jeans have no give. (Exits.)
Ross: Oh yeah, shes-shes amazing. And-and shes so much fun. And! Yknow what? When Im with her, Im fun! I even signed up for helicopter classes. (Chandler is shocked.) Shes leaving in two days, I dont have to do it.
Ross: No, Monicas restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didnt want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)