words in movies
Monica: Yeah. But a part of me also cant wait til its over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
Ross: Wow, I havent seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Rachel: (laughs) Well okayWell dont ruin it! Just play along at least!
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Rachel: Oh my God Phoebe, this is impossible! We cant do this by Friday! We have to find a place. We have to invite people! We have to get food! Theres just too much to do! Its impossible! We cant do it! We cannot do it! We cannot do it!
Phoebe: I dont know. (Timidly) A cowboy theme?
Monica: Okay. (They both jump up to head for there room, but Monica stops.) But wait, we cant. My Cousin Cassie is in the guest room, were supposed to have lunch.
(Cassie enters from the guest room, with her hair up. The extremely beautiful and sexy Denise Richards is playing Cassie. Woo hoo! For those of you who dont know who she is, rent Wild Things and she was also the last Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough.)
(She lets her hair down and whips her hair around in Baywatch-esque slow motion with a Barry White song in the background. Chandler needless to say cant help but stare along with the rest of the male and lesbian population of North America.)
Monica: Because Purvry Perverson over here cant stop staring at her.
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
Monica: So to get this part you cant be?
Monica: But you told them you werent?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Rachel: Okay. Okay. All right, you take care of that. And meanwhile, the party is tomorrow and we still dont have a guest list.
Monica: Okay. (Opens the fridge.) All right, turkey. Eh, that wont work. Cheese? (Picks it up) That wont work. Olive loaf? (Picks it up) I hope that wont work.
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Rachel: Well, I dont know. I called all the people in Monicas phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice.
Phoebe and Rachel: (to each other) I dont know.
Rachel: (to the woman) Excuse us for a minute. (They go into the kitchen.) You didnt tell her to come?!
Rachel: No I wasnt! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Rachel: Yeah, we wanted to throw you a big surprise and a great shower, and now you dont have either.
Monica: Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents (Motions to the pile in the corner) without having to talk to people I dont even like!
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Phoebe: I dontshe said yknow that Id have triplets! But she also said one of them would be black.
Joey: Wow. Hey look, if it helps, I dont want to feel this way. Honest. I just keep thinking, "Ah, Ill get over this." Yknow? I justIt just keeps gettin harder. I dont, I dont know what to do. Yknow? What do I do?
Chandler: Nothin! This is the nine millionth ring store weve been too and I cant find the perfect ring! (Goes over to another display counter and starts pointing at rings.) Ugly ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! (Notices that one of the jewelers is watching him.) Its a beautiful selection. (The jeweler walks away slowly.)
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
The Salesman: You dont have, anything?
Joey: I dont know, it smells good.
Hums While He Pees: Hey uh, I dont mean to be presumptuous but I have these two tickets to the ballroom dancing finals tomorrow night if you want to go?
Monica: No, wait, please dont go! Ive got porn for you too!
Mr. Geller: I didnt even have a chance to act as though Im okay with it!
Ross: Oh no. Dont, dont, dont start packing. Come on! (She puts some clothes into her bag, and Ross throws them out.)
Monica: Well, um, look I-I dont want this to come our wrong, but ah, you seem awfully confident for a guy I just told I wasnt attracted too.
Rachel: Hi. Sorry, things arent working out so well.
Rachel: Yeah hon, it cant hurt to put your name down! I mean in if two years if youre not engaged you just dont use it.
Phoebe: (starts to walk away, but stops) Dont try to call him or anything, 'cause he's not there, he's out. His umm, his partner just died.
Monica: Its okay, cause y'know what? You dont really need me for the business.
Phoebe: Yeah, but youve got to pull yourself together! Monica cant see you like this! Then shell know somethings wrong!
Joey: Uh, wow, you just said a bunch of stuff I didnt know there.
Chandler: I cant believe there is a naked hooker in there!
Rachel: Oh, I have to pee. If I dont come out in five minutes its because Ive choked to death on the potpourri stink. (Goes into the bathroom.)
Rachel: Yeah, I have to tell Ross that I love him. Now honey, you take care, you dont have those babies until I get back. (Kisses her stomach.)
Chandler: Then why didnt you tell me to do that?!!
Ross: (laughs as well, but for a different reason) Yeah, I didnt think of that.
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
Tag: Rach, Im sorry, but you didnt give me any contracts!
Ross: Im not proving anything. Okay, Im done listening to you. If I hadnt let you talk me into going to the airport in the first place, I never wouldve put my fist through the wall!
Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you very much! (She grabs a glass, takes a sip, and realizes what she just did. She then tries to spit the champagne back into the glass without Monica noticing. It doesnt work.) Oh thats-thats actually how the French drink it.
Chandler: No! Look, I dont cry! Its not a big deal! Okay?!
Joey: Yeah, well, I couldnt find any cards, so it was either this or Strip Bag Of Old Knitting Stuff.
Rachel: This bench, its hollow! I cant believe I never knew that! (She pushes all the pillows off it and opens it up) Oh, the presents!!!
Ross: Joeys asking if youve just ruined the first book hes ever loved that didnt star Jack Nicholson?
Ross: Shes fine. She doesnt know youre gone. And she doesnt have to know, okay? Now come on, were going home.
Joey: I dont want to. You do it!
Joey: Yknow what? Dont worry about it, you still got me and Phoebe.
Chandler: Alright, lo�look. I don�t smoke anymore. But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, it�s fine. (everyone lights up) So you all smoke then? That�s almost rude, that I�m not.
Phoebe: No, cause she didnt tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not gonna waste a whole another hour there! I mean Ive only got a week left, yknow? Ive really gotta start living now! (So she picks up the latest copy of Car and Driver (a U.S. auto magazine), leans back, and starts reading.)
Chandler: Yknow uh, you didnt really have to help me pack.
Rachel: (laughs) You ah, you didnt say Yes to that did you?
Monica: Isnt he an architect now?
Ross: After one class? I dont think so.
Monica: (Awkwardly.) Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know sometimes I dont even like Chandler.
Ross: How weird is that? Yknow? Youre moving in with me and have the one thing I dont have. Its like uh, in a way you-you complete me (Phoebe glares at him) kitchen.
Monica: Hey! Didnt you have that outfit on last night?
Monica: They wont be ready for weeks.
Rachel: (entering) I cant believe it! He still hasnt called.
Ticket Agent: I cant imagine why.
Monica: Ross didnt scare you?
Frank: I dont know, I mean, y'know, this is the city y'know, I just, I mean, I dont know.
Rachel: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Yknow, its-its just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You dont get to keep the gifts.
Phoebe: We didnt fool around with any of them. Dwha! Dwha!
Joey: Me too. I mean I havent thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didnt feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward.
Chandler: All my energy is going into not asking that question. I cant believe I screwed this up!
Monica: This isnt how its supposed to go, there cant be another guy.
Chandler: I dont think so.
Monica: (laughs) Thats right. My Mom doesnt have any faith in me! Oh, thats hilarious! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Monica: Dont, dont, dont, dont, dont do this.
Monica: It was a mistake. Please dont take this to mean anything, because it doesnt.
Monica: You dont have to stick up for her. She cant here you.
Joey: What youdont hold it like that! Youre lettin all the good stuff fall out.
Monica: Oh, well dont take it to the same place you took the stereo, cause theyve had that thing for over a week.
Pete: Well, if that were true, Id dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward. (to Rachel) Come on, you think she should go out with me, dont you?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, theyre all eating the wax, Chandler and Phoebe, dont like it. Joey tries some and makes a face like: Hey, thats not so bad.]
Phoebe: Yeah. Thats what you really want. Yeah, I dont want to be the reason youre unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really dont want to be the reason Im unhappy.
Rachel: I havent seen it yet!
Joey: No! No! No! Its different for you. Youre so strong and together. Youre not some dumb kid who doesnt know what shes doing.
Ross: So thats the only reason she could be here huh? It couldnt have anything to do with the fact that-that maybe Im a good listener and I uh I put on a great slide show!
Phoebe: Oh, I wasnt talking about his karma.
Rachel: Nodded off!! Ross you were snoring. My fathers boat didnt make that much noise when it hit rocks!
Kathy: Ill tell you what, Chandler, why dont you call me when you grow up!
Rachel: Monica, number one, I dont think Ben understands the concept of bribery, and number two, I... (Joey starts laughing in the background) (to Joey) What?!
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho, ho, ho, you did not win the game, the touchdown didnt count, because of the spectacularly illegal, oh and by the way savage nose breaking.
Chandler: And here is the bottle of wine for you to bring over tonight. (Hands it to him.) You were also going to buy Monica flowers but you couldnt afford it, because you paid dinner last night.
Ross: And, I dont know, if it starts to rain
Ross: Uh, Pheebs, while were hovering around the subject. I just have to say dinosaurs, they-they dont go, rrroof!
Chandler: Phoebe thinks you and Don are soul mates, and I dont believe in that kind of stuff. But then you two totally get along. So look, I wont stand in your way if you want to run off with Don and live in a house of cheese.
Joey: This sucks! I didnt know I had to stay up all night before I went to this stupid sleep clinic! Im so tired!
Joey: Anyway, it wasnt the robot, it was the guy who controls him. Yeah, he doesnt like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich right when I was reaching for one! Ohh!
Rachel: So were okay, were okay, were okay, (starts to exam Ben) arent we? No, were not okay, were not okay, theres a bump, theres a bump.
Chandler: Look, I want those basketball seats as much as you do! Okay, but we cant leave in the small apartment after weve lived here! Didnt you ever read Flowers for Algernon?
Fergie: Joey says you dont really like his hat, but I think its kinda dashing.
Joey: Dont answer that.
Rachel: Okay! Okay-okay lookno I did, I just wanted this stuff and I know how you feel about Pottery Barn. Just Come on dont be mad.
Rachel: (entering) I didnt ask you to do it!
Ross: I didnt give her that ring!
Joey: Because, I know what I like and what I dont like! Its not the same thing!
Ross: Well you said you couldnt go out so.... (pulls the cover off of the basket)
Monica: Isn’t it? Then what about the amazing wainscotting and the crown molding and the dormer windows in the attic?
Joey: No, was my best friend. Anyway, I dont know why youre pushing for him so hard. With him out of the way as my best friend, theres a spot open.
Ross: Oh, thanks, thanks. So Monica tells me that uh, you dont want to play anymore because me and y'know my talent. Is that true?
Ross: I don’t know. Phoebe, if one of us saw Mike with another woman would you want us to tell you?
Phoebe: Well why dont you use your key?
Chandler: That would be impossible to resist if you werent all drippy here. (Points to his nose.)
Chandler: The front page? You really do live in your own little world, dont ya?
Monica: That really means a lot. Oh, and Mom, dont bite your nails.
[Sequence 2: Phoebe throws the ball, and its intercepted by Joey, who starts to run up field. Rachel jumps on his back in order to try and tackle him, but she doesnt slow him down. Monica and Phoebe then both grab her legs in order to stop Joey, who still manages to fight through the tackle and score the touchdown.]
Joey: Yknow, when we talked about face to face, I dont think we thought it all the way through.
Mr. Geller: (ignoring her) Well, Id gotten Judy pregnant. I still dont know that happened.
Doug: Oh, my ex-wife didnt work, unless you call turning into her mother work. Fine. Tomorrow night then.
Joey: Maybe! (To Bobby) Well! Well so-so uh, what kind of music does Numb NutsOh forget it! I cant!
Ross: Good, you don’t want to be one of those mothers who pass on their irrational fears on their children, do you?
Chandler: (high pitched) No you know I dont mind.