words in movies
Phoebe: Well thats no way to sell newspapers. Why dont you try, "Extra! Extra! Read all about it!"
Ross: No, Monicas restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didnt want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)
Monica: You dont think that umm, (reading) "The chefs Mahi Mahi was awful awful," is bad press?
Rachel: I didnt write it.
Rachel: Umm, our situation. Yknow umm, what we mean to each other. And I mean we-were having this baby together, and we live together. Isnt that, isnt that weird?
Joey: (entering) Hey uh Monica, I cant remember. Did we say we were gonna meet here or at the movies?
Chandler: And people say you dont pay attention. No, this is a much better job. Its vice-president of a company that does data reconfiguration and statistical factoring for other companies.
Chandler: The front page? You really do live in your own little world, dont ya?
Cashier: Why dont you fill out this address card. (Hands him one.)
Rachel: Oh. Oh yeah, dont get to worked up over it. I mean it-it sounds like hes a doctor, but hes not.
Rachel: Oh, it was great! We got everything that we needed! Oh and Ross, almost got something that wasnt on the list. A whore.
Phoebe: Well did she know you two werent married?
Rachel: You dont understand! You didnt see how brazen she was.
Phoebe: Yeah, just dont get your hopes up.
Phoebe: Yknow! You dont make a very good first impression.
Phoebe: Oh you dont know.
The Food Critic: I dont see any reason why I would do that to myself again.
Ross: Oh! Wow! Uh, yeah! That sounds great. Im just gonna put this (The money) back in my pocket, pretend that didnt happen. Uh yeah, actually Im free now. Do you wanna grab some coffee or
Chandler: I cant even believe this! I really come off that badly?
Phoebe: All right, dont freak out! Okay? I-I will help you. How long before you have to leave?
Phoebe: I cant help you.
Monica: Oh no! I dont know anything about cooking. I had to ask someone what its called when the, when the water makes those little bubbles.
Monica: I-I-Im sorry, your-your mouth was full, I didnt hear what you said. Umm, hats off to who now?
Chandler: I think youll find if I come to work here, I dont micro-manage. I dont shy away from delegating.
Phoebe: Um-hmm, thats good to know. But lets stop focusing on what you dont do, and start focusing on what you do do.
Phoebe: Okay, dont worry. Youre ready.
Monica: Wow! A star! (The class glares at her.) I know you all hate me and-and Im sorry, but I dont care.
Monica: Excuse me? He doesnt even know what hes doing!
Monica: Okay then, I dont stink. Im a good chef. Okay. (Starts to leave.)
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I dont want to go. Im having fun.
Chandler: No dont I beg of you!
Chandler: Yeah I gotta say thank you, I was really nervous. Yknow Ive been told I come on to strong, make to many jokes, and then it was really hard to sidestep that duty thing. (The interviewer doesnt understand) Duties. (Still doesnt.) Duties! (Still doesnt.) Poo. (Still doesnt.)
Chandler: Oh my God this doesnt count! Okay? The interview was over, that was the real Chandler Bing in there, this is just some crazy guy out in the hall! Call security! Theres a crazy guy out in the hall!
Rachel: No! No, shesShe was nice. I mean, shes a little slutty, but who isnt?
Rachel: I dont want you to date her!
Rachel: Yes! And not because I want you to go out with me, but because I dont want you to go out with anybody! Okay? I know its a terrible thing to even think this, and its completely inappropriate, but I want you to be at my constant beck and call 24 hours a day! Im very sorry, but that is just the way that I feel.
Ross: I wont date. Ill uh, Ill be here, with you, all the time.
Ross: We live together. Youre having our baby. Im not gonna see anybody else. Are you-are you sure you dont want something more?
Rachel: (pause) Wow! I dont know, maybe. Im
(They both laugh. Ross sits down, but Rachel doesnt move and is lost in thought.)
Joey: Well I had a great time! Learned how to bake, ate great food, thats the first A Ive gotten since seventh grade, and I didnt have to sleep with the teacher this time.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: I cant. I cant. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was Okay, bye Pheebs gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun Ive ever had in like all my lives.
Ross: Yeah! Oh yeah, youll be fine! It-itll be uh, just like bungy jumping. Yknow? But instead of bouncing back up you-you wont.
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Chandler: Okay, okay, here she comes! (Sits on the couch next to him.) How do I look? Do I look like a guy who doesnt want to get married?
Chandler: No!! Okay!! Whats with the third degree?! Why dont you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
Joey: Just casually slip it in, yknow lay the groundwork. Tell her uh, Im a lonerNo! An outlaw! Tell her she doesnt want to get mixed up with the likes of me.
Phoebe: Yeah, Chandler why dont you take a walk? This doesnt concern you.
Ross: Dad, dad I dont want to hear about it.
Rachel: Im Monicas maid of honor. Okay? Dont try to blue pin me!
Ross: Oh I, I dont-I dont think that would be the best idea.
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Rachel: I know isnt it? Its like Im right there with Joshua.
Phoebe: Ohh! Okay! Okay, cause when-when he said, "I cant wait to hear your first words," I thought, "Theres a trick."
Ross: Well, I-I want to give her another chance, yknow? She lives so close. And, at the end of the date, the other time, she-she said something that wasif she was kidding was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasnt kidding, shes not fun, shes stupid, and kind of a racist.
Chandler: Well, maybe you dont marry this one.
Joey: Dude, I dont know.
The Doctor: Actually, giving birth to three babies isnt that different from giving birth to one.
Phoebe: Well, maybe you wouldnt have had you (turns to the attendant) run in the chapel!
Monica: No! You cant do that!
Joey: (laughs) Actually, I didnt know the magazine was paying for it. Wouldnt have mattered, Im doing this for the fans, not for the free food.
Joey: No! I wont leave you!
Joey: Well, dont get your hopes up, because probably not gonna happen.
Phoebe: Well, maybe he wouldnt be she didnt bring the office home every night!
Ross: I dont know. A month?
(They both get up and Monica expects Joey to take the lead, but he doesnt, and they fumble around for a little bit.)
Monica: (startled) Ahh! Arent you dressed yet?
Chandler: You mean you didnt get it from this?
Joey: I dont know! But its the same!
Rachel: Well, wait a minute, youre the boss! Why dont you just yell at them? Or, fire them?
Chandler: I cant believe I did this! What an idiot!
Leslie: Yeah, but, I dont do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and then I couldnt come up with anything good, so they fired me.
Joey: I dont know why you just dont say left.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Chip: Amy Welch? Wow! I havent seen her since... So, Monica about ready?
(Cassie enters from the guest room, with her hair up. The extremely beautiful and sexy Denise Richards is playing Cassie. Woo hoo! For those of you who dont know who she is, rent Wild Things and she was also the last Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough.)
Phoebe: Stop it! Stop it no! Thats not fair! Yknow I cant resist that beautiful voice!
Monica: No, dont say it! Dont even think it!
Monica: Well Ross, you be careful now. You dont want to get a reputation as yknow Professor McNailshisstudents.
Phoebe: Oh, I-I dont eat meat.
Rachel: I dont know, I mean I would give anything to work for a designer, y'know, or a buyer.... Oh, I just dont want to be 30 and still work here.
Rachel: All right, easy mimey, the moment has passed, it aint gonna happen!
Ross: I cant believe he didnt come!
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
Ross: What? Oh! I gotta tell you, I-I wasnt expecting to like her at all, I mean I actually wasnt expecting to like anyone right now, but shes really terrific.
Wayne: Dont touch him!
Monica: Oh my God Stu! I-I cant believe you did this! Now are you absolutely sure shes a hooker?
Chandler: Well, you dont look good Joe.
Rachel: No, really. Really, Pheebs, youre not gonna be the one worrying about saving for college, or yelling at them when theyre bad, yknow, or deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just wont calm down. Yknow?
Tag: Its just not really who I am. Y'know, Ive always been happier when Why am I telling you this? You dont care about this stuff.
Phoebe: (gasps) You wouldnt! Okay look, Rachel I know you really want to do this, but I-Ive never been maid of honor to anyone before! And I know youve done it at least twice!
Chandler: Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe, I won YOU over, didnt I?
Ross: (just trying to get out of the conversation) Ah well, cant blame a guy for trying!
Emily: But, we cant go now. It looks like Rachels gonna put on a skit.
Ross: Oh no-no, after you. (She grabs a chair and heads upstairs.) (When shes gone.) Oh my God! (He drops the box and Chandler cant pick it up.)
Mr. Waltham: You spend half your life in the bathroom, why dont you ever go out the bloody window!
Joey: If you didnt want to play, why did you come to the party?
Phoebe: If you dont sail your boat, what do you do on it?
Phoebe: Dont even get me started on yours!
Phoebe: I dont know, I dont have anyone right now. Yknow?
Rachel: I dont care! The wires have come loose in your head!
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
Ross: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
Monica: I know, it is isnt it?
Rachel: Isnt that a kind of sushi?
Elizabeth: Okay. I didnt know he was here. (Runs over to Rachel.)
Joey: Doctor? Wow! I didnt know he had a nickname.
Phoebe: Oh, its bad. Its really bad. The only thing in there that isnt burned is an ass. Which I do not remember buying!
Phoebe: Dont worry about me, Im a robot! Im just a machine!!
Ross: I cant think of anything.
Phoebe: I cant believe it! I did it! I rode a bike! I never thought Id be able to do that! Thank you Ross.
Paul: Oh, I couldnt eat now.
Rachel: No you dont!
Chandler: Oh, I cant go.
Ross: Thats right! He was hitting on her, and I got her. I guess the better man won. (To Joey) Please dont take her from me.
Frank: How-how I like to melt stuff, and how I dislike stuff that doesnt melt.
Chandler: I cant do that.
Joey: All right, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesnt mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise youre just an idiot in a box!
Ross: Yeah, you didnt get one.
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
Ross: I dont know.
Lauren: Ive been waiting up all night for ya. Where have you been? (Joey doesnt answer) Where have you been? Vic?!
Chandler: Chicks dont swim.
Joey: (still looking in date book) Hey! Thats the day after I stop menstruating! (They all look at him.) This isnt mine.
Ross: How can I not get this? I'm a college professor; I got 1450 on my S.A.T.s.
Rachel: Okay fine, I did. But I didnt see anything, I swear.
Monica: All right, Ive got a whole bunch of uh-uh, stuff in this area, but umm, Im getting the feeling that you dont want to deliver.
Rachel: Well can we see it?! Oh maybe we shouldnt. I mean if she just died this morning out of respect.
Monica: Great! Well Rachel, the reason why I wont let you drive the Porsche is because youre a terrible driver. There! That wasnt about the wedding.
Rachel: Joey! It is an auction! You dont guess, you buy!
Monica: You cant say that!! You-you dont know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldnt...bend that way. So... (looks at Joey.)
Ross: (going up to Rachels closed door) Chandler? (He opens the door and looks inside and doesnt see him.) Chandler? (He checks the bathroom and still doesnt find him. He then finds a note on the counter. He picks it up and reads it.)
Joey: (reads it) Oh, I cant believe this! This sucks! When I had insurance I could get hit by a bus or catch on fire, yknow? And it wouldnt matter. Now I gotta be careful?!
Mr. Geller: Well, I dont know whats in the boxes down here, but I do know there are six or seven Easy Bake Ovens in the attic.
Monica: All right. The super couldnt figure out what it did. A $200 an hour electrician couldnt figure out what it did. Ive had seven pretty serious shocks. I officially give up.
Joey: Excuse me, Aaron? (The director turns around.) Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasnt supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. Its my best friends, and Im officiating so I really cant work past four.
Joey: Ross, you dont have to yell.
Phoebe: That's okay Rachel. I'm not judging you; that's just who you are. Me. I'm more free y'know? I run like I did when I was a kid, cause that's the only way it's fun. Y'know, I mean didnt you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off? Y'know, like when you were like running towards the swings or running away from Satan? (Rachel looks confused) The neighbor's dog.
Rachel: But Joey you dont have $20,000!