words in movies
Written by: Scott Silveri Transcribed by: Eric Aasen Directed by: David Schwimmer (Yeah, that David Schwimmer.)
Chandler: (watches Joey for a moment) Okay! (Joey quickly moves the hockey stick so that hes scratching his back with it.) Listen, Im gonna be moving out so you will be in charge of paying the rent.
Joey: Right! And when is that due?
Joey: And thats every month?
Chandler: Thats our phone number. Now look, I know I kinda sprung this whole me moving out on thing, so why dont I justwhy dont I just cover you for a while?
Chandler: I figure that $1,500 would cover him for a few months, yknow? But I have to trick him into taking it so I wont hurt his pride.
Chandler: Well that would help the pride thing.
Monica: Well, instead of being sad that tonight is my last night together with Rachel we thought wed go out to dinner and celebrate the fact that Rachel is moving in with Phoebe.
Monica: Rachel, you are packed though right, I mean please tell me that youre packed.
[Cut to Rachels bedroom, Phoebe and her are entering. And its obvious that shes not packed.]
Phoebe: Well, what youre wearing is fine for that.
Phoebe: Thats right.
Chandler: Oh, I wish Id know you were going to do that, I ordered Chinese.
Joey: Oh thats okay. Hey, actually in a way its kinda nice. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors, you, the food of yours!
Rachel: Im sorry Pheebs, I guess Im just really said that Im leaving.
Rachel: Uh well, I guess Im not gonna miss the fact that youre never allowed to move the phone pen. (Laughs. Monica lags behind the laugh a little bit.)
Phoebe: Good thats a good one. Okay, Monica, anything? Yknow? Does Rachel move the phone pen?
Joey: (scores) Yes! I win again! Ha-ha! Thats like 500 bucks you owe me! Whoo-ho-hoo! (Goes over to the fridge and starts opening and closing the door rapidly.) $500 that is a loooot of electricity! (By the way, theres nothing in the fridge.) Whoo-ho-ho! (Notices the sparseness of the fridge.) I gotta buy some food.
Chandler: See? Now, thats why only the little fake men are supposed to do all the kicking.
Chandler: Well thats a full cup! (Pays him again.)
Monica: Listen Rachel, I feel really bad aboutWhat are you doing? (She sees that Rachel is unpacking.)
Rachel: Im not moving! (She re-hangs a picture, crookedly.) Is that picture straight?
Phoebe: Okay, you guys. You guys I think I know whats going on here. Okay, you guys STOP!! (They stop.) I know that, I know that youre acting mad because you think that itll make it easier to leave. But deep down youre still really sad. Deep-deep down.
Chandler: It doesnt matter because nothing beats a three and a six. That my friend is D-Cup. Okay, now much have you won so far?
Chandler: Hey, I didnt make up the rules. Now, after you receive the doubling bonus, you get uh, one card. Now that one card could be worth $100 bringing your total to 1,500. (Joey gets excited.) Dont get to excited because thats not gonna happen unless you getNo way! (He takes the top card, which is the two of clubs. Of course, any card wouldve won. Chandler pays him.)
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Phoebe: Youre just so mean to each other! And I dont want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you!
Rachel: Well, Phoebe thats fine because Im not moving.
Monica: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Yknow I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but yknow Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate.
Monica: Do you wanna live outside?! Because its gettin cold! (To Phoebe) She gets tons of catalogs and umm, shell fold down the pages of the things she thinks that Id like.
Rachel: Yeah, I do. I-I do, do that.
Phoebe: Thats nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom.
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
Phoebe: Oh thats right. Youre still set on that?
Ross: (answering the phone) Hello? (Listens) Hey Mon, hows the packing going? (Listens) Ben? Hes fine. Yeah, hes rightOh my God! (He looks over at the fake Ben and notices that the head has fallen off.) Get your head of your shirt there son! (He tries to push the pumpkin through the neck hole.) What? (Listens) Yeah, its a pumpkin. Ill come pack.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, (Ohh, thats the last time Im ever gonna type that line. Its just so sad.) Joey is entering, angrily.]
Chandler: Im just trying to help you out! Okay? I wanna make sure that youre okay.
Joey: I will be okay! Look Chandler, you gotta get it out of your head that I cant take care of myself. Okay? Look, Im not gonna miss you helping me out with money. The only thing that Im gonna miss is you. And now the dog.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, (And thats the last time for that line, no more Chandler and Joeys or Monica and Rachels, ever!) Joey and Ross are carrying the last table of Rachels. Rachel follows slowly, but is stopped by Monica.]
Monica: What the hell is that dog doing here?! (She notices the dog sitting in the living room.)
(And with that, an era ends as Chandler moves in with Monica as Rachel moves in with Phoebe. It tis a sad and happy time for Friends.)
Ross: And now you want that money back.
MONICA: Exactly. Oh, I love that I can be totally neurotic around you now. Tell me the truth. Don't you like it better now that everything on your desk is perpendicular?
All: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!
Joey: Okay, but lets say there was. How might that go?
PHOEBE: But Joey, you're gonna be fine. You don't need that show, it was just a dumb soap opera.
Ross: Yes thats right.
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
(Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a mermaid complete with breasts.)
Rachel/Ross: Ooh, your lips are so soft... Do that again... (and she/he moves in for another kiss. Joey, pushes her head away again...)
Phoebe: Why is Ross doing that?
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess thatd be okay.
Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)
Chandler: You just thought of that in there?
The Lurker: I won! That was my quarter!
Ross: That was you?
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
Monica: Oh, honey!I can't. I was just telling these guys that things are crazy at the restaurant!
Rachel: Yeah thats right! Come on Joey; sex me up!
Monica: Isnt that mine?
Joey: Felicity and I, were watching My Giant, and I was thinking, "Im never gonna be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think Im just wasting my life with this acting thing?
Rachel: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sisters mouth long enough to tell me that.
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
Chandler: Yeah, Ive always hated that Howie.
Monica: Oh my God, this is great! This is so great! (to Chandler, who looks bewildered). Did you hear that?
Phoebe: Whats that smell?
Elizabeth: Ohh thats so sweet!
Monica: Does that smell bother you?
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, thats notNo-no-no!
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
Joey: OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Ross that I told you.
Ross: Why do they keep doing that?
MR. GELLER: When did I say that?
Joey: Thats right, all the ladies want to stay at Joeys.
Rachel: Oh! I used to do that too!
Chandler: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
Monica: Joey, now that you're okay with the house, do you wanna go see your room?
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
Joey: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
Chandler: Thats still in there?!
Phoebe: Yeah, but Monica, do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, "Thats not how your dad used to do it."
Ross: That! Lets talk about that.
Will: Uh, except that it was really the I Hate Rachel Club.
Rachel: Well Joey, uhm look, I know that she’s difficult, but I think it’s really good that she’s here.
Monica: Drunk enough to know that I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
Monica: Uh, would you stop it with that already?!
Rachel: That would be great! Wait, how long is Denise gone for?
Ross: Well, I-I want to give her another chance, yknow? She lives so close. And, at the end of the date, the other time, she-she said something that wasif she was kidding was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasnt kidding, shes not fun, shes stupid, and kind of a racist.
Chandler: Oh, uh, yeah... I just knew that sometimes when you're writing, you... you don't always know the exact time.
Chandler: No-no, why dont you hang on to that one.
Monica: Well, at least you have one thing to be happy about. That jerk Gavin from your office didn't show up (Gavin shows up at the balcony windows).
Monica: No! You cant do that!
Phoebe: So, we realize thatOh no (She resets herself) Im telling it! Im telling it (She loses it.)
Monica: Oh no! My parents have never seen me drunk! (Pause) That they know of.
Chandler: Ah, look on the bright side, I mean you won't have to live with this ugly chair! That was here already huh? I love you. (they hug again)
Chandler: That is so weird, because every time I go to the dentist, I look down the hygienists blouse.
Ross: Thank you! Thats what I keep saying.
Chandler: That is lucky.
Chandler: Oh thats so sweet! I want to show you something too!
Rachel: Chandler! Patrick just uh, ended things with me. Did you or did you not tell him that I was looking for a serious relationship?
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
Chandler: Oh thats great!
RACHEL: Well that sounds kinda cool, kinda like The Hobbit.
Joey: Oh, that sounds like fun, but weve got a ring to find!!
Elizabeth: Ahh, I just have one problem left that I do not know how to solve. Uhh, Rachel maybe you want to come upstairs and help me figure it out?
Rachel: (looks at him) That was (pause) surreal. Okay, what do think? Are you interested at all?
Monica: Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch.
Ross: (entering) Okay Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out. Okay, clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?
Ross: Yeah, no one talks like that!
ROSS: Ok, well then get some sense. I mean it took you what, 10 years to get that job, who knows how long it's gonna be till you get another.
Joey: Yeah!! I call that London style.
Phoebe: It's not that bad.
Chandler: How is that worse?!
Joey: What?!! Thats even worse!!
Monica: That noise you just made?
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
Monica: Oh honey, is that cause your Mom died around Christmas?
Ross: Well, you shouldve seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, hes like Joe Rugby.
Phoebe: I think so too. And that little flap? Great for holding my lipstick.
Ross: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster [1] is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
Mr. Treeger:: No! Youre clogging up the chute that I spent a half-hour unclogging!
Leslie: Yeah, but, I dont do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and then I couldnt come up with anything good, so they fired me.
Monica: Cause I just keeping thinking about all these things that Im not gonna have and its freaking me out. I dont know what to do about it.
Chandler: Well, I did not know that.
Charlie: Hey, there's Phoebe! Is that Mike she's with?
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
GRANDMOTHER: Alright, that is not your father, that's just a picture of a guy in a frame.
Ross: Sorry. (To remedy that, Ross scoops the cinnamon off of the top with his hand.)
Ross: Thank you! And I have to say that first scene when you meet Mac
Ross: I got held up at Dr. Gettleman's office. There was some guy that freaked everybody out.
Rachel: Oh good, great! I'll-I'll keep that in mind. (Turns and walks away.)
Joey: Thats great. Thanks Rach.
Chandler: Ah, well, maybe thats, ah, because youre getting a big raise.
Ross: Uh yeah! Let me, let me get that for you.
(Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, but for once hes lost for something to say – so she nods her head to tell him that hes thinking correctly...)
Rachel: Oh thats right! Im sorry! I-I am early! Finish! Please!!
Monica: All right Rach, for what its worth, I think that youre doing great. I mean yknow lets face it, no one handles this well.
Chandler: No, you shNo you said you made that up!!
Chandler: Make sure you put all that stuff back in the closet, okay?
Joey: Uhh, look Katie, uh listen, we-we need to talk. Okay? Umm, look I like you. I-I really do, I like you a lot. Okay? But sometimes when you, when you playfully punch me like that it-it feels like someone's hitting me with a very tiny but very real bat.
Paul: I get that a lot.
Monica: Thats the couch.