words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is looking around the shop as Phoebe returns from getting some more coffee.]
Rachel: Look at that guy by the window, wow!
Rachel: Oh, what is wrong with me lately? I mean its like every guy I seeI mean look here. (Points behind them) Look at that guy for example, I mean normally thats not someone I would-would be attracted to, but right now, with the way Im feeling, all I want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack.
Phoebe: Wait a second! This is about the fourth month of your pregnancy, right?
Phoebe: This is completely normal, around the fourth month your hormones start going crazy.
Ross: Hey where-where are the pictures that creepy pretzel vendor took of us together?
Mona: Oh yeah, probably at the end. (Flips to the end.) Oh my God! He only took pictures of my breasts!
Ross: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card yknow, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
Phoebe: Wait, Im-Im sorry. Whats the big deal about a holiday card?
Doug: Bing! Ho! And the Bing-ette!
Doug: Hi. So good news, the divorce is final. I signed the papers this A.M.
Doug: Oh well, give it time. So the divorce, the marriage, weve got a lot to celebrate. How about we all go out to dinner tomorrow night?
Doug: Tomorrow night it is then, I should be out of court by six. They keep throwing these sexual harassment cases at me and I keep knocking them out of the park!
Monica: Thats because he wasnt invited because of the way he behaved at our engagement party.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, theres a knock on the door and he opens it to Mona.]
Mona: Hey, I went by the photo shop, take a look, here is a mockup of our card. What do you think?
Ross: A hundred?! Well, I-I guess Ill take aMona, uh I-Im not sure about the whole uh, card thing.
Ross: Lets do the card!
Ross: The card! I think were there!
Ross: Really?! I mean, even with the card?
Nurse: Just so you know, Dr. Long cant be here today, she was called to the hospital, so Dr. Schiff will be seeing you.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Hey, can I ask you a question? Was it me, or-or was the guy who took my blood sample really cute? Yknow who Im talking about, bald haircut, hairy fingers (Stops when she realizes it was her.)
Dr. Schiff: (entering) Hi Rachel? Im Dr. Schiff. (By the way, hes an attractive man.)
Dr. Schiff: Okay then, would you like to lie down on the table?
Rachel: Well would you like me to lie down on the table?
Rachel: Well, lets see. Uh, they gave me cute doctor today and in the middle of the exam I put my pinky in his chin dimple.
Monica: Oh yeah, the Evander Holyfield phase. Oh man you were so hard up you practically came on to me.
Ross: Yeah, were not just doing a card! Yknow, she-she also wants to have the conversation about where the relationship is going.
Ross: Whoa-hello! We were closer with the mixed tape.
Monica: That is a slap in the face.
Ross: Forget it. I-IYknow what? Ill just have the conversation. Ill just say I like things the way they are, and hope for the best. What do you think Rach?
Chandler: Its the semi-finals of her botchy ball tournament.
Doug: So why cant the three of us go out together?
Doug: Good God Bing I well I cant say Im altogether surprised, I saw the way she looked at you, and there was no love there. And the way she looked at me, pure lust.
Doug: Bing my boy, were gonna get you over this. Now heres the plan, grab your coat, were going to a strip club.
Ross: I mean, theres no point in spending time with someone if-if its just fun. Its gotta be, its gotta be going somewhere right? So where-where is it going? (Pause) Ah! Thats-thats the real question. And-and the answer is is its going somewhere fun. Now I-I know what youre thinking, fun was fine for you like ten years ago yknow, but youre-youre not getting any younger. No I meanNo not you, not you, youyou are getting younger. I meanyou-you look like youre getting younger by the secondWhats your secret?
Ross: Not just a key, I gave her the only key! I am now a homeless person in a very serious relationship.
Phoebe: (entering with some guy) Hey. Ooh Ross! Howd the conversation go?
Ross: Oh great, I live on the street.
Rachel: Yeah. (They go into the kitchen.)
Doug: No, its a wedding ring. You gotta get rid of it. Were gonna go to the East River right now and throw it in there!
Doug: Oh yeah-yeah-yeah, yknow I did it and I felt a hell of a lot better and if you whip it just right you might hit a seagull in the head.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, a locksmith has finished changing the locks on Rosss door.]
Mona: (entering) Hey Ross, whats going on? You changing the lock?
Mona: I dont understand. You-you give me a key to your apartment and then you change the lock.
Monica: From the tequila factory?
Chandler: Yknow what the worse part was? I got to see what my life would be like without you. It was like Its a Wonderful Life with lap dances. Please promise that you will never leave me, that we will grow old together, and be with each other for the rest of our lives.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is on the phone.]
Rachel: Yes. Hi, Id like to order a pizza. Okay, can I ask you a question? Is-is the cute blond guy delivering tonight? Very Ambercrombie & Fitch. (Joey enters.) Ill call you back.
Rachel: Its just the pizza place.
Joey: You hung up on the pizza place? I dont hang up on your friends.
Rachel: Thats the end of this conversation!
(They both go into their rooms and after a little while Rachel pokes her head into the living room.)
Joey: Get back in there! (Rachel re-enters her room and closes the door.)
Phoebe: Hi. Listen, Im sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasnt right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think youll really enjoy. (Goes into the hallway and returns carrying the Evander Holyfield cutout.) Now, this is just a loan. Okay? Im gonna, Im gonna want him back. So (Looks at him longingly) Im gonna go now. (Exits.) (Pause) (Entering) Im sorry, I thought I could do it and I cant! (She grabs the cutout and exits for good.)
Joey: Thats okay. Chandlers the one Im mad at.
Monica: Great. So the ball is in his court?
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Rachel: You are right there with Emily. And its yknow, its kinda like . its a tie! Well, I gotta get, I gotta get back to the dishes.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.]
(Monica is standing by the crib, and she's looking at her babies.)
Chandler: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!
(They start to kiss, and Ross rushes into the office to break it up.)
Rachel: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.
(Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.)
Rachel: Im funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, Ive got a ton of these! Umm, oh hearDo you want a good one? Heres a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you cant roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, theyre left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.
Rachel: (Looking through her purse.) Okay, you know what? I dont have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have my drivers license and I have a twenty. (She slides it across the counter.)
Estelle: (Looks confused) Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. I think you can still make it. It's down at the Astor Theatre and you need to have a monologue prepared.
Ross: Okay here, have one of these peppers. Oh ha Oh God! So so hot! (Rubs his eyes.) Oh my(Laughs.) By the way, you dont want to touch the pepper and then touch your eye.
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
Ross: Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is
(There is a knock on the door, Phoebe answers it, its Mr. Heckles)
Pete: Look, the only who stands to get hurt is me. And Im okay with that.
[Cut to the hallway, Janine is entering as Monica is taking out the garbage.]
Ross: (in the same low voice) Answer better, answer better!
Joey: (to Chandler) Hey, that is so great about the job.
Monica: (closing the door) Its unbelievable! I-I cant believe that sign didnt work!
Chandler: The floating heads do make a good point.
Monica: Okay, come here! (Phoebe joins them in the hug.)
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch.]
(Hits the ball towards Chandler who returns it back to him. He then hits the ball at Monica who slams it and it bounces off Kara's leg.)
Monica: Hes retiling my floor. (they both run to the bathroom)
Joey: I'm always on the swings! What am I doing wrong?!
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's done.
Phoebe: No, youre too late!!! She already took out the trash!!!
Chandler: Great! Okay, here. (Holds the ring up for him.)
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is on the phone and Phoebe is watching him.]
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this isI have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Yknow the "Wouldnt it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
(The chain breaks loose from the wall, and because Joey was pushing with all his might, he propells into the kitchen, towards the table with all the food. This table has wheels underneath it, and when Joey falls on this table, he rides into the living room, with all the food falling off, until finally Joey also falls off... Joey gets up quickly, a bit agitated, and acting as nothing happened. He is covered in food stains.)
Joey: (To Monica) Hey, so what is the big surprise?
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you know I'm i'm really glad you came to talk to me the other day and I hope I was a little helpful.
Ross: I told her I'd have to think about it. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to make this kind of a decision? (They're all quiet.) I'm actually asking you!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, thats the word I use when I cant remember the real thing.
Joey: Oh, ooh the food smells great, Mon!
Monica: Its coming from the living room.
(He walks up onto the altar and notices the rabbi.)
(Monica goes over and grabs the pesto.)
Monica: (in the kitchen with Chandler) Look at them, they're-they're panicked!
Rachel: Hi. What are you doing here? Isn't this against the rules?
Ross: Heres your girlfriends button. (Holding the button.)
Gary: Listen Chandler, the way I see it is that I was lucky enough to find someone that I really love. I justI wanna be around her as much as I can.
[Ross comes out of Rachel's bedroom in her bathrobe and heads for the bathroom. On his way back, Richard comes out of Monica's bedroom in her bathrobe.]
Phoebe: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow.
Phoebe: (entering with Rachel) and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.
Joey: Yes we do! Now look, that was the best nap I ever had!!
Chandler: Well the vet seems to think thats shes becoming a rooster. (The rooster crows.) Were getting a second opinion.
(Monica Enters. Chandler is in the kitchen with his laptop)
Ross: I want to go to the bathroom. (exits)
Rachel: Well, y'know, the reason I didn't wanna go running with you is because um, well y'know the way that you run is a little...(Starts flapping her arms)
Ross: Whats that on the bottom?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.]
Phoebe: Okay. (The car moves a few feet and sputters to a stop.) Oh, no!
Ross: Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.
Spokeswoman: And the man who made all this possible... Mr. Peter Becker.
Chandler: It's okay. Go take the test and see if we're okay.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Monica are standing in the kitchen.]
Ross: No! No! Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?
Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, its Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, dont you apologize. (listens) Yeah, Ill hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
MONICA: All right, get your coat, we're going to the hospital.
The Teacher: Oh, their number is on the contact sheet.
Chandler: Forget it! Okay, Im not giving up the apartment.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, I had too. There was never any parking by the Psychology building.
Ross: Listen man, uh, I'm sorry the audition didn't go so well.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to London and Monica comes running in.]
(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After shes gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the Does it? part.)
Phoebe: Oh... then I overpaid. (she goes to the bathroom)
Chandler: Fine, I'll give the suit back.
Chandler: (jumps back and points at the cigarette) Oh my God!
Rachel: (stopping him) Wh-whoa! All right, okay-okay, I see, I see what's going on here! Now listen, look-look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead! Now even though I (He tries to interrupt and tell her about the ink), hey-hey-hey, even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me. I do not want, this job that bad. Good day, sir. (She storms out of his office.)
Ross: Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know Im looking for him?
Rachel: Oh, you're not gonna tell the whole story about how your parents got divorced again are you?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey enters.]
Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.
Monica: Yeah. I guess. (She puts more money in the bucket.)
Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.
[Scene: The Airport, Carol and Ross are waiting for Emily and Susan to deplane. A gorgeous woman walks by and they both turn to watch her go.]
Joey: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked.
Ross: Okay, Ill be up in, (looks at the letter) 18 pages. Front and back. Very exciting.
Monica: I love the "I forgot the present" fake out!
Rachel: And now, y'know, I'm like... I'm like the other woman! I feel so..
Tour Guide: Thats just the way it is.
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.
Rachel: (Joey walks to the door) Although...
Phoebe: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yelling) Hey, that's not for you, bitch! (Phoebe covers her mouth with her hand walks away from the window.)
Rachel: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog!
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, how was your first day working at the restaurant?
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]
Phoebe: Good. (Phoebe and Mrs. Burkart go into the other room, leaving Monica with everyone staring at her.)
Monica: (takes the phone from Ross) Come on. (Answering phone) Hello? (Listens) Im sorry you have the wrong number. (Listens) (Whispering) Okay, Ill call you later dad. I love you. (Hangs up.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, (And thats the last time for that line, no more Chandler and Joeys or Monica and Rachels, ever!) Joey and Ross are carrying the last table of Rachels. Rachel follows slowly, but is stopped by Monica.]
Chandler: Maybe, she doesnt hit him all the time.
Joey: (To Phoebe) Hey, is uh the rest of my candy bar around here?
Mona: Ross, we we have to be strong. Okay, I-Im gonna go. (She picks up the shirt Ross has just set down.) Can I? To remember you?