words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to pry more information about Chandler and Monica from Joey who's sitting on the couch and busy downing a pizza.]
Rachel: No! I mean come on! This is a huge deal! (She sits next to him on the couch.) Fine I wantI need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss?
Joey: They did it right there on the couch.
Ross: (disinterested) Hey-yeah. (He hurries up to the counter.) Hey Gunther, can I have a scone please? (To the gang.) Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily!
Ross: Oh, thanks Gunther. (He takes it, hands the plate it's on to Rachel, sets it down on the table, and proceeds to pound it into oblivion while saying.) STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD!!!!!!!
Phoebe: Hey, you know what might help you deal with it? Think of it this way, you and Emily are in the past and you can't be mad about the past. So are you still mad about the Louisiana Purchase?
Phoebe: Exactly! Because it's in the past!
Joey: (eyeing the flattened scone) Anybody gonna eat that?
Monica: Look at us all dressed up for the big office party! By the way, what are we celebrating?
Chandler: Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.
Monica: Ooh, and I can do this. (She kisses him on the cheek.)
Doug: Hey Bing! (Slaps him on his ass.) (Sees Monica) Wo-ho-ho, who's the pretty lady and what the hell is she doing with you?
Doug: Say uh, Bing, did you hear about the new law firm we got working for us?
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
Chandler: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. (She glares at him.) Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.
Monica: Well, I-Ithere was this guy at the bank that I thought was cute umm, but I don't anymore.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe is settling a dispute between the chick and the duck.]
(The duck quacks.)
(The duck flaps its wings frantically.)
Phoebe: (gasps) Ohh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. (The chick clucks.) You'll get your turn!
Ross: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Pheebs, what's going on?
Phoebe: Nothing! (Picks up and sets the chick down on the floor.) (To the chick.) This is not over!
Ross: I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily! It was perfect and now it's all covered in-in (The duck quacks.) Actually, thanks!
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Ross: (licks the envelope and encounters a foreign substance on the glue.) Oh God!
[Scene: A tennis court somewhere in the city of New York, it's the doubles match-up of a century Chandler and Monica versus Doug and Kara.]
(Hits the ball towards Chandler who returns it back to him. He then hits the ball at Monica who slams it and it bounces off Kara's leg.)
(They both walk off the court.)
Chandler: Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.
Doug: Uh Bing, I think we're gonna make this the last game.
Monica: I'll take it down to 95% but that's the best I can do.
(Chandler cuts in front of her and hits the ball high and long.)
Chandler: Long! (Gives Monica the Work Laugh.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Chandler are returning from the game.]
Chandler: If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invented us to dinner tomorrow night.
Monica: Y'know what really bothers me? Isit's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "I'll see you around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!" (Mocks the fake laugh.) I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, the next morning the girls are there with Joey.]
Joey: Maybe we should check the trash chute.
Rachel: Ross couldn't fit down the trash chute.
Monica: Oh my God! (She goes to hug him, stops short, and hits him on the shoulder.) Where the hell have you been?!!
Rachel: You walked around all night in the city by yourself?
[Suddenly the door opens and Ross's mystery girl enters. I'll give you a hint to who it is: OH .MY .GAWD!! Uh-huh, it's Janice.]
Janice: (entering) Ross you left you scarf in (sees everyone.) Hey you guys. (Does the laugh.)
Janice: Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)
Rachel: I overheard you guys on the phone the other day, and you said, "I'll just tell Rachel that I'm doing laundry for a couple of hours." And he said, "Laundry? Is that my new nickname?" And you said, "No! You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big."
Rachel: Well, I wouldn't know because I got so freaked out that I hung up the phone.
Monica: Mr. Bigot. He tells the most racist jokes.
Joey: All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay?
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
(Neither of them turns around from watching the chick and the duck look for the tasty treat.)
Ross: Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked for hours. (Joey has lost interest and is watching the race again.) It is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention.
Joey: And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!
Doug: But seriously, I believe that we should all support President Clinton. And her husband Bill. (Chandler does the laugh.)
Doug: Well, maybe I'll bring it out and have Monica stick her finger in it. That oughta sweeten it up, huh? (Once again, with the laugh.)
(Doug and Kara go get the coffee.)
Monica: Y'know, I-I-I don't think that I can. So if you don't mind, maybe this will be it for me on the work things.
Chandler: So I laugh at my boss's jokes, what's the big deal?
Doug: The joke Bing. What's the matter with you?
Monica: (interrupting) Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.
Monica: I thought you could use the help.
Chandler: Coffee in a fight! (Does the laugh again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is going through the mail as Joey enters.]
Monica: I know! It's just that ever since high school Rachel was the one person I told everything too. Y'know? I miss that so much now. She's my best friend.
(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in the process.)
Monica: Wh-wh-what are you doing here? (She tries to pull her shirt down to cover the fact that she's wearing men's boxers.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Janice are sitting on the couch.]
Janice: I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job! And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffeeahh!! Ross, we need to talk.
Janice: No-no-no, no. I'm going to talk. I believe that the sun has set on our day in the sun.
Chandler: (realizes what Ross just said and the implications to him) I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.
Ross: Well, why dont you just start with something simple. Like umm, Monica from the moment I met you, I knew I loved you.
PHOEBE: Well you said that he's paying the people who are playing.
Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?
JOEY: Ah, the stalker.
CHANDLER: The one time they're not home.
RICHARD: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...
Ross: I guess it all started when Rachel got this new job. (he sits down at the table.)
(The old lady at Phoebe's machine wins. Phoebe turns around in shock.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Monica is holding the wrapping paper from one of Rachel's gifts.]
RICHARD: It's the basketball playoffs.
Joey: You got all that from the back of her head?
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Joey: Maybe thats the problem.
Ross: Wait a minute! How-how the hell did you beat us here?
Chandler: Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. (Tries to get her to drink a little more from the bottle when he suddenly smells something. Its times like these Im glad Smell-O-Vision hasnt been invented.) Do you know what Pheebs? When youre done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too. (Phoebe is changing hers.)
RACHEL: Uhh, the mailman, the super.
(She walks out and slams the door.)
[Time lapse, Ross and Rachel are talking, Joey is on the couch, and Monica and Phoebe are out of the room.]
(The waitress lets her in as Monica is about to throw a lobster into a pot of boiling water (Although, she hasnt taken off the rubber bands that hold the claws, so she cant be that good of a chef). Anyway, guess who the Colonel is by the following phrase.)
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
CAROLINE: I assume we're talking about the baby now.
Rachel: Ok. (Phoebe starts to walk in the opposite direction though. Rachel sees and follows her) Wha...? where? Where are you going?
Monica: Ross this is the only thing left that has a shot at working.
ROB: That was great, the kids loved you.
Phoebe: Well, nobody wants a ghost. But youve got one, because the house is sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground.
[Chandler tries to warn Phoebe that the woman is coming on to her, but Phoebe doesn't see him.]
Chloe: And the advances in collating in the past five years, I mean we just got in an X-5000, y'know. The X-5000 makes the X-50 look like a T-71.
Joey: Did you tell the guy you wanted to have sex with his wife and then fall right out of your chair?
Charlie: And there is a collection of Walt Whitman letters on display at the public library.
Monica: I don't care. <pauses and realizes...> Oh my god. I've lost the will to scold.
RACHEL: Oh, I know, I know. [Turns on the TV. Joey in on it.]
Chandler: Well, I'm crazy about her now. I think this could be the real thing. Capital 'R'! Capital 'T'! (Joey stares at him) Don't worry, those are the right letters.
Rachel: Ok. (She sits on the bed and Ross sits near her) Thank you for coming with me today.
Rachel: That is so sad. Your missing out on so much, Ross. I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know. And-and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.
Ross: Uh no-no, she-shes out for the night.
ROSS: Well for starters, you may want to light it and lose the spatula.
GRANDMOTHER: Oh, just updating the phonebook.
[Chandler closes up the laptop computer screen.]
Ross: She's gonna be a scientist! (kisses Rachel on the head, very moved)
[Cut to the rest of the gang sitting low on the couch and craning their necks to watch the interview.]
[Monica turns on the radio.]
Director: Lose the robe.
[Scene: City street. The whole gang is walking up to the movie set.]
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Rachel: Look, I am so so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that Im not. Im not even close. And I dont know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that thats dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler!
Phoebe: Yeah. But I also believed her (points to the phone) when she said I was next.
(Ross keeps giggling and Rachel decides upon revenge. She gets up and kisses the rather large man in the seat in front of Ross on the back of his head. The guy turns around angrily.)
Eric: Oh my God, youre the sister!
Phoebe: (smiling from ear to ear) Well, Gladys say hello to your new home! (she holds out the 'painting')
[Scene: The Airport, Chandler and Monica are following the previous couple through a tiny hallway that proves this is a set on a sound stage and not an actual airport, and see them enter the first class lounge.]
(She picks up the box and the bottom falls out, spilling all of the pictures onto Monica's neat little piles.)
Ross: Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. Youllyoure gonna pick it up. (Rachel doesnt believe that.) Hey! You will! Uh look, yknow when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddys credit card. Do you remember?
Chandler: What the fu(beep)ck are you doing?!
RACHEL: Come on, Terry, I'll even clean the cappuccino machine.
Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.
Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe and Ross enter the room.]
(Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel. You can hear this entire classic scene by clicking here.)
[Scene: Healing Hands Inc. (Phoebes work), Frank is being ushered in, by the arm, to the room Phoebe is in by another girl.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I know because you have all the good words. What do I get? I get "its," "and" oh I'm sorry, I have "A." Forget it.
Monica: Hey, Rach! I made a pile of your stuff over on this side of the room. If you could just (Rachel grunts and throws her purse at it) throw your purses at it.
ALL: Yeah, show it. Show it. The nubbin, the nubbin, the nubbin.
JOEY: See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that, me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa, not a good mother.
Joey: Alright, well the rest of you get comfortable, ok, because we're gonna be here for a li...(stops and thinks) Wait a minute, there is a window in there!
Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
MNCA: Especially the after taste, you know, I'll tell ya, that'll last ya till Christmas.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.]
Ross: Well, there is an Arbys in the shape of a tee-pee.
Joey: Well Ahh, (he sees Kate and the director kissing) yeah! Yeah, sure, a drink sounds great.
Joey: But the auditions in a couple hours and I dont even understand the game.
Rachel: Oh. (starts shaking the sugar down in a packet really hard.)
Richard: Well yeah, Im sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is opening the door to Monica.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering the living room from her bedroom.]
ROSS: How'd the callback go?
Chandler: (To Chandler) Im out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?
Mindy: Look, I know he's not perfect, but the truth is, at the end of the day, I still really wanna be Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, D.D.S.
Ross: I think you would have to clean a whole lot of apartments to go all the way to India.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the game is coming to a close.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I really do! Yes, but, after I dumped on the way he was gonna propose to me, I don’t think he’s ever gonna ask again! I mean, I said no in Barbados and now this!
Ross: Well, you can't know where I am all the time. Look, this marriage is never gonna work if you don't trust me.
[Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel, entering selfish mode, is thanking Ross for wrongly taking the entire blame of the breakup; as if she had absolutely nothing to do with it.]
Joey: Actually, y'know its kinda cold, so how about I keep my boxers on, and give you all a peek at the good stuff?
Monica: Oh my god. Today's the sixth?! I may be done ovulating! I may have also served some very questionable meat at the restaurant.
Monica: Oh, thank you! (The gang exhibits signs of quiet apprehension and wears knowing glances.) (Monica giggles.) Whats going on?
[Scene: The beach house, Phoebe is coming down the stairs all packed and ready to go.]
Phoebe: Huh, well, the girls in the satin nighties on the commercial dont seem to think its that bad.
(She kisses him. Ross leans back for a second, and then they both kiss, more passionately this time as U2's With or Without You plays in the background.)
Monica: Anybody lose this? (Holds up the chip and the woman next to her shakes her head no.)
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
Joey: Well, it's like, last night, I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And the response I got... man, oh man, it was like a ticker tape parade!
Phoebe: Okay. Then, take the tiara back and let me hold the musket again. (He hands it to her and Phoebe poses in front of one of those small mirrors.) Somethings missing. Its not Okay oh, let me see the ring my friend picked out.
[Scene: A train to Poughkeepsie, Ross is asleep against the window.]
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Joey: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!
Monica: Thats right. Thats right. And that is why you cant stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldnt come to the wedding.
[Scene: The Hospital, Monica and Rachel are waiting for the doctors to arrive. They enter and are played by Noah Wyle and George Clooney.]
Phoebe: Although... it's also about the wedding... Ugh, alright... here. (she gives the check and pulls it back again) No... Oh God... Oh!
The Producer: (checking his watch) Lets get you into wardrobe for a fitting.
Mike: I know. This has been the best year... (the crowd starts cheering so he starts yelling) THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!