words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to pry more information about Chandler and Monica from Joey who's sitting on the couch and busy downing a pizza.]
Rachel: No! I mean come on! This is a huge deal! (She sits next to him on the couch.) Fine I wantI need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss?
Joey: They did it right there on the couch.
Ross: (disinterested) Hey-yeah. (He hurries up to the counter.) Hey Gunther, can I have a scone please? (To the gang.) Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily!
Ross: Oh, thanks Gunther. (He takes it, hands the plate it's on to Rachel, sets it down on the table, and proceeds to pound it into oblivion while saying.) STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD!!!!!!!
Phoebe: Hey, you know what might help you deal with it? Think of it this way, you and Emily are in the past and you can't be mad about the past. So are you still mad about the Louisiana Purchase?
Phoebe: Exactly! Because it's in the past!
Joey: (eyeing the flattened scone) Anybody gonna eat that?
Monica: Look at us all dressed up for the big office party! By the way, what are we celebrating?
Chandler: Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.
Monica: Ooh, and I can do this. (She kisses him on the cheek.)
Doug: Hey Bing! (Slaps him on his ass.) (Sees Monica) Wo-ho-ho, who's the pretty lady and what the hell is she doing with you?
Doug: Say uh, Bing, did you hear about the new law firm we got working for us?
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
Chandler: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. (She glares at him.) Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.
Monica: Well, I-Ithere was this guy at the bank that I thought was cute umm, but I don't anymore.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe is settling a dispute between the chick and the duck.]
(The duck quacks.)
(The duck flaps its wings frantically.)
Phoebe: (gasps) Ohh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. (The chick clucks.) You'll get your turn!
Ross: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Pheebs, what's going on?
Phoebe: Nothing! (Picks up and sets the chick down on the floor.) (To the chick.) This is not over!
Ross: I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily! It was perfect and now it's all covered in-in (The duck quacks.) Actually, thanks!
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Ross: (licks the envelope and encounters a foreign substance on the glue.) Oh God!
[Scene: A tennis court somewhere in the city of New York, it's the doubles match-up of a century Chandler and Monica versus Doug and Kara.]
(Hits the ball towards Chandler who returns it back to him. He then hits the ball at Monica who slams it and it bounces off Kara's leg.)
(They both walk off the court.)
Chandler: Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.
Doug: Uh Bing, I think we're gonna make this the last game.
Monica: I'll take it down to 95% but that's the best I can do.
(Chandler cuts in front of her and hits the ball high and long.)
Chandler: Long! (Gives Monica the Work Laugh.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Chandler are returning from the game.]
Chandler: If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invented us to dinner tomorrow night.
Monica: Y'know what really bothers me? Isit's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "I'll see you around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!" (Mocks the fake laugh.) I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, the next morning the girls are there with Joey.]
Joey: Maybe we should check the trash chute.
Rachel: Ross couldn't fit down the trash chute.
Monica: Oh my God! (She goes to hug him, stops short, and hits him on the shoulder.) Where the hell have you been?!!
Rachel: You walked around all night in the city by yourself?
[Suddenly the door opens and Ross's mystery girl enters. I'll give you a hint to who it is: OH .MY .GAWD!! Uh-huh, it's Janice.]
Janice: (entering) Ross you left you scarf in (sees everyone.) Hey you guys. (Does the laugh.)
Janice: Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)
Rachel: I overheard you guys on the phone the other day, and you said, "I'll just tell Rachel that I'm doing laundry for a couple of hours." And he said, "Laundry? Is that my new nickname?" And you said, "No! You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big."
Rachel: Well, I wouldn't know because I got so freaked out that I hung up the phone.
Monica: Mr. Bigot. He tells the most racist jokes.
Joey: All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay?
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
(Neither of them turns around from watching the chick and the duck look for the tasty treat.)
Ross: Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked for hours. (Joey has lost interest and is watching the race again.) It is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention.
Joey: And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!
Doug: But seriously, I believe that we should all support President Clinton. And her husband Bill. (Chandler does the laugh.)
Doug: Well, maybe I'll bring it out and have Monica stick her finger in it. That oughta sweeten it up, huh? (Once again, with the laugh.)
(Doug and Kara go get the coffee.)
Monica: Y'know, I-I-I don't think that I can. So if you don't mind, maybe this will be it for me on the work things.
Chandler: So I laugh at my boss's jokes, what's the big deal?
Doug: The joke Bing. What's the matter with you?
Monica: (interrupting) Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.
Monica: I thought you could use the help.
Chandler: Coffee in a fight! (Does the laugh again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is going through the mail as Joey enters.]
Monica: I know! It's just that ever since high school Rachel was the one person I told everything too. Y'know? I miss that so much now. She's my best friend.
(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in the process.)
Monica: Wh-wh-what are you doing here? (She tries to pull her shirt down to cover the fact that she's wearing men's boxers.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Janice are sitting on the couch.]
Janice: I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job! And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffeeahh!! Ross, we need to talk.
Janice: No-no-no, no. I'm going to talk. I believe that the sun has set on our day in the sun.
Chandler: (realizes what Ross just said and the implications to him) I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.
Phoebe: Oh-okay, I get the game now.
The Second Guest: We went to college with both of them and now we live next door.
Joey: Me too. I mean I havent thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didnt feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward.
MR. GELLER: What? I'm kidding. You know I'd never let him touch the Porsche.
Phoebe: Damn it woman, pull yourself together! Have some pride, for the love of God.
Joey: Not a problem. And listen, hey! Since you're gonna be here for a while, why don'tI was thinking we uh, put your name on the answering machine.
(Rachel looks all around as if all the eyes in the chapel were looking at her as the picture fades to black.)
Rachel: Oh yeah, I know, but the garbage was full.
Rachel: Oh, I have to go pee. Apparently this baby thinks that my bladder is a squeeze toy. (Goes to the bathroom.)
Joey: Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. Yknow? The only problem is, Carls acting is (Does the international hand symbol for so-so.)
(Phoebe enters, walks to the couch, sits down, and begins to read a letter without saying hi.)
CHANDLER: You couldn't have told me about this on the phone?
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks and Mr. Treeger opens the door.]
Chandler: Okay. (Sees the living room.) You opened all the presents without me?! I thought we were supposed to do that together!
Ross: So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
[Scene: The Gellers kitchen, Phoebe is bringing in some dirty dishes.]
Richards Date: Were still on this side of the door.
(Rachel turns and looks at the group on the couch and they move over. Chandler measures the room theyve made with his arm and decides its not enough and they all move over again.)
Phoebe: Oh, Ill get it. (goes over to the door.)
Kate: Look umm, I, I was, I was just caught up in the moment. Thats all it was. Joey, Im-Im sorry you feel bad, but havent you ever sleep with a women where it meant more to her than it did to you?
Chandler: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play a game with him.]
Monica: Guys, hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! It could take time to get a taxi! There could be traffic! The plane could leave early! When we get to London, there could be a line at customs! Come on!! (She runs back to her apartment.)
Joey: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not.
(Chandler goes into the apartment, while Joey checks his ticket and is embarrassed by his stupid mistake.)
[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door]
(Phoebe moves in the dressing room from which Charlie went out)
Monica: Oh well umm, I make it myself! Its two parts ammonia and one part lemon juice. And now the secret ingredient is yknow what? We just met.
Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Monica enters.]
JOEY: Oh come on. Nobody likes two different kinds of eggs equally. You like one better than the other and I wanna know which.
Joey: If you want, Ill sell my friends and use the money to buy you presents.
Chandler: (shocked at the news) Why cant I tell them that we live together?
Jill: So who made her queen of the world?
Joey: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?
[cut back to Joey on the beach towel]
Chandler: No, I invited him to dinner so you could get a chance to get to know him! I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check him out.
Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
(Emily spins the bottle and it lands on Joey.)
Rachel: Alright, Monica, I want you to have the first taste.
Phoebe: Yeah. Candys the mother, Cookies the daughter. The fathers also Cookie. Why am I friends with these people?
Monica: All right, half the people. I mean, just try it and see.
Chandler: I love you too. (Monica and Chandler kiss. He turns to Joey.) And... I like you as a friend. (They hug and pat each other on the back.)
Chandler: Hey Ross, I was wondering if Oh my God!! Where are all the men???
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there including Janice, theyre watching Happy Days.]
[They sit up, moaning in excitement, and Cheryl straddles Ross. Ross finds a slice of bologna and moans higher and louder, then a bag of potato chips on the coffee table starts to move. Ross throws Cheryl off his lap, grabs a tennis racket and a toilet brush and starts pounding the bag.]
Ross: Oh my God, the wedding book?! I havent seen that since the forth grade!
(somebody knocks the door, Joey opens and it's Charlie)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there eating breakfast. Chandler is cleaning out his wallet.]
Joey: Hey babies! Oh, Im having the best morning. That uh, that Porsche Ive got the keys too, still there!
CHAN: I had about a mugful in this lovely 'I got boned at the Museum of Natural History' mug.
(They start towards the door but are stopped when Mr. Zelner enters.)
Phoebe: (taking his coffee) Okay, whatever you say. But just be careful, all right? Rachels not in the same place you are.
JOEY: Well, I couldn't do it. I told her I didn't want to get the part that way.
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]
Rachel: Oh, honey, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the plane.
Monica: Okay. (They kiss.) Okay, I cant wait! This is going to be the best Valentines Day ever! (Chandler giggles and exits.) I cant believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents!
Monica: (calling from the bathroom) Is someone there?
Ross: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?
Doctor: And here it is! (The baby cries.)
Joey: (grabs the window from the outside and sticks his head in) (whispering) When is she leaving?
[Scene: the bar, Phoebe is still hugging Ross.]
All: I dont have anything. (All of the rest of the women there hide their gifts behind their backs.)
Joey: Really? It sounds exactly the same to me.
Chandler: I dont know, Monica picked out the flowers.
Mr. Geller: (embarrassed) Judy, the kids..
(Cut back to Joey and Angela at the counter.)
(Joey walks in and moves towards Ross, who's sitting of the sofa)
Chandler: (sticking his head in the door) Okay to come in?
Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)
(Rachel motions for Ross to close the privacy screen, which he does.)
Danny: So you like the short hair better.
(Joey nods yes, but suddenly realizes what he did and runs out of the apartment and back to his place.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is blowing a note from his beer bottle.� Ross stares off to the side.)
Joey: Well, maybe we can just tip the table a little.
Gary: Let me tell you what I think might be going on. (Phoebe looks down in shame.) No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. (Points to his eyes and she does so) Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said, "Yes" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone. Does that sound at all possible to you?
Chandler: Thats great, but shouldnt you be on the toilet right now?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is taking a jar of olives out of the fridge.]
Ross: (tapping her on the shoulder) Phoebe? Phoebe?
(Rachel is still at the restaurant, but Steve is gone.)
(Monica opens the door for Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Geoffrey.)
The Interviewer: So, thats it. I guess thats all I need. Thank you so much. I think they will be running this in the beginning of next month.
Rachel: Ohh, I'm gonna be on the news!
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
(The guys hotel room. Joeys there. Chandler comes out of the bathroom in a robe.)
Monica: You may be okay about getting hurt, but I am not okay with being the one who hurts you. Thats why I cant take this job.
Joey: No thats not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to say is when youre 90 youll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
Chandler: Oh, will you give me the thing. (Snatches the camera)
(Emily spins the bottle and once again, it lands on Joey.)
Phoebe: I love the license plate game!
(The phone rings and Monica answers it as Rachel goes into the bathroom.)
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
Chandler: (whispering in Joeys ear) The reason he just said.
Rachel: She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.
Monica: It is not over because she is going to call you and tell you she loves you. And the reason why she couldnt, is because her feelings were so strong, it scared her. Now you go home and wait for her call, she could be calling you from the plane! Come on now go! Go! (Tries to push Ross out the door.)
Monica: Pretty much. (to Joey) So, what do you, what do you think of the floor?
Joey: I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We (Ross and him) invented this game!