words in movies
Ross: Wow! You look nice. What's the occasion?
Chandler: Made a few calls, pulled some strings, and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both had the chicken and didn't get desert.
(There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it. It's the pizza delivery girl.)
Chandler: Oh, okay. (Hands her the money.) Here you go.
(The duck starts quacking.)
Caitlin: Hey, where's the chicken?
Chandler: Oh, he's in the back. The duck pissed him off, said that eggs came first.
(He closes the door and turns to see Ross glaring at him.)
Ross: What the hell was that?!
Ross: The flirting! Aren't you supposed to be going out with, I don't know hmm, let's say my sister?!
Chandler: Okay first of all, the impression, uncanny. And second, that was not flirting, that was just casual conversation between two people. That is all.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are in the kitchen.]
Rachel: No because first they arrest the guy and then they try him.
(Ross and Chandler enter with the pizzas.)
Ross: Chandler was hitting on the hot delivery girl!
Ross: Well I'm sorry but you were! Okay? And besides if anyone should be hitting on her it's the guy who's single, the guy that who-who-who can do something about it.
Ross: Well, I-I was watching her the other day at the pizza place.
Ross: And she's just so sexy and funny and has the cutest little
Phoebe: (looking through the pizzas) Okay pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, okay Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian!
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
Joey: She's my biggest fan. Yeah, she's the only one in the family that's believed in me.
(They both start speaking Italian to each other, and since I'm not Italian and don't understand one word, we'll move on to the English portion of the show. Not, that I'm English. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I'm not. Y'know I think I should shut-up now and move on. Anyhoo, she says something about Joey being fat I think based on this line.)
Monica: (entering from the bathroom) Hey! Happy Anniversary!
Monica: So umm, when I was in the shower I was thinking about our first night in London
Monica: Is that the one that speaks English or the one that doesn't?
Chandler: The one that doesn't.
Monica: You gotta go home and get the earrings that you borrowed from me okay? Chandler wants me to wear them tonight.
Phoebe: I guess so. (See, the brief possession didn't affect her at all, like we could really tell.)
Rachel: (She enters and hands Phoebe the earring) Here you go. Thank you!
Phoebe: Wait, Rach! Where's the other one?
Phoebe: Rachel Karen Green, where's the other earring?!
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, look, just don't freak out, but I kinda lost it. I know it's in the apartment, but I definitely lost it.
[Time Lapse, the gang is now watching Law & Order. By the way, the entire rest of the episode takes place in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? Something to think about.]
Chandler: If you said, "Big lima bean, bubbling up." Would she understand the difference?
Monica: (noticing Rachel crawling behind the couch) Rach? What are you doing?
(There's a knock on the door.)
Ross: I'll get it! I will get that! (Runs over and opens the door.)
Ross: Oh. Uh, by the way, if it makes you feel any better. I happen to like 8-year-old boys.
Ross: (I can't make it out.) The uh, your hair, before, your hair, you said you thought your looks like an 8-year-old's, and I'm just saying I like it. The hair.
Caitlin: Y'know, all I'm looking for is the money.
Chandler: Here you go. (Hands her the money.) Now stop bringing us pizzas you.
Caitlin: I'm gonna try. (Walks away and Ross closes the door.)
Ross: Chandler was totally flirting with the hot delivery girl!
Monica: It's no big deal, I do it all the time.
Chandler: (starts to laugh, but then gets serious) So umm, you-you flirt with guys all the time?
Rachel: But y'know, I never really had anything to worry about. Ross was never very good at the flirting thing.
Ross: All right, all right. You-you-you know what I'm going to do? I am going to order another pizza and when Caitlin gets here, you-you--I will show how well I flirt. Yeah! I will, I will get her phone number! (To Chandler) And not the one on the menu!
Rachel: Okay that is the one we already have!
Joey: Okay, here's my big scene. My big scene's here! (They have two of the cops on the street, then they cut to where they're entering an apartment.) Oh my God.
Joey: (smiling) Oh, they cut me out of the show.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it's continued from before the commercial break.]
Joey: Soon, soon, I'm gonna be on soon. There I am! (Points to the screen, of course it isn't him.)
Grandma Tribbiani: (pointing at the screen) No! Sam Waterston!
Monica: (following her) Phoebe! I have to have those earrings, we're going to leave as soon as the show is over.
Rachel: It's not here Pheebs, it's not here. Ohh, I went to Joey and Chandler's last night! Okay! (Goes to the door.)
(Rachel heads for Joey and Chandler's and Phoebe heads for the kitchen to find Ross.)
[Cut to Chandler and Monica on the couch.]
Chandler: So uh Monica, do you, do you like the Law & Order?
Chandler: See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area!
Chandler: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!"
Chandler: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.
Joey: (To Ross in the kitchen) All right, it's another commercial; I still haven't told her!
Ross: Joey! This is like the last commercial. You've got like (checks his watch) ten minutes left!
Rachel: The earring? No. But look, I found my sunglasses under the couch! I've been looking for these since like last summer. (Puts 'em on.)
Rachel: Okay, calm down, here they are. (Gives back the sunglasses.)
Monica: (entering from her room) Phoebe! (Motions for the earrings. Phoebe gives her the one-minute sign.)
Phoebe: Yeah! You're the best!
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I-I-I, I can't do this. Listen honey, this is, it's not Phoebe's fault. She lent me the earrings, and I lost it. I'm so sorry. Honey, I feel terrible too. (Holds out her arms for a hug.)
Ross: (running to the door) Oh, mine! Mine! Mine! (to everyone) Okay, here goes. Prepare yourselves for some Class A flirting.
Rachel: Honey, you have nothing to prove. And if you really like this girl, I don't flirting is the right thing to (Ross interrupts and shushes her.)
Ross: (He opens the door while faking a laugh.) Hey! Oh, we-we can't keep eating like this. (Monica turns her head in shame.)
Ross: Okay, (gets the money) so, do you make the pizzas in one of those uh, wood-burning ovens?
Chandler: (To Monica) If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem.
Caitlin: (wanting more than anything to get the money and leave this horrible, horrible place) Yeah.
Ross: The gas is odorless, but they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.
Chandler: Oh the humanity.
(Ross closes the door slowly.)
Ross: Look, no-no, hey, hey, don't worry about it! In nine years, she and I will be right there. (Goes and sits on the couch dejectedly.)
Rachel: Okay, well, I'm gonna clear out some of these boxes. (She grabs a couple of the old pizza boxes and exits.)
[Scene: The street outside the building, Rachel is running to catch up with Caitlin.]
Rachel: Hey! Hey! (Stops Caitlin) Hi! Hey-hey-hey, I'm Rachel! From upstairs? The ones with all the pizza?
Caitlin: The guy with the gas?!
Rachel: (entering) Hey Ross? Umm, I just ran into Caitlin in the hallway and-and uh, you must be getting better at this flirting stuff than I thought.
Rachel: Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number. (Hands him the slip of paper with the phone number on it.)
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is the show still on?
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
(Joey has made a little home movie that's his big scene. He braces himself against the door to his apartment and while holding a plastic gun and wearing the same sweater says )
Joey: (on the tape) All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it!
Joey: (on the tape) Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. (The duck quacks, to the duck) Choo! Choo! Choo! (To the imaginary cops) Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it (the duck quacks louder) Choo!! And if I don't get it, (pause, picks up the duck) I'm gonna shoot this duck!
Joey: (on the tape) I'm comin' out! (He opens the door and hops out pointing the gun in all directions and then runs out of view.)
(Suddenly, the tape cuts away from Joey's impromptu scene, to Chandler standing really, really close to the camera.)
(Joey and Chandler both run to shut off the tape.)
Monica: What about these? These look the same?
Chandler: You look amazing. I'm the luckiest man in the world.
Chandler: Let me see the earrings.
Monica: Oh, honey, the earrings
Chandler: (looking at them) They look great! Does your boyfriend have the best taste or what?
Chandler: (To Ross) Thanks for picking out the earrings man.
Joey: Thats okay. Chandlers the one Im mad at.
Monica: Great. So the ball is in his court?
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Rachel: You are right there with Emily. And its yknow, its kinda like . its a tie! Well, I gotta get, I gotta get back to the dishes.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.]
(Monica is standing by the crib, and she's looking at her babies.)
Chandler: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!
(They start to kiss, and Ross rushes into the office to break it up.)
Rachel: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.
(Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.)
Rachel: Im funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, Ive got a ton of these! Umm, oh hearDo you want a good one? Heres a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you cant roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, theyre left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.
Rachel: (Looking through her purse.) Okay, you know what? I dont have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have my drivers license and I have a twenty. (She slides it across the counter.)
Estelle: (Looks confused) Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. I think you can still make it. It's down at the Astor Theatre and you need to have a monologue prepared.
Ross: Okay here, have one of these peppers. Oh ha Oh God! So so hot! (Rubs his eyes.) Oh my(Laughs.) By the way, you dont want to touch the pepper and then touch your eye.
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
Ross: Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is
(There is a knock on the door, Phoebe answers it, its Mr. Heckles)
Pete: Look, the only who stands to get hurt is me. And Im okay with that.
[Cut to the hallway, Janine is entering as Monica is taking out the garbage.]
Ross: (in the same low voice) Answer better, answer better!
Joey: (to Chandler) Hey, that is so great about the job.
Monica: (closing the door) Its unbelievable! I-I cant believe that sign didnt work!
Chandler: The floating heads do make a good point.
Monica: Okay, come here! (Phoebe joins them in the hug.)
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch.]
(Hits the ball towards Chandler who returns it back to him. He then hits the ball at Monica who slams it and it bounces off Kara's leg.)
Monica: Hes retiling my floor. (they both run to the bathroom)
Joey: I'm always on the swings! What am I doing wrong?!
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's done.
Phoebe: No, youre too late!!! She already took out the trash!!!
Chandler: Great! Okay, here. (Holds the ring up for him.)
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is on the phone and Phoebe is watching him.]
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this isI have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Yknow the "Wouldnt it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
(The chain breaks loose from the wall, and because Joey was pushing with all his might, he propells into the kitchen, towards the table with all the food. This table has wheels underneath it, and when Joey falls on this table, he rides into the living room, with all the food falling off, until finally Joey also falls off... Joey gets up quickly, a bit agitated, and acting as nothing happened. He is covered in food stains.)
Joey: (To Monica) Hey, so what is the big surprise?
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you know I'm i'm really glad you came to talk to me the other day and I hope I was a little helpful.
Ross: I told her I'd have to think about it. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to make this kind of a decision? (They're all quiet.) I'm actually asking you!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, theres a knock on the door and he opens it to Mona.]
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, thats the word I use when I cant remember the real thing.
Joey: Oh, ooh the food smells great, Mon!
Monica: Its coming from the living room.
(He walks up onto the altar and notices the rabbi.)
(Monica goes over and grabs the pesto.)
Monica: (in the kitchen with Chandler) Look at them, they're-they're panicked!
Rachel: Hi. What are you doing here? Isn't this against the rules?
Ross: Heres your girlfriends button. (Holding the button.)
Gary: Listen Chandler, the way I see it is that I was lucky enough to find someone that I really love. I justI wanna be around her as much as I can.
[Ross comes out of Rachel's bedroom in her bathrobe and heads for the bathroom. On his way back, Richard comes out of Monica's bedroom in her bathrobe.]
Phoebe: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow.
Phoebe: (entering with Rachel) and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.
Joey: Yes we do! Now look, that was the best nap I ever had!!
Chandler: Well the vet seems to think thats shes becoming a rooster. (The rooster crows.) Were getting a second opinion.
(Monica Enters. Chandler is in the kitchen with his laptop)
Ross: I want to go to the bathroom. (exits)
Rachel: Well, y'know, the reason I didn't wanna go running with you is because um, well y'know the way that you run is a little...(Starts flapping her arms)
Ross: Whats that on the bottom?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.]
Phoebe: Okay. (The car moves a few feet and sputters to a stop.) Oh, no!
Ross: Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.
Spokeswoman: And the man who made all this possible... Mr. Peter Becker.
Chandler: It's okay. Go take the test and see if we're okay.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Monica are standing in the kitchen.]
Ross: No! No! Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?
Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, its Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, dont you apologize. (listens) Yeah, Ill hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
MONICA: All right, get your coat, we're going to the hospital.
The Teacher: Oh, their number is on the contact sheet.
Chandler: Forget it! Okay, Im not giving up the apartment.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, I had too. There was never any parking by the Psychology building.
Ross: Listen man, uh, I'm sorry the audition didn't go so well.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to London and Monica comes running in.]
(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After shes gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the Does it? part.)
Phoebe: Oh... then I overpaid. (she goes to the bathroom)
Chandler: Fine, I'll give the suit back.
Chandler: (jumps back and points at the cigarette) Oh my God!
Rachel: (stopping him) Wh-whoa! All right, okay-okay, I see, I see what's going on here! Now listen, look-look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead! Now even though I (He tries to interrupt and tell her about the ink), hey-hey-hey, even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me. I do not want, this job that bad. Good day, sir. (She storms out of his office.)
Ross: Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know Im looking for him?
Rachel: Oh, you're not gonna tell the whole story about how your parents got divorced again are you?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey enters.]
Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.
Monica: Yeah. I guess. (She puts more money in the bucket.)
Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.
[Scene: The Airport, Carol and Ross are waiting for Emily and Susan to deplane. A gorgeous woman walks by and they both turn to watch her go.]
Joey: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked.
Ross: Okay, Ill be up in, (looks at the letter) 18 pages. Front and back. Very exciting.
Monica: I love the "I forgot the present" fake out!
Rachel: And now, y'know, I'm like... I'm like the other woman! I feel so..
Tour Guide: Thats just the way it is.
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.
Rachel: (Joey walks to the door) Although...
Phoebe: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yelling) Hey, that's not for you, bitch! (Phoebe covers her mouth with her hand walks away from the window.)
Rachel: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog!
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, how was your first day working at the restaurant?
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]
Phoebe: Good. (Phoebe and Mrs. Burkart go into the other room, leaving Monica with everyone staring at her.)
Monica: (takes the phone from Ross) Come on. (Answering phone) Hello? (Listens) Im sorry you have the wrong number. (Listens) (Whispering) Okay, Ill call you later dad. I love you. (Hangs up.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, (And thats the last time for that line, no more Chandler and Joeys or Monica and Rachels, ever!) Joey and Ross are carrying the last table of Rachels. Rachel follows slowly, but is stopped by Monica.]
Chandler: Maybe, she doesnt hit him all the time.
Joey: (To Phoebe) Hey, is uh the rest of my candy bar around here?