words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, its the same scene from the end of last weeks show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Hey, so did everything go okay with the annulment?
Ross: I didnt get the annulment.
Rachel: Oh but Phoebe, were gonna be late for the movie.
Phoebe: Oh, theres a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)
Rachel: Yeah, were, were actually just gonna walk cause its right up there at the Angelica.
Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cabs roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didnt get the annulment?!!
Phoebe: Rachel is one of my closest friends. (Pause) Although, being the only one who knows anything about this does makes me feel special. Okay!
Rachel: (to the driver) Okay, stop-stop! Phoebe?!
Phoebe: Sorry, mix up. Hey, how was the movie?
Phoebe: Well then youd better hurry! The Angelica! Go! Go! (Bangs on the roof again and off they go.)
{Transcibers note: In case youre wondering, and I know you are. Their names are all back to normal. Just in a slightly smaller font than usual to allow Courteney Cox Arquette to fit on one line and not be smaller than the rest of their names. Now, on with the show }
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are cuddling on the couch.]
Chandler: No, no, I keep trying, yknow? I can get out, "Joey, I have too " but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, " go to the bathroom." He may think Im sick.
Monica: Yknow, I really have to tell Rachel, but I We just have to get it over with! Yknow, the next time we see them were just gonna tell them. Okay? Thats it.
Chandler: Oh, so thats this is gonna work now? Youre just gonna order me around all the time?
Chandler: No-o-o! (To Monica) No? (She nods no.) No-o-o! Look Joey, heres the thing, Monica and I have decided to live together, here. So, Im gonna be moving out man.
Joey: Wow! (Tearing up) Well, uh Hey! Im really happy for you guys! Congratulations! (Kisses Monica on the cheek) See you later. (Starts for the door on the verge of tears as Monica stops him.)
Joey: Yeah, I gotta go! I got an acting job. (Turns towards the door, pauses, and turns back.) Like youd believe that. This sucks!
Chandler: Look, I-Im just gonna be right across the hall and I promise you, the minute Monica and I break up Im moving right back in with you!
Joey: (To Monica) Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if youre gonna be moving in with him I feel its my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? Hes a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm Oh-oh he always, he always ummOh, who am I kidding! Hes the best roommate ever! (Hugs Chandler.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.]
Monica: Okay, come here! (Phoebe joins them in the hug.)
Ross: (interrupting) No! No, I wont! Ill be at the bottom of the dating barrel now. The only guys below me will be Four Divorce Guy uh, Murderer Guy, and-and, Geologists.
(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, Im going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so Ill have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, well cross that bridge when we come to it.)
Phoebe: (to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldnt you date him?
Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and shes the only one left!
Rachel: Ugh, the worse day! Yknow, you think youre making progress at work and then your boss calls you Raquel.
Chandler: Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. (Awkward silence ensues.) Seriously.
Rachel: I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky!
Monica: Have a seat. (They sit at the table.) Okay, listen umm, Chandler and I are going to live together, here.
Rachel: And that was so sweet of you to ask! Oh my God, the three of us are gonna have such a good time living together!
Rachel: And Chandler, youre gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel cant be late.
{Transcibers note: Ill finish that one for those of you who dont know what theyre talking about. Where the towels are Hers and Hers and His, Threes Company too! Yeah, thats the theme song for Threes Company.}
Ross: once you know the stories, its not that bad. First marriage, wifes hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldnt allow you to get married when youre that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevadas fault.
Stephanie: Well the divorces dont bother me, Id date him. But, not while hes still married.
Meg: Well, I dont care about the divorces either, but I wouldnt date him. Its just that hes obviously still in love with this Rachel girl.
Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?
Ross: (to the panel) Look, Im sorry, but you guys are wrong. I just dont want to be divorced three times.
Ross: (getting up) Okay! Fine! Fine! If-if this is what you think, forget about the whole three divorce thing! Okay, I-Ill go to my lawyers office right now and get this marriage annulled! Okay?! Because she means nothing to me! Noth(leans down to Megs ear)Nothing!!
(Rachel mumbles uh-huh and spits the half-eaten cookie out onto the tissue.)
Rachel: Ooh, good God, theyre so yummy! (She re-ingests the previously expelled cookie matter from the tissue.)
Chandler: Look, Im just gonna be across the hall, we can still do all the same stuff.
Joey: Yeah but we wont be able to like get up in the middle of the night and have those long talks about our feelings and the future.
Monica: So I, I told Rachel it was just gonna be the two of us.
Joey: Hey! I did not cry my eyes out!! Come on! Its like the end of an era! No more J-man and Channies!!
Russell: (interrupting) Im sorry, is this the same Rachel whos name you said at the altar in the second marriage?
Ross: I think just the annulment for today.
Ross: Uh-ha, what about someone who looks like Rachel? (Russell glares at him.) I will think about the therapy.
Monica: Yknow, no point in dragging it out. Dragging out the long process of you moving out and us not living together anymore.
Rachel: (grabbing the star) What the hell is that?
Monica: I dont know. (Picks up a big plate from the coffee table.) Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate.
Rachel: Mon, honey youre not dying. Im just moving out. Yknow, I mean were gonna see each other all the time.
Monica: But still, its a big change. The end of an era, you might say!
Rachel: What is the matter with you?!
Monica: What is the matter with you?!! Why arent you more upset?! Arent you gonna be sad that were not gonna be living together anymore?! I mean arent you gonna miss me at all?!
Rachel: I mean its the end of an era!
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
Phoebe: So? Did you get the annulment?
Phoebe: Yeah, complicated cause of the love.
Ross: I I do, I do not love Rachel. Im gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her?
[Cut to Monica and Rachels as Ross walks through the door. Rachel is holding the chrome star and crying.]
Phoebe: Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it wont work out.
Phoebe: I know. Then, Im gonna marry Chandler for the money and youll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.
Phoebe: I dont want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.
Ross: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it.
[Scene: Phoebe's Apartment, Monica is lying on the massage table waiting for Phoebe.]
(Chandler enters from his bedroom, all depressed and wearing sweat pants, with the chick and duck in tow.)
Ross: You know what, you can go, I just have to fill out some forms. (Tries to hold the pen but cant)
Phoebe: How - how do I get them to name the next one after me?
Young Ethan: Then, what's the problem?
Rachel: Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! Yknow youI couldnt concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean come on, you remember whats its like to be 19 and in love.
[Scene: Central perk, Ross is sitting on the chair as Rachel walks in.]
(They go to the bathroom again)
Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross enters off camera)
Phoebe: (trying to hold back the struggling cat) He seems to hate you. Are you sure?
Phoebe: (in a sexy voice) Oh? (Takes the phone from Rachel.) Hello you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch reading.]
(Enter the other four)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. The scene starts where we took off in the last episode with Ross seeing Joey and Rachel kissing. Rosss tares at them.]
Ross: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?
Joey: For the ride.
Chandler: (Picks up the "Miss Congeniality" DVD) She's an FBI agent, posing as a beauty contestant.
Chandler: Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world.
(MACHINE--JOEY'S VOICE): Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Aw, remember the days when you used to go out to the barn, lift up your shirt, and bend over?
Benjamin: Anyway, I've decided to offer you the grant.
Danny: I had to cut my hair to get rid of the uh, fogger smell.
[Ross enters, sees Joey in the mirror]
Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?
Monica: What's with the guitar?
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
Ross: Here we come, walkin' down thethis doesn't smell like Mom's.
(They all look at the window, grossed out, then flinch in pain.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier. They both get up and move to the window.]
RACHEL: Oh well, well thank you.� (She laughs.� He stares for a moment.)� Okay, stop.� Stop looking at me like that.� The last time that happened, (points to Ross) that happened.� (points to Emma.)
Rachel: So tell me, what are Joey Tribbianis end of the night moves?
(The kissing couple doesnt move.)
Phoebe: Well, maybe its so big because the house was built on radioactive waste.
Joey: Okay, the last thing
Joey: wow, the parade is really good this year. Man those horses can crap.
Chandler: A Speedo? Uh, I dont have a Speedo. Im gonna go pack my regular long bathing suit. (Goes into the bedroom.)
Lydia: The Celtics.
Dr. Leedbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
Rachel: I got the tickets! I got the tickets! Five hours from now, shoop, shoop, shoop.
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Monica: (going over to listen at the door) Rachel said everything was okay.
Phoebe: Alright, okay, so we can all go now. That is fun. Hey, you know what? We all haven�t been together the six of us in such a long time.
[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie, Joey and Rachel are on the couches]
Ross: Come on! All the cool kids are eating em! (chases after her.)
(Joey enters from the stairs.)
ERICA: Well, yes, yes, the best doctor in all of Salem, Dr. Drake Remore.
Phoebe: I cant. I cant. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was Okay, bye Pheebs gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun Ive ever had in like all my lives.
Ms. McKenna: The numbers we are seeing New York, Chicago, and London are consistently solid, but many of our officers have reported disappointing fields.
Monica: Oh! (Gets up) Lets see, well if this is the wedding hall then umm (Walks away) youre parents will be at home in Queens.
[Scene: the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in]
Monica: So you didnt leave the bank?
(The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.)
Chandler: Don't say that. Don't tangle the dream and take it away.
Rachel: They sent me home from work. They were like, "Start your maternity leave now! Just rest, get ready for the baby." Well yknow what? Screw em! If they dont want me there, Ill just hang out with you guys.
Ross: Can we please focus here, a naked mans life hangs in the balance!
Rachel: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend.
Monica: This is it. Yeah, this is the one. I cant believe I found it!
Monica: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Ross: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.
Chandler: The sheer volume, it was like flying with the Riddler!
[Scene: Joey's Apartment, the guys are still playing Bamboozled.]
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Chandler: Well, so, play for the next 30 minutes and then write until he gets home.
(With one last mighty tug the combatants lose their grip and split, each holding one candlestick.)
Ross: Hey Emma. Oh, why is she wearing her hat so low? She can barely see. (Wants to take the hat off, but Rachel tries to stop him).
Lowell: Pretty much, most of the time. We have a kind of... radar.
(She walks down the hall)
Ross: No. It's the one he's licking.
Chandler: (To Ross) No, thats okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever gonna had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way its okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if Im sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)
Ross: Its worth the pain. (She goes to hug him again.) Yknow what, you know what? Its not.
(Monica opens the door.)
CHANDLER: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer.
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
Joshua: Whats up? Youre voice sounded all squeaky on the phone.
(The screen fades to black.)
Waiter: Seafood platter for the gentleman and extra fries. Enjoy!
JANITOR: Ahh, the bat. Ambassador of darkness, flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger, sightless spectre of the macabe.
Joey: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.
MONICA: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship I've been in. . .
Phoebe: (looks at the amount on the check, and gasps) Well, this is very generous!
Rachel: Okay now Joey, y'know that since you're returning all of this stuff right after the audition you're gonna have to wear underwear?
Ross: Thanks! (walks out of the room and starts hugging the wall) Thank you! (closes the door)
Chandler: This is the New York Times.
(The director pushes the Tall Guy away)
Phoebe's Friends: (Finally noticing the guest of honour) Surprise!
Joey: The country?
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! Its like a fairyland.
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Phoebe: That's right! Oh, yeah... Well, I've totally forgotten about im! AH! That's-That's... a blast from the past!
Rachel: All right, straight, and not subtle. (The man gets up and leaves.)
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Chandler: (finds his money) Ahh-hahaha! (Turns around to give the Maitre d' his money, but he isn't there anymore)
PHOEBE: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it. [Chandler jumps out of the car]
Phoebe: (gets up and starts to leave) We want the last six years back!!
(Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone)