words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, its the same scene from the end of last weeks show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Hey, so did everything go okay with the annulment?
Ross: I didnt get the annulment.
Rachel: Oh but Phoebe, were gonna be late for the movie.
Phoebe: Oh, theres a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)
Rachel: Yeah, were, were actually just gonna walk cause its right up there at the Angelica.
Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cabs roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didnt get the annulment?!!
Phoebe: Rachel is one of my closest friends. (Pause) Although, being the only one who knows anything about this does makes me feel special. Okay!
Rachel: (to the driver) Okay, stop-stop! Phoebe?!
Phoebe: Sorry, mix up. Hey, how was the movie?
Phoebe: Well then youd better hurry! The Angelica! Go! Go! (Bangs on the roof again and off they go.)
{Transcibers note: In case youre wondering, and I know you are. Their names are all back to normal. Just in a slightly smaller font than usual to allow Courteney Cox Arquette to fit on one line and not be smaller than the rest of their names. Now, on with the show }
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are cuddling on the couch.]
Chandler: No, no, I keep trying, yknow? I can get out, "Joey, I have too " but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, " go to the bathroom." He may think Im sick.
Monica: Yknow, I really have to tell Rachel, but I We just have to get it over with! Yknow, the next time we see them were just gonna tell them. Okay? Thats it.
Chandler: Oh, so thats this is gonna work now? Youre just gonna order me around all the time?
Chandler: No-o-o! (To Monica) No? (She nods no.) No-o-o! Look Joey, heres the thing, Monica and I have decided to live together, here. So, Im gonna be moving out man.
Joey: Wow! (Tearing up) Well, uh Hey! Im really happy for you guys! Congratulations! (Kisses Monica on the cheek) See you later. (Starts for the door on the verge of tears as Monica stops him.)
Joey: Yeah, I gotta go! I got an acting job. (Turns towards the door, pauses, and turns back.) Like youd believe that. This sucks!
Chandler: Look, I-Im just gonna be right across the hall and I promise you, the minute Monica and I break up Im moving right back in with you!
Joey: (To Monica) Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if youre gonna be moving in with him I feel its my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? Hes a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm Oh-oh he always, he always ummOh, who am I kidding! Hes the best roommate ever! (Hugs Chandler.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.]
Monica: Okay, come here! (Phoebe joins them in the hug.)
Ross: (interrupting) No! No, I wont! Ill be at the bottom of the dating barrel now. The only guys below me will be Four Divorce Guy uh, Murderer Guy, and-and, Geologists.
(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, Im going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so Ill have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, well cross that bridge when we come to it.)
Phoebe: (to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldnt you date him?
Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and shes the only one left!
Rachel: Ugh, the worse day! Yknow, you think youre making progress at work and then your boss calls you Raquel.
Chandler: Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. (Awkward silence ensues.) Seriously.
Rachel: I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky!
Monica: Have a seat. (They sit at the table.) Okay, listen umm, Chandler and I are going to live together, here.
Rachel: And that was so sweet of you to ask! Oh my God, the three of us are gonna have such a good time living together!
Rachel: And Chandler, youre gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel cant be late.
{Transcibers note: Ill finish that one for those of you who dont know what theyre talking about. Where the towels are Hers and Hers and His, Threes Company too! Yeah, thats the theme song for Threes Company.}
Ross: once you know the stories, its not that bad. First marriage, wifes hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldnt allow you to get married when youre that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevadas fault.
Stephanie: Well the divorces dont bother me, Id date him. But, not while hes still married.
Meg: Well, I dont care about the divorces either, but I wouldnt date him. Its just that hes obviously still in love with this Rachel girl.
Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?
Ross: (to the panel) Look, Im sorry, but you guys are wrong. I just dont want to be divorced three times.
Ross: (getting up) Okay! Fine! Fine! If-if this is what you think, forget about the whole three divorce thing! Okay, I-Ill go to my lawyers office right now and get this marriage annulled! Okay?! Because she means nothing to me! Noth(leans down to Megs ear)Nothing!!
(Rachel mumbles uh-huh and spits the half-eaten cookie out onto the tissue.)
Rachel: Ooh, good God, theyre so yummy! (She re-ingests the previously expelled cookie matter from the tissue.)
Chandler: Look, Im just gonna be across the hall, we can still do all the same stuff.
Joey: Yeah but we wont be able to like get up in the middle of the night and have those long talks about our feelings and the future.
Monica: So I, I told Rachel it was just gonna be the two of us.
Joey: Hey! I did not cry my eyes out!! Come on! Its like the end of an era! No more J-man and Channies!!
Russell: (interrupting) Im sorry, is this the same Rachel whos name you said at the altar in the second marriage?
Ross: I think just the annulment for today.
Ross: Uh-ha, what about someone who looks like Rachel? (Russell glares at him.) I will think about the therapy.
Monica: Yknow, no point in dragging it out. Dragging out the long process of you moving out and us not living together anymore.
Rachel: (grabbing the star) What the hell is that?
Monica: I dont know. (Picks up a big plate from the coffee table.) Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate.
Rachel: Mon, honey youre not dying. Im just moving out. Yknow, I mean were gonna see each other all the time.
Monica: But still, its a big change. The end of an era, you might say!
Rachel: What is the matter with you?!
Monica: What is the matter with you?!! Why arent you more upset?! Arent you gonna be sad that were not gonna be living together anymore?! I mean arent you gonna miss me at all?!
Rachel: I mean its the end of an era!
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
Phoebe: So? Did you get the annulment?
Phoebe: Yeah, complicated cause of the love.
Ross: I I do, I do not love Rachel. Im gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her?
[Cut to Monica and Rachels as Ross walks through the door. Rachel is holding the chrome star and crying.]
Phoebe: Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it wont work out.
Phoebe: I know. Then, Im gonna marry Chandler for the money and youll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.
Phoebe: I dont want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.
Monica: Yes! Maybe its a false positive. Are you sure you peed on the stick right?
Chandler: Luckily, the guy she settled for cant hear what youre talking about.
Chandler: (To Monica) I love you. And I know about the baby.
Rachel: Oh, Chandler!! All right, this is it! (Grabs the key) You never see Joanna again!
Chandler: The man is showing brain.
(There are scratching and squeaking noises coming from the living room, and Joey wakes up, terrified. He pulls his blanket higher. The doorknob is turning.)
Janice: Although, maybe just... one last moment of weakness... (she kisses Chandler flat on the mouth. Chandler squirms. When she's finished, he looks at her lovingly but uneasily.) Goodbye Chandler Bing. (She leaves)
Chandler: Oh-oh, I'm a duck! I go, "Quack, quack!" Im happy all the time!
Rachel: (looks in the window) Ohh, well, this is just perfect!
Chandler: Wow! (To the sock bunny still on his hand.) You are way to young to have seen that!
Monica: I'll get it! (She runs in, and she's her old fat self like The One With The Prom Video. Not only that, she's out of breath after running a short distance. She goes over and opens the door to reveal Rachel with her old nose.) Happy Thanksgiving!
Phoebe: No, of course not! I also, you know, prepared a reading (she picks up a book). “Sex and the single mother. (pause) Finding your G-spot.
Ross: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though Nana's gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, almost life-aff- (Not looking where he is going he falls into an open grave)
Rachel: Everybody? Shh, shhh. Uhhh... Central Perk is proud to present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay.
Ross: Is that why in junior high you were the only one that hung out with that Ukrainian kid?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is next to the bay window again, Mark has left.]
[Cut to Phoebe and Monica in the kitchen.]
Chandler: For the last time no! Get out! Get out, Joey!
Chandler: It is the softest hair! Touch it! (Both he and Monica do so.)
Phoebe: I cant follow Ross! Itd be like those bicycle ridding chimps that followed The Beetles. No.
Ross: Ah Joey, I don't think you get to pick the cities.
chandler: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen.
Chandler: But you found the keys to his clothes?
Monica: Uhm, she has been showing us houses outside of the city.
Phoebe: You keep the old ones in the back, that is so ageist.
Chandler: Okay. Well, I think the centerpieces are too big
[They all look at the window, grossed out, then flinch in pain.]
JOEY: You partied with Hootie and the Blowfish?
Chandler: Honey, are you seriously ever gonna wear the boots again?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Monica are still going on about the house.]
Ross: Oh, thanks. Oh, you're the best. (They hug.)
Phoebe: No thats what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is drinking coffee by the counter as Phoebe enters.]
CHANDLER: Hey! How come I'm stuck dicing, when he gets to ball the melon.
Ross: (knocks on door) Rach, you there? (Joey and Rachel both get up from the bed)
Rachel: I know... Honey, seriously, I did it all. The luggage that I'm taking is in the bedroom, this is Emma's Paris stuff, these are the boxes that I'm having shipped, and that's the sandwich that I made for the plane...
Chandler: I can't believe you did this. (Walks toward the door)
Joey: This right here is where I keep the pizza. (He points to the chair.) And uh thats where the napkin is. (Points to the floor next to the chair.)
Receptionist: Here's your schedule for the day. Your first client is in room No. 1.
Gunther: (To the guy) Get out!
Rachel: Oh no, you're the best.
Monica: (getting up) Im gonna go put my make up on, we have to be at the hotel in an hour! (Starts for the bathroom.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe and Rachel are in the kitchen as there is a knock on the door. Rachel answers it.]
(Chandlers Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.)
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
(The camera zooms in on Rachel who has a very worried and frightened look on her face and she slowly takes a deep breath.)
(She opens the door and Alan enters.)
Ross: Look, would you guys grow up? That is the most natural beautiful thing in the world.
Ross: No wait, okay, okay, I have an idea. I want you to get on the swing, okay? And you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of.
Alice: Hi, Phoebe! We were just at the drugstore and we got you a little present.
Rachel: Monica, number one, I dont think Ben understands the concept of bribery, and number two, I... (Joey starts laughing in the background) (to Joey) What?!
Cecilia: Well, lets just say if I left 15 years ago, the landscape of Mexican cinema would be very different today!
(In slow motion we see Phoebe look at Marcel, then at Luisa. She jumps toward Marcel just as Luisa fires the gun.)
Chandler: We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once.
Rachel: Im just sort of in the middle of something.
Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Yknow it wouldnt kill ya to respect your wifes privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs!
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
[Cut to the kitchen, Ross and Chandler are doing the dishes.]
Rachel: Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! I think you killed us.
Molly: (to Ross) I'm gonna take her back to the appartment.
Joey: Which, is the new plan!
Ross: The paper.
Phoebe: Okay. (He grabs his gun and shoots the bird.) Oh! Oh no.
Rachel: Ohh! (Realises that Ross is in the room.) Hi!
Ross: That is what the thing is.
Rachel: The thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily.
The Salesman: Lets see, ahhh Where does the Pope live?
(The door bursts open, and Joey and Phoebe rush in.)
Joey: (trying not to be obvious) Take the bra off.
(Time lapse. A large crowd of men are now watching the game)
The Guys: Ohh!
Ross: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at all the time isnt moving.
(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)
Chandler: Uh, The Wheatsheaf.
Joey: The ring is gone!
Monica: Oh my God, you cant even see where the Titanic hit it.
Rachel: (yelling from the living room) Oh wait-wait-wait!! No! Dont go in there! Dont go in there! I need another soda!
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is putting away the wedding dress, finally.]
Dr. Green: This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here, Ill tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up the bill, and throws it at Ross, then leaves)
Monica: I dont believe you spent my wedding fund on the beach house!
CHANDLER: The mean guys at the coffee house took my hat.
(The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.)
Monica: Oh thats a great idea. Youre really good on the phone.
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.
Phoebe: (doing the same) I really, really enjoyed it. Very exotic.
[Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.]
(He goes over and opens the door to reveal Monica holding a plate of cookies and a fan to blow the smell across the hall.)
(They go back into the living room)
Rachel: Yeah, at the lecture, I told you that last week, you said you didnt mind.
[Scene: The delivery room, Ross has returned with another doctor. This one, is well, younger.]
Joey: Hey OK great, what would you do if I did this? (Swings to punch Chandler, he moves and he ends up punching Ross, knocking him off the stool. Ross then gets up and just stares at Joey.)
Phoebe: (speaking louder and articulating) That's she's like the daughter she never had. (Phoebe points at her ears) Listen! (Monica looks at Phoebe in a duh! way)
Ross: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, come back- (Marcel runs toward Rachel's room) come here, Marcel-
Ross: And if I remember correctly, Ray Ban was the official sponsor of World War I!
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Joey: Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
Monica: Oh. Thank you. Ohhh, thank you very much. Oh, thank you for coming. (Theres a knock on the door.) Uh, just a second!
Rachel: Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number. (Hands him the slip of paper with the phone number on it.)