words in movies
ROSS: Yeah but Phoebs, what about the end?
PHOEBE: What when Yeller saves saves the family from the wolf and everyone's happy?
RACHEL: That's not the end.
PHOEBE: Yu-huh. That's when my mother would shut off the TV and say 'The end'.
MONICA: What about the part where he has rabies?
PHOEBE: What, what's about to happen? [starts watching] I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, watcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no Travis, put down the gun. No no no no, he he's your buddy, he's your Yeller, no, no no, the end, THE END. [hear the gunshot from the TV] [Scene:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard is on the balcony smoking and Monica is on the phone.]
MONICA: Alright, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in shower at the gym, and no I don't look.
JOEY: No, not that one. We're trying to figure out who to bring to the Knicks game tonight, we have an extra ticket.
CHANDLER: Yeah, Ross can't go so it's between my friend Eric Prower who has breath issues and Dan with the poking. [starts poking Monica in the shoulder] 'Did you see that play? Do you want some more beer? Is that Spike Lee?'
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
RICHARD: Glad to be of help. Matches. [walks out to the balcony]
MONICA: I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game? What?
JOEY: How do we say yes now and make it seem like we're not doin' it just to ride in the cool car?
JOEY: [Monica walks back in the kitchen] Ok ok ok ok. Monica, we'll bring him, but only if he takes the Jaguar.
ROSS: Ok, we were sitting over there playing on the floor and he grabs the table and he pulls himself up. He pulled himself up. Standing man. I'm sorry you guys missed it but I did tape it so it you guys want to see it.
ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?
CAROL: Actually, he is getting closer on the talking thing. He can't quite say mama yet, but once he said yumen.
MONICA: Wow, all you need now is The Killing Fields and some guacamole and you've got yourself a part-ay.
PHOEBE: Yeah, I talked to my grandma about the Old Yeller incident, and she told me that my mom used to not show us the ends of sad movies to shield us from the pain and sadness. You know, before she killed herself.
JOEY: Yeah right after we stole his lunch money and gave him a wedgie. What's the matter with you, he's parking the car.
RACHEL: Wow, he must like you the best.
JOEY: Oh, what about that thing he did when he tipped the guy who showed us to our seats. You never even saw the money, it was like this. [With money in his palm] Hey Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats [shakes his had and passes the dollar].
CHANDLER: You're welcome. Hey Joey, thanks for parking the car [passes the dollar back].
CHANDLER: There's the man.
JOEY: He-he-eyy. [Shakes his had and passes the dollar]
RICHARD: Hey, you're gettin' better. I'm gonna keep this by the way.
SUSAN: Yeah, a woman I went to college with just became the first female blacksmith down there.
ROSS: Well, ya know, they're a little behind the times in Colonial Williamsburg.
MONICA: Look. [they look at Joey in the kitchen with a cigar in his mouth, looking at his reflection in a spatula] Joey, do you know we can see you from here?
ROSS: Well for starters, you may want to light it and lose the spatula.
ROSS: Look it's the artist formerly known as Chandler.
JOEY: Oh we flipped for it. I got the cigar, he got the moustache. Figured if we both grew it, we'd look like dorks.
MONICA: Well, he told me he was going out with the guys, I just didn't know that you were the guys.
CHANDLER: You hear that? We're the guys.
JOEY: We're the guys.
ROSS: Yeah. Ya know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully the girl will come first so Ben here won't feel too competitive.
ROSS: Well, we won't wanna raise kids in the city so we'll probably move to uh, Scarsdale.
ROSS: Yeah, that way I figure, ya know, we'll be far enough away from our parents that we don't have to see them all the time but close enough that they can come over and babysit whenever we want. And yes, I know, the taxes are a little higher than, let's say, Nassau county but the school system's supposedly great.
PHOEBE: Oh, ok, murder, cancer, soccer teams eating each other in the Andes.
MONICA: So you watched the movies huh?
PHOEBE: Uh huh, what is happening to the world? I mean, no no no, 'cause ET leaves, and and Rocky loses, Charlotte dies.
PHOEBE: With the web, the spider she dies, she does. She has babies and dies. It's like ya know, hey welcome home from the hospital, thud.
MONICA: So you can't lose, it's there in the title. Wonderfullness is baked right in.
PHOEBE: Please, I almost fell for that with, uh, Pride of the Yankees, I thought I was gonna see a film about Yankee pride and then, boom, the guy gets Lou Gehrig's disease.
RICHARD: Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kinda see it coming?
CHANDLER: Uh, yeah, I just got my pick-up sticks back from the shop. Bring your nerves of steel.
RICHARD: It's the basketball playoffs.
RICHARD: Uh, it's the college playoffs.
MONICA: I've got a question. Richard made plans again with the guys.
RACHEL: Yeah well, Ross just made plans for the whole century.
ROSS: [enters] Ok, what the hell happened back there?
RACHEL: I don't know, you tell me. One minute I'm holding Ben like a football, the next thing I know, I've got two kids, I'm living in Scarsdale complaining about the taxes.
RACHEL: Ross, you have planned out the next 20 years of our lives, we've been dating for six weeks.
RACHEL: What was the book?
ROSS: The big book of childrens' names.
RACHEL: But I do not want to have everything decided for me. I spent my whole life like that. It's what I had with Barry, that was one of the reasons I left. I, I like not knowing right now and I'm sorry if that scares you but if you want to be with me you are gonna have to deal with that.
ROSS: Well that's the first time we've said that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen, Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.
PHOEBE: Oh yeah. You know, I don't know if I was happier when um George Bailey destroyed the family business or um, Donna Reid cried, or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.
MONICA: Alright, I'll give you the ear thing but don't you think the ending was pretty wonderful?
PHOEBE: I didn't watch the ending, I was too depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse, it should have been called, "It's a sucky life and just when you think it can't suck any more it does."
RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?
CHANDLER: Oh really, I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800's.
RICHARD: Nice moustache by the way. When puberty hits that thing's really gonna kick in.
MONICA: [enters] Honey. Uh, not to sound too Florence Henderson but, dinner's on the table.
MONICA: [grabs the other two bars on Richard's side and scores] Score! Now can we go?
JOEY: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin about this. He is so much cooler than our dads. [Chandler starts kicking him below the table] I mean, you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm tryin to talk here.
CHANDLER: I can't believe you got us into trouble. [slaps Joey on the arm. Joey takes exception and slaps him back]
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
MONICA: Come here. I'll make you feel like one of the guys. You know for a really cool guy, you suck at foosball.
ROSS: Ok, and then you take the poopie diaper and you put it in the poopie diaper pail.
ROSS: Come on up. I'm gonna get the rest of his stuff together. [walks in his room]
RACHEL: Ok, we can do this now, can't we Ben? Yes we can, yes we can. [finishes the diaper] There. I did it. I did it. Look at that, oh, stays on and everything. Hi.
ROSS: What, the word hi?
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
Chandler: (to the two guys) Excuse me. (Chandler and Ross move away from them). That didn't make us sound gay at all!
Rachel: Yeah, sure. (To Monica) All right, whose court is the ball in now?
Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Ross: Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked for hours. (Joey has lost interest and is watching the race again.) It is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention.
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, am I getting in the way of all the room switching fun?
Phoebe: Who the hell are all these people?
The Other Woman: No thanks.
[Scene: Cole-Geddes Casting Agency, Joey is there on his audition and thinking about that 2,000 bucks for the twins study.]
CHANDLER: Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha ha ha ha. . .
Joey: The fruit roll up.
Phoebe: Oh, come on! Yes, remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing chess, you said I was boring, and then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz! (Realizes) Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.
PHOEBE: OK, hi. For your information this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great distance. It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
Rachel: Oh honey, dont worry. I really do feel like tomorrows the day.
Cassie: Hey! What the hell are you doing?! (They sit back up.)
Phoebe: Or you could teach stripping. You know, share your gift, pass the torch.
Ross: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, baby thing. Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my god I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?
Chandler: (jumping up to answer the phone) Oh the phone! The phones making sounds! (On phone) Hello!
[Time lapse, Ross still laying a lot out the states.]
The Director: Yeah.
Monica: Shrill?! The wedding is back on!
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
Joey: Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)
Phoebe: Well no, it was my fault so you should get the nice room.
Rachel: And you know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony award winner. Do you happen to know the name of that one?
Chandler: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi!
Joey: Look, I dont know why the kids need a youth center anyway! Yknow? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine!
Rachel: Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay, we tell each other everything. You know, I mean, come on, guys do the same thing, I mean, what about all that locker room stuff.
Ross: Anyway seriously, uh just just talk to the guy, okay? And tell me how it goes. (walks towards the door until )
(Ross is now preoccupied with the spider, and forgets that Rachel is still using the swing. While trying to get rid of the spider, he stands in front of Rachel, who bumps into him, throwing him on the ground again.)
Rachel: How's Ross doing? Y'know since all the Emily stuff.
Ross: No, NO! (they're moving to the side of the bed, where they sit down) Look, I need to talk to Joey. I mean, you guys just broke up. Before anything more happens between us, I need to know he's okay with it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is introducing Julie to the gang.]
Ross: Well I have to. Okay? If I dont, theyll take the class away from me. And I already put it in my family newsletter.
Ross: Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just created for her.)
(He hurriedly checks his hair in his computer screen, before taking a sporting trophy from a drawer to place ostentatiously on his desk. An attractive young woman opens the door.)
Rachel: Noooo... the interview! She loved me! She absolutely loved me. We talked for like two and a half hours, we have the same taste in clothes, andoh, I went to camp with her cousin... And, oh, the job is perfect. I can do this. I can do this well!
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey has brought in a bunch of laundry in another attempt to get his picture on the wall, but the dry cleaner isnt working right now. Instead, a beautiful woman is working.]
(Chandler and Monica walk over to the kitchen-counter and leave their keys. Then the other four pick out their keys and leave them as well.)
Chandler: Okay, who wore those? (Points to the tuxedos.)
Rachel: Ohh, whoa God! Storage rooms give me the creeps! Monica, come on please hurry up honey! Please?
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up an outfit) does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Phoebe: Lusts of the flesh.
Monica: Oh! And dont let me leave without getting the name of that carpet guy.
Monica: Oh my God, me too! Oh! Oh, we'd be like friends-in-law! Y'know what the best part is? The best part is that you already know everything about him! I mean, it's like starting on the fifteenth date!
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Rachel: The earring? No. But look, I found my sunglasses under the couch! I've been looking for these since like last summer. (Puts 'em on.)
Rachel: Horny bitch. (They both look at her, pretending that the dinosaurs shes holding are arguing.) No! Youre a horny bitch! Noooo! Youre the horny bitch! No! Youre a horny bitch!
Ross: Here you go. (throws her the ball)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
Joey: Rachel, would you stop saying that?! Hey-hey look, remember on the show when-when Caprice was dying and she gave me
Ross: Okay, but just the jacket. Double-oh and seven are not gettin in there.
A Disembodied Voice: (yelling through the door) Phoebe Buffay?!
Chandler: Well lets see, there was the guy with the ferrets, thats plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing Bing! Great apartment Chandler Bing, Bing!
Chandler: The actor playing Mac couldnt do it, they needed to see you at 2 oclock.
(He puts his leg up on the couch to get the quarter, once again exposing himself to Chandler and Ross. In horror, Chandler, slides over and leans against Joey on the couch.)
Chandler: Well, stuff like whered we live, yknow? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Yknow, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, wed have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
ROSS: I meant because the monkey in it reminds me of Marcel.
Ross: A little? Your place looks like page 72 of the catalogue. Oh look at that! The ornamental bird cage! Large!
Rachel: Oh. Who is the blonde, she's pretty.
Monica: I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey.
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what-what was the deal with you and Chandler blowing us off before?
(Monica sits down on the barca lounger.)
Ross: (continuing) " subcategories. The first of these subcategories is "
Monica: The show?!
[Time lapse. Ross and Joey are cleaning the table while Judy and Phoebe talk by the window. Jack and Chandler are sitting on the couch while Monica sits on the coffee table.]
Monica: Yknow what we should do? We should all get dressed up and go to have champagne at The Plaza.
Chandler: (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!
Chandler: Ooh, yum! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Monica: The wedding starts at six.
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)
[Scene: The restaurant, continued from earlier.]
Mona: Oh, Rachel! Wait! Hey, I hope you dont take this the wrong way, but, but, um what are you doing?
Hotel Clerk: (watching the chase) They say he's only got half a tank left.
Ross: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you...
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers (He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
Monica: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies.
(They both sit down on the chairs and put up the foot rest.)
(Monica is dancing. At first she seems insecure and moves slowly, but then gets into the groove and swings her hips from side to side while holding her hands up. She then eats the last piece of pizza she was holding and again moves her hips from side to side, pushing her hands in the air in beat with the music. Her moves get more wildly while she's snapping her fingers. She loses balance and falls back onto a pink bean bag.)
(There are three short whistle blasts from the bathroom.)
MRS GREEN: So, what do you think of my daughter in the apron with the big job?
Joey: You spent a hundred dollars. Thats the limit. Youre screwed!
MONICA: Wait, what about the time I hit you in the face with the Silvian's pumpkin?
Ross: Wh - No. Some woman who sounded a lot like Joey called earlier and asked for her daughter, the "hot nanny".
(In the meantime, Ross is trying to squeeze and push a rather large chair through the revolving doors of the Ralph Lauren building.)
Rachel: What the hell was that?!
Phoebe: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?
Rachel: What is the emergency?!
[Cut to the guys.]
Phoebe: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse?
[Cut to the girls.]
[Cut back to the girls.]
Joey: And I got them a book on Karma Sutra for the elderly.
Monica: Ooh, are we allowed to lie in the vows?!
(She starts to go and get the coffee and falls behind the counter.)
[Cut to the guys.]
(The door opens, and there is Gladys, still in her frame though. Joey panics and moves frantically, screaming. Then there is laughing, and the painting is lowered. It was Rachel holding Gladys.)
Joey: (answering the phone) Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, hold on a second. Ross, it's Julie, for you. (Throws him the phone.)
Monica: (gasps) Totally familiar. (Phoebe shows the rest of them.)
Ross: Thats crap!! Sister Brown Bird. (to Elizabeth) Good going. (does the salute)
Phoebe: Yeah, youre right. Hows the Mrs.?