words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting reading a book and hears the bed in Joey's room creaking, and does a 'Oh no, not again' look on his face.]
Chandler: (going to the bedroom) See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.
Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?
Monica: Went down to the docks. Bet ya didn't know you could get it wholesale.
Joey: No, I gotta wear this thing for a couple weeks. (points to the sling he is wearing)
Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
[Scene: Street, Phoebe is being followed by some guy, as they pass a flower vendor. Phoebe turns around and the guy quickly picks up some flowers and continues following her.]
Guy: Oh, that's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman. I am such a dingus!
Guy: Wait. You're right. I know you're right. And, thanks for being so nice. Here (gives her the flowers he bought.)
Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes (Ross starts kissing her neck) Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything. (they fall onto the couch)
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Ross: Okay, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1 she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?
Ross: (buzzes) Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.
Ross: (blows her a kiss) Okay the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Ross: Noo! No, not cuddlily, not me, just her. I'm like you, I need the room. Okay, come here. (they sit on the couch and Ross puts his hands on Chandler's shoulder and thigh.) Okay, you're in bed...
Ross: I'm gonna use the cushion.
Ross: Okay, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her (demonstrates on the cushion) and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you.
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.
Phoebe: Okay, I asked for the news, not the weather.
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand), or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.
Rachel: Down at the docks again?
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
Malcom: These are my night vision goggles. This is the book I pretend to read when I'm watching her in the park. And these are Mad Lips, they're just for fun.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Monica: What?! Why? Why is this crazy? So this isn't the ideal way to something....
Ross: (interrupting her) Oh, it's not the ideal way...
Monica: Lips moving, still talking. I mean it may not be ideal, but I'm so ready. No, I-I-I see the way Ben looks at you. It makes me ache, you know?
Monica: Okay, all right, how's this? 27. Italian-American guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family, seven sisters, and he's the only....boy. (they all turn and look at Joey) Oh my God, under personal comments: 'New York Knicks, rule!'
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule!
Joey: Let me see. (goes over and looks at the form) Oh, right.
Ross: How's the maniac?
Ross: You're taking the word of a guy who has night vision goggles?
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
Rachel: Oh my God, what happened? (points to the cast on Janice's wrist)
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
[Scene: Subway station, Phoebe is following Malcom by finding behind the pillars until she comes up to one with a wire mesh garbage can next to it. Malcom stops and starts walking the other way and passes Phoebe, who quick tries to hide behind the garbage can. But, Malcom sees her.]
Phoebe: Oh, I was just here looking for, um, my um, my part of an old sandwich. Oh, here it is! Oh. (picks one up out of the garbage can.)
Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind the pillar)
Phoebe: Yeah, just, okay, look I'm going. Um, come on. Op, op, behind the pillar, which way am I gonna go?
Monica: To the bank.
Joey: He's got the body for it.
Monica: And, and, and they wear those little water wings, you know. And they're, they're running around on the deck. Then Hoyt wraps this big towel around all three of them.
Joey: Oh Monica. (goes over and hugs her, then looks at the form and stops hugging her.) Wow, this guy's an astronaut. That would've been cool, (sees Monica) for like a day. (hugs her again).
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is finishing off the last of the jam]
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Joey: (wipes a little jam from the corner of his mouth) Did I get it?
Ross: (sees Joey) Hey. (walks into the living room) Uh, Chan, can I uh, can I talk to you for a second?
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
[Joey stands up again. Rachel enters the door]
(Joey has made a little home movie that's his big scene. He braces himself against the door to his apartment and while holding a plastic gun and wearing the same sweater says )
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is on the phone.]
[Rachel walks past Joey towards the couch]
Joey: Oh, you didnt see the Post?
Rachel: Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I mean, the connection, I mean yknow, emotionally, mentally, physically
(The intercom buzzes.)
Hold Voice: Please stay on the line. Youre call is very important to us.
[The next flashback is from The One Where No One's Ready. Joey is retaliating against Chandler hiding his underwear by wearing a whole bunch of clothes.]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Rachel is showing Ross around the newly decorated living room.]
Phoebe: Oh Ross, calm down, Ill give you the 80 cents. (Ross glares at Rachel)
[Scene: A Theatre, Joey is arriving to rehearse the play hes in.]
Rachel: Youre so sweet. (Notices something in the crib.) Oh my God! And you gave the baby Hugsy! (A stuffed penguin wearing a ski jacket, goggles, and hat.)
Monica: I know!! (calls him) (on phone) Chip? Hi! Its Monica. (listens) Kay. (listens) Kay. (listens) Okay. (listens) Okay, good-bye. (hangs up) Oh my God, we just had the best conversation!! (goes into her room as Rachel enters)
Phoebe: You didnt leave lipstick marks on the phone.
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)
[Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard.]
Charity guy: Please, take the check, go have a great wedding and a wonderful life together.
Joey: All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay?
[Flashback, year 1987. Chandler enters the school's corridor. Ross is hanging some flyers on the wall. Both have a funny 80s hair and clothes.]
Phoebe: Oh! These are the ones I was looking at in the store. (she got earrings)
Ross: Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees...
(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)
(When Rachel starts to look under the bed if Joey would fit under there, Chandler opens the door inbetween the rooms, grabs Joey by his shirt and drags him to his room, and closes the door again)
Monica: Oh yeah, whats the plan?
Ross: (He interrupts her immediately, and drags her by her arm to the other side of the room) Well, can I talk to you for a sec.?
Helena: Well I wouldnt miss it for the world. Oh! Im getting all misty here! Youd think I was having my legs waxed or something. (Goes back on stage.)
Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back.
Monica: Sex! This is the last day I�m ovulating, and when we don�t do it now, we�ll have to wait till next month. (walks towards bedroom)
CHANDLER: Hey, hey, those guys are takin our stuff! [some guy runs off with the hat]
Ross: OK, I'm gonna go say goodbye to the guys.
Ross: I don't remember him, but then again I touched so many lives. (they press their ears against the door)
(Monica opens the door.)
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
Phoebe: (looking in the window) Right, oh yeah. Wow, oh, it looks like Ross is breaking up with her. Uff, I hope he lets her down easy. Lets go.
Joey: Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. But uh, I dont think its the kind youre gonna like.
Kathy: The Velveteen Rabbit. I kinda have the feeling you had something to do with it.
Ross: Phoebe really likes the bike huh?
Chandler: Hey! So are you enjoying the bike?
Ross: Wait a minute, she was walking the bike? Both times?
Joshua: Anyway, hopefully, Ill see you around sometime. (He goes out the door.)
Joey: (watching the discussion) Hey Chandler, do we know that lady?
Chandler: What is the matter with you?
[Cut to later, the whole group is seated on the floor and Rachel is explaining the rules of Spin the Bottle.]
The Woman: Please, cant you help me out?
Joey: (through the window) All right, he likes you back! Huh? Told ya, you should go for it!
Ross: The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadnt realized she was a lesbian.
Monica: What am I gonna do?! That is the dress! That is the dress! Wh Chandler wants the band. What do I do?
Frank: Oh, well just probably the worst one since Ive been alive.
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.
Krista: (calling from the bathroom) Danny! Hurry up! The bath is getting cold!
Manny: Oh yeah yeah, thank God you were here to oversee all the kissing!
Phoebe: What?! (Ross rings the bell.) What the hell?!
Phoebe: Well, Im ready to get the hell out of here! (Sees Ross and Rachel cuddling on the couch.) Oh. Are you? Are you?!! (they nod Yes.) Ohh! Thats so great!! Ooh, not for Bonnie. (they nod No.) But for you, yay! Ohh.
Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes
PHOEBE: Uh, Ross, those are the only lines we have, sorry. OK, you guys, once more.
(Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on the phone.)
[cut to the gang, theyre all stunned]
CHANDLER: Look you have to help me out here. I thought we had a deal. I thought by the time...
Joey: No way! I've been going to the guy for 12 years.
Richard: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! (Joey backs away and wipes his face again.)
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Chandler: So uh Monica, do you, do you like the Law & Order?
MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
Steve: Chandler, hi! I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. We just felt that with your maturity and experience, you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant.
Chandler: You dont, like go into the back of my closet, and look under my gym bag or anything?
[Cut back to Joey in bed, he's smiling, enjoying the dream as he wakes up. Suddenly, he realized what he was dreaming about and bolts upright in bed.]
The Man: (from earlier) Candy Lady?
Joey: (gesturing at an imaginary painting) Note the painterly lines and subtle impasto on this canvas. Monet painted quickly and usually outdoors as his elusive subject was light itself.
Leader: All right girls, and man. Lets see your final tallies. (all the girls raise their hands) Ohhhh, Debbie, (looks at her form) 321 boxes of cookies, (to Debbie) Very nice.
Monica: Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos.
Joey: In my spare time I uh, read to the blind. And Im also a mento for the kids.(The gang shake their heads.) Yknow a mento, a role model. (Chandler bites his fist to keep from talking.)
Joey: No, the quiet down thing!
Phoebe: Yeah well, maybe she shouldve spent a little less time decorating and a little more time in the bedroom.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.]
All: All right. Okay. I'm starving! (They all get up, thus officially ending the game.)
Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)
(Ross isnt happy and closes the door slowly.)
Chandler: Okay. Listen-listen, were not gonna have to walk this way the entire time are we?
Joey: (looks at the time) Wow, hey, we'd better get going. If we don't leave right now, we'll be late for dinner.
Rachel: I Am I the only one that this is embarrassing for?
Monica: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel.
PHOEBE: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.
JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.
PHOEBE: Oh ok, Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in the Navy.
Steve: Well then you can't have any. (she grabs for the package, and it breaks open. Gummi-bears fly everywhere, some into the punch bowl on the table.) Bear overboard! I think he's drowning. (he throws some Sugar-O's into the punch bowl) Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself! (Mimicking the bears) "Help! I'm drowning! Help!"
Phoebe: Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall?
(She turns the tree around so that her side, which is perfectly decorated, is showing)
Monica: Umm, I just wanna say, uh (reads from a 3 X 5 card) that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... (Looks up and sees eveyone glaring at her) Are you gonna kill me?
(A wave crashes on the beach and partially fills up his hole.)
Mona: Oh yeah, probably at the end. (Flips to the end.) Oh my God! He only took pictures of my breasts!
[Scene: Out in the hall, the firemen are talking.]
Joey: (Shocked) Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. (turns the bolts of the door, thereby locking it)
Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars.
Rachel: Pat the dog. Oh! Oh! I get it!! (Laughs and finishes her drink.)
Joey: Well that thing is clearing in the way! All right. Ah-ha! (He grabs a screwdriver and starts to attack the compressor, only he causes a small short circuit and shocks himself.) Ah-ah!! Damn fridge!
Joey: I’m saying that… (pause). This isn't working for me anymore, ok? Estelle, you’re fired. Goodbye. (he hangs up the phone).
Monica: What happened? You still have the Monica wedding fund dont you?
Phoebe: Yeah! Here! (She grabs a deck out of her purse) Oh no, these are the trick deck. Okay. Here yes. Okay.