words in movies
Monica: Sweetie, I think the glasses look great. They make you look really sexy.
Chandler: (sitting down on the arm of her chair) You didnt think I used to wear glasses, right?
Monica: Of course! (She mouths, "I have no idea," to the rest of the gang.)
Phoebe: Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.
Phoebe: You mean the chocolate chip cookie recipe?
Phoebe: You mean the one that my grandmother made me swear on her deathbed that I would never let out of our family?
Chandler: Dying people say the craziest things.
Monica: Okay. Im gonna be the mom that makes the worlds best chocolate chip cookies.
Chandler: Hey! Hows the boat?!
Monica: Oh, so you finally took it out of the marina huh?
Joey: Why would I do that? It took three guys to get the thing in there!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are there. He takes off his glasses and starts chewing on the ear piece.]
Ross: (entering from the bathrooms) Hey Chandler, what are you doing tonight?
Ross: Or you can sit with him on the front porch and make sure no one steals the trash cans. He does that every week too.
Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up!
Monica: No!! Why didnt you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?!!
Phoebe: (pauses as he figures out how to answer that) Because Im normal! That was the one legacy my grandmother left me, and I know you wanted it as an engagement present.
Phoebe: See no-no, I made a batch and I froze it, and this is the only one left.
Monica: No! Wait! I think I can figure out the recipe from this cookie! I do stuff like this at work all the time.
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont (Joeys boat), shes shown to be in one of the waterways around New York, but in reality shes in a sound stage on the Warner Bros. lot and we see New York from the water in some rather poor green screen shots. Rachel and Joey are on board.]
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coasts all the way over there. (Points to the coast, meanwhile there is coast behind him.)
Rachel: Joey, just ignore the boats all right? Were not finished with the lesson yet.
Rachel: Okay, Im just gonna go over the basic points just one more time, are you ready?
Rachel: Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, lets do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, (grabs some of the rigging) whats this called?
Rachel: Wrong! How do you get the mainsail up?
Rachel: Okay, you just go on and make your little jokey-jokes, but if you do not know what you are doing out at sea you will die at sea. Am I getting through to you sailor?! (She punctuates each word by slapping him on the forehead.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are trying to determine the cookie recipe by eating small pieces.]
Monica: You dont? (Laughs) Well, thats the difference between a professional and a layman.
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Phoebe: I cant believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmothers legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
Ross: Well I had a great time! Umm, Chancy on the other hand
Chandler: I will tell the story! It was going great. I let him win. We were bonding. He even said I could call him dad.
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
[Cut to the flashback, Chandlers no longer doing the voice-over.]
Ross: Over here. (You can see Ross sitting at the far wall.)
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Ross: Cause otherwise theyd have to call it the room room.
Ross: Oh, but he will. He still tells the story how Monica tried to escape from fat camp.
Ross: Then how did you get caught in the barbed wire?
(The phone rings.)
Chandler: If that is your father calling to tell this story then the marriage is off!
Monica: (takes the phone from Ross) Come on. (Answering phone) Hello? (Listens) Im sorry you have the wrong number. (Listens) (Whispering) Okay, Ill call you later dad. I love you. (Hangs up.)
Chandler: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to faceAnd by face I dont mean his lap. And by face, I dont mean my ass. (Exits.)
Rachel: Well hello! So, when are we gettin back out on the water matey?
Joey: Oh uh, I dont know the boat way to say this, but uh never!
Joey: Because! Youre mean on the boat!
Ross: You have to respect the sea! (Storms off.)
Rachel: Look Joey, Im sorry if-if you thought that was mean, but I gotta tell ya something. That was not mean. Okay, my father is mean. He used to yell at me all the time on the boat, I mean it was horrible. I was just being a good teacher.
Joey: Does a good teacher say, "Put down the beer pinhead!?"
Rachel: Yeah, I didnt want you to get hit by the boom!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is trying out different cookie recipes. Ross and Phoebe are the tasting group.]
Monica: Okay. Man, I have not made this many cookies since I was in the ninth grade.
Monica: The ones we had right after you almost threw up.
Phoebe: Are there anymore from the good batch? Cause we could just work off of those.
Ross: Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh (Grabs a cookie and takes a big bite out of it and doesnt like it.) Its batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way! (Gets up and runs for the bathroom.)
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, its Joeys second lesson with Rachel as the resident sailing expert.]
Rachel: Okay Joey honey, youre doing really good! All right, now Im just gonna need you to step to the port side. (Joey pauses as he tries to remember which side is the port side.) Remember? Remember how we talked about the port side?
Rachel: Okay, go to the left. (Joey goes starboard or sits on the right side of the boat.) The left!
Rachel: (yelling) Just sit over there!! (Points to the port side.)
Joey: Oh, yknow what? Since Im here, I think Im gonna have me a little beer on the port side. (Grabs and opens one.)
Rachel: Okay Joey, were luffing a little bit, so could you tighten up the cunningham? (The mainsail has started to flap in the wind and has stopped working efficiently; she wants him to tighten it so that it starts working again.)
Joey: Oh, yknow, when we did that was when that bird was flying overhead with the fish in his mouth. Did you see it? It was gross!
Rachel: (angrily) No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!
Joey: Yeah, its okay. I know what a mainsail is. (Points to it. Its the larger sail.) I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, the cookie trying period has pasted. Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are reflecting on the days events.]
Monica: Well, Ive tried everything. I give up. I guess Im not gonna be the mom who makes the worlds best chocolate cookies. I do make the best duck confit with broccoli rabe. Kids love that right.
Ross: Aww, Pheeb, come on isnt there any relative that would have the recipe? What about, what about your sister?
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
Ross: Thats the day youre gonna die? Seedarnit, Ive got shuffleboard that day.
Monica: Well, I mean what about friends of your grandmothers? Wouldnt they have the recipe?
Phoebe: Well, yknow I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nesele Tolouse.
Phoebe: Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language.
Monica: (grabbing a bag of Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chips) Phoebe, is this the recipe? (Tosses her the bag.)
Phoebe: (reading the recipe on the back of the bag) Yes!! (Realizes.) Ohh.
Monica: I cannot believe that I just spent the last two days trying to figure out the recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time!
[Scene: The Gym, Chandler and Mr. Geller are heading for the whirlpool room.]
(Chandler nods along and they enter the whirlpool room and remove their robes. Only Chandler is lacking a certain item of clothing. You see this is a coed whirlpool, which means swimsuits, and in fact there are two women already there and Chandler didnt seem to wear his. Needless to say, everyone is shocked, including Chandler.)
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, is tied up alongside the pier; Joey and Rachel are relaxing.]
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees whats in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
Rachel: Oh wow! (She takes a bite, but holds the sandwich vertically so that the stuff falls out.)
Joey: What youdont hold it like that! Youre lettin all the good stuff fall out.
[Scene: The Roof]
Monica: The game's over! Take off your robe!
Chandler: Where the hell is everybody?
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
Monica: (to Rachel) Look at you with all the guys!
Phoebe: Okay. All right, this is my favourite part of the weekend, right now, this.
(She heads for the kitchen and Chandler watches her leave and admires the view.)
Phoebe: (shocked) Oh, well, it's a shame that you-that you miss the movie 'cause we were gonna see, you know, either "Liar, Liar" or "Betrayal", or... "An Affair To Remember".
Chandler: (thinks for a second, then waves his arms, exclaiming:) AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! (and runs out of the apartment)
Phoebe: Oh, What's the matter?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch writing when Chandler enters to make his brief cameo.]
[Scene: Chandler in the theater]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Ross: Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. (There are none.) Okay then. Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? (He turns it over and reads the answer) Ask again later. Later is not good enough. (He shakes it up again and reads the answer.) Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken!
Phoebe: (gasps) Ohh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. (The chick clucks.) You'll get your turn!
Rachel: (scoffs at him) Yeah, thats gonna get you into Soap Opera Digest. Well I (leans into the microphone again) I would just like to say that Joey truly has enriched the days of our lives.
Rachel: Okay, calm down, here they are. (Gives back the sunglasses.)
Rachel: (picking up the tissues) Why, why, what's wrong with these guys?
Chandler: (to Monica) So, how did you enjoy the play?
RACHEL: But I do not want to have everything decided for me. I spent my whole life like that. It's what I had with Barry, that was one of the reasons I left. I, I like not knowing right now and I'm sorry if that scares you but if you want to be with me you are gonna have to deal with that.
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking along with the diplomat (Sergei) and his translator (Mischa).]
Joey: Im sorry, youre right. What am I gonna say? (He takes another sip of the green stuff and recoils at the taste.) Oh!
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just taking lines right out of the song!
Ross: Oh. (Reaches into his pocket for some money as Rachel enters the living room and watches holding two stuffed dinosaurs.)
Rachel: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat!
Chandler: Oh, so thats why the priest threw holy water on me. (theres no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Ross: Yeah, I know the type.
Phoebe: Unless! Unless umm, okay I-I would be willing to go to the concert, umm, all the while thinking about the children of course.
[Scene: The theatre where Joey is auditioning. Phoebe enters when Joey's on stage and she sits down. He hasn't seen her.]
Rachel: Well, I would like to have the option!!
The Cooking Teacher: Monica, you go to the head of the class.
Chandler: This is like figure skating team all over again. (Phoebe and Ross glare at him astonished) I mean synchronized swimming. (they continue to glare) I mean- I mean the balance beam. (to Ross) Help me!
Monica: We don�t have much time. Once the egg descended the oviduct �
Phoebe: All right, everyone calm down! Everyone calm down! I have something that I would like to say! Who here likes Ross? (Ross is the only one who raises his hand and Phoebe glares at him to put his hand back down.) Of course you don't like him! He-he didn't give you any money, he raised his own hand when I asked, "Who hear likes Ross," and he's wearing two nametags! (He takes one off.) I-I'll be honest with you guys, when I first met Ross I didn't like him at all! But then once I got to know him I saw that he's really sweet and caring and very generous. I mean, all I'm saying is don't judge Ross before you get to know him all right? I mean, I like all you guys now, but when I first meet you y'know Kurt, I thought, y'know abrasive drunk, umm Lola, mind numbingly stupid! And okay, you guys (She turns to an elderly gentleman and a 20 something woman, who're a couple.) (To the girl) Gold-digger, (To the old guy) cradle robbing perv! So, I think you all know what I mean.
Monica: (entering) Okay, I talked to the guy with the shovel and I found out what happened.
Joey: (voice strained) Couldn't have this conversation down at the truck huh?
CHANDLER: Um, absolutely. Uh, how 'bout tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central Perk in the Village, say, five-ish?
Monica: What is the big deal?
Rachel: Because (laughs), because, I just heard it. I heard it, and it's ridiculous! I mean, you're married. You're-you're married and it's just ridiculous, and it's like, it's like when said it, I sort of like, I floated up out of my body, y'know? And, and-and then I heard myself say it and then the floating Rachel (laughs) was like, "You are such an idiot!"
Gavin: One of the best, ma'am, one of the best...
Chandler: You know, it's... (sees the feeding taking place next to him) something funny about sneakers. I'll be right back. (Goes into the kitchen)
(They both start laughing. There's a knock on the door.)
Charlie: The museum!
Rachel: (to the receptionist) Hi there!
Ross: well then I didn't need to bother you or the four other Mike Hanagens I bothered.
(Phoebe enters the hall)
Monica: Yknow, no point in dragging it out. Dragging out the long process of you moving out and us not living together anymore.
(Rachel gets up and heads for the rest room.)
Ross: Get to the problem!
Jill: Ready? (she swings the pen around her head in a circle)
Ross: Look, if you don't know what the word "acrimonious" means, just don't use it!
Ross: Ok. Let's see. Oh, you should take her to the MET!
(We hear the sound of a bed creaking through the ceiling, and him moaning.)
Chandler: Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash.
Janice: Yeah, Im riding the alimony pony. (Does the now famous laugh.)
Monica: Now, this is last minute so I want to apologize for the mess. Okay?
Rachel: Oh, oh thanks. Alright well, now that I'm up I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Steve: Oh, OK. (he drops the box on the floor) Oh, sorry. (When she bends down to pick it up he grabs a package of Gummi-bears from the cabinet.)
Ross: (talking to himself) My God! These pants are burning up! (He's still wearing the leather pants.) (She snuggles closer.) Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! (Out loud.) Are you hot?
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Ross: Yeah, but we-we have to be at the Four Seasons for drinks in 15 minutes and then yknow, then The Plaza for dinner.
The Vendor: Hes just jealous. Youll fit right in; all Londoners wear them!
Joey: Well to tell you the truth, they uh, (Pause) they had a problem with the bag!
Joey: Come on! you... (reaches out to touch the imaginary painting again)
Chandler: Yeah! yeah... The hard part is over!
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Rachel and Monica enter.]
[She goes into her apartment and slams the door.]
Ross: Hey, I just realized we kinda let some stuff up in the air
Charlie: The museum was amazing!
Richard: Just the last two pages.
Ross: Hey, how was the Met?
Joey: Absolutely! Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas and their birthdays. Kinda get a little crazy during the summer too. And anytime theyre hungry or sleepy. Yknow, kids are tough. Good luck with that. (Walks away.)
Charlie: No, we went to the left.
Monica: So why-why wasnt Rosss stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel Im going to Easy Bake your head!
[Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.]
Rachel: I know, but I was just thinking about how huge this is for me. I didnt even go to how huge this was going to be for the father.
Woman No. 2: Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter (Good for her) but Okay, why not?
Ross: Yeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, because its my sister. But, uh, uh yknow actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that.
(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandlers bedroom.)
Chandler: What do you want from me, Ive never met the guy. So anyway, Rachel, Im sorry you cant stay, (Rachel is upset about leaving the orgy with the cigarette guy.) but the rest of us have a lot of work to do. (The cigarette guy starts rubbing Chandlers back.) What are you doing? (The guy just nods) All right, listen, Ive got to wake up!
Phoebe: (imitating the receptionist's tone) Good morning receptionist.
Phoebe: Look, she only suspects something okay? She doesnt know for sure, so just throw her off the track.
Joey: What's the matter, Pheebs?
Charlie: If you have the time, I'd really appreciate the help.
Ross: Why, does it look like Im having trouble with my misshapen claw? (He hands Joey the form)
Joey: Rach?! (He walks over to the fridge to put it in, but it cannot be opened either) Rachel!!!!? (He walks to the bathroom and tries to lift the toilet seat cover. It won't come up.) So I can't do anything I like????
Male Jeweler: Okay. (Holds out the ring, deadpan.) Will you marry me?
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
Phoebe: Well, you could wait til I go to the dentist, maybe Ill kill him.
Rachel: Well-well that's 'cause I went down there and they were all smoking. This is actually the smell of success.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.] CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday. MNCA: Why not? CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day. MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop. CHAN: OK, stop. MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo. [Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.] ROSS: Hey Rach. RACH: Ahhhh. ROSS: Oh. And how was the date? RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . . [Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]
Phoebe: Okay! Oh my God! My first bike! Thank you for the best present Ive ever gotten.
Tommy: Hey, mind if I use the phone?
[Scene: San Diege Zoo. Ross is still at the monkey cages. A janitor is sweeping.]
Jill: Oh please, I memorized those numbers when I was 15. But look at all the cool make-it-on-my-own stuff I got! (Holds up a red sweater) This is my "Please, hire me" sweater. (Holds up a pair of black pants) And these are my, "Dont you want to rent me this apartment?" pants.
Charlie: So you're up for keynote speaker! Who's making the decisions?
Ross: So-so what did the doctor say?
[Scene: Rachel's room. Rachel and Emma are sleeping; Joey sneaks in and approaches the crib]
Monica: There are no tickets on the nightstand!
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.