words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica and Chandler are making out on one of the chairs.]
Joey: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman! (Starts for his room.) And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition! Okay, look, if I have to pretend I don't know about you two, then you two are gonna have to pretend there's nothing to know about.
(They wait for Joey to go into his room and close the door and then start making out again.)
Joey: (from the bedroom) I can hear that!
(She puts her leg up on the chair and removes this huge knife from her boot to open the box with. The guys are shocked at the knife's existence.)
Phoebe: Eeeee-(She opens the box and removes its contents and sees that it's a fur coat.)-ohh!! God! (She throws it at Joey.)
Joey: Argh-argh!! (Catches the coat.) Ooh, soft. Is this mink?
Monica: (looking at the flyer) This is all of your things.
(Ross suddenly gets up and heads for the bathroom.)
[Scene: The Storage Room in the basement of Monica and Rachel's building, Monica and Rachel are looking for something.]
Rachel: Ohh, whoa God! Storage rooms give me the creeps! Monica, come on please hurry up honey! Please?
Monica: Rachel, if you want the little round waffles, you gotta have to wait until I find the little waffle iron.
Rachel: I want the little round waffles.
Monica: All right. (Looking through a box.) Op, here it is! Right underneath the can of-of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison?
(The single light flickers and goes out. Leaving the room in total darkness.)
(She starts to run out but is stopped by a figure looming out of the darkness carrying a pick axe.)
(They both start screaming at the top of their lungs.)
(Rachel grabs the bug bomb, activates it, throws it at the figure, and they both run out through the fog.)
Phoebe: That might work! (She gives him the coat.)
Ross: (on the phone) No-no-no, it's just a bit sudden. (Listens) No, it's great. Okay? I'm totally on board. I love you too, all righty. Bye. (Hangs up.)
Joey: What's the matter Ross?
Ross: Nothing. Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Woo-hoo!
Ross: Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other.
Ross: Yes! Yes! I mean it's-it's kinda far from work, but uh, y'know, I'll get so much done on the commute. I-I've been given the gift of time!
Chandler: Now that's so funny, because last Christmas I got the gift of space. We should get them together and make a continuum.
Monica: We were, we were just in the storage area and we saw this really creepy man!
Rachel: (proud of herself) Yeah, I-I-I just pulled the tab and I just fogged his yeti ass!
Joey: Dan just moved in downstairs. Yeah, he just got back from like this four-month trek in the Andes. Nice fella.
Monica: Oh he's nice. He's nice! Y'know, you always stick up for the people we fog!
Rachel: Hi! You might not remember us, but we are the girls that fogged you.
(He closes the door. Rachel's not happy with that and knocks again. He opens the door.)
(He closes the door again. Once again, Rachel knocks (harder this time) and he answers it.)
(He closes the door before Rachel can say anything.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a drink as Phoebe enters with the fur coat.]
Phoebe: So listen, you know my friend Chris who owns the crematorium?
Phoebe: He says, that he would cremate my fur coat for free if I umm, y'know, bring in the next person I know who dies.
(Rachel enters from the bathroom and sees the coat.)
Phoebe: This is fashion?! (Grabs the coat from Rachel.) Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. (She puts the coat on and starts to model it.) Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? (Sees herself in the mirror.) 'Cause I do.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the gang is helping Ross move out by carrying boxes. Chandler has picked a particularly large and apparently heavy box, because he takes a running start at it and still can't budge it.]
(He picks up a smaller box and carries it to the moving van as Joey returns.)
Joey: Ohh. Hey, remember when I ran into this thing (The shutters that close off the kitchen.) and it kinda knocked me out a little?
Ross: I loved this place! To tell you the truth, I wish I didn't have to move.
Joey: It's not right what Emily wants you to do! She is totally-(The gang enters behind Joey and Phoebe pinches him again.)-Owww!! Stop pinching me! Look, now you guys said I only had to keep my mouth shut as long as Ross was happy, right? Well he just told me that he's not entirely happy.
Ross: Unreasonable? How about we have this conversation when one of you guys gets married! You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work! All right, it's about compromise! Do you always like it? No! Do you do it? Yes! Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time! It's real life, okay? It's what grown-ups do! (He storms out.)
Phoebe: I think he's right. You guys hang out at the coffeehouse way too much.
(Monica pats Joey on the shoulder.)
Chandler: Pheebs, what are you doing with the coat? How about the whole animal rights thing?
Phoebe: Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, Iit's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! (She starts to leave but stops and says to Monica.) Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine!
Danny: So you like the short hair better.
Danny: I had to cut my hair to get rid of the uh, fogger smell.
Danny: Come on, you got the shopping bags and the Sack's catalog.
(Rachel decides not to give up that easily and follows him to his apartment and bangs on the door, which he opens.)
Danny: The pizza-place across the street any good?
[Scene: Ross's now empty apartment, he is spackling some holes shut as the gang comes to apologize.]
Ross: Y'know what? I'm really not in the mood.
Phoebe: (To Chandler) You're kinda stepping on the song. (She gets ready to play but is stopped by )
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just taking lines right out of the song!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Rachel, are getting ready for dinner.]
Joey: Yeah you see umm, well, I'm an actor. Right? So I gotta keep my emotions right at the surface y'know? See what I'm saying? I gotta lot of balls in the air. (Makes like he's juggling.) Y'know what I mean? It's tough! Guys like me, y'know, you wander around, you're alone
[Time lapse, dinner is now finished and Ross is looking out the window.]
(They all run over to the window.)
Monica: Wow, this is so weird. I just realized this might be the last time we'll all be hanging out together.
(The phone rings.)
Monica: I'll get it. (On phone.) Hello. (Listens.) Hi Emily! (Listens.) Yeah, uh you-you tracked him down. Hold on one second. (She hands the phone to Ross.)
Ross: Hey! (Listens.) Yeah-yeah, we're just having dinner. (Listens.) Uh, yeah, sure uh hold on. (To the gang.) She wants to say hi. (To Emily) Hold on.
Ross: (going onto the patio) Look Emily, I'm just having dinner with my friends, okay?
Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.
Emily: I'll feel better when I'm there, and I can know where you are all the time.
Ross: Well, you can't know where I am all the time. Look, this marriage is never gonna work if you don't trust me.
[Cut to the inside of the apartment.]
Monica: How can you tell? You can only see the back of his head!
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
Phoebe: No, were gonna paint over the sword, and replace it with a baguette.
[Eddie tries his key and it won't work. He knocks and Chandler answers the door. He's got the door chained.]
The Waiter: Hey!
The Waiter: Okay.
The Waiter: (To Joey) And for you sir?
The Waiter: Are you guys ready?
Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage and everything was fine until... (The flashback shows Paulo lying face down on the massage table and slowly moving his hands up Phoebe's legs and grabbing her butt.)
Joey: Whats the rush? What?
Emily: And then after decided to forgive you, seeing you at the airport catching our plane with her.
Chandler: Are you eating the cheesecake without me?!
Joey: You own the room. (She smiles and stares longingly into his eyes.) We should probably get-get uh
Ross: Why dont you call him?! Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: Yes! Youre the person who checked out my book?!
Man: Sure. (Hands him the ticket.)
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
The Woman: Ross, sweetheart!
Chandler: Huh! Where is the dog?!
Wayne: C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here. (He puts on his headset, picks up the controller, and wheels C.H.E.E.S.E. in. C.H.E.E.S.E. is just a plain old robot on tracks; he kinda looks like No. 5 in the movie Short Circuit.)
Ross: (on phone) Thats right, Ryder. Wynona Ryder for six. (listens) Thank you. (hangs up) (to the gang) Yeah, we have the reservations.
Rachel: Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and we have absolutely nothing in common, and we don't even speak the same language but Goooooooddddddd....
Phoebe: (seeing him) Okay, nows not the time Joey. All right? You can yell at me tomorrow.
Rachel: Honey, honey, Im sorry, I know its our anniversary but I told you on the phone I dont have time to stop.
(Joey casually pushes Ross over the back of the couch and sits down proud of himself.)
Rachel: Hey, listen, Ronni, how long would you say Chandler's been in the shower?
[Scene: The apartment in the listing, the guys are checking it out. There's one problem though, it's roughly the size of this computer screen. As they enter Joey lets out a whistle.]
Phoebe: Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star.
Ross: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card yknow, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
(Joey sits down and changes the channel, and we see two people making out.)
Phoebe: The donation we made earlier, we k…, we w…, we want it back.
You don't have to be awake to be my man, As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand. Though we just met the other day, There's something I have got to say...
(Ross stops the clock, signifying the end of the lightning round.)
Chandler: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
(Ross and Rachel are, needless to say, stunned at the arrival of Janice.)
Phoebe: When she comes out, you hold her nose, Ill blow in her mouth, and the kid will just (makes a popping sound) right out of her.
Carol: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you.
(Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)
Eric: Well, I guess Ill see you at the wedding. (Exits and Phoebe follows him into the hall.)
Phoebe: I have liver damage. Ow! Oh! (She grabs the left side of her torso.)
Ross: So, I uh I called the doctor and now we both know the sex of the baby.
Rachel: You cant, because of the new skylight!
Chandler: Hey! Honey, can I ask you a question about the Valentines Day gifts?
Janice: Oh well thats what I thought about my first husband, now Im lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs.
Joanna: That you enjoyed the occasional drink ing binge.
Rachel: Well, I'll probably be back to pick her up around six, but she's in the bedroom all ready to go. But she did actually fall back to sleep, so...
Phoebe: Oh well, okay, hey, yknow how when youre umm, youre walking down the street and you see three people in a row, and you say, "Oh, thats nice?"
Emily: Okay. (Goes to say hi to the lads.)
Rachel: and then they came back from smoking and they had made all of the decisions without me!
Tag: You wanna go down to the office right now?
RACHEL: Why, when did you get out of the game?
(Rachel runs into the airport, trying to catch Ross, moving people out of the way.)
[Scene: The Park, the gang is warming up for their football game.]
Ross: Yeah but, on the bright side, we get to be roommates again.
RICHARD: Woah, woah, no wait a minute now. C'mon it's your turn. Oh c'mon. Ya know, I don't need the actual number, just a ballpark.
Joey: Well, I'm justif the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference!
Phoebe: Oh, interesting you should call me that! Now that I may never have one! (Holds up the warning label.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is playing Playstation, Crash Team Racing to be exact (hes in last on Hot Air Skyway to be more exact) as Joey enters from his room desperately trying to look like a 19-year-old. Hes got the wool cap, hes got the cut-off Knicks jersey over the faded T-shirt, and hes got the whole pants-around-the-knees-showing-off-the-boxers thing that rich, white, suburban kids have adopted in a desperate and extremely futile attempt to try to look like theyre from the inner-city.]
Monica: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. You know, I say we blow off the dates.
The Teacher: How would you characterize the theme of this book, uh let's see here (looks at his attendance sheet), Rachel Green?
[Scene: The Rehearsal dinner hall. Ross is at the Walthams table discussing the bill.]
Phoebe: I cant believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmothers legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
Krista: Oh, this is so good (A piece of cake.) you have got to try it. (She takes some on her finger and feeds it to Danny. Then takes a little more and does it again. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang stares on in shock. Then they pick up a part of it and some filling falls into his lap.)
Rachel: Well, what is the other reason?
Chandler: (turning the light back on) Monica?
Monica: Give me the good stuff.
Rachel: Thank you. (He leaves and she proceeds to plant the folder in his bottom drawer. She then picks up the phone and holds it to her breasts.) Hello? (Hangs up the phone.) I still dont get it.
Joshua: Yeah, that would be fantastic! My-my nephew is crazy about the Knicks! This is fantastic, thank you so much Rachel. (He takes the tickets and leaves as Mr. Waltham returns.)
Joey: No, thats VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . Its like a lotta noise to me. I dont know
Rachel: Oh my God! Did you check your entire desk! Did you check all the drawers!
Joey: No, no, no, I'm telling ya. Imagine yourself living in a supermarket and you will understand okay? So the question is, what do we do?
Rachel: (worried and shocked) Yeah, sure Mr. Zelner, for you anythingminute. Okay. Fine. (To Tag) Abort the plan, abort the plan. (She start to usher Tag out.)
Rachel: (entering) Forgot my purse! (Sees them kissing.) Oh, you guys made up. (To Mona) Hes a good kisser isnt he? (Ross goes to close the door on her.) Im going! (Quickly leaves and Ross locks the door.)
Chandler: The nerve huh?
Rachel: Well, I didnt see Joshua last night, but I did punch a girl in the face.
The Fireman: Yes it is.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is not doing the dishes. She hears someone coming up the stairs and quickly puts down her magazine and pretends like shes actually doing the dishes.]
Chandler: Well its just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was the first time I knew that you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.
Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait! You can put your sad little muffin back in its drawer. If you must know the truth, I didnt want to lose a perfectly good assistant.
Monica: (spitting out the eyedropper) Damn! It's empty!
Rachel: Stevie the TV?
Joey: Okay now, before I make my final decision I uh, I just want to make sure our personalities match. Okay, so I made up a little test. Now, Im gonna say a word and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.
Melissa: (laughs) Oh you dont have to be (Laughs again) sorry. Im Im obviously kidding. Im not in love with you. (To Phoebe) Im not in love with her. I dont hear coconuts banging together. Yeah, I dont picture your face when I make love to my boyfriend. Anyway, I gotta go. Eh kiss good-bye? (Rachel stares at her stunned.) No? Okay. (Hurries into the cab and drives off.)
Monica: Look at this. (Hands him the newspaper.)
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
[Scene: Grammercy Bistero, Ross and Kristen are waiting for their table to be ready. Ross is returning from talking to the matired.]
{Transcribers Note: As with all the cliffhangers, there was no credits scene. There will be a ninth and final season of Friends starting sometime in September. See you then, have a good summer everyone.}
Ross: I guess he musta gotten the part in that play.
Bonnie: I think I brought back half of the beach in my hair. It was so much easier when I used to shave my head.
Joey: Hey. I spent the night out. I met this cute bridesmaid. She is so...
Phoebe: Oh yeah, the doctor said that could be one of the side effects.
Ross: Thats right, and thats why we celebrate Hanukkah today. The end.
Phoebe: Well, you could use your position y'know as the roommate.
Rachel: God, the first time he smiled at me... those three seconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with Barry.
Elizabeth: Im the student.
Rachel: All right, I took them. But I figured it would be okay because you got a big ink stain on the crotch.
The Waiter: (returning) Any progress?
Joey: (laughing and turning off the TV) So, what did you guys think?
Joey: You are so the man! (motions him to come in, and he does) Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, cause my Grandma doesnt know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.
RACHEL: Yeah, when I was in the bathroom I saw the window that I crawled out of at my wedding, and God, I just started thinking that I shouldn't be here, you know I shouldn't, people are going to be looking at me and judging me and, and thinking about the last time.
Monica: I dont know! I dontmaybe youre feeling a little resentful. Maybe ah, maybe you thought youd get married first! Maybe you cant stand the fact that your formally fat friend is getting married before you!