words in movies
Ross: Oh, I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils...
Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!
Ross: Ok. (they both go)
Phoebe: I bought them off Ebay! They used to belong to the late Shania Twain.
Monica: Yeah. (they kiss) What d'you wanna do tonight?
Joey: Which one, they all suck!
Phoebe: (watching around and whispering) Ok, are they listening?
Joey: (realizing) Oh, that's what she meant! (pause) You know, if they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the MUSE! You know, short for museum, and avoid all the confusion!
Chandler: I have a weird feeling about this place. (pause) How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet.
Janice: Oh! Someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup! (laughs) Oh! They gave you the kiddy size (looking at the cup in his hand).
Phoebe: Because I was ashamed ok? I sold out for the cash! And then they give me benefits like medical, and dental, and a 401K. But you know... you pay a price. Now I'm this Corporate stooge and punching a clock and Ugh! paying taxes!
(they hug)
Joey: I thought I did! Oh hey guess what? The premiere is next week and youre all invited! (They all gasp.)
MONICA: What if they get mixed up?
Chandler: You dont have to stop having fun just because Im here. Kathy didnt cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)
[they sit at the couch]
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
Monica: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer thanOhhh! (They both realize something there.)
Phoebe: Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You dont hire an assistant because theyre cute, you hire them because theyre qualified.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, continued from earlier. Chandler and Kathy are still kissing, then they stop suddenly.]
Phoebe: You guys you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldnt be living in an apartment.
(They all stand up and go over to Phoebe to feel the baby, preventing Rachel from kissing Joshua.)
Monica: Yeah, they were just slowing me down. Alright, I have to get back to the babies. I'll see you girls later.
Chandler: (nods his head) Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet? (to Joey) They seem all right with it!
Monica: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do?
ROSS: Okay.� (They sit.)� So, um, Phoebe tells me you, ah, you play piano.
(They all start out, Rachel gives each one a kiss, and says "bye." In the hall, Joey says )
Joey: Ross and Rachel left us a message saying they were getting married! Isnt that why you guys are here?
PHOEBE: I know. We didn't do any of the romantic things I had planned, like having a picnic at Central Park and ya know, coffee at Central Perk. Oh I just got that. [They kiss.]
(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)
[Scene: The Hospital, Monica and Rachel are waiting for the doctors to arrive. They enter and are played by Noah Wyle and George Clooney.]
JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.
Rachel: That's what I said! Thank you for being so nice. (They hug.)
Joey: Well maybe I got a little upset and maybe I told them where they could go.
Phoebe: Now Ben, sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside, but they have famous fathers.
Monica: Well you know it's just like living with a girl. Only they don't steal your makeup. Unless they're playing "This is what my sister would look like" (Looks at Chandler)
(They put on their glasses and try to find their way to their seats.)
Joey: Oh, ‘They are warm, nice, people with big hearts’.
Ross: Okay. Okay. (They hug.) Okay.
Phoebe: What? (He leans in to kiss her.) Oh. (They kiss and Phoebe pauses.) Ooh. (Pause) Whoa! That one kept going. (Exits.)
Joey: Okay. Rachel and Phoebe are already there, okay? So they probably started without us. We could just slip in and no-one needs to know where we were! (he raises his hands and on his right one there's a Rangers foam finger)
Monica: Are you trying to tell me that were moving to Oklahoma, or that youre gay? All right, not that this matters, but did they at least offer you a huge raise?
Phoebe: Oh, hi. (They shake hands.)
Phoebe: No! Think about it, its a taxi that people take when they need to relax, its
Phoebe: Um-hmm, yeah. They left me a message; they should be here any minute.
Mr. Kaplan: Come on over here, sweetheart. (they walk over to a storage closet)
(They both start squishing the tomatoes.)
(They start kissing again, but are interrupted by the phone.
Chandler: This is like figure skating team all over again. (Phoebe and Ross glare at him astonished) I mean synchronized swimming. (they continue to glare) I mean- I mean the balance beam. (to Ross) Help me!
(They all gasp)
Ross: Neither will I. (they both put back the brownies.)
(They all start laughing at him)
Ross: The nurse said theyre bringing in another woman.
Monica: Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. (Chandler grunts.) Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesnt matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. (They go onto the floor.) Just try not to move your feet at all. (Chandler starts to get into the groove and bust a move.) There you go.
Robert: (running in) Oh, there they are! I-I dropped my keys.
(They walk passed each other, Ross towards the door, Chandler towards the counter, suddenly they turn around to face each other)
Ross: Oh, man, I'm not going to be able to handle this. (pause) Now I know how my students feel at the end of each year. And why they act out by giving me such bad evaluations.
Ross: All right. (They start up the stairs. Ross is first.) Okay, here we go!
Phoebe: Well, I don't know if that's such a good idea. They clearly don't want to be with us.
(They notice that a woman is sitting by their door)
Chandler: (peeping) Everything is so distorted! Looks like Joey has a giant hand! Which says "Rangers" on it. They went to the game!
Chandler: Well, I guess thats why they call it psychology, sir.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is sitting on the chair, and theyre all talking.]
Monica: Hey. Its three in the morning. They dont know that Ive come home yet. You notice how neither one of them are wondering where I am.
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Rachel: (regretful) I'm sorry, too! (they look at each other sadly, then she recollects, and puts her hands over her eyes) OH GOD! I shouldn't have said anything!
(They do the lame cool guy handshake. They look at each other, and then they hug.)
Phoebe: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop." And they are.
(they all tear off the wrapping paper)
[They all start fighting with each other.]
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
Joey: Y-y-yeah! (As they start to leave, Rachel pauses and steals a vase with flowers in it.) Yeah you do. (They exit.)
Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me.
Phoebe: Yes, yes I do. God, oh its just perfect! Wow! I bet it has a great story behind it too. Did they tell you anything? Like yknow where it was from or
Pete: Lights. (The lights turn on, once again theyre too bright.) Uh, romantic lights. (The lights dim.)
BARRY: Yeah, what are they gonna say you didn't love me anymore. Come on.
GUNTHER: Oh, that's too bad. How'd they do it?
(They start to kiss, and Ross rushes into the office to break it up.)
Joey: Hey! Im an (does the quote-marks thing as well) actor too! Im not sure. I think theyre taking the ferry out to some Italian place on Staten Island.
Monica: Well I dont have them either. Where are they?
(They enter Joey and Rachels to find that Joey has broken Chandlers chair.)
Joey: Okay, uh sit down. (they do) Um theres this woman that I like. A lot. But, uh it cant happen.
Joey: I dont know. Just uh, just tell em it was a mix-up with the invitations, orNo-no-no! Blame it on the post office. They hate the post office. And the Irish! But I dont think you can blame it on them so (He dials the phone and hands it to Monica.)
Ross: Now, how will they know if youre ready?
Ross: (entering) Hey, guys! (They both notice his new little friend)
Phoebe: (to Monica) Look, look, I have elbows! (They scream.)
PHOEBE: OH!! Oh I thought they were just watching me. You know, like at, like at an aquarium, ya know.
Susan: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?
(They both break into a huge laugh and do that stop motion thing they had at the end of ChiPs.)
Chandler: Well, youre welcome. And tell them were really glad theyre coming.
Ross: Thank you. (they shake hands) All right, here I go. Hey, remember how scary it used to be going up to girls in college?
Charlie: Shall we? (they sit down and Benjamin takes Ross' chair).
Phoebe: Well, if you're having a hard time, you should talk to my friends, Bill and Colleen. They adopted a kid. I'm sure they'd help you.
Alice: None the less. Umm, youre too young to, to really know what you want. (They embrace in a passionate kiss.)
Rachel: Well, they always called.
Monica: Because theyll know weve been listening.
Phoebe: Wow! Oh you can just imagine that this is where (Shes opening and closing the drawers) they kept all the stuff to make their potions.
Chandler: Yeah. (they start to leave)
Phoebe: Oh my God, they took my idea!
Chandler: Yes, I-I know that you do, but I think one of the reasons people were complaining though, was that they paid to hear the actor sing Old Man River.
(They both go back into their old rooms and shut the doors. Of course, Chandler has to close both sections of his door.)
The Rabbi: I dont know. Are they Greek Orthodox?
Rachel: Chick and the duck? Didn't they die...
Rachel: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay?
Chandler: Yes, but in Rosss case, they both know in two weeks thats it.
Phoebe: Left! (Rachel hands her the napkin in her left hand and they both unfold and read them.) Thank you.
(They clink beer bottles, and drink.� Then, they stare uncomfortably at their bottles.)
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are lamenting about how they kicked Ross out.]
Kiki: And while we're on the subject of news.. (She holds up here finger to show off her engagement ring and they all scream again.)
All: Oh! (They stop hugging her to let her out and resume the hug without her.)
Carol: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny