words in movies
Ross: Well remember that paper I had published last year on sediment flow rate, huh? They loved it.
Ross: I know! Anyway, they asked me to be a guest lecturer! I mean its temporary, but uh, if they like me it could lead to a full time job. How great would that look great on a mailbox, huh? "Professor Geller."
(They pause to think about it.)
Chandler: Okay, its not a check. Theyre saying your health insurance expired because, you didnt work enough last year.
Rachel: Oh yeah, theyre really great! Arent they?
Estelle: Well! Well! Well! Joey Tribbiani! So you came back huh? They think they can do better but they all come crawling back to Estelle!
Rachel: Yeah, we could. Oh hey look! Theres some Kappa Kappa Deltas! I was a Kappa. (to them) Hey sisters! (They ignore her.) (To Monica) Wow, we really are bitches.
(They enter the lecture hall to find Ross speaking in an English accent for some unknown reason.)
Ross: Look, I was nervous! You guys had me all worried I was going to be boring! I got up there and they were all like staring at me. I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out.
(They turn back to Rachel and Professor Rathman.)
Rachel: No! They are mine!
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, come on Ross, no one will even notice. I mean theyre probably not even listening!
Ross: Theyre not listening too me?
Rachel: Of course theyre listening to you! Everybody listens to you.
Ross: (British) Come again? Whats-whats this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, Im-Im not English. Im from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. Im sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because Im-Im hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression
(Decided that they are less than human as well, Chandler picks up a golf club and Monica a frying pan, to join in on the fun of beating their good friend to within an inch of his life!)
Monica: You are just the sweetest. (They kiss.)
Chandler: Okay. (They hug.)
Joey: Yeah! (They head downstairs.)
[Cut to Earls office, who is played by Jason Alexander, George from Seinfeld. They cut back and forth between Phoebes and Earls offices with each of their lines.]
Rachel: I tried! They won't take her back.
Rachel: My God! (They both run into the bedrooms.)
(As they start back down the couch drops a little bit and gets jammed. They try to free it to no avail.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica answers the door and lets her parents in. They are carrying boxes.]
Rachel: Oh thanks, but listen, I was just at Monicas and she and Chandler had a big fight and theyre not moving in.
Mr. and Mrs. Geller: Yes. (They look at Chandler angrily.)
Ross: What? No! Of course, of course I do! Are-are they gone?
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's hotel room, Rachel is still trying to get the ink off and Ross is on the phone to the company. Wait a minute, why exactly are they sharing a hotel room? Didn't they like break-up or something? Did I miss a memo? Or maybe, it's just foreshadowing things to come. Who knows? Maybe the answer's at the bottom of the page. Then again, maybe it isn't and it's just one of those things TV writers just don't explain. Anyhoo ]
(They start making out again.)
(They leave on the tour and Rachel goes to follow them but Phoebe stops her and drags her into the kitchen.)
(They kiss.)
Ross: Come on. (She gets on the bike.) All right, here we go. All right? (They start.)
(She opens the door and they kiss.)
Rachel: Well that sounds fun too. (They hug.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissions nurse is again on duty. Rachel and Monica enter, looking worried. As they approach the desk, Rachel adopts a winning smile, while Monica struggles to smile at all.]
Phoebe: Oh, thank you so much! (They hug.) Okay.
Phoebe: Look Eric, turn around. (He does so.) Look, I like you, but it shouldnt be this hard. Yknow? This is our first date yknow? First dates are supposed to be about excitement and electricity and Ooh, he just touched my hand, did he mean to touch my hand? and yknow first kisses and (He kisses her) second kisses. (Motions for him to kiss her again which he does and they start to make out.)
Monica: Oh no! My parents have never seen me drunk! (Pause) That they know of.
(They start trying to trade babies while holding one each. They have no idea how to do it, so they just shift the babies around in their arms. They give up pretty quickly.)
Ross: Come on! (They go to the jetway, Ross hands the tickets to the gate agent.) Here.
Guys: Hockey! (They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne. The guys pause to stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The guys.)
Interviewer: You sure they haven't gone bad? You're sure they're not very, very bad?
Chandler: Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex.
(They both get up and Monica expects Joey to take the lead, but he doesnt, and they fumble around for a little bit.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are both getting undressed.]
Pete: Oh, believe me, I dont want to get hurt either. Im being smart about this. See these guys? Theyre the best trainers in the world, and Hoshi here used to be a paid assassin. (Hoshi yells at him in Chinese) A house painter! He used to be a house painter.
Leslie: Yeah, but, I dont do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and then I couldnt come up with anything good, so they fired me.
Ross: No! I made it seem like I was just calling to chat. Pretty sure, they both think Im interested in them.
All: (they all recoil from the smell emanating from him) Oh! God! Wow!
(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
(When they finish, they walk over to the director)
(They start to walk into the living room and notice someones head sticking up from behind a chair. The camera cuts to the other side and we see its Ross.)
Chandler: Yeah, but its not who I am. Everything they said was exaclty why I was worried about having a kid. And its true. And look everybody knows it.
Monica: Hi honey. We just got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing; they dont like us do they? (They gave them a pok-a-dotted punch bowl.)
(They shake hands and their lines overlap.)
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
Chandler: This is okay. Were all adults here; theres nothing to be ashamed of. Now, lets put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door. (They do so and find Mr. Geller leaning against a wall stunned.)
RACHEL: Come on, they were not that huge.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are in bed together.]
All: Oh! Oh! (they all recoil in horror)
Monica and Chandler: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
Ross: Aw, we-we are so (Motions that theyre connected.) So umm, well I-I-I like you and I-I love umm, yknow hanging out with you. And I mean-Im having a lot of fun. (He pauses and thinks there might be more, but decides there isnt.)
(They start making out again.)
Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes (Ross starts kissing her neck) Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything. (they fall onto the couch)
Rachel: Noooooo!! (Phoebe lifts up the sheet to discover the exact same apothecary table they have.)
Monica: Okay. Lets hurryOh wait! Do we have a condom? (He looks at her.) Oh right! (Laughs and they resume making out when a nurse catches them in the act.)
Mrs. Green: and all those dinosaur nick-knacks you have Ross, I thought they might be more at home in the garage.
MONICA: They want me to do it, which is really cool, seeing as I've never catered before, and I really need the money, and this isn't a problem for you, is it?
Monica: No! (They both laugh.) Oyster?
(they all look confused and sorry for her)
(They hug.)
Chandler: Okay. (They hug.)
Phoebe: And yknow, even if they break up again, youd better not let him in your sad mens club!
Paul: It was horrible. They called me chicken boy.
RACHEL: OK. [they go to kiss but everyone's watching so Ross just kisses her on the top of her head and leaves]
Mr. Geller: I love you sweetheart. (He kisses her and they sit down.)
Rachel: Well, not at first, but it was very intricate work and they said even though they lost their sight, it was all worth it.
(They keep flicking each other. This turns into slapping each other.)
Joey: Yeah! Ask them if they brought their friends any souvenirs!
(They set the couch down.)
Rachel: Oh, honey, please, no, I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean, he's gonna screwed up for a looong time. And besides y'know, I don't, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced.
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Joey: (seeing what theyre doing) What do you got there?
Frank: Okay. (They both squeal in expectation.)
Monica: Okay you were right! All right, I never should have bought them! Theyre killing me! One toe at a time!
Joey: Im Joey. (They shake hands.)
Sarah: They are delicious (takes a few from the plate, puts one in her mouth and places the rest on her plate, then starts to reach over to Joey's platter again)
Ross: They published my paper.
(They all drink.)
Rachel: (seeing the ring and gasping) Oh my God, they let you keep that stuff?!
Rachel: Honey, its not just a matter of where you put it. I mean a baby changes everything. They cry all the time. I mean imagine bringing home some girl and trying to score when theres a screaming baby around.
Interviewer: Are they, uh, firm?
[Cut back to the present, they are still in each others embrace.]
Monica: Cause they took our apartment, I wanted to punish them. But Im-Im done now. Theyve suffered enough.
Joshua: Oh, theyre working on this week, its a total mess. But uh, Im staying at my parents house, we could go there.
Phoebe: Ewww! And "Oh no!" Itsthey just want me to be the surrogate. Its her-its her egg and her sperm, and Im-Im just the oven, its totally their bun.
Joey: I know! They suck!!
Monica: And the musicians, look, they can go over here (Points to a little alcove), okay? And the chairs can face this way (Points), and (Points to Ross) You go.
PHOEBE: Uh-huh, let's go. (they move in to kiss) Oh, wait I have gum. Okay. (they kiss rather passionately) Good, very good, firm but tender. I'd recommend you to a friend.
(They hug again.)
(They all hug again.)
RACH: No, actually first they started on my waist. And then, they slid up, and then, they were in my hair.
Monica: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
Rachel: Oh theyre pushing! Theyre pushing!!
(They pick up the couch and after throwing off the last pillow; Rachel helps out on Chandler's end.)
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
CHANDLER: Oh really, I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800's.
Ross: Oh, thanks. Oh, you're the best. (They hug.)
(They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges)
(They go into the hall.)
Ross: (from his apartment) Man! They cannot get enough! (Makes like he's a robot and waves at the cutouts.)
(They all pretend to fall asleep.)
Paul: I would really like that. (They kiss.)
CHANDLER: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y=know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!