words in movies
Joey: All right, look Im sorry you guys, but its just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And theyre really expensive, yknow? Im down to like three! Well, actually two cause one of em I kinda blackened in some teethWhy did I do that?! (Hits himself in the head.)
Joey: No-no! I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Lets see uh, well I dont want to donate sperm again. (To Ross) I really prefer doing that at the home office yknow? (Ross nods his head.) Ooh-ooh, maybe they want like some of my blood or-or spit or something, huh?
Phoebe: Now, its you little bunny friend. (She sticks it in Rachels face and they both laugh.)
Monica: Okay. (They kiss.) Okay, I cant wait! This is going to be the best Valentines Day ever! (Chandler giggles and exits.) I cant believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents!
Receptionist: We already got the results back on that on, and theyre not good. (Joey beats a hasty retreat.)
[Scene: The Hallway between the Apartments, Ross is hiding behind that bump out on Monicas side waiting for Phoebe and Rachel. As they come up the stairs, he jumps out and yells ]
(They both scream and jump away.)
Ross: Yeah-yeah, except Apollo 8 didnt actually land on the moon. But you-you-you could write that umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely. (Apollo 8 was the first one that orbited the moon and the one that read the Christmas Story from the orbit of the moon on Christmas Eve, 1968. They also took the famous Earthrise picture of the Earth rising over the moon.)
Monica: Okay! (She takes her present for him and they move over to sit on the couch.)
Monica: No! No, she doesnt. Uh Phoebe, what she makesthats uhtheyre sock rabbits. They are completely differentOkay! Okay! Okay! I didnt make it! Im sorry! I totally forgot about tonight and the fact that were supposed to make the presents!
Chandler: (thinking it over) Well, I did put a lot of thought in the tape. (They both run into the bedroom.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, they are relaxing in sexual bliss.]
(They both get out of bed and go get some cake.)
(As they approach the kitchen, the door opens and in walks in a Joey look-a-like.)
Chandler: Yknow sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, arent they?
(They start to walk into the living room and notice someones head sticking up from behind a chair. The camera cuts to the other side and we see its Ross.)
The Doctor: (seeing theyre not identical) But uh, this is a study for identical twins.
Monica: You are just the sweetest. (They kiss.)
Ross: No, I mean its okay, I mean, theyre-theyre my friends. In fact, I-I-I was married to one of them.
Chandler: Okay. (They hug.)
Phoebe: (stopping her) No Rachel! They got here first!
Rachel: I Well, I dont think they need any help.
(They run to the bedroom and close the door carefully just as Joey enters.)
(They both go to Chandlers bedroom to get his coat.)
Chandler: Aww, man! (They go into Monica's room.)
Joey: (entering) Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm drawing her to me like - like a moth to a flame! (Tries to put his feet on the coffee table...they won't reach and looks around.) What the hell's going on over here?!?!? (Points to Chandler) Monica's gonna kill you! Look I need your help, I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time.
Katie: Well, the delivery went out to you and I realized they forgot this. (A blanket.)
(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines.)
Elizabeth: Uh no, theyre still here but I think Im about to leave.
Chandler: To the left, to the left- aww! (They all collapse)
(They click their glasses and take a sip. That sip turns into a gulp, which quickly progresses into their mutual draining of their glasses at once.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, they are admiring the entertainment center]
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
Rachel: Oh, its so sad they never had a chance to meet.
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Ross: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.)
Rachel: Yeah thats great Paul, but yknow I wanna know what(Puts her hands on his shoulders)Wow, those are really great! I just wanna know what, what is behind this-this strong, silent exterior. Yknow they say that still waters run deep and I wanna swim in yours.
Phoebe: Id better go. (She goes and sits down in the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000, the chair that Sit magazine called chair of the year, and they both look at her.) Just over here: I dont want to miss the fight.
Monica: What did they do to you?
[Scene: Ross and his date walk into a lobby. They are both wearing their jackets]
(They move into a space, and Ross points to his eyes and then to hers)
Ross: Oh, well you see how it works is, the part with Dick Clark in Times Square is actually live, but they tape some of the party stuff ahead of time. Yeah, not a lot of people know that.
(They thread the needle and start poking him, he then stirs.)
Joey: Come on Treeger, dont say that. You just ahh, you just need more practice. Here, come on, lets ahh, lets try it again. Come on. (they start dancing again) Plus, it was, it was probably mostly my fault, anyway. I mean, yknow, Im not really that comfortable dancing with a(Treeger throws him) We-he!! Hey!
[Scene: The apartment in the listing, the guys are checking it out. There's one problem though, it's roughly the size of this computer screen. As they enter Joey lets out a whistle.]
(Monica nods `Yes.' And they both walk to the couch looking all depressed.)
Monica: They love my candy? Oh man!!! Ive gotta go make more!! (Starts to do so.)
(They start kissing again and, when Joey grazes her thigh, she slaps him on his hand again)
Chandler: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they dont just happen. Yknow? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning yknow I was just lying there and I couldnt wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always yknow with a friend.
All: Okayyy! (They do so.)
Chandler: He's not right for the part. So if I suggest him, my bosses are gonna think I'm an idiot! And that's something they should learn on their own!
Joey: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?
Ross: You know sometimes your words... they hurt.
ROSS: I don't know, I don't think mom and dad would mind. Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, how dad used to say, 'God I hope they get together.'
Rachel: Theyre having their baby! Its not fair Ross we got here first! Right after you left they wheeled her off into delivery. Oh but not before she gave me a juicy shot of little Jamie just crowning away.
Monica: Chandler! (Joey and his grandmother shush them and wave them away, which they do.) Okay, let me get this straight, it's okay for you to flirt, but not for me.
Ross: They dont look any bigger than me!
(They all laugh indifferently, except Chandler, whos a little angry.)
Phoebe: (interrupting) Dive. Yeah, they dove head-first into fun on the farm.
Phoebe: Obviously I didn't think they were gonna start throwing things. I just thought if I kept insulting everyone, you would jump in and defend everyone and then you could look like the hero.
Chandler: Where are they? Where are they?
Phoebe: No, no, it's not that. (they go sit on the couch) Uhm... Remember when you asked me if I was seeing someone and I said no? Well, uhm... I am. His ... his name is Mike.
Chandler: Yeah, she couldn't live without the Chan Love. (They start kissing.)
(They all get their wallets out and give generous tips.)
(They all go into the kitchen. Just then, Rachel comes back from the bathroom; she had removed her dress and is wearing nothing but a lace nightie. She tries to find someplace seductive to wait for Joshua. She tries to sit on the piano, but it makes too much noise. So she goes over to the couch and kinda half lays down to wait for Joshua. Joshua comes in from the kitchen, sees Rachel, and freezes.)
Ross: They don't like it when you keep asking them if they like you.
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
(They all groan and hit him..)
Pete: Yeah, stupidly charming isnt it? Well listen lets, you wanna get something to eat? Cause this place is kinda depressing. (they start to leave)
(They both turn and give him a dirty look.)
Monica: So I hide in the shower and the next thing you know theyre going at it right on the bathroom floor.
Joey: Hey! Its my fashion girls! (They dont react.) Whats wrong?
Mrs. Geller: Not that old crow, my mother. (They stop and she kisses Monica on the cheek.) Congratulations darling.
Kid: No! No! (They start to fight over it.)
Joey: Yeah? That's so nice! (They hug.)
Phoebe: (to Joey) What, what are they talking about?
Chandler: Nah, Monicas watching some cooking show. Come on, I dont want to miss when they were skinny.
Phoebe: They are awfully boxy...
Joey: Good night! (they give each other a kiss again, but this time it lasts longer)
(They hug.)
Hillary: Yes. Theyre insanely white.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.]
Ross: I mean, you just went out with my best friend, and I just think it'd be a really really bad idea. (pause) Or-or not! (they kiss passionately)
Dr. Green: So! (they both try to sit next to Rachel but Dr. Green is successful.) (to Ross) Hows the library?
Joey: Oh hey whoa-whoa, dont worry. Okay. When my sisters were pregnant they got every weird feeling in the book, it was always nothing.
Rachel: Hey, do you believe this? Do you believe they are actually getting married?
(They hug.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Phoebe are there again, only now theyre not talking to each other. Phoebe is loudly stirring her coffee.]
Chandler: Okay. (They kiss again.)
Chandler: Damn those robots, theyre supposed to be our faithful servants!
(They all leave.)
(They all cross they're arms like the Power Rangers do)
(They all gasp and clutch each other.)
Phoebe: Hmm, they just dont make em like that anymore!
Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay.
Joey: No! No, I-I just wanna thank you guys for what you did for my parents, that was really sweet. Theyre so happy they get to be a part of your special day.
Monica: Okay, this is the den. All right, check this out. Lights! (the lights turn on automatically, but are very bright) Whoa! All right. Less lights! Bad lights! Lights go away! (they dim) Oh, see you just need to find the right command.
(They do so, and Phoebe gets in the middle, closes her eyes, and starts spinning in a circle.)
Ross: (They kiss and the phone rings and machine picks it up, its Ross putting on an accent pretending to be Vicrum) This is Vicrum.
JULIE: So is there like a story or do they just stard doing it right. . . oh, never mind.
Ross: Theyre not a couple!
Phoebe: Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I mean, that was just mean.
Chandler: I don't get it neither, I mean you're obviously desperate, you're asking women how they want to be killed
Chandler: Oh, well, ah... maybe thats because theyre ah... jealous, of us.
Monica: Well, theyre just gonna have to wait arent they? Ive only got two hands!!
Barry: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.
(They kiss, finally)
Dr. Roger: They have parasites?
Chandler: I love you too. (Monica and Chandler kiss. He turns to Joey.) And... I like you as a friend. (They hug and pat each other on the back.)
Rita: Oh! (they shake hands)
Monica: Well umm, they both have a egg yolk and butter base, but a bearnaise has shallots, shirvel, and most importantly tarragon.
Phoebe: They have the best stuff in there.
Ross: No. (they clink glasses and drink)
Ross: Do they wait for me to do this?
Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I'd want yours.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: And! And, theyre gonna have a baby! (The gang is shocked.) And! And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. (The gang is stunned into silence.)
Rachel: I’m telling you guys, we followed them out to a house in Westchester, the went in for like forty-five minutes and then they came out looking pretty happy!
Chandler: Okay, its not a check. Theyre saying your health insurance expired because, you didnt work enough last year.
Rachel: Oh God, it says he was hit by an ice cream truck and dragged for nine-(turns over the note)-teen blocks. Oh. (They all come out from Monica's bedroom) Oh my God.
Joey: (returned) No, no, it�s okay, I already told the waiter what they want.