words in movies
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Joey: I know! My grandmothers gonna see this!
Monica: Yeah. But a part of me also cant wait til its over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Phoebe: Well when can we have this shower?
Rachel: Oh my God Phoebe, this is impossible! We cant do this by Friday! We have to find a place. We have to invite people! We have to get food! Theres just too much to do! Its impossible! We cant do it! We cannot do it! We cannot do it!
Rachel: Okay. Okay. (They sit down.) I think we can do this if we just get organized. All right? We have two days to plan this party. We just need to make fast decisions! Okay? All right, where are we gonna have it?
Rachel: Were paying for this yknow.
Chandler: Umm, so this Aunt Marilyn is-is-is-is she coming to the wedding?
Joey: Oh great! Yknow I wouldve been perfect for this part, but whatever! Yknow, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
The Casting Director: An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be
Monica: So to get this part you cant be?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Monica: Joey! This is not like learning to ride a horse! This is like learning to grow a turtleneck!
Monica: Well, this may sound crazy, but there maybe something we could fashion.
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
Rachel: (to her) Hi! Im Rachel. This is Phoebe. Im the maid of honor. How do you know Monica?
Joey: Wow! This looks great!
Monica: Yeah! Okay, this one is a mushroom cap. (Points to it.) Umm, this one is made of bologna. (Points.)
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
Phoebe: Are you sure? Because I'm really dreading going to this party.
Ross: (thinking) Oh. (Pause) Oh! Oh my God! Okay, I know this, give me-give me a second!
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Ross: Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! Its right next to it!
Jill: Chandler, we've been here for an hour doing this! Now watch, it's easy.
Ross: Monica's crying. She's very upset about this whole Clunkers thing.
Ross: Yeah! Oh, I-I love this babies!
Joey: Well, Im pretty tired from lugging the trees around all day. Hey, Phoebe listen, you got this all wrong. Those trees were born to be Christmas trees, their fulfilling their life purpose, by, by making people happy.
Joey: Ross, how could you let this happen?
Monica: All right, so I havent cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music.
Rachel: Bye. (Ross exits.) Ahhh (Silence) So this is fun, huh?
CHAN: So you really OK about all this?
Phoebe: I don't care. We're not paying you 300 dollars for this.
Joey: Okay, this is gonna be tough. Hold your breath.
MONICA: Rachel you have to read this book. It's called Be Your Own Windkeeper. It's about how women need to become more empowered.
Kathy: Yeah. No, this is great. Thank you, Chandler. (They hug).
Joey: (sighs) Wow... I did not see this coming.
Phoebe: Aw, honey its not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I dont see that happening.
Ross: Let me see this... (he takes the trophy from Rachel's hands) Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division.
RACHEL: Monica, Monica, look at this lamp. Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
Monica: Okay, but if we don't get this house, she's stil gonna show up wherever we go! I mean, at least if she's here, it eliminates the element of suprise. I mean, never again will you have to hear the three words that make your balls jump back up inside your body. (She shows this with her index finger, mimicking it pushing something up)
Mr. Geller: Its older than that. Ross was actually conceived right near this tuxedo.
The Director: (returning) Okay, Im afraid to say this, but lets pick it up where we left off.
Phoebe: Rachel, what the hell is this?!
Rachel: Okay honey, you can finish this later were gonna be late. We gotta go.
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.]
Monica: Joey, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, it'snot really true, is it?
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Chandler: Oh, its not just that, I would be Englands most powerful weapon. Jet setting heartbreaker on her majestys secret service. A man who fears no one; with a license to kill. (Worried.) Would Monica let me wear this?
Rachel: So, pretty much around the same time that you started telling this story.
Joey: Yeah! Oh my God! (to Chandler) Is this what its like to be you?
RACH: What is this? Ross, what is this?
Phoebe: You knew this and you never said anything?! With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us?!
MNCA: This was your idea?
Chandler: And people say you dont pay attention. No, this is a much better job. Its vice-president of a company that does data reconfiguration and statistical factoring for other companies.
Joey: Look Phoebe I'm so sorry! Hey, look, if you don't like this guy I can find you a better one. (Looks around) Mike!! Mike!!
Ross: Monica, uh Dad called this morning and ah, Aunt Silvia passed away.
(Ross is practically drooling over Rachel at this point.)
Ross: I don't get it. What do you see in this guy, anyway?
Rachel: This is the worst date ever. How could you set me up with this creep?
Rachel: Oh, it's just... Oh, Barry, this was not good.
MONICA: Nooo! Never! I mean, we're living in the moment. God, it is so nice for once to not have to get all hung up on 'Where is this going?'
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
Joey: Ah-ah-ah! Were doing this! Okay, now you got me my first set of head shots. Right, how much were those?
Ross: Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. Youllyoure gonna pick it up. (Rachel doesnt believe that.) Hey! You will! Uh look, yknow when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddys credit card. Do you remember?
CHANDLER: Oh, so that's what this is for.
PHOEBE: Wow, this is it, I'm gonna meet my dad. This is like the biggest thing ever, huh.
Joey: I set her up with this actor on my show.
MR. TREEGER: [to Rachel who is standing under mistletoe] So, uh, is this, uh, mistletoe?
Chandler: I am your friend, and I am not gonna let you do this!! (Ross is now dragging Chandler and the foosball table to the door) You are surprisingly strong!
Monica: (taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... (Smiles at Rachel to reassure her) Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down.(Listens) Thank you. (Hangs up)
CHANDLER: Yes, apparently Stevie and the band are like this.
Monica: This is so bizarre. I guess it kinda makes sense though, yknow she had such a terrible childhood.
Parker: I must say this apartment, its, its, There are no words
Chandler: Monica! This is the Men's room! (Pause) Isn't it?
Rachel: Ok! Can't believe I'm risking this again, but you're on! All right Joe, you remember the rules! Heads I win, tails you lose.
Chandler: (He looks over at Rachel, who nods her head) Yes, this, this was pleasant.
Monica: Phoebe, your face is fine! Come on, none of this stuff is going to happen to you! Stop being such a baby!
Chandler: She's really going to love this, you know? The bottom line is I want her to have it, even if I don't get to be the one who gives it to her.
Lydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. (pause) What do you mean, Joey who? (covers the phone, to Joey) Joey who?
Ross: How can I not get this? I'm a college professor; I got 1450 on my S.A.T.s.
Barry: (into intercom) Thanks, Bernice. (To Rachel) Let's go away this weekend.
RACH: Well, yeah, this is the deal.
Amy: Uh.. To name a few. You know.. You know.. You've just always been like this. You just have to have everything. And I couldn't have anything. Like in junior high, when you stole Timmy from me. I mean, do you even realize how much that hurt me?
CHAN: Ok, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, ok? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column.
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable!
Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?
MONICA: Ross, I thought you were over this.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, I met this woman. (Starts for his room.)
ROSS: Naa. A while ago I got a sah out of him, which I thought, ya know, might turn into sah-condary caregiver but... Hey, would you uh, would you hold him for a sec, 'cause I, I gotta take this off.
Ross: Y'know what? It sounds so weird to say this but, I just had a great day with Janice!
Phoebe: Forget her! You enjoy this!! (Pulls him back up and starts applauding again. Joey waves and does a salute.]
MONICA: Listen, um honey, I appreciate this but you don't have to keep hanging out with them for me, I mean, they have each other.
Ross: All right. (Reading.) A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. (Stops reading a flips the page to find the next one is blank.) That's it? (Joey shrugs.) Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! (Flipping through the rest of the pad.) And what is, and what is all this?! (Reading.) The official rulebook of Fireball.
Phoebe: Well I guess its okay to open one more if its part of a set. Yknow, its probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)
Joey: (To Monica) Who the hell is this guy?
RACH: Oh, oh, this is good, this is really good.
MRS GREEN: Look at this.
CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?
Monica: Oh my god, Joey, for all we know this guy could be horribly...
Phoebe: Okay, this will keep them away from your stuff. (Writes him a note and the gang reads it.)
PHOEBE: Oh alright, stop, STOP THE MADNESS. This is crazy. Who can even remember why this even started in the first place?
Ross: Look this is starting to look really bad for me. Okay? Mona, Monas standing right over there. (Looks behind him.) Oh God, shes talking to Joey! You gotta let me win!
Chandler: (on the phone) Hello, this is Chandler Bing. Somebody just dropped off a handwritten recommendation letter, and.. (listens) Uh-huh... Uh-huh... okay... thank you. Good-bye. (hangs up looking very confused).
(Upon hearing this, Monica starts to break down and storms out. Only to be stopped by her parents.)
Amy walks over to the couch and sits down next to Rachel: Ucch. <pauses> Uchh <louder this time> In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not talking to you.
Ross: You dont understand! Elizabeth was about to ask me to go on a trip with her! Is that taking it slow?! No, Im not ready for this! Okay? What-what do I tell her?
Chandler: Oh, come on! Its not like this is an everyday occurrence for me! I mean usually Im pretty much just in there by myself.
CHAN: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?
ROSS: I can't believe this.
Chandler: Its okay, I want this to be your night too. (Raises his class.) To Monica.
Chandler: Yeah o-okay, but Im just doing this for you.
Chandler: You are, youre gonna leave me like this?
Joey: Uhh, Ms. Phalange, may I ask you a question as an impartial person at-at this table?
Rachel: I dont know, you thought See you Saturday was funny. Look honey, Mark is in fashion okay, I like having a friend that I can share this stuff with. You guys would never want to go to a lecture with me.
Joey: Yknow Terry, I-I dont really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, (Pause) with a robot.
Joey: No, I know, yeah I know we're great but Rach no... this... this can't happen!
ERICA: Is this true?