words in movies
[Scene: Rosss Wedding, continued from last season, the Minister is about to marry Ross and Emily.]
Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. (Time lapse) Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...
Rachel: (To the woman sitting in front of her) He-he said Rachel, right? Do you think I should go up there?
Minister: Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife.
(He goes to kiss her, but she isnt very receptive of the kiss. She keeps avoiding him, until Ross finally gets to kiss her on her cheek.)
Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when he married the lesbian.
(The band starts to play, and the recessional starts. Ross tries to take Emilys hand, but she snatches it away from him.)
(Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.)
Emily: (Yelling from inside the bathroom) Youve spoiled everything! Its like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this to me?!
Joey: (To the gang) Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily, we still get cake right?
Ross: (exiting the bathroom) That-that-thats all right, no honey, you take your time sweetie. Ill be right out here. (She slams the door in his face, to the gang) Shes just fixing her makeup.
Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?
Ross: Thats true, thanks dad. (To All) People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! (He starts to dance but stops when no one else joins him.)
Phoebe: Yeah, Ive discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh womens names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own.
(Cut to Chandler and Monica at the buffet table.)
Chandler: Oh wow, I hope you dont take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, Im just kinda worried about what it might do to our friendship.
(He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by Rachel.)
Monica: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! (Tries to leave, but is stopped by Rachel.)
Rachel: Whoa, wait, listen, I think Im just gonna talk to Ross about what he think it meant.
(Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller.)
Mr. Geller: Oh yeah, well who serves steak when theres no place to sit, I mean how are you supposed to eat this?
(Cut to Monica and Chandler, Monica is running up to him.)
Monica: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar?
(Joey walks up to them.)
(Cut to Rachel and Ross.)
Rachel: (laughs) Yknow when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.
(They all start laughing, and quickly stop when they realize what she just said and run over to the bathroom.)
Ross: (Bangs on the bathroom door) Emily? Emily? Im coming in. (He opens the door to reveal that the window is gone, along with Emily.)
[Scene: London Marriott, Monica and Chandler are walking to her room.]
(She laughs and opens the door to reveal Rachel sitting on the bed.)
Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! (They both just stare at her.) Okay, dont believe me, I know Im rightdo you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?
Chandler: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first.
Monica: Yes, I want to change. And why-why dont you go down and get us a table?
Rachel: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! (To them) Its Phoebe!
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, yknow what, lets look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then
Chandler: (To Monica) Hey, listen, why dont we go change in my room?
(Cut to Chandlers room, he opens the door slowly to see if Joey is there and after seeing that he isnt, ushers Monica into the room, closes the door, and the security bar.)
(They both start to frantically rip each others clothes off, but are interrupted when Joey tries to open the door.)
Chandler: Well, I suppose Id have to say you!! But, what if were watching a movie in here?
[Scene: Ross and Emilys room, Chandler and Monica are still looking for a place to do the deed.]
(They both run to rip the covers off the bed, but are interrupted by Ross.)
Ross: No! For all I know, shes trying to find me but couldnt because I kept moving around. No, from now on, Im staying in one place. (He sits down on the bed.) Right here.
Ross: Thanks guys! (They both sit down on either side of him.) I really appreciate this, yknow, but you dont have to rub my butt.
Chandler: We have to leave for New York in an hour.
(They both try to slowly extricate themselves from Ross, but theres a knock on the door that awakens him.)
Ross: Em-Emily? (Looking around for her.) Em-Emily? (He runs to the door.) Emily! (He opens the door to reveal the Walthams standing outside.)
Mr. Waltham: Shes in hiding. Shes utterly humiliated. She doesnt want to see you ever again.
Ross: Now, hold on! Hold on! (Stops him) Look, look, your daughter and I are supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon, now-now you-you tell her that Im gonna be at that airport and I hope that shell be there too! Oh yeah, I said Rachels name, but it didnt mean anything, Okay? Shes-shes just a friend and thats all! (Rachel sits down, depressed.) Thats all! Now just tell Emily that I love her and that I cant imagine spending my life with anyone else. Please, promise me that youll tell her that.
Mr. Waltham: All right, Ill tell her. (To his wife) Come on bugger face!
Monica: Yknow, maybe its best that we never got to do it again.
Monica: Im gonna go to the bathroom, maybe Ill see you there in a bit?
(Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is startled to see Joey sitting in Monicas seat.)
Chandler: Okay man. (Chandler starts to get up.)
Phoebe: (To Joey) You ate meat! (Joey is shocked) (To Chandler and Monica) You had sex! (Theyre shocked.)
Joey: Why would you need to say hi to them, youve been feeding them for four days?
(She grabs her bag and leaves, Joey moves a little quicker to his apartment, leaving Monica and Chandler alone.)
Monica: Right. Umm, listen since were-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Rosss mother
Monica: Well, an-anyway, I justthat night meant a lot to me, I guess Im just trying to say thanks.
Chandler: Oh. Yknow, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasnt because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me cause, youre really hot! Is that okay?
(After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.)
[Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.]
Rachel: So umm, what time are you supposed to leave?
Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The last call.
Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens should now be on board.
Ross: Come on! (They go to the jetway, Ross hands the tickets to the gate agent.) Here.
Ross: You tell them to wait!
Ross: Oh no-no-no! Oh-no! (Emily starts to run out and Ross chases her.) No! No! Emily!
[Scene: Flight 1066 to Athens, Rachel is ordering a drink for Ross and herself.]
Rachel: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, (points to Rosss seat.) he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! (Looks out the window.) Hey, look at that, the airports moving. (Realizes that thats not how it works.) Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that were moving? (Sits back in defeat.) Oh my God. Oh, my gosh.
Chandler: (In a parent-like tone) Ill talk to them!
ROSS: Open up. We want to talk to you.
Monica: This is Monica! I'm Phoebe's friend. Listen, Phoebe is back with David and he's going to propose to her, and she is going to say "yes" but I know she really wants to be with you!
Mr. Geller: What? Dr. Wilson's an artist! He removed my mole cluster. Wanna see? (He starts to show her as the doorbell rings.)
Rachel: Now, she thinks that I made out with him and I did it to get her job.
Chandler: I dunno what it is, it just doesnt quite feel like Christmas to me.
David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
Mike: (to Phoebe) You look really beautiful.
Ross: No, no. This will always be your place. It would be too sad. Plus, how much a month does it cost to feed Joey?
Ross: Okay, Pheebs: Right hand blue. (Phoebe has to bend over.)Good. (Joey stares at her butt appreciatively)
Phoebe: A little. (She turns around and looks up.) (To the universe) Now youre talking.
Ross: Ive got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you.
Monica: Okay, so you were trying to play bad this whole time.
Phoebe: Me too! (turning to Monica) Monica, do you think we could do it?
Chandler: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and
Rachel: Ohh, its Joshua invited me to this fancy club opening tonight. But, I already told Mr. Waltham that I would take his niece to this dumb old opera. So What are you gonna do?
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Chandler: I don't know; I'm not used to girls making passes at me! ... (She lets go of his tie) Wait a minute... am I sexy in Oklahoma?
Carol: I guess so. (Carol starts to breast feed Ben.)
JOEY: No, can we get back to me?
Joey: No way are you cool enough to pull of Clint.
Rachel: (to Monica) So, how was your date?
Monica: Well, theres a lot to think about. I mean, how is she, how is she going to handle this financially? How is she going to juggle work? Does she realize shes not going to have a date again for the next eighteen years?
Rachel: Ohh! This is so exciting! Oh God (Gasps and starts to sing) Come and knock on my door
Rachel: Well, in my defense, you were not supposed to tell each other.
Ross: Only when it was damp!! (To Rachel) I cant believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew?! Yknow what? (To Will) Im back in the club!
Monica: All right people listen, Ive got exactly twenty-eight minutes before I have to baste again.
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
Ross: (to Joey) Oh no, she took down Monica... And I'm the crier in the family. Oh God! I could be next. Maybe she won't talk with me if it looks like we're deep in converstation. Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing.
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)
Doug: Of course, you did. Forgot something else too ya bastard! (smacks him on the butt) (to Chandler) Well, what about you? Youre not feeling left out or anything are ya?
RACH: [near tears] No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.
Chandler: (entering) You can call off the roommate search! (To the potential roommate) Hi! Ill be living here. (Heads for the bathroom.)
Chandler: Well, lets just say that Krog will be fully equipped to destroy the universe again in twelve to fourteen hours.
EDDIE: You, you want, you want me to move out?
JOEY: Oh no-no, it's uh, it's not what you think. We uh, we used it to, you know, fling water balloons off the roof. Remember that, those junior high kids couldn't even get theirs accross the street.
Chandler: (resigning himself to his fate) Chandler. (He quickly sits down.)
(They fall to the couch and start to make out, but Ross stops suddenly.)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Rachel are on their knees with forks trying to salvage what they can of the cheesecake off of the floor.]
Gary: (To Phoebe) So you wanna get some dinner?
JOEY: Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with.
[Scene, The Park: Phoebe and Rachel are getting ready to go running]
Chandler: Well I think its safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
Monica: Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I dont even know what it is! Ohh, its still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?
Rachel: They took Ben to the park. Where've you been?
(She opens the door to reveal Ross with a pencil mark from his forehead to his chin.)
Quartet: Your no God's gift to women, that's all in your headdddd. You are just a buttmunch.
Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna go too. I'm gonna go to the airport. I figure if I hang around there long enough, someone's bound to leave one of those planes unattended.
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.]
DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif.
ROSS: I'll take it. My gift to you man.
Monica: Nope, she doesn't have to, I found out who the father is.
Ross: Oh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind the door) Rachel!!!!
Chandler: Yeah y-you, how hard is it to say something? Rachel came over to borrow something.
Joey: No! If anyone's a sex addict here, it's Monica! Yeah. Yeah. She has been trying to get me back in the sack ever since London!
Phoebe: Okay (she takes a huge, clearly obsolete cellphone she keeps in a closet and gives it to Monica)
Phoebe: Are you kidding? Im like the one who talked him into it. I like to think of myself as the puppet master of the group.
ROSS: No. You're just gonna have to accept the fact that you're just friends now, OK, you're not... rommmates anymore.
Monica: Hmm, care to make it interesting? Ill bet you that shell have it by this time tomorrow.
Rachel: Hey! Hey, Pheebs, check it out. Yeah, for my desert, I have chosen to make a traditional English truffle!
Ross: Im just trying to help you, move on.
Chandler: Well, I thought that would be the best thing to do.
[Cut to Living Room]
Rachel: What? Ross and Charlie? (Joey nods) Wow! She's really making her way through the group, huh? Ah, who am I to talk?
MONICA: [sings] They won't take you to the vet.
Chandler: Oh yeah, it's so cool. (He opens his coat and has it pinned to the lining.) Now I gotta go, Officer Bing has gotta, 10-100. (Pause, softly) That's pee-pee. (Heads for the bathroom.)
Phoebe: Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table and are still trying to decide what to do about Janice.]
Amy: Since today... I am going to be a baby stylist.
Pete: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create Moss 865, do you think it just happened overnight? No. There was Moss 1, that burnt down my Dads garage, there was Moss 2 that would only schedule appointments in January, and 862 others that I learned from, just like I learned from this fight, never to let a guy stand on my neck.
Rachel: whhh wait, you're gonna leave my party to take care of a box of rats?
Rachel: Sure, Ill just sit next to the trans-sexual from purchasing.
Monica: I think so. Se, he-he's not inviting you to his party because he likes you.
Rachel: You guys, Im doing the best I can, anyone else is welcome to try.
Phoebe: Excuse me, anniversary. Excuse me, anniversary. (looking at her ticket). Uhm, sir, could you move your nachos... they’re in my seat. It's my anniversary. (to Mike) Here we are! (Mike nods). Can’t believe it's been a whole year!
Ross: Im just thinking about your new bride at home. Okay? Do-do you really want to start your life together by letting her down?
[Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.]
Dr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.
Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey. (She starts to shut the door)
(A woman walks up to Gunther in the background.)
Richard: Youve got panties stuck to your leg.
Rachel: (sarcastic) Wow, this is a tough one. I think I'm gonna have to go with the dog.
Rachel: Excuse me! (and she walks back to Joey, who is still looking very impressed about what Ross said to him. Rachel looks at him and hits him.) You didn't tell him, did you?
Joey: Actually, you know what? I am. That whole thing with Rachel made me realize that maybe I'm ready for a more serious relationship. You know? Like I'd like to meet a nice mature commitment-minded lady. And looks aren't as important as...Nah, she's gotta be hot.
Missy: Well, Chandler and I used to make out! A lot!
Rachel: Joey, you cant keep this to yourself, if you know about this, you have to tell him.
Phoebe: Okay, she would love that! Y'know, 'cause you know all the clean places to eat.
[Cut to the girls apartment, Monica is putting things into her purse as Phoebe and Rachel watch.]
Joey: Listen also were uh, were watching the game here Saturday night, if people want to come over.
Professor Spafford: If you'll excuse me I'm going to use the restroom. (he goes away)
Joey: The fridge broke. I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limesHey, what was in that brown jar?
Chandler: Theres a Phoebe on my sandwich! (He walks away, giving the sandwich to Phoebe.)
Ross: Well let therewhat if a man comes along and puts a gun to your head and says, "You ride this bike or Ill sh Ill shoot you."
Rachel: Rachel Green's office!! Give me that phone! (takes the phone) Hello, this is Rachel Green, how can I help you? Uh huh ... ok then ... I'll pass you back to your son (gives phone to Gavin)
Ross: Listen. Oh hey, hey, the important thing was that she meant, she meant nothing to me!
Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Monica: No. If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All right, let's go Blinky! (She ushers Rachel out the door, but before the door fully closes she sticks her head back in.) Chandler!!!! (Chandler agrees to clean up the mess.)
(They all go over to her apartment.)
Joey: Oh yeah, dude, I totally understand. Usually after I have a baby with a woman I like to slow things down!