words in movies
(Rachel glares at the nurse, who gives Monica a form attached to a clipboard.)
Nurse: Fill this out and bring it back to me.
(Monica helps Rachel over to a vacant seat.)
Monica: (Looking around to check that no-one's listening, then lowering her voice anyway) That's insurance fraud.
Rachel: Well, alright, then, forget it. (Getting up to go) Might as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow!
Monica: (Jumping up to make Rachel sit down) Okay, okay. I hate this.
Monica: (to the nurse) Hi, (tiny laugh) um, I'm gonna need a new set of (tiny laugh) these forms (tiny laugh).
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.]
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father.
Joey: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it real expensive?
(Joey begins to contemplate his ill fortune.)
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
(Joey gestures to show that he wouldn't dare...)
[Scene: The Hospital, Monica and Rachel are waiting for the doctors to arrive. They enter and are played by Noah Wyle and George Clooney.]
Dr. Rosen: (Smiling even more and attempting to take over) And I'm his friend, Dr.Rosen.
Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?
Rachel: I meant er, (struggling to concentrate) young, young, I meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone but Joey is waiting for Phoebe to arrive for her surprise birthday party. Rachel and Monica is telling Chandler about Rachel's incident.]
Monica: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. You know, I say we blow off the dates.
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)
(Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend himself. The box takes off, then lands with a squishy thud, its contents oozing out onto the floor. Ross is not pleased.)
(Phoebe quietly wanders in, to join the tableau.)
(The party falls flat. Chandler tries to think of a witticism, but even he can't help...)
(Betty waggles her fingers to say "Hi", but Phoebe feels her birthday has been ruined by her twin.)
Mr. Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say "get out of my office!"
Mr. Geller: I'm not freaking out, I'm just saying, if somebody had come to me with the idea andndash;
Mr. Geller: 'Cause there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff together. You always wanted to go to that Colonial Williamsburg. How 'bout we do that?
Ross: Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, I just needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a father?
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.
Mr. Geller: So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg?
Ross: No, we can go to Williamsburg.
(Rachel discreetly coughs to warn her.)
Rachel (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay... (They don't know what to do with their coats and Monica points to the living room) STAT!
Dr. Rosen: (Nervously) okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...
Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. (Baring his teeth to clean them with his finger) Go like this. (Dr. Rosen obeys.)
Monica: I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can be such a, a big baby.
Rachel: (Resenting the truth) I am not a baby! You know what? I swear to god, just because you get so uptight every time we...
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... (joining the others) ..see, I was supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar.
(Rachel tries to hide her alarm, but she squirms in her chair.)
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah it is, mostly because I get to boss people around, which I just love to do.
(The doctors don't know what to make of all this.)
Monica: (as Rachel) I used to wet my bed.
Rachel: (as Monica) I use my breasts to get other people's attention.
Monica: (as Rachel) (Revealing her anger to point at her best friend) We both do that!
(Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideously embarrassed, the doctors drain their glasses in the vicious pause which follows. The telephone rings, but the girls just glower at each other, silently daring the other to move first. Finally both guys jump up, and Michael wins.)
Dr. Mitchell: (on the phone) Monica and Rachel's apartment. Err yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second... (handing it to Monica) ..ah, Rachel, it's your dad.
Monica: (as Rachel) Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. (Getting up to move further away from Rachel) li-listen, Dad, I can't talk right now, um, but there's something, um... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you...
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar.)
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! (Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her bosom so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing "You are...") ...dead!
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in Spanish.)
(Meanwhile, Rachel has taken another call, from a nurse she'd hoped never to hear from again.)
(All animosity forgotten, Rachel holds the receiver out as she limps quickly over to her friend, who stands up in concern.)
Monica: (taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... (Smiles at Rachel to reassure her) Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down.(Listens) Thank you. (Hangs up)
Monica: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.
(Rachel goes to her room.)
Joey: I've been trying for two days. When I called the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off.
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her, after so many years. Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.)
(She laughs at the childhood memory. Phoebe smiles at being able to make her point.)
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)
(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiar inside.)
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. (Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken?
(Ursula's eyes dance as she laughs and smiles, simply glad to be back with her sister.)
(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissions nurse is again on duty. Rachel and Monica enter, looking worried. As they approach the desk, Rachel adopts a winning smile, while Monica struggles to smile at all.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglecting the game of Scrabble, for he's busily drawing on his own childhood in an attempt to help Ross. Marcel chitters about.]
Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
Chandler: Okay... (returning to the board) ..whose turn is it?
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel, who is filling out an honest form at last. Ross and Chandler hurtle in. Little Marcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled in Ross's arms. They dash up to the admissions desk. Ross is frantic.]
Ross: You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'!
(Hearing her brother's voice, Monica gets up to stand behind Chandler, followed by Rachel.)
Ross: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is way across town he's choking I don't know what else to do.
(..then turn back to the desk when the surprise hits them, and Ross and Chandler whip around once more. Monica and Rachel recoil slightly.)
(Monica smiles to cover her embarrassment, but Rachel sadly looks away...)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is playing "She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not" with the petals of a flower, alternately looking hopeful and annoyed. Phoebe enters, but not as herself, for she has changed the style of her hair and make-up to match that of her twin sister. She hangs up her coat, revealing her new cardigan. Nervously, she smooths out the identifying garment, approaching Joey who sits next to the main sofa.]
Joey: ..ah, what're you doing here? I've been trying to call you.
Joey: Oh, Urse... (He tries to take her in his arms, but she fends him off.)
(He sinks to the sofa, saddened by Ursula's ultimatum, while Phoebe follows, touched by Joey's good heart.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
(Phoebe smiles, when Joey takes her face in his hands and kisses her. Joey gets up to leave but stops suddenly. Phoebe silently shouts "Oh, whoa!!" to herself, and leans back in the sofa to recover, a hand to her tingling lips. A thoughtful Joey is also feeling his lips, so he hesitates for a moment, then returns for a better view, he thinks again, cocking his head from side to side to regard her profile from various angles, then...)
Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'
Chandler: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to do. That is very dad.
(All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his whole fist, and he squeezes it, so tight, that Ross finally knows what it is to be a father. He looks up at his friends, who smile encouragingly, Rachel tenderly resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder. Ross realises that Chandler was right and he's gonna make a great dad!)
(The others rush to the window for a look.)
Monica: Okay. (She opens it up and shows it to them.)
Monica: Because then I dont have to!
Rachel: But Joey, I dont think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean(Ross turns to her with wishful eyes.)Or he does.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Monica: (To Joey) Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party.
Ross: Damnit! I have this date tomorrow night and I have to look cool!
(The woman gets up and walks over to their table.)
Chandler: Yep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. (Theyre stunned.) Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.
Ross: Okay, theres this guy, Warren, from the museum and hes going on a dig for like two years and hes got this great place he needs to sublet. So uh, you interested?
Joey: Come here! (Hugs Dina and Bobby looks to hug Rachel.)
(She takes it out of her mouth and hands it to him as Monica returns from her room and this time forcing Chandler to put the ring in his mouth.)
Frank: Well, you, wait no, my Mother didnt want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch.
Mona: I dont understand. You-you give me a key to your apartment and then you change the lock.
Joey: Yeah. All right, Ill talk to you later.
Rachel: Honey, stop it! I am not going to tell you until I tell him.
Rachel: What?! What?! He was trying to cheer me up! My pony was sick.
JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r the paper tray.
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe at the mike.]
Chandler: (to Joey) Okay, that hurt us.
Joey: I want to do it again.
Hombre Man: (to a customer) Hombre? (The guy says yes, and gets his sample.)
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
Joey: Ill take those to go. (To the interviewer) For the kids.
Rachel: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
Mr. Treeger: Could you tell Jasmine that I won't make it to yoga class today?
Joey: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a pictureI didn't have my camera!
Joey: That just cost me four bucks. But uh listen, I just called to see how the chick and the duck are doing?
CHANDLER: Achhh.� It's always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.� (pause)� Except with you.
Chandler: Ok, you can not do this to me.
Ross: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. (Someone knocks on the door, Ross goes to open and it's Joey, Rachel and Chandler).
Chandler: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.
Monica: Really? I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're gonna have to figure this one for yourself. All right? Y'know what? If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one. (She walks out.)
Monica: He wanted to tell me hes gonna compete is some ultimate fighting competition thingy.
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
(Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller.)
(Monica leaves and Chandler moves to talk to Phoebe.)
Joey: Wow. (To Ross) Good speech.
Rachel: Oh my God. (starting to cry)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is telling Monica and Rachel what he has to do.]
Rachel: Hi, Im back. Listen, I need to...
Rachel: Phoebe, hi, we�re so sorry. You�re totally right. We are here one hundred per cent and we love you and we are ready to start your birthday celebration.
The Doctor: (entering) (To the receptionist) Can I have the next one please? (Takes the form.) Joey and Tony Tribbiani. (Joey and Carl stand up.)
Joey: Ah, well, if I want the girl to kiss me, first thing I do is make my lips look irresistible.
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.)
Joey: No-no! No, Im accepting it on her behalf. (He puts it up above the TV to display it.)
RACHEL: OK, Ross, listen to me, I am not yours to save.
Elizabeth: Oh! Sorry! Umm, I actually do need to talk to you.
Monica: Okay, you ready to open yours?
Cecilia: (walking up) Youre absolutely right they are writing me out of the show. They dont know exactly when its going to happen, but apparently going to be very soon and thats it.
Rachel: (Faking cheerfulness.) Hello. Umm, when is your next flight to London?
Joey: (checks in the window to make sure it has them) Its got em!
Elizabeth: Oh. Well, so we have to hide our relationship from one more person. Big deal. Besides, its kinda fun hiding.
Chandler: So are you gonna...talk to her?
Kristen: Oh okay. But yknow what? Be careful. Because a guy was helping me before had to leave because he hurt his back.
Doug: Bing my boy, were gonna get you over this. Now heres the plan, grab your coat, were going to a strip club.
Phoebe: (singing) ...fuchsia and mauvvve. Those are the 66 colours of my bedroommmm. (applause) Thank you, thank you. Ohh, and I invite you to count the colours in your bedroom. (Sees that Phoebe Sr. has entered, and to her) Except for you. You go away.
[Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.]
Chandler: You didnt bring me here to do that, did you?
Wayne: I wish I could talk to her.
Monica: (to the couple) Hi! Can you do that and walk? Cause she said, "Next."
Phoebe: We want you to marry her!
Rachel: Fine. (They start to walk away.)
Joey: (to Phoebe) Hey, how you doin?
Dr. Rhodes: Wait a minute, hold it. (He goes to the door and opens it.) Johnson! Will you come in here a moment?
Phoebe: I beg to differ (shows him her cup of coffee and her plate of cookies).
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
(They move to kiss, but realise that Chandler is staring at them. Chandler urges them on.)
Joey: (Shocked) Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. (turns the bolts of the door, thereby locking it)
Rachel: I get to hire my own assistant!
Ross: Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else. (he opens the box)
MONICA: (suddenly starts issuing him out) Ah, it's an honest mistake.� It could happen to anyone.� All right, see ya.
Rachel: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal?
Monica: Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey, Ross is done!
Rachel: Well dontWhat happened to Jessicas body?!
Monica: Its actually going to be just family.
Elizabeth: Stop it! (She starts to get all worked up.)
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
The Director: But youre supposed to work on Monday.
Rachel: Don't let him in! I'm supposed to be at a regatta gala.
Joey: Look, I got to apologize on the behalf of Carl.
Rachel: Okay, it's missing something. Ooh, I know! Umm, okay. (Goes and grabs a bag, that looks like a purse, and shows it to Joey.)
Pete: Oh, it's good news. No, it's definitely good news. Hold on a second, I have another call. (clicks his remote) (to his other call) Hey, how's it going?
Phoebe: Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder.
Steve: Oh hey, Ross. Umm, see, I was thinking maybe you two could switch apartments because Phoebe's more our kind of people. Something to think about. (Walks away.)
Chandler: (To Monica) Did she see us yet? Did she see us?
Chandler: Hey, you know who used to have nails like that?
Ross: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey.
Chandler: You're not supposed to take that. Besides, it's a New Testament, what are you gonna do with it?
Chandler: But I am willing to offer her all those things. This was just a plan, yknow? A way to throw her off course so that when I offered her all these things, shed be surprised!
(The phone rings and Chandler goes to get it)
Rachel: Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, wed like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)
Ross: Well with Carol, I promised never to love another woman until the day I die. She made no such promise.
Monica: And it has to go perfectly, because if she doesn't like something about us she can keep us off every adoption list in the state.
Ross: (looking astonished) What? NO! I am not going to give them Ben!
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers, Rachel is entering.]
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
[Cut to Living Room]
Ross: (covering his ears and screaming) La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Okay, okay, yeah, I would have been devastated but, I would still want to be with you. Because its, I mean its you.
Chandler: Honey, weve been over this. I need to be facing the other way.
Joey: What? No, the only reason I'm going to their stupid new house, is so I can point out everything that's wrong with it, so they don't move. I'm gonna make them stay here.