words in movies
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
C.H.E.E.S.E: Oh yeah? Well then how come I cant get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00?
(They all make happy faces as they are unable to express their feelings verbally. Finally, the phone rings and the race to answer it is won by Monica.)
Joey: (on phone) Mom, so what did you think? (He walks away allowing the gang a chance to figure out what theyre gonna say.)
Ross: Oh great! That means Im stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin right here! Whoa!"
Phoebe: I dont know. I dont know. I cant lie to him again. Oh no Ino! Im just gonna press my breasts up against him.
Joey: (hangs up the phone) Wow! Well, my folks really liked it! So what-what did you guys think? (Phoebe smiles, walks up to him, and presses her breasts against him.) It wasnt that good.
Rachel: (entering, excitedly) Oh! Hi you guys, oh my God! Youll never gonna believe happened to me today! I am sitting in my office and
Rachel: Yeah! Guess who walks into my office is the end of my story. (To Monica and Phoebe) It was Ralph Lauren! (Monica and Phoebe gasp) Ralph Lauren walked into my office!
Rachel: (ignoring him) Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that hes so happy with my work that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for polo retail.
Rachel: I get to hire my own assistant!
Joey: (jumps up) WellI got a head rush from standing up to fast right there.
Rachel: No. Yeah, and I know that. All right, well thank you so much for coming in it was nice to meet you.
Tag: Its lame, I know. But Im a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn
Rachel: Okay, hold on just a second. (She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.) Im sorry, its for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please?
Chandler: No-no-no-no. (Waves him away as Monica and Phoebe enter whispering to each other.) Hey! (Monica shushes him.)
Phoebe: (To Monica) Anyway, I should go. Okay, bye.
Monica: (To Chandler) Hey sweetie.
Chandler: Secret? Married people arent supposed to have secrets between one another. We have too much love and respect for one another.
Monica: Really? Okay, so why dont you tell me what happened to Ross Junior year at Disneyland?
Chandler: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, were on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Rachel: No, I-I just dont know how you decide who to hire. I mean Ive got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then theres this guy
Rachel: I love him. Hes so pretty I wanna cry! I dont know what to do. Tell me what to do.
Phoebe: Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You dont hire an assistant because theyre cute, you hire them because theyre qualified.
Chandler: Let me see this guy. (Phoebe hands him the picture.) W-H-Wow! Dont show this to Monica! And dont tell her about the W-H-Wow!
[Scene: The Days of Our Lives producers office, Joey is entering to find Terry there.]
Terry: Good to see you again!
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
Joey: So! Stryker Remoray huh? When do you want me to start?
Terry: Everybody has to audition.
Joey: Yknow Terry, I-I dont really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, (Pause) with a robot.
Tag: I just wanted to come by and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. And I noticed there arent any plants in your office so I wanted to bring you your first (Notices her plant) There is a plant in your office.
Tag: Gotcha. Thanks again for meeting with me. (Starts to leave.)
Rachel: Me either. Umm, all right, first thing I need you to do is go downstairs and find a women named Hilda and tell her to go home.
Chandler: Oh its always nicer to here than, "Aw crap! You again!"
Ross: Oh, nothin much. Just trying to figure out what Im gonna do for dinner.
Ross: Eh, either way Ill pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still cant eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) Whats so funny?!
Monica: (trying not to laugh) Im not laughing.
(Ross and Chandler move closer to her and she starts laughing again.)
Ross: (To Chandler) You told her!
Ross: (To Monica) Look, okay-okay I had food poisoning! Its not like I choose to do it! Its not likeIts not like I said, "Umm, what would make this ride more fun?!"
Ross: (To Chandler) How could you tell her?!
Monica: (running up to Ross) What happened in Atlantic City?!
Ross: And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what youre thinking, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and youre right, Chandlers not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Monica: (To Chandler) You kissed a guy?!! Oh my God.
Chandler: Ho-ho, so hard we had to throw out your underwear again?
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
Chandler: You wanna tell secrets?! Okay! Okay! In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers!
Ross: Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box shed made.
Monica: Ross used to stay up every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls!
Chandler: (To Monica) Of course it is. (Mouths to Ross) Wowwhoa!
Monica: Chandler one time wore my underwear to work!
Joey: How could this happen to me?! Yesterday I had two TV shows! Today, I got nothin!
Rachel: Well wait a minute, what happened to Days of Our Lives?
Joey: Because they wanted me to audition!
[Scene: Terrys office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.]
Joey: Wait! Terry! WaitLookWait I-I Look, Im really sorry about before. I was an idiot thinking Im too big to audition for you. You gotta give me another chance.
[Cut to a hospital room set on the Days of Our Lives stage. Two nurses are standing next to a bed with a man whose face is completely covered in bandages and reading his chart.]
Dr. Stryker Remoray: Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, its your brother Stryker. Can you hear me?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are sitting there and not talking to each other.]
Ross: And in my defense, the cleaning lady came on to me!
Chandler: (To Monica) You have no trouble telling time now right?
Monica: I dont know! Time to kiss a guy maybe?! (Ross laughs.) What are you laughing at Pampers? (He stops laughing and glares at her.)
Rachel: Oh, did you not want people to know that?
Tag: But Im not gay. And I especially wouldnt want you to think I was gay.
Rachel: Ohh, you can say. Come on, I dont want you to feel like you cant tell me things. (Motions for him to sit down.)
Tag: Id love to ask out your friend Phoebe.
Rachel: Okay, who are you talking to when you do that?
Joey: (Enters) Hey you guys Im gonna take off. I just wanted to let you guys know, say goodbye.
Eric: No-no its not! I dont want to lose you! Its-its like I was saying to Ursula when I was making love to her and I thought she was youYeah it is too weird.
Rachel: I know. (Pause) Ross still sees his pediatrician!!! (To Ross) I don't care!
Rachel: Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. (Sitting down on the couch.) You guys are never going to believe this. But, Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren.
Rachel: Why? Why not?! People love to hear that!
Phoebe: (To Joey) Okay quick, help me get this off! (Motions to her top.)
Monica: Im sorry, okay? It justtonight was supposed to be yknow, it was supposed to be a big deal.
Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma.
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Monica: What do you want me to do? Just sit here silently while you three have a conversation?
Rachel: Yes! And please tell her to bring a cake!
Rachel: Hi! Yknow what honey, were actually out of candy right now. But someone just went out to get some and I have been giving out money but Im out of that too. Hey, can I write you a check?
(As he prepares to start, he makes several horrible noises that scares Rachel into retreat.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is trying to find out what Phoebe wont tell her.]
Phoebe: Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do.
{Transcibers note: In case youre wondering, and I know you are. Their names are all back to normal. Just in a slightly smaller font than usual to allow Courteney Cox Arquette to fit on one line and not be smaller than the rest of their names. Now, on with the show }
[Monica gives Phoebe a surprised expression and goes over to Ross and Chandler.]
Chandler: (laughs) Well, don�t believe everything you hear, Ken. (both turning away to files) But yeah, that�s true. Alright, let�s get started, by take a look at last quarter�s figures. (The female next to Chandler starts smoking, towards her:) Ah, Claudia, aren�t you supposed to blow smoke up the bosses� ass?
Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Yknow my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I I wont play anymore.
[Cut back inside to Joey giving a beautiful woman a tennis lesson by standing behind her.]
Phoebe: Okay. (she starts to stuff styrofoam peanuts down the front of Joey's pants.)
Rachel: (to the woman) Excuse us for a minute. (They go into the kitchen.) You didnt tell her to come?!
Rachel: Yeah. Dont do this to yourself.
Ross: Perhaps. Now Im curious, at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
Chandler: Yeah! Anderson just scored again! (To Phoebe) Theres no Anderson.
Rachel: Well, you more then me, but he cant stay to mad at me. I mean, I just had his baby.
Chandler: Well he doesnt have to know! Its not like we run in the same circles. I hang out with you guys, and he stars in a drag show in Vegas.
Ross: Then talk to him! He might be fine with it.
Monica: Well, we-we had to go back because I forget my jacket.
Monica: Fine! If you want me to wear the boots, Ill wear the boots. In fact, Ill go into my room right now and yknow try the outfit on.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is telling Monica what the casting director was trying to get too.]
Chandler: Youve got it. (he starts to look at his sisters, but he still doesnt know which one is Mary-Angela.)
Chandler: So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steves doctors name is Doctor Muppy. So I said, Doctor Monkey? And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up. (He slams his feet up on the table to emphasize his point.)
Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
CHANDLER: Well, I'm going to kill you.
Phoebe: We could not, would not want to wait.
Ross: (to Chandler) Hey, dont we have to...
Phoebe: I, I have to go before I put your head through a wall. (she leaves)
(Rachel laughs a little too hard as Ross and Jill leave for their date. After they have left, Rachel starts to break down.)
David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.
(Rachel tries to get Monica's attention to tell her Steve is stoned. She pretends to drag on a joint, and Monica thinks she's giving her the 'OK' signal. Then Rachel does it again, inhaling deeply this time. Monica waves it off as though she doesn't believe it.)
Chandler: Tonight? You-you didn't say it was going to be at nighttime.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
Phoebe: And who else is going to be there?
Mr. Waltham: Sorry old boy, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. (Them all walk away. As he leaves he mutters to Jack.) I could kill you with my thumb, you know.
Monica: I have to be up in seven minutes.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Joey is talking to Monica and Chandler.]
Phoebe: Yeah. (phone rings and Phoebe answers it) Hello. (listens) Oh my God, I totally forgot! (listens) Well cant someone else do it. (listens) But, I have company. (listens) Yeah, no look, thats all right Ill come in. (hangs up phone) Um, Frank, Im really sorry but I have to go to work. Its-its one of my regulars and hes insisting that I do um.
Monica: No, Ross, we do not hate Emily. We-we just, we just think that you're having to sacrifice a whole lot to make her happy.
CHAN: I'll take one. Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant.
Rachel: Phoebe you cant have both of them! You have to pick one!
Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh, and Monica gets to keep her? In her house? I am so jealous!
Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you very much! (She grabs a glass, takes a sip, and realizes what she just did. She then tries to spit the champagne back into the glass without Monica noticing. It doesnt work.) Oh thats-thats actually how the French drink it.
ROSS: [beeper goes off] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get to the museum. So um, I'll see you tonight.
Rachel: Hi! Well, we were just about to take off and see a movie. Oh no!
Kate: That info-mercial! For the milk carton spout thing! Youre-youre-youre the guy that doesnt know how to pour milk!!
Joey: Oh my God I have to tell her! I havent even thought about what I will say. What should I say?
Mr. Waltham: All right, Ill tell her. (To his wife) Come on bugger face!
Rachel: Well, my boss was at the same restaurant where I was having my interview and he heard everything. So later he calls me to his office and he tells me that he's gonna have to let me go, because I'm not a team player. And I said "Wait a minute! Yes I am." and I had to sit there for 45 minutes while he proved that that in fact... was true.
Joey: I meant female nudity. Alright? I don't need to see Lou Grant frolicking.
Phoebe: He went home. He didn't want to see anybody.
Rachel: God! And to have to hear about it from Gunther!!
Ross: Okay. You know that I-I have to go.
Danny: Okay, (To Monica) hope I see you tomorrow night.
MONICA: No, honey, in a wonderful way. You know what you want now. Most guys don't even have a clue. You are ready to take risks, you are ready to be vulnerable, and intimate with someone.
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
Chandler: Oh yeah man. (to Kathy) Joey. (Hands her the phone.)
Joey: (raises his hand) Some guy!! (Points to himself.)
Ross: Well, I said-I said something to Phoebe.
(Ross comes back to the couch.)
Chandler: (To Monica) If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem.
Chandler: This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but... you're getting ham on my only tie.
Guy: Well thanks. (starts to leave)
Rachel: Look, I am so so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that Im not. Im not even close. And I dont know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that thats dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler!
RACH: [to Monica] Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighin' me down.
Chandler: Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people.
Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)
Ross: What do you mean? Nothing happened! I had to get out of there.
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Joey: Ok whoah-hey... Let me just stop you right there, ok? First, you lied, right? Then, you lied about lying, ok? Then you lied about lying about lying, ok? So before you lie about lying about lying about lying about... lying... (loses count and begins to count the number of 'lyings' in the air but gives up.) (yelling) Stop lying!
RICHARD: If I have to I'll, I'll do all again , I'll do the 4 o'clock feeding thing, I'll go to the P.T.A. meetings, I'll coach the soccer team.
Ross: (to Susan) Thanks a lot.
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Ross: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you.
(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiar inside.)
Chandler: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first.
Phoebe: Have you thought about what you would be giving up? You can't move out of the city, what if you want Chinese food at 5am? Or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains or an Asian hooker sent right to your door?
Monica: Yknow, lets face it, Im not a kid anymore! I-I need to be with someone who-who wants the same things that I do! I mean coming to my place of work and telling me that you love me, I want that! Talking about pig sex over lunch, I dont want that!
Joey: I uh, I just came by because I-I want to talk to you about something.
[Cut to into the bedroom, with Monica still hiding under the covers. Richard enters and sits down next to her.]
Rachel: Really?! So this has happened to you?
Chandler: Expect it in 4-6 weeks. (She starts to leave.) Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.
[Cut to Living Room]
Phoebe: (She pauses to ready herself, and removes the tissue.) Ohh, the-the Foster puppets!
Joey: Oh come on! Just pick one! Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross if you had to, if you had to, who would you punch?
Joey: (To Chandler) You're fake laughing too, right?
Chandler: Okay, look, I'm gonna pull on the door and you guys push as hard as you can. Maybe we can get enough room to wiggle him out, okay? Okay, so PUSH!