words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
MRS. GELLER: Oh, Jack look, there's that house paint commercial that cracks you up. [the Gellers return to watching TV and Ross goes over to Monica]
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachels. Rachel is standing in front of the TV holding a video.]
Chandler: Well, it sounds kinda stupid... (looks at the TV) Whos she?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Whats up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Monica: No Chandler, you dont understand! (Chandler starts singing the theme for Sanford and Son, an old TV show starring Redd Fox.) Okay! Okay! Okay! Fine! Now you know. Okay? Im yknow Im sick.
[Cut to Rosss apartment, hes watching TV and eating some popcorn as the phone rings.]
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)
RACHEL: Oh, I know, I know. [Turns on the TV. Joey in on it.]
[Time lapse, all three girls are now wearing wedding dresses, eating popcorn, drinking beer, and watching TV.]
Monica: Oh, Ive got it! I have got it! (Gets up and gets something from the dresser underneath the TV.) Pictures from your childhood. This will get you going good!
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.)
(Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV and turns on a rerun of Cheers, with the theme song playing. At first, hes happy, but as the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Well, let me see... I-I believe I'm... yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when youll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And Im ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, hes got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me Im stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
Woman on TV: Ow! Ow! Ooh! That hurts!
MONICA: It's my TV.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
Ross: You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here and you guys... are just having dinner or... watching TV or something, but... it makes me feel better. And now when I look over, who am I gonna see? The Gottliebs, the Yangs? They don't make me feel so good. (Joey pats Ross on his back)
JOEY ON TV: Damnit, I'm a doctor, I'm not God.
[Scene: Phoebes, Phoebe and Frank are watching TV.]
Pete: (turns off the TV) Youre taking this all wrong. Because, if I didnt leave you that tip, you wouldnt of come down here, we wouldnt be having this argument, and there wouldnt be this ah, heat between us.
(Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is just getting off of the intercom and turns off the TV which is still in the SAP mode.]
JOEY: I finally get a part on TV and the monkey's makin' movies.
TV DOCTOR: You're the only one who can save her Drake.
Joey: Everything is upside down here! It rains all day long, nobody watches tv and Ross is famous!
(She starts pushing the power button on the remote, but it's not facing the TV so it doesn't work.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Joey are watching TV.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
(Monica gets up and shuts off the TV.)
CHANDLER: God that is good TV.
Joey: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame... (Chandler turns his back to the TV. Joey puts the tape in the VCR, switches it on and watches what's on the tape... It's clearly a american football match, with the referee's whistle blowing, the crowds cheering...)
Monica: Can we turn the TV off? Okay? Do we really want to spend the entire weekend like this?
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Ross: Oh great! That means Im stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin right here! Whoa!"
Joey: No! I want an award I did win! But nobodys giving me any of those! PlusHey Rach, if-if I put it up there (Points to the TV) right? When people come over theyll see it and theyll think I won it.
Ross: I was kinda, supposed to be on TV tonight for The Discovery Channel.
[Camera pans back from the TV to show the gang watching.]
Monica: (Looking at the TV) You're not on TV.
Monica: Oh hey Joey! We've been watching all day, when are you gonna be on TV?
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's hotel room, Rachel is still trying to get the ink off and Ross is on the phone to the company. Wait a minute, why exactly are they sharing a hotel room? Didn't they like break-up or something? Did I miss a memo? Or maybe, it's just foreshadowing things to come. Who knows? Maybe the answer's at the bottom of the page. Then again, maybe it isn't and it's just one of those things TV writers just don't explain. Anyhoo ]
RACHEL: Chandler honey, I'm sorry. Ok, can we watch Joey's show now please? [they turn on the TV]
(Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.)
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
Joey: A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do!
Ross: Im afraid the TV Guide comes to Chinandolor Bong.
Ross: Hey-hey have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet VD boy?!
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
Joey: Oh, its a new TV show. Yeah. Im up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, Im a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. Hes a, hes a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."
Chandler: Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV.
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms.
JOEY: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Joey: Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!
Joey: To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, youre not gonna be on TV!
Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-
Joey: Well, ah, Im an actor. Im fairly neat. I ah, I got my own TV. Oh, and dont worry Im totally okay with the gay thing.
Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.
Phoebe: Does anyone wanna watch TV?
Joey: How could this happen to me?! Yesterday I had two TV shows! Today, I got nothin!
Joey: Yeah, so no one touches the remote. And no one touches the TV!
Anchorwoman: (on TV) While most of us think of chocolate bunnies and baskets as traditional Easter gifts. Some people insist on giving live chicks as presents. (Joey is intrigued by the idea) Unfortunately, the sad fact remains that most of these little guys wont live to see the fourth of July. (Joey starts to call a place to buy a little baby chick) Because of as a result of improper care, they will be dead.
Monica: Maybe Joey doesnt have to give you the money, TV stars have assistants right?
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment.)
Monica: (to the lobster) Lucky bastard! (Throws the lobster in and turns around to face the planets most annoying woman, next to Dr. Laura and Kathy Lee Gifford of course. Shes the most annoying female TV character however.) Janice.
Joey: Yeah, I (Shuts off the TV.) I dont want Stevie to see her like this.
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
Ross: (triumphantly) Im gonna be on TV!!
TV Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, hes just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just...
Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?
Joey: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, (Joey from TV) you know that's bad for the paper tray.
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
Chandler: (sees Kathy is up watching TV) Hi!
Chandler: Guys? (They ignore him.) Ive got something important to tell ya. (Still nothing so he walks over and stands in front of the TV.) Guys? (They lean over to try and watch the TV, Chandler mimics them.) Guys?! (Pause) Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Phoebe: Cliff, do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here in your room?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
Joey and Chandler: Oh no-no-no! (Monica mutes the TV and they tentatively look behind them)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
Joey: (laughing and turning off the TV) So, what did you guys think?
Chandler: Uh-huh. (He doesn't take his eyes off the TV.)
[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Joey: Yknow Terry, I-I dont really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, (Pause) with a robot.
Matress King: (on TV) Im close. Im cheap. Im the king.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Phoebe: This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank and her, are sitting on the counh, watching TV]
Monica: Man, this sucks! Yknow if Mom and Dad dont see us on TV after we made them so jealous, I mean, whos gonna be the losers then?
(It's only when the camera cuts to Ross's apartment that we see that the TV is turned off and Ross is indeed doing a bit. He then tries to hide his smirk.)
Joey: Okay, you watch too much TV.
Ross: Everything? Even the TV?
Joey: Oh well, its not on TV yet.
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
Ross: Hey Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide?
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)