words in movies
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross is waiting for his blind date to show up. A waiter walks past him.]
Waiter: Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy.
Waiter: Can I get you another glass of wine?
Waiter: Got stood up, huh?
Waiter: Are you worried your date came, saw you, and left?
(The waiter leaves.)
[Scene: Delmonico's. Ross is still waiting for his date and drinking wine. The waiter comes up to him again.]
Waiter: I've got bad news. The Chinese guy left.
Waiter: Look; you got stood up, who cares? We're gonna show you a good time. Just sit and relax. In fact, let me bring you a crab cake appetizer on the house.
Waiter: Ooh...
(Ross sees the waiter looking at him.)
(Meanwhile, another waiter has come up to the first waiter.)
Waiter #2: What are you doing? Are you trying to get him to stay? Because you can't do that.
Waiter: Just get out of here, okay?
Waiter: Eh, okay, the waiters have a little pool going. We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home.
Waiter: Well, if you stay till 9:20, I am.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
Waiter: What?
Waiter: Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight. Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry.
Joey: But it happens? (waiter leaves) I�m gotta go to the bathroom.
Joey: (returned) No, no, it�s okay, I already told the waiter what they want.
WAITER: (whispers) And what will that be on the side of?
MNCA: [grabs waiter as he's leaving] I'd like a scotch on the rocks with a twist.
WAITER: (with tray and two drinks)� Excuse me.� Um, these are from the two gentlemen at the end of the bar.
The Waiter: Well, sure, that too.
The Waiter: Cant hear you!
The Waiter: No.
[Scene: A restaurant. Joey is on his date with Phoebe’s friend, Sarah. They are sitting opposite each other on a table for two. Their waiter approaches with two plates.]
Joey: (to the waiter) What are you still doin here?! I told you, lobster ravioli!
The Waiter: Actually were out of the lobster ravioli. (Putting Joeys menu under his arm.)
WAITER: Can I get you something from the bar?
Sarah: (tasting hers) Oh my God! (Looks at the waiter and then to Joey)
Lorraine: (to waiter) Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go please?
Waiter: Sir? (Looking at Joey.)
Joey: Maybe I could be a waiter. Could I use the phone?
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Waiter: Sure. Sure. (Turns away, then turns back) Seconds up! (Joey glares at him.) Not that kind of table. (He walks away.)
Waiter No. 2: God, youre gonna be here all night!
Waiter: Goat cheese, water chestnuts, and panchetta. (Joey Looks down disgustingly at the food.)
Customer: Hey, waiter.
A Waiter in Drag: (to Chandler and Monica) Has someone taken your order yet?
Waiter: I know! I havent even read them the specials yet!
The Waiter: You found that handle, did ya?
Waiter: (with British accent) Soo, are we expecting the rest of our party shortly?
[Scene: Iridium Restaurant, Phoebe and Joey are looking at the menus as the waiter comes to take their order.]
Kristen: You said the waiter ate my crab cake.
The Waiter: Okay.
The Waiter: (To Joey) And for you sir?
The Waiter: Are you guys ready?
The Waiter: (returning) Any progress?
Chandler: (to a waiter) Oh thats great! Right there! Can we get some of that over here please? (The waiter comes over) There we go.
The Waiter: Hey!
[Cut to Monicas restaurant kitchen, its the episode where Joey is working as a waiter at Monicas restaurant. Joey is patting her breast from when she set it on fire.]
The Waiter: Hey! He has a name, its Dragon. Do you wanna know your name? Check your hat. (to another waiter) We did the hat right? (The other waiter nods yes.)
A Waiter: (entering) Hey, dragon! Heres your tips from Monday and Tuesday. (hands him two envelopes)
Waiter in Drag: Youre straight. I get it. (Walks away.)
Waiter: Champagne?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey are standing by the kitchen entrance. A waiter comes out.]
Waiter: (interrupting) Your 74 Lafite sir.
Dr. Green: 74?! I ordered the 75! Thats a magnificent wine! The 74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage?! (The waiters dumbfounded) Is that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why youre a waiter?
Rachel: Oh, yeah. And uh, the best part though, when the uh, waiter spilled water down my back, I jumped up, and my boob popped out.
Monica: Can we have our drinks please?! WaiterUh, tress!
Ross: (imitating Parker) This room! This night! That waiter! His shoes! I must take a mental picture! (He backs into someone.) Ooh sorry (He looks behind him then notices its Phoebe then stops his impression.)
Waiter: Yeah.
(A waiter runs over interrupting Joey.)
Waiter: Oh, they�re both exclus�
Waiter No. 2: Whats the matter with them?
Joey: (to the waiter) Hey! Are those crab cakes? (The waiter nods) Did I not tell ya to come straight to me when more crab cakes were ready?
Chandler: Well, the heart wants what it wants. Ill see you later. (He runs off and leaves her with the bill, which the waiter promptly delivers.)
Waiter: Hello.
Waiter: I�ll give you another minute.
Waiter No. 2: Is this your table?
Joey: Its kind of embarrassing, yknow. I mean, I was an actor and now Im a waiter. Its supposed to go in the other direction.
Waiter: Er�does not.
Waiter: How was everything, sir?
Rachel: So Mon, when are we gonna meet this new secret waiter man?
(She goes into the freezer to get it herself, and leaves the door open. The waiter from earlier comes by and closes the door.)
Waiter: Oh, I'm sorry sir, that was our last piece.
Waiter: It�s just that we do have some large parties waiting.
Rachel: Okay, well you had asked me how long we had known each other, and I said, "Eight years." And the um, waiter came over and cut his tip in half, and umm now here we are.
(A waiter walks by carrying appetizers or something on a tray)
Waiter in Drag: (To Chandler) Hm-mmm?
Monica: Uh oh yeah, she did. Uh, he did. (To Chandler) She? (To the waiter) Im-Im sorry Im new. I dont
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
WAITER: Oh my God! Someone, he's choking. Is anyone here a doctor?
Joey: No-ohoh. (the Bings leave, the waiter comes)
The Waiter: Yeah, people get pretty generous around the holidays. And it never hurts to wear tight trousers.
The Waiter: Its uh, its already been roasted.
Joey: Oh well, that changes everything! (Grabs his menu and starts looking at it again. The waiter leaves.) Yknow what Pheebs?
Ursula: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he likes me?
Joey: Why are you going? He said, she wanted the shrew! (runs after the waiter)
Monica: The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants!
Chandler: What's with the word y'all? You know, just... two words just... pushed together... Are we all allowed to do that, because if so, I say why stop there? You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. And fried chicken? Could be fricken.Waiter, waiter excuse me, I'll have the fricken? (Monica laughs) See, that's... that's funny with the fricken, right?
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
Joey: Thank you. (stands up and kisses her lips.) Waiter! �lright, this is gonna be fast, so try to keep up: Risotto with the shaped truffles and the roasted rip steak with the golden Chanterelles and a Bordelaise sauce and that any that stuff I just said means snails. (Hope, *I* kept up.)
(The waiter arrives with their deserts)
Waiter: It�s been an hour. ??? be willing to reconsider switching to a smaller table.
Waiter: Yes, that's Raspberry coule.
Waiter: Well, I hope, you got some room left.
MNCA: No, no really. I.. I wouldn't feel right about it. [to waiter] Just some water.
Chandler: You got it. Good woman! (the waiter turns around, it's a man) Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne?
Katie: You were so funny with that waiter! You're such a nut! (She slaps her thighs, Joey jerks, and spills some of his coffee.)
Waiter: Estrangement (?).
The Waiter: No, its really good.
Waiter: Right. We do have a table for two available, perhaps you would be more comfortable.
WAITER: Are we ready to order?
Waiter: A garden salad for the lady (sets the plate down)
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]
The Waiter: Because we can remember them.
Waiter: This is why I told the manager I wouldnt wait on you tonight! (Runs off.)
Waiter: I�ll just wait to put your order in.
Joey: (stopping the waiter) Hey hey hey! Don't mind if I do!
Phoebe: Joseph! (to waiter) Thou needn�t worry, they shan�t be long.
Waiter: Seafood platter for the gentleman and extra fries. Enjoy!
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Rachel: Hey, that is the babys problem. (Dr. Green returns.) Oh, everything okay with the waiter?
Waiter: I dont know. I think maybe one of them is dying. (Pause) I kinda hope its the girl. (The other waiter is shocked.) The guy is really cute!
Monica: Thats a good idea! Wait, do you know how to waiter?
WAITER: You'd think, wouldn't you? Miss?