words in movies
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof, Mike Sikowitz, Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider Transcribed by: Jim & Tracy Lambers With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein
Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on table)
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy!
Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross)
(Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed)
Rachel: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos (touching Paolo's nose with forefinger with each syllable)
Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now?
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands...
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Ross: (making flinging gestures with hands) Oh, tell me, tell me, is everything, uhh....?
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, it's just that with my last roommate Kip...
Ross: I'm familiar with his work, yes...
(The flashback resumes with Paolo grabbing her butt.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. (Monica and Phoebe leave)
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Amanda: Well, it was 1992, and I remember because that was the year I had sex with Evil Knievel (She starts laughing very proudly).
Carol: (on phone) Phoebe hang on a second Ross wants to say something. (listens) What? (listens) (to Ross) You slept with someone else?!
CHANDLER: Hey, hey, those guys are takin our stuff! [some guy runs off with the hat]
Chandler: He had sex with Mr. Girabaldi!
Monica: Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents (Motions to the pile in the corner) without having to talk to people I dont even like!
Phoebe: Wow! This reminds me of the time when I was umm, living on the street and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.
Phoebe: Not with that attitude! Now, haul ass!
Ross: No, no, really, Ive got to take the car back anyway, Im spending all day tomorrow with Ben, Its fine, no guilt I promise.
Ross: No Joey! Look why dont, why dont we just let her decide? Okay? Hey-hey, well each go out with her one more time. And-and well see who she likes best.
Phoebe: Oh really? She said she wants to go away with you?
Ross: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?
Ross: I mean, theres no point in spending time with someone if-if its just fun. Its gotta be, its gotta be going somewhere right? So where-where is it going? (Pause) Ah! Thats-thats the real question. And-and the answer is is its going somewhere fun. Now I-I know what youre thinking, fun was fine for you like ten years ago yknow, but youre-youre not getting any younger. No I meanNo not you, not you, youyou are getting younger. I meanyou-you look like youre getting younger by the secondWhats your secret?
Chandler: You're not supposed to take that. Besides, it's a New Testament, what are you gonna do with it?
Ross: Yknow what? I-I-I I-I have had enough of this! Yknow, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if youve got a problem with me, frankly
Monica: Y'know if its any consolation, he really did sound like he was having more fun with you. (Rachel nods in agreement)
Phoebe: Well then, you should look with us.
MONICA: Oh my God, I can't believe what I'm getting ready to say. I wanna have a baby, but I don't wanna have one with someone who doesn't really wanna have one.
Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? Whats going on?
Chandler: Well, I'll stay, but only because I wanna hear about Hanukkah. Ben, will you sit here with Santa and learn about Hanukkah?
PHOEBE: I got it. [Wipes it up with her mits.]
Rachel: Now that she broke up with you?
PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.
[Scene: Hospital. Phoebe is there stroking Coma Guy's hair, when Monica enters with a bunch of balloons.]
Chandler: So you never had sex with a Kennedy, have you?
Dr. Rhodes: He's good with rear things, bring him in too.
Monica: Uh, would you stop it with that already?!
Monica: Where you can make out with your assistant.
Phoebe: No, were gonna paint over the sword, and replace it with a baguette.
Phoebe: All right. We're gonna take Clunkers to Rosss. We'll be back in a minute. (Gets up with Monica to do so.)
Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!
Rachel: What is wrong with raising a kid in the city? I'm doing it, Ross is doing it, Sarah Jessica Parker is doing it!
Rachel: Oh! (They enter. Rachel sees his father, lying on a bed, with tubes, drip and everything) Oh! Oh my God! Ohhh, ohhh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh?
Carol: You slept with another woman?
Chandler: What is the matter with you?
Rachel: In the afternoon. Mr. Zelner came into my office after lunch. He put them on my desk, and then I put a Post-It on it (Looks down onto her desk and finds the folder with the Post-It on it that contains the contracts she imagined she gave Tag) that said, "Must go out today." So you just keep looking in there! All right?
Mr. Zelner: Uh actually, Id like to speak with both of you.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is getting ready for his date with Kristen.]
Joey: (with his mouthful) Hey, I didn't stalk her. I mean (he sprays Phoebe with crumbs)
Phoebe: So, how are things going with crazy? Has she cooked your rabbit yet?
JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
Rachel: how about I move in with you?
Rachel: Phoebe, come on can we finish this later? Cause I wanna go running before it gets dark. Oh! Why don't you come with me?!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is there with Roger.]
Joey: Yeah! Yeah, Ive been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with her and maybe I would have if these (lifts a leg) damn boat shoes wouldnt keep flying off!
Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isnt even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if youre right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Phoebe: (entering with Erin) Oh. Hey!
Rachel: No, its Ross. Its Ross. You like Ross. (He just shakes his head.) Oh daddy, I hope youre okay with all of this. I mean think about it, this is a good thing. Youre gonnaThis is your first grandchild! Youre gonna be a poppy!
Rachel: (entering with Phoebe) Hey!
Chandler: Really? Oh What A Beautiful Morning! Surrey With A Fringe On Top.
Joey: Yknow what Ross? Im not gonna let you get away with this!
Phoebe: Well, the only thing you can do. Sleep with Ralph Lauren.
Ross: Oh umm, well uh, maybe-maybe later. Right now, Im about to dance with this lady.
Joey: No. No. But Ill go see a normal person movie with ya.
Phoebe: There you go! (She continues to work him over with her elbows and he continues to yell in pain.)
Ross: You know, I'm just not uhm... that comfortable with a guy who's as sensitive as you.
Phoebe: Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star.
Doctor Connelly: Ok, given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success would be surrogacy, or insemination using a sperm donor.
Chandler: Oh nope, I-I have plans with Joey.
Joey: Well, given that he's desperately in love with you, he probably wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee or something.
Monica: Ugh, shes upstairs not doing the dishes! And I tell ya something! Im not doing them this time! I dont care if those dishes sit in the sink until theyre all covered withIll do them when I get home!
Joey: No. no... eh... she went shopping with Rachel. Why? What's up?
Dr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone?
Chandler: Yep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. (Theyre stunned.) Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.
Paul: I wanted to be one with the waves, yknow?
Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.
(Joey takes the ice-bucket with the champagne bottle in it and puts it on his sore spot)
Ross: Look, I (He has trouble sitting in his chair.) Look, Im having a great time with you and I just dont want us to move to fast or put to much pressure on us. So, Im sorry I just dont think we should go away together yet. Its-its too soon.
[Scene: Joey's audition, he is with bag.]
Chandler: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they dont just happen. Yknow? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning yknow I was just lying there and I couldnt wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always yknow with a friend.
Chandler: Yeah, now how's that going though? Are you okay with the not-flirting thing?
MONICA: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't. [throws water in his face]
Ross: That guy Mark. From Bloomingdale's... She thinks he's just being nice to her. But I know he really wants to sleep with her.
Chandler: Well its just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was the first time I knew that you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.
RADIO: Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel, and she told us what Ross did. It's pretty appalling, and Ross, if you're listening, I don't wanna play your song anymore. Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car and she hopes you two will work it out.
Phoebe: But-but you know you cannot get involved with your assistant.
JOEY: Great. Then you'll be able to spend more quality time with your real friends, the spoons.
Ross: (entering with Monica) Hey!
Monica: Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are having a diner party with Phoebe and Mike.]
Rachel: So hows it goin with Joey?
Chandler: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.
Rachel: Well you couldve untied it with your hands.
Phoebe: Oh my God! I had the best time with Tim last night. He is so sweet! Oh, I cant wait to get sous-neath him.
[Scene: The Reception, Joey is helping Ross walk after Gert got through with him and Mona is looking on concerned.]
Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!
Joey: Sure! I would love to wait with you guys! Thanks! (Sits down.)
Joey: Look, can I just stop you right there for a second? When people do this (Makes quote marks with his fingers.) I dont really know what that means. (Ross just looks at him) You were saying?
Chandler: All right, so that's Missy Goldberg, Phoebe Cates and Molly Ringwald, who neither of us can go out with.
Ross: Done! With time a-to-spare.
Ross: (drags Chandler over to buffet table) Im telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viscously screamed at total strangers! I think hes baaad news!
Rachel: Dr. Long, Ive been at this for seventeen hours! Three women have come and gone with their babies, you gotta give me some good news! How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Joey: Well, hes too shy, he doesnt thing hes good enough to dance with girls yet.
Joey: Are you kidding me? Watch! (Makes funny faces trying to cry) Well I cant do it with you guys watching me!
RACHEL: I know. And Mom, I realize you and Daddy were upset when I didn't marry Barry and get the big house in the suburbs with all the security and everything, but this is just so much better for me, you know?
Chandler: We should start with the big stuff. Yknow? That'll be the easiest. Uh, let's start with the couch. (He picks up one end and Ross doesn't help) I got it. (He moves it back to where he thinks it goes.)
Joey: Hey listen, why dont you come downstairs with me? Theres some really nice girls down there.
ROSS: Uh, nothing, nothing's with him. Enjoy your coffee.
Phoebe: Umm, yeah, I'd like to go out with you officer
Prospective nanny: Oh, you know, wait. I do have one question. (she starts playing with her hair) Do you guys do random drug testing?