words in movies
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof, Mike Sikowitz, Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider Transcribed by: Jim & Tracy Lambers With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein
Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on table)
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy!
Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross)
(Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed)
Rachel: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos (touching Paolo's nose with forefinger with each syllable)
Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now?
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands...
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Ross: (making flinging gestures with hands) Oh, tell me, tell me, is everything, uhh....?
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, it's just that with my last roommate Kip...
Ross: I'm familiar with his work, yes...
(The flashback resumes with Paolo grabbing her butt.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. (Monica and Phoebe leave)
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Ross: Well, why dont you just start with something simple. Like umm, Monica from the moment I met you, I knew I loved you.
Phoebe: Well, its a long story. Its kind of embarrassing. Lets just say there was a typographical error with a sex manual. (The guy laughs.) How about you?
MONICA: I've got a question. Richard made plans again with the guys.
Phoebe: Oh no, I dont believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (Shes pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)
Chandler: It feels like we’re cheating on our house. And if we’re gonna cheat, shouldn’t it be with like a hot, younger house, that does stuff that our house won’t do?
Phoebe: Oh-ho yeah! A song with rhyming words. Oo, I never thought of that before.
The Acting Teacher: All right, lets start with some basics. Can anybody tell me what the difference between upstage and downstage is?
[Scene: The roof, Joey is walking towards Ross with a guy]
PHOEBE: OK. Um, how come I'm walking with you?
Ross: Oh nothing. Nothing! Just uh, youve been a little short with me lately. Im not trying to irritate you.
CHANDLER: Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there.
Rachel: (To Phoebe) So umm, how-how are we gonna mess with them?
Written by: Sherry Bilsing-Graham & Ellen Plummer Transcribed by: Kiza Abuzahra With Minor Adjustments by: Eric Aasen
Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
Chandler: I am trying to open your eyes, my man! Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!
STEPHANIE: Thank you. I'd like to start with a song that I wrote for the first man I ever loved. (singing) Zachary.
Phoebe: Oh my God! Im going out with Eric! Ooh, this day is really gonna be so much better than I thought it was gonna be. Oh Ross, I cant make lunch. (Exits.)
Rachel: (returning with her purse covering her face) All right, it won't come off!
Phoebe: It's off the resumé. (she strikes it through with a pencil)
MONICA: Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?
Mr. Geller: Whats the matter with him?
Monica: And y'know what, I just realised, in the last year Ive only gone out with two guys, Richard and Julio. You gotta help me out here, you gotta set me up, you gotta get me back in the game.
Rachel: Ohh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress?
JOEY: Hey I- [she cuts him off with a kiss]
Ross: Then talk to him! He might be fine with it.
Rachel: But yknow umm, Rachel doesnt rhyme with draddle.
Ross: Well, with everything thats been going on lately, I havent exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didnt tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey enters carrying a tub of ice cream. He sets it on the table, takes off his jacket and struggles with the drawer. It cannot be opened.]
(Joey starts to the shower with a grim, determined look on his face.)
Chandler: Yeah, you don't want to be stuck with us for the next five weeks.
Chandler: Look, I-Im just gonna be right across the hall and I promise you, the minute Monica and I break up Im moving right back in with you!
Danny: Oh great! That special bond again! Why do women have such a problem with the fact that I'm close with my sister?
Phoebe: Of course not, because youre in love with her.
Rachel: (with a hurt expression on her face) Okay, but before you go, could you help me first?
Rachel: Hey! Oh Joey, honey listen, thank you for talking to my yesterday about that thing with my boss. That really meant a lot.
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
Joey: Hey! What are you guys doing here? I thought youd be out partying with Gandel-worf.
Rachel: (to Monica and Phoebe) Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Ross is eating breakfast with Joey and Monica. Joey is walking towards Ross.]
(They start to fight with Ross pulling on Chandlers ears and Chandler hitting Ross over the head with his carrot.)
Kate: What? So you never went out with an actress before?
Charlie: Kinda playing fast and loose with the word "interesting".
Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, just stop calling.
Joey: All right, well start with apples.
(Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to the door.)
Ross: (returning with the coffee) Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. (He sets down their cups.) So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.
Phoebe: (Walks towards Ross) If you hadn't just had a baby with my best friend I swear to Lucifer a raber dog would be feasting on your danglers RIGHT NOW!
PHOEBE: Why don't you play with your roommate?
(Marcel scampers about, interfering with the neatness.)
Chandler: And that became ‘they are humid prepossessing Homo Sapiens with full sized aortic pumps...?
Joey: Did you tell the guy you wanted to have sex with his wife and then fall right out of your chair?
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Laura: Well, I'm sorry I brought it up. So, are either one of you planning on staying at home with your child... (someone knocks on the door)
Rachel: Okay... aahhh... Please laugh for mommy... Please? Please laugh for mommy... (Rachel makes a funny face, sticking her tongue out, making a farting noise and using her hands as antlers, wiggling her fingers... No response from Emma...) Not funny huh? Oh so, is it... only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general? 'Cause mommy can rap... (Rachel tries to rap and makes weird movements with her arms in the process.) My name is mommy and I'm here to say / that all the babies are... Oh, I can't rap... Allright sweetheart... This is only because I love you so much, and I know that you're not gonna tell anybody... (Rachel's face is telling "Oh what am I doing? The things I have to go through... and she starts to rap) I like... big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... / when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face... (Emma starts to laugh) Yes! Yes! Yes! YES! Oohhhhh! Oh! (Rachel now really gets into it, and her insecure movements start getting better) I like big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... Oh Emma you're laughing! Oh you are, you really do like big butts, don't you. Oh you beautiful little weirdo... (Rachel picks up Emma and Ross now enters)
Rachel: Then what's with all the bananas?
Chandler: You dont have to stop having fun just because Im here. Kathy didnt cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)
Monica: Okay, please be careful with that. It was my grandmother's. Be careful.
MONICA: You really ok with it?
[Cut to London, we sit Ross sitting outside Emilys apartment. We hear Emilys phone ring with amazing clarity. Apparently, sound travels quite easily through the walls of British buildings. Anyhoo, Ross looks around for the ringing phone and in the meantime Emilys answering machine picks up and once again with amazing clarity we hear Emily say ]
MONICA: But you've only slept with two people.
ROSS: No, but, but I wanna be with you in spite of all those things.
Monica: (overhearing that) Why don't you just go out with her!
Monica: Okay, so how do I make him think I wanna have sex with him?
Joey: your right! I love my life! (He gets up to go and speak to the girl and he turns back and sits down) I actually did sleep with her.
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
(She kisses him. Ross leans back for a second, and then they both kiss, more passionately this time as U2's With or Without You plays in the background.)
CHANDLER: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and Joey just slept with her and never called her back.
Rachel: It was cheesecake. It was fine. It had a buttery, crumbly, graham cracker crust, with a very rich yet light, cream cheese filling (Pause) Wow! My whole mouth just filled with saliva!
Phoebe: Oh, Im so sorry. Um, and maybe Im wrong! I butyknow Im gonna go out with him again, Ill find out more.
Chandler: I noticed you were enjoying that Ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth. Did you have braces as a child?
Joey: (sitting at his table) Oh, I know it... It is amazing these little things open doors... huh! (mimes opening a door with his own keys, Phoebe looks at him in a "yeah, yeah, yeah" way.)
Monica: Okay, but if we don't get this house, she's stil gonna show up wherever we go! I mean, at least if she's here, it eliminates the element of suprise. I mean, never again will you have to hear the three words that make your balls jump back up inside your body. (She shows this with her index finger, mimicking it pushing something up)
JOEY: Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with.
Phoebe: Yeah, ok. I guess you're right. Allright, so we should just give them away. But to nice families, with children, and reduced fat wheat thins. They're Bob's favorites.
ROSS: Well uh, it's cause he had a thing with, wi-, with the thing.
(She opens the door to reveal Ross with a pencil mark from his forehead to his chin.)
Mike: This is the first time hes ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (To Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
[Scene: Outside of Elizabeths dormitory, Ross is exiting after breaking up with her and we can hear his thoughts.]
Rachel: I am feeling nothing. Speaking of hot, watching you do that really makes me want to have sex with you.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, I told her about the time you got drunk and fell asleep with your head in the toilet.
Rachel: Okay. Okay, see now the one with the feather boa? Thats Dr. Francis. She used to be a man. Oh look! There(Marcel (Katie) jumps away)Okay. (And runs behind her on the back of the couch for a little while.)
MONICA: Stop with the broom, we're not making noise.
Chandler: Janices birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
Monica: Oh please! Yesterday on the subway? You couldn't stop staring at that woman with the big breasts the whole time.
BIG BULLY: You got a problem with that?
Ross: Well, Rachel moving to another country? Not being able to see her every day. How can I be okay with this?
Rachel: Well yknow, its you guys. You-you do this kind of stuff! Yknow? I mean, you-you were gonna get married in Vegas and then you backed out! I guess Im not upset because I dont see you guys going through with it. Im sorry.
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Charlie: Please, I've been crazed all day! I had a meeting with the Dean, and my syllabus for summer school is due and I'm writing the Foreword for a friend's book...
Joey: (He just sits there, legs very close together with a painful look on his face) Soldier down!
[Cut to into the bedroom, with Monica still hiding under the covers. Richard enters and sits down next to her.]
Ross: (talking agitated and angry) Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What have I got to do to get a goodbye, huh? Be best friends with you? Uh, go out with you? Have a baby with you? Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things.
Rachel: Phoebe? (She turns her head further away.) I'm sorry about the whole lifting out thing. (Moves over next to her.) You gotta come with me!
Joey: So what? Being funny is Chandler's thing... You know, like Ross's thing is... (he can't come up with anything)
JOEY: Great, well, I'm happy for ya. [picks up the orange juice carton and it's empty] Alright that's it. He just comes in here, Mr. Jonny Neweggs, with his, his, his movin' the mail and his, his 'see ya pals'. And now there's no juice. There's no juice f or the people who need the juice and want the juice. I need the juice.
Monica: You don't know everything. Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you? Hmm? And did you know that the only baby around here is you?! And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?! (She storms out.)
Phoebe: Wha..? Again with the nature, what are you? Beavers?