words in movies
Written by: Jeff Greenstein & Jeff Strauss Transcribed by: Mindy Mattingly Phillips With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein
Rachel: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. See, every year we go skiing in Vail, and normally my father pays for my ticket, but I sort of started the whole independence thing, you know, which is actually why I took this job.
Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at that.
Ross: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?
Monica: Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma?
Susan: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can just look for it.
Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)
Chandler: Ok, we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing, but that's not funny anymore.
Joey: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.
Monica: All right, fine. Tonight's potatoes will be both mashed with lumps, and in the form of tots.
Rachel: Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. (she starts to leave, and hits everyone with her skis) Oh, sorry! Oh, sorry!
Chandler: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon. It's all over the news. Right before he reached Macy's, he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park. I'm goin' to the roof, who's with me?
Monica: Can you go any faster with that?
Phoebe: Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No one say keys.
Rachel: Oh, god, this is great! The plane is gone, so it looks like I'm stuck here with you guys.
[Time lapse. Everyone is upset with each other. Phoebe is at the window.]
Phoebe: Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. Oh my god. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.
Monica: (holding sandwich) Does anybody wanna split this with me?
Chandler: I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding ding. I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
He's finally happy with that and walks away.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with Bonnie, as Rachel enters.]
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Rachel is returning from her date with Dave.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Phoebe are there, both ready to break up with their significant others.]
CHANDLER: Because sometimes, Phoebe after you sleep with someone, you have to kill the fish.
Ross: Ah I had a little thing with Joey, if you think this is bad you should see him.
ROSS: Excuse me, I'm seizing. Mr. Treeger, here's another 50, happy Hanukkah. Will uh, will this help with the knob getting?
Ross: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
Ross: Okay. (Ben enters) Ben? Come here. All right, Im gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour. Okay? Are you gonna be okay?
Joey: Look, if Im bringing home a woman who cant stand being around a baby, then maybe I dont want to be with that woman! Or maybe well just do it in the bathroom of the club!
Monica: Oh, you mean like that guy thing where you act mean and distant until you get us to break up with you.
PHOEBE: Uh oh, ooh, are we not getting along with the new boy?
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
[And with that, we go into another set of clips, this time from Rachels point of view.]
Ross: (looking at Rachel entering with Emma) Oh, hi! Hi! Thanks for showing you up thirty minutes late!
Monica: All right, it'll be great! You just make her think you wanna have sex with her! It'll totally freak her out!
Monica: Does it have to do with Joey?
Phoebe: You cant have sex with her!
Rachel: Well honey, then why don't you break up with one of them?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Ross are in the kitchen. Phoebe is sitting at the couch with oven mits on her hands.]
Joey: (entering with Phoebe) Come on Pheebs! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
Rachel: Well, these aren't mine. Maybe Monica used to use them with...
Chandler: Well y'know, what if she didnt actually sleep with the guy?
Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee?
Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch as Phoebe enters with Monicas soul mate.]
Phoebe: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. (Monica gives her a look) 'Kay. (Sung:)
[Cut to the hallway, Ben runs upstairs with Ross in pursuit.]
Monica: I'll get it! (She runs in, and she's her old fat self like The One With The Prom Video. Not only that, she's out of breath after running a short distance. She goes over and opens the door to reveal Rachel with her old nose.) Happy Thanksgiving!
Rachel: No! Seriously! Whats wrong with you?!
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are still talking with Erica.]
Phoebe: Okay, I cant believe that Monica and Chandler are getting married. I remember talking about this day with Rachel while we were showering together, naked. (Raises her glass and drinks.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Chandler is talking with his mom.]
(Chandler screams a little bit, then realises that he can spit out his gag. He does so with a Pouff!)
RACH: [near tears] No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.
Ross: Yknow your probably not allowed to sleep with any of your students.
Monica: (looking at Chandler sleeping with a balloon in his mouth) So sexy. (Waking him up.) Honey.
Joey: (with a disgusted look) What was it?
Chandler: Look, Ross, you have what you want, youre back with Rachel. If you bring this up now youre gonna wreck the best thing that even happened to you.
Phoebe: Hell, Im drunk right now! (They all turn and look at her.) What? I cant have a mimosa with breakfast?! Im on vacation!
Frank: Okay, so what you used to have with Rachel, is what Ive got with Alice.
Chandler: ....three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater?!
Phoebe: Its mostly just photographs of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Barry: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.
Conan: Well be right back with more Friends, less me.
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.
PHOEBE: (singing) ... with the double double double-jointed boy. Hey. So um, are you the professional guitar player?
Phoebe: Umm, well I, I kinda had a little chat with Alice, and I sort of made her see why you two shouldnt be together, y'know. And youre gonna see it to, one day, you really, really will.
Ross: My wife had a workout friend she went to the gym with everyday for a year. She didn't get any fitter.
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
Phoebe: No-no-no, but I am mad! I am mad! Because this stuff is everything that is wrong with the world! And its all sitting up in my living room and all I can think about is how I dont have that lamp!
Phoebe: You guys, um I know that this really doesn't have anything to do with me, but um I love you guys too. (Joins in on the hug.) Oh, I really needed that. (Goes and sits down.)
Joey: (to Chandler and Monica) Well, what is going on with you two?
Alice: Phoebes right Frank. I know its hard to hear, but it wouldve been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that what it is?
(And with that, we start a series of flashbacks to Thanksgiving's of years gone by.)
(Chandler enters with a cigarette.)
Ross: Thats, thats, thats a big candy bar. (Shes holding one of those huge Toblerone bars.) I had the most amazing time with you.
Ross: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!
[Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous English-type person.]
Joey: With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh.
Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.
Ross: (Bangs on the bathroom door) Emily? Emily? Im coming in. (He opens the door to reveal that the window is gone, along with Emily.)
Ross: Yeah! Wed meet, wed meet total strangers, and hang out with them!
Phoebe: Im sorry, Im with a client right now.
[Outside with Phoebe and Ryan.]
Chandler: You know, I may be way out on a limb here, but do you, do you, have a problem with Janice?
Joey: (Snatches the phone) Hey Ma. Listen, I made the appointment with Dr. Bazida, and... Excuse me? (To his dad) Did you know this isn't Ma?
Mr. Waltham: Sorry old boy, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. (Them all walk away. As he leaves he mutters to Jack.) I could kill you with my thumb, you know.
[Scene: A doctors office, Rachel is on an examining table with her legs in the stirrups.]
Joey: Well uh, she didnt want to hang out with you guys two nights in a row. Im so sorry.
Joey: Come on you guys, we want you to know we're (His eye widen even more) very very sorry. (Monica and Chandler are now covering their eyes with their hands) (then to the others in the hall) Right guys?
Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.
Rachel: Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
Phoebe: Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!
Ross: Hey. So I uh, I didn't get that apartment. Some problem with my application.
Monica: (hearing that) Thats it big girl! (Hits Janine in the butt with the garbage bag) Come on!
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Rachel: Umm, okay, I think I'm-I'm just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say it. Uhh, (pause) I'm still in love with you Ross.
Joey: I do. Theres uh, lets see, Guy With a Mustache, Smokes-A-Lot Lady, Some Kids Ive Seen, and A Red-haired Guy Who Does Not Like To Be Called Rusty.
Ross: Im sorry, okay, Im sorry. I wa-I was disgusted with myself, and this morning I was so, I was so upset and then I got your message and I was so happy, and all I wanted was to get her out of my apartment as fast as possible.
Rachel: What, what, so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card?
Ross: (speaking with his mouth full) Yeah, I mean, all things that guy... (looks at the cookie) These are amazing!
Chandler: No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me.
Rachel: I hope youre going somewhere with this.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment, Chandler and Rachel are there, and Phoebe enters with the Chick and the Duck.]
Frank: Okay, but isnt sex better when its with one person that you really, really care about.
Phoebe: (opening the door) I had nothing to do with it. (Closes the door.) (Opens the door.) Okay, it was my idea, but I dont feel good about it.
Chandler: (suppressing a smile) What I do do is manage to uh, create an atmosphere of support for the people working with me.
Chandler: Yes, but I feel like Ive really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think were two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.
Ross: I could ask her to live with me!
(They wrestle on the couch for a little while until Monica gets the upper hand and pulls Rachel off of the couch by her sock. Monica removes Rachel's sock and starts beating her with it.)This leads to wrestling on the floor. This finally angers Phoebe.)
Ross: Sorry. (To remedy that, Ross scoops the cinnamon off of the top with his hand.)
[Ross enters with several bags from shopping.]
Chandler: Yeah, come with us. You'll see how close it is to the city.
Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight with you Ross! Look, urrgh, maybe we should take a break.
Monica: Well you-you did start that rumor about Ross making out with Mrs. Altman, our 50-year-old librarian.
Phoebe: Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if Im not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity
Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
Rachel: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?