words in movies
(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, Im going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so Ill have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, well cross that bridge when we come to it.)
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
Rachel: Oh thats five Ross. Five women have had five babies! And I have had no babies! Why doesnt she want to come out?
Ross: Yeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, because its my sister. But, uh, uh yknow actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that.
Rachel: Well, umm, I guess I read Little Women more than once. But I mean thats a classic, whats so great about The Shining?
Phoebe: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I.
Joey: (standing up) Yknow, theres two women dude.
Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?
CHANDLER: Look at this. Pictures of all the women that Heckles went out with. Look what he wrote on them. Vivian, too tall. Madge, big gums. Too loud, too smart, makes noise when she eats. This is, this is me. This is what I do. I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did.
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women wont see the face she pulls, and sits down.)
Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?
Ross: You have no idea how much this hurts. (All of the women in the room turn and glare at him.) Keep going! Keep going!
Mr. Tribbiani: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.
Ross: Women tell each other everything. Did you know that?
Joey: Ten. Okay. Now Tag theres such a thing as to many women.
Joey: What? I'm not allowed to know smart women?
Joey: Ah, now Rach, these ah, these little women.
Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.
Phoebe: Oh my God!! (She grabs Rachels hand and drags her towards Monica.) Excuse me! Excuse me! (Shes knocking women and veils out of the way as she moves.)
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
JOEY: See, this is why I don't date women who read. Uh-oh.
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a womens pheromones come out the top of her head! Thats why, thats why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! (Ross is staring at her dumbfounded.) Oh come on Ross, youre a scientist.
Joey: Huh. But still Ross, youre worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Yknow what I mean?
Gunther: Youve sung Happy Birthday to 20 different women today!
Joey: How you got three women to marry you, Ill never know.
Phoebe: Yeah, Ive discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh womens names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own.
Joey: No, no, hey, no! Too late for apologies... ok? You broke my heart. You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you? (and he leaves the apartment, leaving her shocked)
Phoebe: And! Yknow what Jake says? That womens underwear is actually more comfortable. And he loves the way the silk feels against his skin.
Joey: Which helps him get to Phase Three, picturing yourself with other women.
Joey: Look, the point is, theres a lot of women out there you havent even had sex with yet!
Ross: Hey, theyre going to the gym together! Two women! Stretching! Yknow they-they take a steam together! Things get a little playfuldidnt you see Personal Best?
Chandler: Well, y'know, most women would kill for three guys like us.
Monica: Go on, teach me something about men and women.
RACHEL: Well, well um, you know, these movies are offensive and uh, degrading to women and females. And uh, and the lighting's always unflattering. And, Monica help me out here.
Monica: Im just saying its been a really long time for you. I mean, women have needs. Do it, get yours!
Ross: Come on, there are plenty of other women out thereok? Just - just forget about her, ok? Just, she's off limits.
(Ross starts to scream and run away. He stops in front of the window of Central Perk to check the pursuit and notices Phoebe and Rachel inside looking at him. He mouths, "What?" Then realizes that the women he attacked are closing in so he screams and runs away.)
Joey: Well, hes not used to women being so forward with him; but uh, I good check with himHe says its okay. (She hands him her card.) Great! Thanks! Bye-bye!
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
Chandler: Four different women! Ive had sex way more times!
MONICA: Rachel you have to read this book. It's called Be Your Own Windkeeper. It's about how women need to become more empowered.
Chandler: Well, Im upsetfor you. I mean, having sex with an endless line of beautiful women must be very unfulfilling for you. (He cant believe he just sad that.)
Joey: look I don't usually ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses
RACHEL: Maybe it, maybe it doesn't have to be this tough. I mean, maybe you were on the right track with this whole, you know, spontaneous thing. I mean, women really like that.
Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?
Quartet: Your no God's gift to women, that's all in your headdddd. You are just a buttmunch.
MONICA: Alright, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in shower at the gym, and no I don't look.
Phoebe: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys.
Chandler: Im sorry. Im-Im-Im sorry that I said I was going to when Im not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isnt Rachels fault. Its me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, (pause) mascara goop. And Im really sorry, its just that this is not, this isnt going to work out.
(The women quickly shut the door)
Danny: Oh great! That special bond again! Why do women have such a problem with the fact that I'm close with my sister?
CHANDLER: Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there.
Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of twenty-five other women, and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus?
Chandler: Are you looking at naked tribe's women?
Ray: Well, therell be women in bikinis holding up the scores.
Chandler: Oh, I'm so glad we cleared that up. Look, I'm sorry, some things are different for men and for women.
Joey: Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Joey: See look, women, carrying the bag. (He puts it on his shoulder and looks at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees.) But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.
Chandler: Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay, its probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with women So, as of 4 oclock tomorrow, Im either gonna be Mark Johnson or John Markson.
Joey: Hey well, you cant teach someone to be good with women. Yknow, thats why I never had any luck with Chandler.
JULIE: You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you.
Joey: Well, when Jake did it I saw that he was wearing womens underwear!
Ross: Ive got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you.
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
Joey: These little women. Wow!
Ross: Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women dont even feel them.
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
Chandler: (sarcastically) Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.
(We hear a women start moaning.)
Dr. Rosen: (Nervously) okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)
MONICA: Chandler could you at least send some women to my party? [buzzer goes off] Alright that's Ross.
Rachel: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we dont keep the womens lingerie here in the office?
Joey: All right look, let me show you the catalog! (Does so.) See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them!
Carol: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny
Joey: (to women passing him) Porsche.
Sophie: Maybe hes intimated by really smart, strong, successful women.
Ross: Yeah, I guess I should. (Starts to leave.) Man, yknow what I have to realize? Maybe Im just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Yknow, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that. (He pauses and then exits.)
(The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.)
Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.
Joey: Look, Rach, Rach! I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women. The point is, I've never felt about anyone the way Ross felt about you.
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Joey: Yeah, I-I think that women just have a lower threshold of pain than men, thats all. I mean, come on, its just a little wax.
Monica: Do you know anything about women?
Monica: Well,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn't even be here, it's a school night. Oh god, oh god. I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad. I'm Joan Collins.
BEST MAN: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh)
Phoebe: Im just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in womens underwear! I dont think you could ever do that.
The Interviewer: So, lets talk about women. Im sure our female readers will be interested to know about your romantic life.
Rachel: Mmm-hmmm. Oh, so typical. Ooo, I'm a man. Ooo, I have a penis. Ooo, I have to win money to exert my power over women. (hands over her money)
Chandler: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. (Phoebe walks in.)
Rachel: Oh my God! Why is he jumping on those women!
RICHARD: Honey, you are not an oat. I, I mean I don't know, I, I guess I'm just not an oat guy. I've only slept with women I've been in love with.
JOEY: It just seems so futile, you know ? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.
[Scene: The Womens Restroom, Rachel and Phoebe are waiting for the outcome of Rachels second test.]
Chandler: I am totally picturing you with all those women!
Rachel: All right, will you, will you at least tell him how hollow and unsatisfying this, dating tons of women thing is!
CHANDLER: That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we wanna pick up women, we should just go to the park and make out. Taxi, taxi!
JOEY: Oh, well. Just ask her how long she's gonna live. Women live longer than men.